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So I just came out...

A

aceman400

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So after months of debate I finally came out to a friend of mine today. He's a good friend and I know his views on the whole LGBT issue. Just as I thought he was extremely supportive and said it didn't matter. I felt some relief finally telling someone, but overall it felt like this was just the first domino of many to fall. Did anyone else feel this way? I'm lucky to have a good group of friends and I'm confident my family will be supportive, but it feels like an out of body experience.

I don't know any other gay people so it kind of feels like I'm on my own. I'm not flamboyant in the least (not that there's anything wrong with that) and I do all of the things a "typical" straight guy would do (except for the whole date women thing) so it's somewhat of a lonely feeling.

I just had to tell you guys, I know this has probably gone on long enough, but it feels like I'm starting a whole new chapter of my life and even with all of the love and support I have it's the fear of the unknown that's scary. If anyone has any advice or can relate I really think it would help.

Thanks!
 
First off, congratulations on taking the beginning step. It is an unsettling time, particularly with family, but I feel confident that even that will go off smoothly. You say you don't know any other gay people, but don't be surprised if, now that you have had the courage to speak out, others may come around and confide in you about themselves. It would be wise to seek out some gay outlet, not just for sexual reasons, but to begin to form a gay support group that you can enjoy. This can be through a gay center in your area or through an online approach. You will need that type of support as well as those of your straight friends. Good luck and keep us informed as to how things go.

Craiger
 
Now take your time.. Don't tell most people unless they ask. Once you have told people you can never get it back.Be mindfful how your parents, NO, you don't have to tell them. Did your Dad tell you who he had sex with? I hope you get this
 
Sorry, but in my opinion coming out is not about discussing sexual activity with your parents. It is about releasing the pressure of leading a double life and lying, not only to others but to oneself. I don't recommend announcing your orientation in the news or over a public address system, but slowly include those you feel you can trust. In this day and age, I think the majority of young people could care less about who is gay and who isn't. Those that can't handle it are not those that you would hang with anyway. Gain a support group that you can depend on to watch your back. The relief can be overwhelming and you can begin to live life as the person you truly are. Good luck in whatever you choose.

Craiger
 
Congratulations! I know what you mean about wondering how it will go when telling other people, but after a couple more successes you'll get more comfortable. I think it's important to come out to those with whom we're closest. It allows us to let down our guard and stop being hyper vigilant every time we have to hide our orientation. Best wishes!
 
Congratulations. I'm happy you had such a positive experience. Craiger has a point, support is important. Building yourself a community (friend group) where you are 100% you and they support you 100% goes a long way in taking the edge off the isolation
 
After I told a couple of people it felt so good, I just said fuck it and told everyone. Not everyone is going to react with support, but who cares, it's not their life, and anyway these days you're not facing what the guys who came out 40 years ago had to face, so go for it.
 
I'm with Seasoned and Craiger on this one.

Also, check to make sure your state has protection for sexual orientation. Many states (Pennsylvania, for one), do not! I'm so disgusted because that's where most of my mother's family lives, although I don't live there.

You want to be yourself, but don't endanger your ability to earn a living.
And, let me add my Congratulations to taking a brave move. Some will tell you it's not brave: they're wrong. It is still brave to come out. It's ONLY 2015. We have quite a ways to go. But enjoy believing in yourself and that you had the strength to become a more fully realized person.
 
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