So.....I have a Foot out of the Closet.

[tpeezy101]

^LOL thanks.

Something awkward happened yesterday. Me and my friends went to Wal-Mart and the mall. And I saw, my str8 friend sitting ont he bench waiting for his friend to check out. We spoke, exchanged words, and it was so awkward. It totally took me by surprise. Especially b/c I could have been saying anything gay at the time.

Needless to say, on our stroll through the mall, I ran into him again @ the shoe store. It was just to weird. I had taken enough.

I know you guys suggested otherwise, but I sent him an email. I guess I'm chickening out. I don't know if I could have made myself go up the elevator to his room and say "I'm gay." Again, actually saying the words are pretty hard. Even in the email, I didn't say, "I'm gay." I just said, "I don't have an attraction to women." So I'm just gonna wait. I hardly see him anyway, and if I do, I'm just gonna ask did he get the email and if so, what he thinks on it.

 

[Twisly]

What if he's cool with you being gay? would you still be a friend to him?

 

[tpeezy101]

Of course I would. I want things to kind of be the same between us(I know it won't though b/c he was the only one I hung out w/ at the beginning). I just don't want to have to look over my shoulder whenever I'm around campus. But yes I would still be a friend to him.

 

[tpeezy101]

Guys, my friend met this guy online(myspace). And apparently he also met my roommate. LOL, so he gave my friend his number and was like call him. So when she called him, he said "will it be a waste of my time?(lol meaning will talking to me be a waste of time)

But yea we talked and it was fun. The first day we talked a while, then stopped, then talked again, until like 3am. BUT the next day we talked for like 20 minutes, but my friend was interrupting us and we had to go. But I had to take a shower, and he apparently called and was like "call after your shower/after you get done eating" I called him back and he didn't answer. two hours later I called back, no answer. I called a third time a few hours later and still no answer. So, I've decided not to call again. I don't want to seem needy or anything you know?

Anyway, today, I talked to my ex-roommate today, lol, and told him, b/c he knew the guy, and he was like yea his phone acts up sometimes. LOL, I dunno. Maybe I just like the fact that I'm being flirtatious w/ someone. But my friend thinks they might be talking more than friends lol. But oh well. lol. I don't want to get ahead of myself.

 

[tpeezy101]

Just an update.

My str8 friend got my email, and replied. It was a good reply. He told me he kind of had an idea, and that he didn't hold, me pulling away from our friendship, against me. So, it's all good. I'm really happy about that, and my conscious is clear.

But, on a lighter note I'm still talking w/ the guy from myspace. It's cool getting to know/talk/flirt(lol) w/ someone on that level. He also told me that I made an impression on him b/c people usually want to talk about sex, and that turns him off. And he was like he liked me b/c I was funny and whatnot, and it made me so happy.

He also is friends(through myspace) w/ my (ex)roommate. And he said my roommate had good things to say, so it's very cool.

I feel like I'm in a special place right now. I mean, I've got things straight w/ my friend, I'm in the early stages of a possible relationship. A few of my friends from HS know about me, and they were cool w/ it. I'm really feeling good.

My mom said she might be coming to visit me this coming weekend. So, I guess I'll just have to see where it goes w/ her. My str8 friend, like my other friends, told me that it's not HOW I tell her, it's that I tell her period, but just NOT over the internet lol.

I'm in such a happy place right now.

 

[Twisly]

Good for you tpeezy! Now... all you have to deal with is your MOM! lol.

 

[tpeezy101]

Update:

Well my mom came to visit. Still not out. LOL. But it was me, my 2 friends, and my str8 friend, all along w/ my mom and sis. It was very cool. We all had a good time. At times I was nervous but it was ok. I did feel weird that we all "knew" something my mom didn't lol.

Anyway. On to my guy on myspace. Well its coming in on a month since we "met." And my friends were telling me to ask him how he feels about me. Last wednesday we talked, and my(girl)friend talked to him on the phone privately. She obviously talked to him about me and didn't want me to hear(hence her leaving the room). So, I guess she was expecting me to ask him how he felt adn what not. But I couldn't work up the nerves to do it. So we said our "goodnight"'s and that was it.

Thursday, I called, no answer, no call back. Friday the same thing. My mind started getting the best of me. I started thinking? Was he expecting me to say how I feel? Is he mad that I didn't? Why isn't he calling? Why isn't he answering? Well apparently his mom got on his case and took his phone. It happened before, and I relied on that excuse, but my mind still got teh best of me and I got sad.

So, I decided to call that Saturday and leave a message, but he answered. I was shocked. He explained, and it was good. Then I asked him how he felt about me. He then said, "I like you alot" I was like "aww, I like you alot too." And I was like "so do you see us going anywhere, like relationship-wise?" and he said "OF COURSE, eventually."

And like I said earlier, I'm going(along w/ my friends) to see him next week. I'm so nervous/excited.

But I have a problem. Do I really like him? Or is it just that I'm enjoying the "attention" the flirtatiousness? Could it be that I'm just liking talking to someone on this level? How do I know if I really like him? I mean, I do like him, he's cool and we have a good bit in common, but how do I know if I actually like him on that level? I mean he is the FIRST person I have talked to at this level. I don't know what to do w/ myself lol.

 

[MindBlast]

You'll know you'll like him by hanging out with him.