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so lost....

J

jaw2335

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I've been totally out for about 3 yrs now and keep getting this same quote over and over from people saying " he's not gay" or from the other gay guys around my age that "im not gay enough" I'm lost as to why I get so thrown out of the little gay community we have in my town bc I do not act gay enough. This has even ruined a few of my relationships and tends to leave me with people about ten years older that show any interest at all. Iguess I need help with knowing why the younger gay guys tend to push away anyone that is not there vision of what gay should be?
 
hi there! i think, just act naturally. :)

It's better if there's no pretentions going on. Just be yourself. It's very vague defining how gay is gay and how gays should act.
 
uhhh... i have no idea what is going on here.

but i have never met a fellow fag who rejected a friend or a lover because he doesnt "act gay enough." on the contrary, some gays dont want friends or especially lovers who act "too gay." (im assuming "acting gay" means "being effeminate")

could it be that the "not gay enough" is an excuse, a "nice" way of rejecting somebody because they dont have the balls to tell the real reason? like "youre too good for me", or "its not you, its me". im just guessing here.
 
i think it's just a matter of preference and taste (effeminate or not too effeminate).

i agree with u x-cess. maybe it's a way to reject someone but in a nicer way. Some people are just very vocal about it. Well at least they're honest enough. If this situation happened to me, oh well i can't do anything about it than to accept.

There are a lot of cliques around there. So many fishes in the sea!!! :)
 
I'm not buying it.

I have known guys who were gay who acted like macho asshats and had trouble keeping friends because they were so intent on not acting gay that it made them weird to be around.

Maybe examine your relationships and see if there are other underlying reasons that some homos don't want to hang around with you.
 
Some young gay guys can be very cliquish, especially the more fem guys (not all, just some). There are probably other guys in your area having the same problem with this group of guys. You either need to find the guys like you in your area or widen your circle. If you're in a small town, go to the nearest large city.
 
To be honest since I've been graduated for the last 6 months it has not really been an issue mostly bc I no longer associate with a lot of the same people i did. it still just baffeld me that in a small virgina town with a micro open community there was that shun to any that did not fit the mold .
 
To be honest since I've been graduated for the last 6 months it has not really been an issue mostly bc I no longer associate with a lot of the same people i did. it still just baffeld me that in a small virginia town with a micro open community there was that shun to any that did not fit the mold .
 
backpacker said:
Some young gay guys can be very cliquish, especially the more fem guys (not all, just some).
Click to expand...

Fem guys have nothing on the cliquishness of the straight acting set.

Young people can be cliquish in general.

Yeah, so gay guys are telling you aren't gay enough, and straight people are saying you're not gay?

Well if you told the straight people you are gay, what, you're just so butch they don't believe you?

I find that hard to believe. If you tell people you're gay, generally the only reason they won't believe you is that they don't want to believe you.

Plus, considering the south generally, the more butch you are the more desirable you seem to be, so a gay guy who straight people don't believe is gay is like some kind of holy grail.

What exactly are you saying to the gay guys?

You're in Virginia, that's not Mississippi, there are large gay communities within fairly easy reach of you.

If you don't like where you are, make a plan and move.
 
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