So here's my problem. Any advice?

[coolfactor79]

So currently there is this girl I'm kinda into. Dont know her so as of now it's based on looks, but I do find myself really wanting to talk to her. However there is more to the story. I have a friend I have known for close to ten years. A guy. And he is gay and he doesn't live nearby, but we do fool around online.

In the past I have chatted with guys online and it was cool, but never had a desire to meet any of them off the Internet. I have watched straight porn, gay porn. And i can get turned on by gay porn, but nowhere near as much as straight porn or girl on girl.

But this friend I have I can get really turned on by him. Basically like with gay porn or any guys I have chatted with I lose interest after a while I don't lose interest with girls, but this guy I haven't lost any interest in lol.

He's the only guy that has ever got me rock hard. And th only guy I have ever been able to get off really well with. When it comes to guys and girls honestly it's a simple choice for me. But not with him lol. That is a much bigger problem.

See the thing is the girl is nearby he isn't. So making a move with her is much easier. He wants me to visit sometime in September. At first no chance of that happening. Zero. But now well odds are way better put it that way.

But I don't wanna make a move on this girl because if anything happens well that ends any chance with the guy. However I don't wanna forget her because who knows maybe something can be there and I don't wanna miss out on that if I have a chance with her.

So I'm sort of torn. She's a pretty girl and won't be single for long so the longer I don't act the better the chance Ido miss out. So I'm like torn.

I mean like i said when it comes to guys there is no comparing them with women, easy choice for me and again I lose interest with ease on guys, but this guy is different. I haven't lost interst at all. And if anything I have gained interest.

I know nobody can decide for me. I mean I have to make that choice, but if he's the only man I don't lose interest in does that mean anything? Like I said I get hard in our chats and get off well. Honestly I think I harder and get harder faster with him than I do girls. No other guy has been able to do that before and still no guy can do that now except him.

Even I'm suprised how hard I get and how quickly lol. So does it mean anything that he's the only guy that gets me turned on more than women? What I mean by that is not am I gay or am I this or that.

I mean since hes the only one does that mean I am into him for real? Or since he's the only guy perhaps it's not legit?

 

[ConfusedJew1]

Why not talk to the girl and see what she's like? For all you know she might be pretty and all, but you don't like her personality. Just because you talk to her a bit doesn't mean "your making a move". You can talk to her and still leave your options open with that guy.

 

[HunterM]

When you don't have an exclusive commitment with another person, it is ok to date several people at the same time. If you're attracted to the girl, go get to know her better. Go date her. If she turns out to be a serial killer, then drop her like a hot potato. But if you two are really into each other later down the road and want to be exclusive, then you'll make your decision then.

 

[Seasoned]

Simply put, you're over thinking. It's impossible to figure out relationships in your head. If your intentions are good act on them. Thinking that this girl could be a girlfriend doesn't make her one. You have to meet and get to know one another. She may be your fantasy; you probably aren't hers. Just sayin.'

 

[jensu846]

you can see both. just by having sex with one or both doesnt mean your instantly in a committed relationship. You said you dont really know this girl so what makes you think she wants a relationship with you? Sounds like HE might tho. Dont lose him just because of her.

 

[TX-Beau]

I find it suspicious that you state your attraction to her in terms of "she's so pretty," and you don't really know her, and your attraction to him in terms of emotion, then say you are more easily physically aroused by him, then say you a don't know which one you want.

Yes Louise, I'm going to say it. You sound like you have a problem with the gay and are using her as a buffer in your head so you don't panic about the gay.

Especially since you go on to pull out the number one justification.

"...I'm not gay, IT'S JUST HIM..."

We don't know if you are gay or bi, only you know that, but the fact that you are in here asking if this is "real" with the guy makes me think that deep down you don't really want it to be and just can't ignore it.

 

[coolfactor79]

Well TX reason I mentioned her looks is I shouldn't be but I'm superficial. Wrong as it is I am. I know I should get to actually know the person, but if I don't find her pretty she doesn't have to be a supermodel, but if I don't find her pretty I don't act on the situation. Perhaps since it's happened to me before I feel like fuck it I'll do it in return.

But that's way, way off topic. Anyways, what I say is true. If it makes me gay well who cares. I sure don't. I've gone though much bullshit in my life and being gay wouldn't be a big deal for me. Been a rough road at times. But again off topic.

Reason I ask if its real. Is I told you from a sexual standpoint no guy has ever gotten me that hard that quick. Never. Even now (ignoring him for a moment) no guy has done that. And again he's the only guy and still the only that not only gets me that hard, but even harder than a woman. I'm cool with anything really regarding sexuality and yes I can get turned on by both sexes, but again not like what happens with him.

 

[coolfactor79]

you can see both. just by having sex with one or both doesnt mean your instantly in a committed relationship. You said you dont really know this girl so what makes you think she wants a relationship with you? Sounds like HE might tho. Dont lose him just because of her.

Well see that's the problem. For arguments sake lets say I hook up with her. That can possibly be just sex or maybe you're right she may not even want anything to do with me.

With him, I don't think it would be just sex. I think he would want more just based on certain things said in the past I don't think iy ends there, which could maybe complicate things.

