So... I'm gay?

[tommyboy88]

I've never said it out loud, but I guess I'm gay? I'm really just coming to terms with it myself, but it's starting to be on my mind 24/7. I've known I was a little different since I was really young... I'm 20 now, and will be 21 in a few months, and am starting to think that it's time to come to terms with it.

I go to university, and have a lot of friends, and a great family, and everything is fine in my life. This is really the only thing that bothers me, and lately it's starting to build up. Sometimes saying it is on the tip of my tongue, and I feel like I'm going to accidentally blurt it out.

I put an ad on craigslist, and some guy sent me pics of himself. He's great looking, and we've been emailing eachother for the past two weeks, and he seems really cool. He wants to meet, but I'm nervous. Should I bring him to my place? I was really nervous about sending pictures of myself since my dad has a really public job.... I'm totally confused. I've messed around with one person before, but that was just making out and we gabe eachother head when we were drunk... My life is crazy.

What should I do? Does anybody have any advice? AHH! I'm frusterated!

 

[justaguy]

Gidday Tommyboy.
Congrats on saying 'Im Gay' for the first time. I know how hard it is to do that, to give in to your feelings and finally admit that you bat for our team. I bet it has lifted a load off your mind, somewhat. There's plenty of guys in this forum who have gone through that same experience, including myself. So you're going to get a lot of good advice, I reckon.

As far as the guy from Craigslist is concerned, I wouldn't bring him back to your house, initially. I would meet him at a neutral venue .. a mall, McDonalds ... somewhere where there are other people. You can usually get an idea from the first meeting whether the guy is genuine ... and someone you feel comfortable with. The neutral venue gives you the opportunity to back out, if things don't feel right.

Good luck, and welcome to Jub. To a lot of us, your life doesn't seem that crazy at all.

 

[tommyboy88]

Hey Justaguy,
I was starting to think that nobody was going to reply. It feels like I've been checking this thread every two seconds. Thanks for your words of wisdom. They kind of lifted a huge weight off of my chest.
I'm going to see if that guy will meet me at starbucks or something. That sounds like a more sensible option!

 

[justaguy]

Hey Justaguy,
I was starting to think that nobody was going to reply. It feels like I've been checking this thread every two seconds. Thanks for your words of wisdom. They kind of lifted a huge weight off of my chest.
I'm going to see if that guy will meet me at starbucks or something. That sounds like a more sensible option!

Yea, I know it takes some inner strength to say those words for the first time. There's no going back now!

Starbucks sounds like a good idea to start off with. He might just be someone you'd like to do stuff with. You'll know pretty quickly, if he is.

You'll get other replies. Most Jubbers are in bed ... sleeping.

 

[Magician]

We're all over that damn campus!

Congratulations on your realization, and extra commendation for not realizing it and then refusing to do anything about it. Meet the boy somewhere cute, if you're interested in a real dating relationship, and get to know him. Don't be nervous, you live an an excellent location for such things. : )

 

[KaraBulut]

Well, it's 'bout time.

This doesn't have to be tommyboy's confession tour. Just start living your life and being honest about it.

The real mystery is- if you're on a college campus- why you're on Craigslist looking for men. Your campus is full of guys who are interested in meeting other guys.

 

[Seasoned]

Best of luck to you. Meet in a public place and don't share personal details until you are comfortable doing so. It's going to get better once you have gay friends to bounce ideas off of. The bottom line is keeping your wits about you while your explore your sexuality in, at least initially, secrecy.

You'll always have us, but nothing like a friend that can call 15 or 20 minutes into a date to provide a safety net if needed. Keep us posted.

 

[jackry]

Becarfull, be honest, and don't let anyone push you doing into somthing your not ready for. It took 20 years for you to get where you are today, take your time.

 

[Echoes]

take it easy, go slow, you've already taken the first step. As for your date, meet the guy in person first and then think about bringing him to your place.

good luck.

