So I fell for my friend/co-worker...

[jmac976]

Hi All -

I've never posted a thread on the site, but I need advice. A little background first... About 7 months ago my company flew in a job candidate and I only met him really briefly, but was excited at the possibility of hiring him because I just had a feeling we would be friends (I was new to the city, so trying to meet people).

A few weeks later he was working for us and we quickly became friends. He's flirtatious by nature and 3 years older than me...he's 26. So, he definitely caught my interest. He tried perusing a relationship with someone that he had previously dated as soon as he moved here...long story, but that's over.

Anyway, after we were both free of relationships I started to realize that I really liked him. He started training me 3 days a week at the gym, he has a great body, and he's always doing flirtatious things like grabbing my ass or my muscles to see how well he is training me...haha. We are friends outside of work and hang out on the weekends. So, that's where I am currently.

I feel like if he were in to me he would have made a move or been a little more forward. So, here is the issue. My feelings for him are pretty strong and I'm the type of person that needs closure. I can't decide what the best thing to do is. I can either share my feelings and risk messing our friendship up. Or, I can try my best to get over it and move on...which would not be easy. If I do tell him my feelings, I don't want to be too aggressive because that would be a greater possibility of messing our friendship up.

Last thing, I swear... Sometimes I wonder if he is still too into the gay scene and that's why he hasn't thought of me that way. I've never been to into clubs and I'm more the settling down type... great career, attractive, intelligent.

Sorry for the mini-novel! But, I would love some wisdom...

 

[Wajdan]

Don't tell him as he is just an overly-friendly and flirtatious guy. These type of guys are not interested in relationships generally and get bored very soon.

 

[jmac976]

All great advice so far. Thanks! As far as working together goes, it can def. be a bad idea. However, we work for a large hotel and in completely different departments. We don't have all that much interaction there.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

You haven't said whether he's definitely gay, and whether you've come out to each other. If not, that's step 1.

It could be that he hasn't wanted to go further than he has because he's not sure you're gay. So you need to break the ice.

Then, after that, later, in a separate conversation, not at the same time, you can try to probe whether he's interested in you or not. But by then you'll probably know...

As for dating co-workers -- meh, people do it every day. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. But if you're like most people, that's your best chance for meeting somebody and getting to know them. Play it by ear.

 

[jmac976]

Oh, sorry... he's definitely gay. We are both openly gay.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

So at least you can have some great conversations.

In a perfect world you should virtuously avoid any thought of sex with this guy. Fortunately we don't live in a perfect world.

Obviously if he's your boss or vice versa, don't do it. But if you're just coworkers -- I'd say blinking red light: stop for a second and then proceed with caution...

 

[Shepherd 2]

If you are serious to one day have a relationship you can change the job situation if needed. For now, I know I would have driven you bonkers. I was in my relationship for over seven months before we did anything sexual together, and by then we were a solid candidate pair to become partners.

I tend to agree with partnering with a co-worker. But eventually building something together, it may or may not happen. So enjoy the journey, and maybe soon you will have your opportunities to open other doors, but be patient and do not push.

Shep+