So I was seeing this guy - now it's messy

[gameboy 11]

I know how it feels to want something so bad but I don't think this guy is right for you. He's still in the fucking around stage so let him grow up and *maybe* see what things are like in the future. For now, I would just stay far, far away from him.

Remember, there are guys out there who won't fuck around on you. They may be hard to find but they are out there. Promise.

 

[HunterM]

It's pretty obvious I did like him, otherwise I wouldn't be this hurt, I wouldn't just travel so far every weekend just for a shag. But I can't be with him anymore if he can't make up his mind, if he said he wants me and takes it back, I can't be with him watching him wanting to be with someone else, just waiting in limbo wondering how long before he tells me it's over

I understand your situation. One question: Why would you want to wait for him to tell you it's over? It's like you're waiting for him to reject you. If that is what you want...then no worries. Carry on.

If that's not what you want, then tell him you're looking for an exclusive relationship with him. It's up to him to get on board or not.

 

[glorificus]

I understand your situation. One question: Why would you want to wait for him to tell you it's over? It's like you're waiting for him to reject you. If that is what you want...then no worries. Carry on.

If that's not what you want, then tell him you're looking for an exclusive relationship with him. It's up to him to get on board or not.

It's not that i'm waiting for him to reject me, I know thats just how it's going to be. He tells me he wants to try a relationship with me then he tells me he's happy the way things are that he still wants to fuck around for now, it seems he just wants to string me along for the time being and I can't do that anymore I'm gonna need to call him but I don't want to hurt him either out of the blue. I was just so happy with him before all this, I thought we were gradually getting somewhere then that phone call messed everything up, it's gonna hurt to lose him and I will miss him so much, and our paths are gonna have to cross at some point and it's going to hurt the see him with the other guy doing the things he use to do with me - The last guy I fell for it was kinda the same boat, it started off all innocently flirting and fooling around (holding hands under desks, playing footsies etc) for a year then the following year out of no where he started being really mean to me, bitching behind my back, excluding me from my friends, making fun of me and one day brought his new boyfriend to class and I had to sit and watch them hold hands and be affectionate like we use to and I just died inside, it took me a year, meeting a new man and a trip to romania to get over him and now it's going to happen again with this guy who use to make me feel so special

 

[gameboy 11]

It's not that i'm waiting for him to reject me, I know thats just how it's going to be. He tells me he wants to try a relationship with me then he tells me he's happy the way things are that he still wants to fuck around for now, it seems he just wants to string me along for the time being and I can't do that anymore I'm gonna need to call him but I don't want to hurt him either out of the blue. I was just so happy with him before all this, I thought we were gradually getting somewhere then that phone call messed everything up, it's gonna hurt to lose him and I will miss him so much, and our paths are gonna have to cross at some point and it's going to hurt the see him with the other guy doing the things he use to do with me - The last guy I fell for it was kinda the same boat, it started off all innocently flirting and fooling around (holding hands under desks, playing footsies etc) for a year then the following year out of no where he started being really mean to me, bitching behind my back, excluding me from my friends, making fun of me and one day brought his new boyfriend to class and I had to sit and watch them hold hands and be affectionate like we use to and I just died inside, it took me a year, meeting a new man and a trip to romania to get over him and now it's going to happen again with this guy who use to make me feel so special

Then you're obviously picking them wrong, bro. I don't know all the answers on how to pick the right ones, but something must change.

 

[Rolyo85]

Look, don't take it the wrong way - I have no desire to insult you in any way, and I'm saying this strictly to help you - but you are whining. It's extremely unattractive, generally speaking, but more to the point - it is close to self-abuse. You know how it's gonna go down, but you prefer to just prolong it instead of cutting it cleanly.

You like the guy. Well, that's great. Relish the feeling, cause nothing can replace it, and there are people who go through life never having experienced it. But you obviously don't like what he is offering you. And judging by what you said, he doesn't even know if he's offering you anything.

So cut it off. Cleanly, and now. Who knows, maybe when/if you meet again, it will be YOU with the boyfriend, and him alone, eh?

 

[glorificus]

Then you're obviously picking them wrong, bro. I don't know all the answers on how to pick the right ones, but something must change.

I must have "use me" written on my forehead. nah, the first guy can be accounted for just me being so young and naive, just fresh out of high school and just coming out, had no idea how the real world worked, painful as that was it was a huge eye opener and an important life lesson. But then I had doubts and trust issues with the gay community after that, most of them tend to be bitchy judgemental self centred spoilt slutty queens.

Look, don't take it the wrong way - I have no desire to insult you in any way, and I'm saying this strictly to help you - but you are whining. It's extremely unattractive, generally speaking, but more to the point - it is close to self-abuse. You know how it's gonna go down, but you prefer to just prolong it instead of cutting it cleanly.

You like the guy. Well, that's great. Relish the feeling, cause nothing can replace it, and there are people who go through life never having experienced it. But you obviously don't like what he is offering you. And judging by what you said, he doesn't even know if he's offering you anything.

So cut it off. Cleanly, and now. Who knows, maybe when/if you meet again, it will be YOU with the boyfriend, and him alone, eh?

