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So I guess I'm falling for a friend...

CristianoRonaldo

CristianoRonaldo

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Hello all!

I've been thinking about this over and over again and I just can't find a peace of mind.
So I've known this friend of mine for two years now, and we never really got to really know each other. But these past few months we got closer, and we both recognized we're similar in many many ways.
I mean, we think alike, we like the same stuff and blah blah... We're basically soul mates.

I grew very fond of him, and I guess I may be falling for him after all. I don't really know though, because I never ever had a boyfriend or really anyone who liked me that way so I don't really know what "falling in love" is. I just know I REEEEALLY like him.

The thing is, he has a boyfriend right now. A long distance boyfriend. And it is not a happy relationship. I often listen to their arguments over the phone, and I know him that well to say he's not really happy in that relationship. But that's not really up for me to judge right?

I've been out with both of them and I was surprised to notice that he didn't really paid much attention to his boyfriend. Instead he spent almost the entire night talking and having fun with me.
I've been noticing various things he does when I'm around. We tend to sit next to each other, we sometimes give each other that certain "what if I..." look, hell, he even gently fed me some food. There's just various signs that he may be into me, but I keep thinking if it isn't just all in my head.

And I just don't know what to do. He has a boyfriend and he is my friend. And I don't want to lose a friend but I have this feeling that maybe someday I won't be able to control my urges...

:( I'm a mess.
 
I agree.

Tell your friend.

But it is up to him to resolve the issues with his long distance boyfriend.

There is the outside chance he's looking for the right reason to end it.

There's also the chance that he's a bit of a dick.
 
Thank you so much for your replies. They're really helpful for me to put my mind at ease.

I truthfully feel he's not trying to fool around or looking for an excuse to break up with his boyfriend. I know him well, and I know he's not that type of guy.
If he does feel the same way about me I guess he'd be carefully analysing the whole situation because it is not an easy situation to be in.

Imagine if you have a long distance boyfriend, and then you get to know this other friend better and new feelings pop out. I'm guessing it's not a very nice position to be in.

Also, I'm dead scared to tell him how I feel. Because he is a friend and I just love the way he makes me feel when we're together. And I can't afford to lose that.
I do think it's the right thing to do, but I keep thinking on the what ifs... What if this is all in my head? What if he just sees me as a really good friend? What if I lose him because of this?

Just yesterday we went out and I got to put my arm around him, and we just had a blast. We shared a cake, we sang, we danced...
And later on the day his boyfriend got on the bus and came to surprise him and asked me for help. And I did help him. I'm such a good guy dear God.
But then throughout the whole night they did not even kiss. I mean, you don't see each other for weeks, your long distace boyfriend surprises you and you don't even share a kiss? It was a weird night I must say. My friend invited me to catch a ride with them, and so I did. And I was weirded out because it was us three inside a car. And he did not show any signs of affection towards his boyfriend. And we even ended up sharing a drink using the same straw just in front of his boyfriend.

It's just these little episodes that keep running through my mind and ultimatly leaving me with the question "Am I just a really good friend or is there something more?" :confused:
 
He's totally into you. Just need a green signal from you. :D
 
Let me restate Lube's Law for you.

If you think he's gay, he's gay.
If you think he's interested, he's interested.
If you think he's hitting on you, he's hitting on you.

Lex
 
Decided it's better if I tell him.
We never know what goes through his mind, and I feel our friendship would never be normal if I don't get this out of the way...

But I'm scared as shit. :cry: Oh well, let's hope for the best.
I will wait for the right moment though...
 
You're making the right decision. Relationships are based on cimmunication and respect and that is true of friends as well as lovers. Good luck.
 
So I haven't told him yet. I'm not that brave, and whenever we're both alone someone ALWAYS comes up to interrupt us. It is being difficult.

His birthday was last week and we all had a party. I gave him two packs of chewing gum because he always gives us chewing gum, and there's kinda a running joke about that. I think he thought I was sweet to do so. We had a moment alone that night but I just couldn't get through with it. It also felt wrong because his boyfriend was just downstairs... His boyfriend spent a week here with him, and things were not happy. They do not get along, they're just not on the same page, and they do know it. I'd say it's a matter of time until they break up. But that is not really my business.

Yesterday we all had a party. This other guy got really drunk and started humping and groping and massaging everyone. And this guy did it to him. He massaged his back, and kissed his neck and touched him softly and this and that. My crush was not into it, and warned him "hey be careful", but he was a but warm so I guess that's why he liked that kind of attention so much. I was really uncomfortable with the situation, because I never get to touch him out of respect for his relationship. And so I drank. And I drank a lot. But that's all I did.

I resent me for not putting myself blantly out there, but it's just not what I think I should do. I'm always considerate and sweet and affectious but that is just not enough. And I'm stuck because I don't know what to do. Just tell him what I feel? That sounds so rushed that I'm afraid I'd lose him right there.

On the other hand he consistently sets his MSN nick/Facebook status with quotes from songs we both openly praise and mutually adore. This music thing is a strong bond we have so I'm left confused when he posts stuff like "I'm gonna get an upgrade" or "Am I into you or is it music to blame?". Surely that was not about his difficult relationship, and there must be a reason for him to use those quotes more than just because.

Ultimatly, I just don't know what to do. I feel that if I tell him what I feel he'll distance himself from me because he does not want to cheat on his BF. If I go all physical on him like that other guy I feel I'll just scare him away. So I'm left to be friendly and sweet and considerate only to not profit from it at all.

JESUS CHRIST! :grrr:

Anyone care to help me? #-o
 
Well, either someone else is going to have to do it, or you are. I offered to do it for you, and you declined.

Ball's in your court.

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
Well, either someone else is going to have to do it, or you are. I offered to do it for you, and you declined.

Ball's in your court.

Lex
Click to expand...

I know it's all up to me. And I'll just have to grow a pair. There's just so much I could lose... And I sense just another heartache. One too many perhaps. #-o
But like my grandma used to say "nothing ventured, nothing gained"...

I'm just really confused at the moment, but I still think that is what I must do in order to move on... :-)
 
Okay.

Since you want a different take, don't tell him.

Just sit around mooning and moaning about and wasting your time looking for instructions that validate your diffident approach on a porn forum board.

Someday, when it is all too late and the opportunity has passed you by, the two of you will be able to get together for a drink maybe and have a laugh about your unrequited love for each other.
 
rareboy said:
Okay.

Since you want a different take, don't tell him.

Just sit around mooning and moaning about and wasting your time looking for instructions that validate your diffident approach on a porn forum board.

Someday, when it is all too late and the opportunity has passed you by, the two of you will be able to get together for a drink maybe and have a laugh about your unrequited love for each other.
Click to expand...

Very true, yes.

Thanks for the different approach! ;)
 
Just a little update.

I haven't told him yet. We had some time apart and now a friend of his came back from France for holidays so I've been kinda left on the background for a while. What bothers me is that everyone seems to be allowed to touch him and massage him as such except for me. He has physical contact with almost every of our friends but me, and this bothers me.

He broke up with his long distance boyfriend (finally!) two days ago because the boyfriend admitted that he fancied another guy and he took it really badly. Utterly disrespected. And so I guess now comes the mourning period?

What should I do now that he broke up with his boyfriend? I'm starting to think this is all really just in my head and that he only sees me as a friend even though we're almost soulmates. HAHA. I don't really know, I've been burned before so I'm lost with all the situation.
I guess talk to him about it is what I should do, but I feel that will set us apart. BAH

You may scream at me now. :D
 
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