So there's this guy....

[SilverWolf]

So there's this guy in my class. He's really cute and really funny. Every time he says something funny I almost always laugh and catch his eye. A couple of weeks ago I was waiting outside my class and he walked up. We were the only two people in the hallway. We started randomly talking. He's real friendly and sociable. He sees a poster on the wall saying there was an opening in a play and must be willing to do half naked kissing scenes. He says it sounds like fun and kissing is something he loves to do. I reply what if he ends up kissing a guy? He replies he doesn't care its just for fun and he would still do it... Well I said something that I cannot remember but he replies he's not gay. I say every gay man in theater says that. He just smiles. I say if your gay I don't mean to offend or anything. He just smiles and laughs. He's not gay he says. Turns out the class was canceled and we both went home.

Well a few weeks later, I see that poster he was talking about. It was advertising a part for an actress. Now I'm confused...Why would he bring it up if he was ineligible for the part? For a laugh? Or because he was trying to tell me something?
He probably knew I was gonna say that it might be kissing men...Maybe he just wanted to see my reaction? Say something funny? Or maybe he suspected something since I always laugh at his jokes an catch his eye after them no matter where he sits...And he does say stuff similar to this for fun like one time he said he can wear high heels without any problems...

What was a good response?

And if anybody wants to know, I'm not out at school which is college.

 

[looseliam]

Good response or not, a man that can make you laugh is a keeper - friend or otherwise.

Get to know him, and take it from there.

 

[SilverWolf]

Good response or not, a man that can make you laugh is a keeper - friend or otherwise.

Get to know him, and take it from there.

Easier said than done...I'm almost incapable of making and keeping a friend

 

[looseliam]

I'm pretty shitty at hitting a golf ball.

But I'm out there twice a week during the summer.

I still miss and slice, but not as much.

 

[SilverWolf]

I'm pretty shitty at hitting a golf ball.

But I'm out there twice a week during the summer.

I still miss and slice, but not as much.

When your hitting a golf ball with friends or by yourself, you can laugh at your mistakes. When your in a tournament surrounded by people you don't know suddenly your mistakes are alot harder to swallow

 

[looseliam]

Your overanalysing.

Life isn't a tournament - despite what many say.

Go out there, make the mistakes and learn from them.

Have you given any thought into why you're not able to make/keep friends?

 

[SilverWolf]

Your overanalysing.

Life isn't a tournament - despite what many say.

Go out there, make the mistakes and learn from them.

Have you given any thought into why you're not able to make/keep friends?

Not really...I just became accustomed to being friendless over the years

I think I'm addicted to quoting lol

 

[thatguygus]

Well does he know you're bi? If he told you twice he's not gay then maybe he's not although why he would bring up the poster is beyond me. It seems he's making it easy for you to be his friend, what do you have to lose really? If you guys get along then you have a new friend if not will things be that different than what you're used to?

 

[SilverWolf]

Well does he know you're bi? If he told you twice he's not gay then maybe he's not although why he would bring up the poster is beyond me. It seems he's making it easy for you to be his friend, what do you have to lose really? If you guys get along then you have a new friend if not will things be that different than what you're used to?

As I said I'm not out at school so no he does not know I'm bi

 

[thatguygus]

As I said I'm not out at school so no he does not know I'm bi

lol sorry about that I read everything except the line but is there anything else that leads you to believe that he might be gay besides that incident?

 

[SilverWolf]

lol sorry about that I read everything except the line but is there anything else that leads you to believe that he might be gay besides that incident?

Well he said he has worn high heel shoes and can keep his balance in them, he has sid he was going to be dressed as a girl in Halloween but said he was joking, he has said I love you to the teacher and I want to shine your shoes, an he has used his hands in a dramatic fashion before.

 

[SilverWolf]

Any other opinions? I wanna hear what more people think

 

[jeffhardylover8472]

simply put, id say get 2 know him and c wat he's like

 

[Lube]

Well, really, what did you expect him to say?

You refuse to come out, but expect him to?

Life doesn't work that way.

If you expect him to utter the words "I'm gay", then you have to utter the words "I'm bi" first.

Otherwise, you'll just keep dicking around and trying to read tea leaves. Sorry to be brutal, but that's the truth. This is probably the #1 question asked on the Coming Out forum.

 

[SilverWolf]

Well, really, what did you expect him to say?

You refuse to come out, but expect him to?

Life doesn't work that way.