I'm not insulted and I very much appreciate your input. I'm well aware that I'm whinging - cause i'm hurt. (I know how it feels, I feel uncomfortable when some people whinge to me) I know that I need to cut it cleanly now, and it seems more of a phone call or in person conversation I need to have with him, but just need to build up the courage to do it, I was thinking of calling him tonight, but he's also expecting me to visit this weekend, maybe I should tell him in person then. I need to go up to the city anyway to drop off some illustrations to a gallery along the way so it's not like it will be a total inconvenience to do it in person

 

[medic1]

^^^^^^^
THIS . Buddy this is like a time-loop i feel like we have just went back to step 1
again . The advice you are getting is so so good , from so many posters who all
seem very sincere as do i in trying to help you , but you have to make the decision yourself as all you are making now is excuses.

 

[ben9651]

I totally get it.When you like someone .. you just cant help but to be with him even though u know that he might cut u off any second! but when u mentioned ur past experience i kinda changed my mind. Dude,lets say that he did choose u and was ready to make a commitment but how long will it take til the next guy comes around? and then u will be even more hurt. Just drop it!

 

[glorificus]

I've made a decision. I'm gonna go up and visit him for one day only on the weekend and explain how I feel and how it's unfair and how it's better for both of us to end it right now otherwise it will get worse if we keep kidding ourselves, see if it can end cleanly and downgrade it to a friendship only sort of thing, not even fuck buddies - that way I we can still have our friendship, and it might be easier to move on, don't have to worry about future encounters and I can go and see other boys.

This needs to be done face to face rather than over the phone thats why I've made the decision to visit.

thanks for the help and advice guys and sorry for the emotional loops

 

[gameboy 11]

I've made a decision. I'm gonna go up and visit him for one day only on the weekend and explain how I feel and how it's unfair and how it's better for both of us to end it right now otherwise it will get worse if we keep kidding ourselves, see if it can end cleanly and downgrade it to a friendship only sort of thing, not even fuck buddies - that way I we can still have our friendship, and it might be easier to move on, don't have to worry about future encounters and I can go and see other boys.

This needs to be done face to face rather than over the phone thats why I've made the decision to visit.

thanks for the help and advice guys and sorry for the emotional loops

Sounds good to me. Glad you found help in all this.

 

[ben9651]

I've made a decision. I'm gonna go up and visit him for one day only on the weekend and explain how I feel and how it's unfair and how it's better for both of us to end it right now otherwise it will get worse if we keep kidding ourselves, see if it can end cleanly and downgrade it to a friendship only sort of thing, not even fuck buddies - that way I we can still have our friendship, and it might be easier to move on, don't have to worry about future encounters and I can go and see other boys.

This needs to be done face to face rather than over the phone thats why I've made the decision to visit.

thanks for the help and advice guys and sorry for the emotional loops

Good decision.Its probably for the best!

 

[male55746]

(dont know if this has been said already)
To me it sounds like he will tell you what you want to hear. Just too keep you around for his pleasure.

It also sounds like you really fell head over heals for this guy.

Trust me i am speaking from experiance.

i was 22 or 23 when i lost my v card. I really went head over heals for him. We would make plans for a weekend. Only lasted for one night. Would make up exscuses each morning after. My friend, she told me and pointed out that he was useing me. Thats when i realized she was right. So i basicaly seen him one more time and dropped all contact from him. To this day i have troubles trusting people because of him.

Don't waste your time on that flesh bag. Definitly not worth the tears.

 

[ben9651]

(dont know if this has been said already)
To me it sounds like he will tell you what you want to hear. Just too keep you around for his pleasure.

It also sounds like you really fell head over heals for this guy.

Trust me i am speaking from experiance.

i was 22 or 23 when i lost my v card. I really went head over heals for him. We would make plans for a weekend. Only lasted for one night. Would make up exscuses each morning after. My friend, she told me and pointed out that he was useing me. Thats when i realized she was right. So i basicaly seen him one more time and dropped all contact from him. To this day i have troubles trusting people because of him.

Don't waste your time on that flesh bag. Definitly not worth the tears.

I so agree with you . same shit is happening to me now! Fallin for the wrong guy is torture!

 

[Seasoned]

As strong as your feelings are and as good as you can feel around him you know somewhere that crumbs are being passed off as cake. So what happens is you are as mad at yourself as you are at him and the situation. When you're away from him you get "hungry" and the crumbs seem like a meal. This is a vicious cycle which will greatly affect your self esteem. If you're going to accept crumbs you'll have to change your attitude and start looking for something else on those alternate weekends. I feel fir you as these are hard lessons. Good luck.

 

[medic1]

Hey There.
I was so glad when i read your last post , no-one has said that it will be an
easy thing to do , this is because it aint and never is when you have feelings
for the guy .
For what it is worth i think that you are doing the right thing because that was
just a whole world of hurt that you were putting yourself through .
Good Luck dude.

 

[looseliam]

I've made a decision. I'm gonna go up and visit him for one day only on the weekend and explain how I feel and how it's unfair and how it's better for both of us to end it right now otherwise it will get worse if we keep kidding ourselves, see if it can end cleanly and downgrade it to a friendship only sort of thing, not even fuck buddies - that way I we can still have our friendship, and it might be easier to move on, don't have to worry about future encounters and I can go and see other boys.

This needs to be done face to face rather than over the phone thats why I've made the decision to visit.

thanks for the help and advice guys and sorry for the emotional loops

Honestly, I wouldn't waste your time.

He'll most likely say anything to make you stay for a shag. You'll be all doe-eyed and believe it. Then it'll be back to Mr. Wishy-washy.

Even if you two were to go into 'friend' mode, I fear it may hold you back from finding anyone else because in the back of your mine you'll still be pining for him.