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So insecure

MMMonsterBoy

MMMonsterBoy

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I hate being the 'jealous guy', but that's me. I won't lie and say that I don't feel insecure because I very much do.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for five months and we've had our ups and downs. Sometimes I just feel like he is messing around with other guys and I can just feel it in me that he is going to leave me for someone else. When I was with him last weekend, he gets a phone call from one of his myspace friends and says 'I'm with a friend' and I ask 'Why did you say I'm just a friend?' His reply confused me. He originally said 'I'm just not out to everyone', which would have been okay if the guy who had called was straight - but he is bi or gay because my boyfriend's following reply was 'He thinks I don't like you and that we aren't together because of the fight we had and he wants to be with me.' Let me make it clear, my boyfriend and I are in a confirmed relationship together. What's worse is that I know my boyfriend likes the other guy, because I'm not stupid and I can see right through him. For example, I asked him to put me as his #1 friend on myspace [I honestly don't care I just wanted to see if he would] and he put me #2, behind this other dude.

So am I just being over dramactic? I'd like to think so, because my boyfriend broke down when I left and I heard him cry for the first time because he needed me. And he doesn't want me to leave. He is my first real relationship so I naturally don't know what to do. I am sorry for the rambling, I'm just hoping someone with more experience could help me out here.

Thank you :help:
 
Dump him... what a sleaze. The most telling part was him calling you a "friend" when talking to this other dude. Totally wrong.
 
*slaps you* First of all why the fuck are you letting him treat you like that if he needs you? Im so sick of seeing someone`s boyfriend flirting with any other fag he can find who`d let him fuck them. Dump his fucking ass and let him go to his little bitch who wants him so bad.

You said he cried cause he needed you. Thats a huge fucking red flag to me. It tells me the relationship is unhealthy and trust me you dont want a psycho ex! Ive never dated a guy but i have alot of psycho ex girls.
 
I just don't want to be the dramactic boyfriend that gets mad/jealous easily. Like when we were out to eat with his family he shows his step mom a picture on his phone [I didn't see the picture] and she asks 'Who is that?" and he smiles and says '*insert name*:)' He has like 300 friends on myspace and has all like more than half of their numbers. That's okay I don't mind that....but they guys are all horny dudes that want nothing more than to get off. Granted, there are some that really just want to be friends.

I just don't want to be an idiot. I don't want to be the 'who are you talking to?' kinda guy. I wish these things didn't bother me, like when I see that he writes on some other dude's myspace 'ur sexy'....but it does.
 
Thank you all for the advice. I don't understand how him needing me is bad because I say the same to him. I don't want to break up because I think he just doesn't understand. I don't want to sound pathetic, but I know he doesn't mean harm. He just doesn't think sometimes.
 
It's apparent that your boyfriend is needy. And he wants the security blanket of Plan B (and C and D and E and F...) if you dump him.

What does that say about his commitment and what does that say about his optimism for a future with you if he's got all these 300 guys waiting in the wings to console him/date him/fuck him?
 
Boyfriends can be "friends." I think you two just need to talk and clarify boundaries. It is not a bad idea to get couples' counseling together, because the counselor can help facilitate communication between you two. You both seem to love each other and should get a chance to try for more than another five months. Best of luck to you, honey!
 
After 5 months what you have now will be what you have in 12 months. He will still be playing around in 2 years or if not playing looking for his ideal relationship and you certainly are not it. If he was speaking to a work mate or straight friend then you can understand him calling you a friend but other gay/bi guys there is no need to be protective without good reason. My solution is to dump his arse and find someone who more in keeping with what you would in a relationship. But thats me!!
 
Thanks guys. I just think he has different views about what a relationship is than I do. I just really hope the two of us come to a resolution.
 
I really don't think I can go on with him anymore. Last week he snapped at me and we got into a huge argument over the phone where he said some harsh words about me that he has yet to apolgize for. After that I tried to find anyone better, but it is pretty difficult. After today however, I'm sure it is over..or will be. He told me he is planning a summer trip to illinoise and doesn't want to come back. Anyone wanna guess who's in ilionoise? This other dude, same as before. One thing I do not tolerate is 2nd place with my boyfriend. I just don't know how to end it. On the phone he might hang up on me, or I might be too nervous. I tried sending him a text but I deleted it before sending it. I don't have the courage to break up with him, but I can't be with a guy that I know doesn't love me the at I love him. What's sad is that I know Iam being strung along and be doesn't thnk I know, but the signs are pretty concrete
 
You can take an easier way out.

Just say, "If I you ever cheat on me, it's over".

Then wait.

However, it would be better for everyone if you just said, "I think you want to see other people. I think it's time I did, too."
 
So it didn't end the way I thought it would. I was hoping for a mature nice ending, but instead I got so much more. My boyfriend (now ex) calls me up to tell me he was frustrated because of the many people that forgot he had a funeral to attend today but sent him texts anyway, including me. He flips out on me and we get into this argument that results in him saying that he wasted his time, would be better off with this other guy, and that I needed to grow up. So I cried for a bit...because though I knew that he was falling for someone else, it was another thing to actually hear it. My self esteem is a little low too. For one I live 45 minutes away from my ex, and his new lover lives in like 15 hours away and they've met in person before. Guess I wasn't cutting it, but oh well. I've never been hurt like this before, so I'm a little down (hugs would be nice)...but I am trying to move on.
 
My ex had no problem searching for someone else while in a relationship, or least he allowed himself to get close to someone. The only difference is that I was interested in working things out between us when they started to appear to get better, but oh well...I would be okay if the break up was a mature subtle one, but it was a horrible break up. All this has done is build up more walls for me. But, I do believe you have a point with me working on self - love. At this point I hate myself for ever allowing someone to get this close to me and then hurt me. I feel like such a fool for not listening to those who told me to dumb him before I got hurt months ago. At least now I have experience with a real relationship....makes me not want to date ever again...but I hear that feeling goes away with time.
 
You should not hate yourself for letting someone get close to you for fear they will hurt you. Relationships, especially new and tentative ones, are full of risks. Without taking that risk, you have nothing, though. So, you need to be calculating and strategic in whom you choose to become close to in a romantic way.

First relationships are tough, as are first break ups. It's that kicked-in-the-stomach feeling that makes you feel like a thrown out dishcloth.

Use this interim time to do some self-examination. Look back on all this and reflect on it. What part was his fault, due to his shortcomings? What part was your fault, due to your shortcomings? Was your jealousy justified, or is that an irritating trait of yours that you need to work on? Did your jealousy become a self-fulfilling prophecy on him? How do you really feel about being in a relationship? Is there a part of it that's scary? Do you really want it? Are you OK during the times you don't?

These are some things you might want to sort out. Feeling good about yourself, and having a healthy dose of self-esteem and, especially, self-respect is critical in being attractive to other people. The dregs will avoid you because they know they can't pull shit with you. And, other confident, self-respecting people tend to be attracted to those like them.

Good luck to you. I'm sorry this worked out so badly. Keep in touch with us and let us know how you're doing.

(*8*)
 
Thank you so much that was very insightful. I will take that to heart and practice.thank you once again
 
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