So I'm being cheated on...

[riden3]

I've been seeing this guy for about 4 months now...had my suspicions a month ago so he said he I could go through his computer to find anything. I went through his yahoo message log and found out he was cheating on me and we had a real long talk and he said he would stop...A month later, today, I did a quick check up...seems like he had no intention of stopping...

The problem is I really like this guy. We have a lot of fun and he's a doctor and I'm an aspiring one so he is really great just to talk to. I feel like if I break up with him that will end all communication and he is really handy to have in my life right now. If I could I'd like to be friends with him, but I know he'll just move on...

So I'm stuck with either having the very convenient doctor but unfaithful boyfriend, or nothing at all...

I know I'm the one to ultimately make the decision but my head is killing me from thinking about all this I really just need someone else's input...thanks

 

[sixthson]

How much is your self respect worth to you...assuming you have any?

A medical degree does not a faithful or honorable man make. On the other hand, you are considering using him because you need him in your life, so what does that tell you about yourself?

 

[riden3]

Thanks for the replies...they help a lot. Looks like I'm not in a healthy relationship and should break it off. Guess I can live without the benefits I'd rather keep my heart in one piece.

 

[sixthson]

Riden, look at the bigger picture. If you are hoping for a long term relationship, what do you think are the odds of such a thing when he is cheating on you after only 4 months? He's a serial cheater.

As you said in your first post, only you can decide what you want out of the relationship. Good luck on choosing well.

 

[giorgiobaby]

after 4 months of this, do you think it's gonna get any better? You're wishing for something that's not gonna get better. If you want to keep him in your life (at least as a friend), be the bigger man and break it off with him and let him know it's not working but you want to stay cordial and friendly. If you don't? drop that cheating mofo now!

 

[racer2438]

It is not healthy for you , Love is a sided street not just one side. If he is doing this in only 4 months , what would be like in 1/2 yrs.

You need to move on to someone that 1 respects you and what a relationship is supposed to be.

This can not end good if you keep going on with this cheater.

2. ONCE a cheater ALWAYS a cheater.

either stay as friends, which not work out either, or just move on and cut ties.


you and everyone deserve better than someone cheating....

good luck..

 

[backpacker]

Given that he cheated, got caught, promised to stop and then continued, it doesn't hold much hope for the future. He doesn't sound like the type of person I would want to maintain a relationship with, no matter the perks. If you truly want to maintain a relationship of some type, you should have a frank talk with him. I see you have five options, maintain status quo, open relationship, casual dating, friendship or end everything. You need to evaluate each one to determine which would work best for you. Obviously I don't know him, but if you have a heart to heart talk with him, I think you may be able to maintain a friendship.

By the way, one remote possibility does come to mind with regard to why he cheats. He may be a sex addict. The only reason I consider that is that he has given you an easy way to catch him. Maybe he hoping that you catch him. Maybe he thought that if he knew how easy it would be to be caught, he would stop. If this is the case, he will need professional help and it would be best if you were only his friend during the recovery process. Note, I'm not saying that he is an addict, it's just a possibility.

 

[KaraBulut]

You've gone from the choice of being in a relationship with a cheater to a choice of being in a relationship with someone how is both a liar and a cheater.

You can do better. Much much better.

 

[EWWYOURFACE]

I've been seeing this guy for about 4 months now...had my suspicions a month ago so he said he I could go through his computer to find anything. I went through his yahoo message log and found out he was cheating on me and we had a real long talk and he said he would stop...A month later, today, I did a quick check up...seems like he had no intention of stopping...

The problem is I really like this guy. We have a lot of fun and he's a doctor and I'm an aspiring one so he is really great just to talk to. I feel like if I break up with him that will end all communication and he is really handy to have in my life right now. If I could I'd like to be friends with him, but I know he'll just move on...

So I'm stuck with either having the very convenient doctor but unfaithful boyfriend, or nothing at all...

I know I'm the one to ultimately make the decision but my head is killing me from thinking about all this I really just need someone else's input...thanks

If the love is there then I think the cheatings irrelevant, but 4 months is very early to start going behind your back I think. If you stay with him, you need to tell that boy to wrap it up with everyone that isnt you. Try to keep him at least that honest about it.

 

[elvnguardian]

Thanks for the replies...they help a lot. Looks like I'm not in a healthy relationship and should break it off. Guess I can live without the benefits I'd rather keep my heart in one piece.

So, I hate to be the anti-human here, but my first thought won't let me go if I don't express it.

he's a doctor and I'm an aspiring one so he is really great just to talk to. I feel like if I break up with him that will end all communication and he is really handy to have in my life right now. If I could I'd like to be friends with him, but I know he'll just move on...

So I'm stuck with either having the very convenient doctor but unfaithful boyfriend, or nothing at all...

You're both already using each other, for whatever the reasons, neither of you is clearly truly into it for the other persons benefit, so, why ignore that instinct?

You're both obviously convenient to each other, so, why not continue to exploit that?



Now, before the rest of the romantics, before you crucify me, I swear, I really am one of you, I'm just aware that not every one else in the world is, and there are multiple ways this could be advantageous.

1) He could actually have the benefit of interacting with someone who's real-life experience might be transferable and he might be a better medical professional for it.

2) His inner romantic may find what I just said to be entirely disdainful and give him clarity enough to make the decision he may have put off for the guise of potential romance and the opportunity to "change him" (which, by the way, never works, don't bother).

 

[KaraBulut]

But hey, as you said it's up to you. But why do you find the need to check up on someone? Be snoopy?

Because there's no trust and no reason to trust given the history.

That, in itself, is a bad sign.

 

[rareboy]

Ditch him and tell him why.

 

[G-Lexington]

I'm with EG, actually. You're both kind of using each other. So why not just redefine the relationship? He's not your boyfriend anymore. He's your fuck buddy. Tell him he's free to see whoever he wants, and if he wants to have sex with you, that's cool, too.

That is, if you think you can do that. If not, it's time to cut him loose.

Lex

 

[BabiGayPimp]

So you're continuing this relationship with an unfaithful man because you think a physician's skills, training, and stamina, and credentials will pass from him to you by way of osmosis? I say if you want to be a doctor, find a medical school. In the meantime, make your decision about whether to to stay with him or not independent of your professional aspirations. Doctors are not like record producers. They can't make you a star. Being fairly brilliant, working 90 hours a week, going six figures in debt and slaving at low wages for years will make you a doctor, if you really want to be one. You don't have to sleep with a physician to become one, or to learn what it's like to be one.

 

[Críostóir]

"Since you're not capable of monogamy, and I need a monogamous relationship to be happy, we need to break up. I'd like to be friends, but I'm not your boyfriend any more as of right now."

OR

"I believe that if two guys are boyfriends they have sex only with each other. Since you're having sex with other people, we are no longer boyfriends. We can be fuckbuddies if you like, but of course I'll be free to have sex with others as well."

OR

"You obviously intended me to find the evidence of your cheating, since I have permission to read your Yahoo message log. I think that's a pretty cruel way to break up with someone, frankly, but it's effective: we are over as of right now."

Matter-of-fact, to the point, no room for argument. No ultimatums (ultimata?), no tearful accusations, no whining, sniveling, or shouting. Most importantly, NO BACKING DOWN.