Wow, I haven’t posted here in forever but I remember this place being a helpful when I posted here 3 years ago. Lately I feel like life isn’t worth living anymore since I don’t get much enjoyment out of it and I feel really sad or anxious almost all the time. Actually, I think I’ve felt this way for a really long time but I’m usually able to distract myself. But distractions aren’t working so well anymore...sometimes I just can’t stop thinking about my problems and it’s too overwhelming. I’m pretty sure I have social anxiety disorder and have almost no self-confidence or self-esteem...I feel really hopeless about ever getting over any of this. Also, I’m pretty sure a lot of my problems stem from learning that I’m gay. I remember becoming a lot more socially withdrawn after I figured out that I was gay since my first instinct was to hide it.
I think one of my biggest problems is that I don’t really have any friends and I’m really afraid to talk to people. As a result my social skills have been deteriorating and I don’t even know where to start with talking to people anymore. Actually, I do have one friend but I feel like that friendship is also deteriorating because of my problems. I met him on a social anxiety website a little over a year ago and at first I really liked him as a friend because he seemed like a really nice guy and we did a lot of fun things together. Also, since I made it pretty clear that I was gay on my profile, he became the only person in real life who knows I’m gay. We hung out pretty often and enjoyed each others’ company until February, when he started giving me “feedback” about my anxiety issues over email after we hung out.
It started with him talking about how I was too much of a follower when hanging out with him. Other things he mentioned included my handshake being weak, and me acting too girly (though he recently said that he should just accept that I am this way). We talked out these problems over time and he doesn’t give me as much “feedback” anymore but I still get the impression that he feels that way a lot when we’re hanging out. I don’t know if he actually still feels this way or if it’s just my low self-esteem making me think these things. Anyway, I don’t think I would care about these things as much if I had more friends, but I often feel like he’s the only person I can hang out with. I don’t want to lose him since we do usually have fun, but I don’t like feeling this way.
I also get pretty anxious around my roommates when they’re sitting together in the living room as a group. They’ll spend hours in the living room just talking but I usually stay in my room because I’m too nervous to just go out there and sit down for a long period of time. At this point, I think they just assume that I don’t want to do anything with them so they just let me be. I can be better with them one-on-one though. I just finished watching a few TV shows with the roommate I’m closest to and I’ve talked to the others individually as well. But for some reason when they’re hanging out as a group, I feel a lot more anxious around them.
My issues have also started to affect my performance at school. I was a straight A student until this year since many of my classes now require classroom interaction. I’ve been skipping one class for the last month because most classes included impromptu presentations and group work...20% my class grade is for participation so I’ve pretty much foregone that. Another class also has 15% of my mark towards participation and although I do go to that class, I never feel confident enough to participate. I may be pretty close to failing both of these classes but hopefully I can pass them, and then get A’s in my other 3 classes that don’t require much interaction. I have of course realized that avoiding all this social interaction isn’t good for me but I’m far too afraid to do anything else.
All this avoidance also makes me very worried about being able to get a decent job. Most employers seem to want to hire people who have good communication and social skills and that makes me feel like I’m screwed with regards to getting a job...I’m terrified of even going to an interview. I’m in my last year of school and I’m starting to worry more and more about this every day since I don’t want to go back to living with my parents forever once I’m out of school. But I feel pretty hopeless about being able to change anything so I’m afraid that’s where I’ll be in a year.
Wow, I’ve written way more than I expected to write so I’ll leave it at that. Anyway, I’m not really sure how to proceed regarding all of this...anyone have any thoughts? I’ve done a lot of thinking about it but that’s really all I’ve done. Also, does anyone else around here feel this way?
I think one of my biggest problems is that I don’t really have any friends and I’m really afraid to talk to people. As a result my social skills have been deteriorating and I don’t even know where to start with talking to people anymore. Actually, I do have one friend but I feel like that friendship is also deteriorating because of my problems. I met him on a social anxiety website a little over a year ago and at first I really liked him as a friend because he seemed like a really nice guy and we did a lot of fun things together. Also, since I made it pretty clear that I was gay on my profile, he became the only person in real life who knows I’m gay. We hung out pretty often and enjoyed each others’ company until February, when he started giving me “feedback” about my anxiety issues over email after we hung out.
It started with him talking about how I was too much of a follower when hanging out with him. Other things he mentioned included my handshake being weak, and me acting too girly (though he recently said that he should just accept that I am this way). We talked out these problems over time and he doesn’t give me as much “feedback” anymore but I still get the impression that he feels that way a lot when we’re hanging out. I don’t know if he actually still feels this way or if it’s just my low self-esteem making me think these things. Anyway, I don’t think I would care about these things as much if I had more friends, but I often feel like he’s the only person I can hang out with. I don’t want to lose him since we do usually have fun, but I don’t like feeling this way.
I also get pretty anxious around my roommates when they’re sitting together in the living room as a group. They’ll spend hours in the living room just talking but I usually stay in my room because I’m too nervous to just go out there and sit down for a long period of time. At this point, I think they just assume that I don’t want to do anything with them so they just let me be. I can be better with them one-on-one though. I just finished watching a few TV shows with the roommate I’m closest to and I’ve talked to the others individually as well. But for some reason when they’re hanging out as a group, I feel a lot more anxious around them.
My issues have also started to affect my performance at school. I was a straight A student until this year since many of my classes now require classroom interaction. I’ve been skipping one class for the last month because most classes included impromptu presentations and group work...20% my class grade is for participation so I’ve pretty much foregone that. Another class also has 15% of my mark towards participation and although I do go to that class, I never feel confident enough to participate. I may be pretty close to failing both of these classes but hopefully I can pass them, and then get A’s in my other 3 classes that don’t require much interaction. I have of course realized that avoiding all this social interaction isn’t good for me but I’m far too afraid to do anything else.
All this avoidance also makes me very worried about being able to get a decent job. Most employers seem to want to hire people who have good communication and social skills and that makes me feel like I’m screwed with regards to getting a job...I’m terrified of even going to an interview. I’m in my last year of school and I’m starting to worry more and more about this every day since I don’t want to go back to living with my parents forever once I’m out of school. But I feel pretty hopeless about being able to change anything so I’m afraid that’s where I’ll be in a year.
Wow, I’ve written way more than I expected to write so I’ll leave it at that. Anyway, I’m not really sure how to proceed regarding all of this...anyone have any thoughts? I’ve done a lot of thinking about it but that’s really all I’ve done. Also, does anyone else around here feel this way?