 

[coolfactor79]

Simply put, you're over thinking. It's impossible to figure out relationships in your head. If your intentions are good act on them. Thinking that this girl could be a girlfriend doesn't make her one. You have to meet and get to know one another. She may be your fantasy; you probably aren't hers. Just sayin.'

Bad habit I often over think things lol.

 

[TX-Beau]

Well TX reason I mentioned her looks is I shouldn't be but I'm superficial. Wrong as it is I am. I know I should get to actually know the person, but if I don't find her pretty she doesn't have to be a supermodel, but if I don't find her pretty I don't act on the situation. Perhaps since it's happened to me before I feel like fuck it I'll do it in return.

But that's way, way off topic. Anyways, what I say is true. If it makes me gay well who cares. I sure don't. I've gone though much bullshit in my life and being gay wouldn't be a big deal for me. Been a rough road at times. But again off topic.

Reason I ask if its real. Is I told you from a sexual standpoint no guy has ever gotten me that hard that quick. Never. Even now (ignoring him for a moment) no guy has done that. And again he's the only guy and still the only that not only gets me that hard, but even harder than a woman. I'm cool with anything really regarding sexuality and yes I can get turned on by both sexes, but again not like what happens with him.

Well, if your last three posts are in fact true, I don't see what your problem is. I don't see why you would question whether or not your attraction to him was "legit."

And nowhere is it written that bi men can't have issues with homosexuality.

Judging by what you've written in the last three posts your choice is simple. If you don't want to date him, don't fuck him. Then you can go off and try to bang the chick.

No angst needed, no wringing of hands needed, no drama needed.

It still remains that I don't think you're anywhere near as comfortable as you say you are.

But that's neither here nor there, good luck.

 

[coolfactor79]

Before I respond the superficial thing I slightly wanna addresss since I sound like a total asshole lol. I am superficial to a point. I did meet this one girl and while she wasn't ugly she wasn't all that pretty either. If anything she was about average and looks wise not somebody I would notice. Nothing happened due to certain evenets, which couldnt be helped, but I can get past my superficial ways, its just at first I see looks until I know the person more. So I am to a point.

Well I don't question it in terms of what's wrong why do I feel that way. I question it more in is it real only because no other guy again has been able to do that to me. Do I have issues? Well yeah a little, but not where I must go watch straight porn and talk to every girl I see and get those feelings washed a side lol. No, not at all like that.

But its also very new in a sense and look I'm being totally honest here. I admit yes I can get turned on by both sexes, but I always get more turned on by women. He is the only guy that has gotten me harder than a woman and quicker. So you have to sort of wonder what the deal is right? I mean why is no other guy could do that except him?

Now I know you're gay based on what you listed, but if you got really turned on by a woman wouldn't you be a bit confused like hey whats this lol. Yeah I know its probably different, but get what I'm saying though?

As for fucking or dating, if I knew for fact it could just be sex and nothing more it could be possible, but I'm not so sure it would. And we've been friends for a while and last thing I wanna do is ruin a frienship if I can't get deeper non-sexual feelings.

Like I said its just I don't know, the fact I never had a guy get me that hard until him and still no other guy can. It makes things for me more complicated why is it only him that gets me that hard and yes I admit harder than a woman when no guy before or now has been able to do that

 

[coolfactor79]

Well we could put this to bed since my chances with her are slim to none.

 

[ConfusedJew1]

Before I respond the superficial thing I slightly wanna addresss since I sound like a total asshole lol. I am superficial to a point. I did meet this one girl and while she wasn't ugly she wasn't all that pretty either. If anything she was about average and looks wise not somebody I would notice. Nothing happened due to certain evenets, which couldnt be helped, but I can get past my superficial ways, its just at first I see looks until I know the person more. So I am to a point.

Well I don't question it in terms of what's wrong why do I feel that way. I question it more in is it real only because no other guy again has been able to do that to me. Do I have issues? Well yeah a little, but not where I must go watch straight porn and talk to every girl I see and get those feelings washed a side lol. No, not at all like that.

But its also very new in a sense and look I'm being totally honest here. I admit yes I can get turned on by both sexes, but I always get more turned on by women. He is the only guy that has gotten me harder than a woman and quicker. So you have to sort of wonder what the deal is right? I mean why is no other guy could do that except him?

Now I know you're gay based on what you listed, but if you got really turned on by a woman wouldn't you be a bit confused like hey whats this lol. Yeah I know its probably different, but get what I'm saying though?

As for fucking or dating, if I knew for fact it could just be sex and nothing more it could be possible, but I'm not so sure it would. And we've been friends for a while and last thing I wanna do is ruin a frienship if I can't get deeper non-sexual feelings.

Like I said its just I don't know, the fact I never had a guy get me that hard until him and still no other guy can. It makes things for me more complicated why is it only him that gets me that hard and yes I admit harder than a woman when no guy before or now has been able to do that

It's quite possible he gets you that hard, that quickly because of your history, because you fool around with him, and your body knows what's coming.

- - - Updated - - -

Well we could put this to bed since my chances with her are slim to none.

You spoke to her?

 

[coolfactor79]

Good point. Confused. You could be right.

Well I sort of tried to, but she clearly wasn't interested. Bad day? Maybe who knows, but not sure I would attempt again. No need to make a fool out of myself. If I feel the situation changes then ok, but for now might be best to move on.