 

[chance1]

great news for you - you're ready or almost ready

exciting time

as for online, above comments are dead on - to add I would

probe a bit online/chat to get a feel
meet in a public place to confirm/verify real deal - starbucks is perfect (and they have $1.50 deals on tall coffee now )
might make sense to not hook up on 1st meet if only to give you time to reflect on meeting

good luck man

 

[conrad]

All things considered, I really think you should be doing what guys have been doing for a long time: Enjoy friendships with males (and females) and if that becomes something more than "just friendship" don't panic, just enjoy! The sex that is likely to happen, if you allow yourself and your friend to think and talk about it, and you may come to see the sex as confirming the bond that already exists between you. That is not bad--I mean either the sex or the bond!

But, do also what young men have been doing for a long time: think of what happened sexually as "doing what comes naturally" which is something which is personal and private and ought to remain so. NO ONE GETS HURT ! Ask yourself who in the whole world beside the two of you has any legitimate need to know what happened sexually between you and another person?

My teen partner and I never did stop thinking of ourselves as "regular guys" and fifty years later we we are still loving friends who looked back on our two years of homosexual communion as very important to shaping the persons we have become.

We, of course, had to keep under the radars of the morality snoops in our town which was possible because of the zone of privacy we had at his house. Again, NO ONE WAS HURT, and two young guys discovered that some guys are loving and lovable and that sex between such guys is the stuff of which precious memories are made.

 

[tommyboy88]

thx for the advice everybody

 

[tommyboy88]

Hi, I just wanted to give an update...

Tonight I hooked up with a guy... Like we went for a drive, but ended up touring his house... I'm staying at my parents place in SoCal, and we both live in a similar neighborhood, so his house (parents') was pretty huge... Anyways, he was showing me the kitchen, and like was behind me and pulled me into his waist... I was thinking in my head "wtf" but kinda just went with it, and turned my head to be like "what are you doing?" but instead he made out with me.... It was fked*.... Anyways, we like made out and were grinding together in the kitchen, and he like pushed me to the family room near the kitchen onto the couch and we laid there making out for quite a while... He like pushed my head down, and I ended up giving him head for a while, and then he like pulled me up and we both grinded and jerked eachother off until we both finished... Kind of messy, but he like got up and threw a dish towel at me to clean up... Then he was like "I guess you should go..." and drove me home... We were really quiet on the drive, and I feel guilty and used.... I'm really embarrassed, I guess, and am really confused... FML. I feel used...
Thank god I'm going back to LA tomorrow.. GAH.... Is it normal to feel guilty like this? I've never felt this bad after being with a chick.... (I guess I forgot to put that part on my OP... I've been with a lot of girls before) Maybe I'm Bi? Maybe I just needed to try this to know that it isn't for me? Someone tell me what to do.

 

[tipmyscales86]

Nah he's just a dick. You can find a nicer guy out there.

 

[tommyboy88]

Thanks... He told me he loved me while I was like kissing his neck... I was really rattled when he said that? I definitely didn't say it back. To be honest, I think I laughed...

 

[tommyboy88]

Oh, I've known him since we were like 10... I've been to his house before, but his parents just moved to a new place... They moved to the same area as my parents in like the early 2000's....

 

[finnster]

you just need some R&R now. see if you can find someone you trust to talk to about it. your friends will probably be a lot more accepting of it than you think, especially the kids here at usc--for me it was, anyway.

just take a deep breath, know that he was and is a huge douche, and know that seriously, it's gonna be okay. fight on dude.

 

[tipmyscales86]

Thanks... He told me he loved me while I was like kissing his neck... I was really rattled when he said that? I definitely didn't say it back. To be honest, I think I laughed...

Lol that is a little weird. But now that you mention you've known each other a long time, maybe he had a secret crush on you for a while or something. Either way, it's kinda rude that he basically kicked you out, not a real "loving" thing to do. lol

 

[tommyboy88]

Lol that is a little weird. But now that you mention you've known each other a long time, maybe he had a secret crush on you for a while or something. Either way, it's kinda rude that he basically kicked you out, not a real "loving" thing to do. lol

I dunno.. I always thought he was straight. We went to different schools, so we really only hung out because we lived inside the same bubble... FFFF my life.. I'm really freaking out, so I think I'm gonna throw my suitcases in my car and go to my place....

 

[KaraBulut]

I'm staying at my parents place in SoCal...

Hmmmmm.....