so i hear that this is a good place to 'unload'

[highwindcaleb]

alright... first things first. have been cutting for about a month now.

through getting my AA at the end of summer semester to going through hell with the paperwork at my community college i got rejected from both of my transfer choices due to them not having anymore classes available for transfers. that was the only thing holding me from going away.

along with that is now I'm watching a third set of friends, including my best friend, leave for university or just flat out moving away, its humiliating to me.

and the best part leads to me not having a job... i got fired in december and decided to take extra classes instead of looking for another job.

to stop the boredom i started doing little things at my dads gas station. i don't want to do any real part time work there because that would just be me taking hours away from someone that really needs the job.

blegh, i don't even know what I'm asking for here...

 

[evanrick]

well you dont seem that disorganized. maybe a little flustered but what is really worth getting stressed about here?

 

[Sigma-taylor-E]

Wait, first cutting? As in cutting yourself?

 

[MoltenRock III]

If you're cutting yourself that's a huge, massive, cry for help! Your life seems a little jumbled but nothing out of the ordinary, nor all that special given the pooptastic economy in the USA. So what's really eating at you?

 

[justsimon]

Why are you cutting?

 

[highwindcaleb]

quite honestly i do not know. i wasn't really thinking about doing anything until about a month ago and i was playing with my knife and i just decided to feel it against my skin.

i wasn't really thinking about what i was doing until i had done it. i know its a really bad thing to do but hell, i just don't have anyone to talk to out here anymore. the people i usually talk to have left and while i do have the occasional phone conversation with them they are doing their own things in university now.

 

[MoltenRock III]

I think it's time to talk to a professional. This behavior untreated nearly always gets worse.

 

[morgaes]

It may not be something you want to hear, but if you've starting using physical pain to distract yourself from psychological pain, it's time to seek professional help.

Don't take this as some random brush-off, I'm working on my psych B.S. and with your current coping mechanisms and the fact that your current support system seems to be crumbling away, you really need someone who has the proper knowledge in this area to help you.

 

[Corny]

I would see the cutting as a warning sign, too. On the other hand .. I have done some stupid shit, too. If you just "tried" it once, maybe it doesn't need to become a problem. If you want to do, or do it again .. I'd definitely say seek prof. help.

Why don't you work fulltime at the gas station? You can need the job, too. It is noble of you to think otherwise .. but a fulltime job will also keep you more occupied, and less bored for doing stupid things.

 

[KaraBulut]

quite honestly i do not know. i wasn't really thinking about doing anything until about a month ago and i was playing with my knife and i just decided to feel it against my skin.

From the information and the style of your posts, you sound like someone going through a period of depression.

• Feeling that your friends are moving on, leaving you behind.
• Changes in employment situation.
• Feeling like you can't organize your thoughts.
• Feelings of hopelessness.
• Cutting and other self-injurious behavior.

As the others have suggested, the best thing you can do is seek professional help. Having someone to talk to will help. Taking anti-depressant medication temporarily will help.

 

[highwindcaleb]

i guess i should look into help. but i feel kinda embarrassed about it all, psychologists suck. the whole thing just makes me angry

 

[morgaes]

but i feel kinda embarrassed about it all

Please don't. Despite the stigma, psychological problems are just as valid as any physical ones. It's just a younger science still finding its footing. People wouldn't hesitate going to the doctor for a broken bone, and they should not hesitate seeing a psychologist for a broken spirit.

I wish you the best

 

[KaraBulut]

i guess i should look into help. but i feel kinda embarrassed about it all, psychologists suck. the whole thing just makes me angry

Everyone goes through periods where they feel down. The trick is to recognize the point where feeling down is more than just a bad day or two.

Most people on the front lines in healthcare will tell you that one of the most common complaints that we see in patients is that they are going through a depression. Sometimes it's a specific thing like a death of a loved one or a divorce. But often there's not a specific cause and it's hard to tell whether they are depressed because of something that is going on or whether the problems they're having is a symptom the depression. Sometimes, it's both.

There's no reason to be embarassed- really, those of us who do this for a living can tell you that it's very common for everyone to go through these things. In fact, we wish that more of our patients came to us when they the depression started and before things began to unravel in their life.

Usually going on anti-depressants for a short time will help clear your head and get you back in the game until the depression passes. For most people it's a temporary measure until feel better, start exercising, get back into work/life/school and things return to normal.

It's true that some psychologists suck. Finding the right therapist is a bit like dating- finding someone that you are comfortable talking to and that has an approach that you're comfortable with can mean interviewing a few before you find the right one to continue seeing. But I'm sure many of the members here who have found the right therapist will tell you that it really helps to be able to let down your guard and talk about things that you can't always talk about with friends and family.

 

[highwindcaleb]

eh... I'm just confused. i can't even think of where there is any current stress in my life that would amount to anything... i just don't get it.

 

[MoltenRock III]

eh... I'm just confused. i can't even think of where there is any current stress in my life that would amount to anything... i just don't get it.

That sounds like a great reason to meet with a professional so you can figure out why you're upset / confused / depressed / self-harming. Your brain chemicals may be unbalanced right now too, thus making the confusion worse.