So, I had a serious talk with my wife...

[nycguydowntown]

I skipped all my fathers relatives funerals---wasn't close to them and didn't like them---(they were beyond right wing)---and skip any and all funerals I can but sort of difficult to skip my mothers family because we are all relatively close--- but if I just happen to be out of town that day..........

 

[ballcaphair]

Over the years i have been to countless funerals, from my first partner to close friends to patients of mine. To me i find it an essential part of the grieving process, yes i grieve when one of my patients dies, because as a GP i have come to know them in a way a hospital Dr does not.

Showing respect can be a multi faceted affair, this is just one of those facets.

Me too. At times I think we can be a buffer for the grieving, part of a bridge from here to there. Sometime I weep, but that's all part of us too.

 

[Alistair]

Many people don't have the whole visitation thing any more. I remember that for my grandparents' generation it just went on and on.

When my parents died, we didn't have any visitation at all. We had them delivered to the church they attended for a straight up, music heavy, Presbyterian service. With minimal eulogies because that shit annoys me.

More and more people are getting cremated around here, with a memorial service of some kind later.

We have found the most bare bones provider of cremation services in this area...for about 1600 bucks they take care of it all and deliver the ash to your door for use on icy sidewalks or whatever.

We don't want one of these 'celebration of life' ordeals. Instead, we are going to sponsor a musical event as a benefit for a favourite charity. Maybe one of us will be around to attend the first one.

I agree. Why have anything then? I've made it clear that I want nothing done except to have my ashes dumped in the meadow and woods beside my childhood home.

 

[NotHardUp1]

A bit has been said about visitations. Protestants don't have wakes, so the visitation is in lieu of that gathering. For most families, there is only one night of receiving guests now, although it varies by culture, location, family, and funeral home.

I can see the long night, usually the night before the funeral, when long-time friends flock to see the grown children that have moved away, and to show respects and speak to them before the crowds at a large funeral might preclude the chance to speak. I've seen many a state room filled with laughter and hugs and a reunion atmosphere, and was so happy to see a sad occasion turned into quite a bit of joy.

It not necessary by any means, but often the day of the funeral, family members may be devastated, even when the death was long anticipated, as putting one's loved one into the ground is emotionally very difficult for some people, and you don't want to rush forward and offer condolences when people just want to get away and back home to grieve in private.

Fortunately for my immediate family, Grandmother's death was overdue, and scattering her ashes on Granddad's grave was not sad in the least, and we even had a good laugh as her dust blew into my pants cuffs, as she was always untidy as a housekeeper.

But, when Granddad died some 31 years earlier, it was sudden, and unexpected, and Grandmother, who was normally the picture of composure, was deeply shaken. So, I've seen both.