If you expect him to utter the words "I'm gay", then you have to utter the words "I'm bi" first.

Otherwise, you'll just keep dicking around and trying to read tea leaves. Sorry to be brutal, but that's the truth. This is probably the #1 question asked on the Coming Out forum.

I don't refuse to come out. If anybody ever point blank asked me if I like men I will be honest. I'm just slow when it comes to mind games like these.

 

[thatguygus]

To be honest the more and more times I read this over, I think he's just one of those straight guys that "plays" gay. The whole poster thing might have been his way of joking around with you. Dressing up and the hand thing might be something he thinks people think is funny. Does he only act this way around you or is he doing this with every guy friend he has? You do say he's done it for fun too. The whole being attracted to someone and reading more into things applies here. Look you may like him but if he says he's straight then all you can really do is accept it and try to make what you can of it.

 

[SilverWolf]

To be honest the more and more times I read this over, I think he's just one of those straight guys that "plays" gay. The whole poster thing might have been his way of joking around with you. Dressing up and the hand thing might be something he thinks people think is funny. Does he only act this way around you or is he doing this with every guy friend he has? You do say he's done it for fun too. The whole being attracted to someone and reading more into things applies here. Look you may like him but if he says he's straight then all you can really do is accept it and try to make what you can of it.

I honestly don't know if he is like this with every guy friend he has but he is like this in front of the class in front guys and girls. I knew he probably was just messing around but I really wanted him to be gay or bi. I guess I just over analyze anything that might even hint to a guy being gay

 

[Lube]

I don't refuse to come out. If anybody ever point blank asked me if I like men I will be honest. I'm just slow when it comes to mind games like these.

Well the advice still stands. You have to say it first. There's no incentive for him to say it. You're setting yourself up for failure if you ask someone else if they're gay without revealing your sexual inclination first.

On the one hand, I think it's much easier than people think to peg a guy as gay.

On the other hand, you really haven't given us much information, and it's colored by your interpretation. So any advice we give is far from definitive.

College is the free-est time you'll ever have in your life. Why are you afraid to come out in college??

 

[LonelyFace]

Wow, it feels like I'm reading my own blog entries here.

Maybe you are overanalyzing things. I dunno. I'd be thinking the same thing, since it IS a bit strange...

Do what I did: get to know him better and then ask him if he wants to hang out some time.

Oh, and Lube, this isn't an episode of Degrassi. Not everyone's gona be comfortable with prancing around screaming to the entire world that they're gay every 5 seconds.
What's he gonna do? Go up to people and say, "Hi my names ______ and I'M GAY/BI/WHATEVER! "
Coming out isn't always easy, even if you're in college.

 

[TX-Beau]

On the other hand, if it’s general knowledge that you’re gay, all those interested guys are gonna be far, far, far, (deep breath) far more likely to ask you out.

If you’re in the closet, and you don’t want to admit it, for whatever reason, they’re not likely to.

First, guys who are interested in you DO NOT, make it a point of telling you they’re straight. Closet or not, if he’s telling you that, you need to take him at his word, because on the off chance that he is lying about it, he’s gonna continue lying about it until he works out his issues.

Second, and to reiterate, you have no leg to stand on if you aren’t willing to tell the other guy you’re gay. What are you expecting? He’s gonna have to know at some point or you’ll never get what you want. Telliong him is as easy as saying:

“Yeah, I really liked this guy who…” or some other standard conversational gambit that clears the air while being nicely polite.

Third, stop hyper-analyzing. You don’t know why he said what he said, it could be perfectly innocent, it may mean he wants to be your friend but doesn’t want you hitting on him, it could mean a million things. YOU don’t know, nor are you gonna know unless you ask. So if you won’t ask, and you won’t tell, you have no choice but to take him at his word and believe he’s straight.

Fourth. Don’t let your wanting him to be gay delude you into deciding everything he does means gay. How many times in these situations on this board is the gay guy actually right? Not a lot, and even fewer where the gay guy gets what he wants; because gay men are good at ignoring everything but what they can use to convince themselves they have a chance. Go find some nice out college boys who you don’t have to play angsty games with.

Fifth, don’t go becoming friends with this guy with a sexual agenda. If you’re going to be his friend, be honest about whom you are. He’s not gonna thank you six months down the road when you can’t stand it anymore and hit on him - if he didn’t know who you were in the first place. It’s dishonest to go into any kind of friendship/relationship, hiding hugely important things about yourself.