So this is a first. For me, anyway

[blackbeltninja]

So.

Let's assume that I work at a small (only 10 branches) local retail outlet, and that one of the shifts I do is Wednesday night.

And let's assume that last night I was asked to work my shift tonight at a different branch to my regular branch. The regular one is in my neighbourhood, incidentally.

Then let's assume that my boss phones me up today to er... "discuss" tonight's shift. "To let me know what is happening," I am told.

Then let's assume she says this:
- When you get there, don't let on that you are working.
- you will be relieving the regular Wednesday night person, but he doesn't know this yet.
- Pose as a customer and just browse the shelves. You will probably see a big burly guy there also browsing.
- Wait for the big boss and I to arrive right after the night shift guy comes on at 5pm.
- The big burly guy is a plainclothes cop and will arrest him. After we've left, you take over as normal.
- We will take the other guy for questioning and see what happens from there.
- I can't tell you much more at this point.
- This message will self-destruct in 5 seconds

Okay, I made the last line up, but this is the call I got a few minutes ago. I am due there in about 90 minutes. And although I don't know the guy I am helping take down, I can't help but want to give him a heads up... I don't know what he's done wrong, but I still feel for the poor sod.

Exciting times...
-d-

 

[treanir]

Oooooh... The drama! The tension! The action!

Now don't go overboard and go all Sydney Bristow on us, okay? No lighters-that-are-also-hanggliders, no acid-shooting-pens, no picture-taking-glasses. Though if you do wear the latter, please post the pictures you make.

 

[star-warrior]

^ wot he said.

You all seem to live interesting lives
(to paraphrase Bugs Bunny).

 

[RationalLunacy]

Is it going to be televised on Dateline?

 

[Andreus]

sounds like some retail boob has been dipping into the till

 

[buzzj]

WOW! Let us know how it goes! Very cloak and dagger...!

 

[luminum]

Congratulations, your life is now more interesting than 70% of the people out there. I'm so jealous

 

[Nonimus]

Shame on Blackbelt Ninja Do you know how many of my mates have been stung like that? Shame, shame and Thrice shame!

 

[DarkNeko]

Blackbeltninja, that is crazy! You're like the gay James Bond!

 

[GL]

Being a Law-And-Order kind of guy... leave well enough alone. If the cops are coming for him then he was up to something and you don't want to be any part of it.

 

[blackbeltninja]

Well...

Embarrassingly, it turned out in the end to be a complete non-event. The cop is in fact an ex-cop turned private investigator who the company contracts from time to time to do some work when - as Andreus surmised - someone is up to a bit of stock theft. As was the case here. So the burly ex-cop basically does a bit of questioning and they decide whether or not to lay charges.

However, there was an overlap of some sort with something else the ex-cop was working on with his firm of likewise ex-cops-turned-PI and he couldn't get to us in time. I stood around like a complete knobstick, trying to act like an innocent stranger just casually browsing, until the big boss, who was there already, decided to introduce me to everyone, including the ne'er-do-well, dirty-fingered, money-grabbing, stock-thieving suspect, and we waited with great anticipation for the burly ex-cop guy to arrive. When he didn't, and wasn't answering his mobile, I got carted into a nearby coffeeshop for a cup of coffee and a general chat about the business and my research work and various other things while we waited for something to happen.

By the time we decided to reschedule the takedown for another night, it was already well after 7pm and we couldn't really loiter in the vicinity of the store with no apparent purpose without it all looking extremely suspect.

Worst thing is, our hardened criminal is just a young lady, as innocent-looking as a baby rabbit. Yeah, I know that what she is allegedly up to is wrong and all, but... I dunno.

After it all wound down with nothing happening, I still had to go back in there to get change to pay for my parking. Tried not to make too much eye contact and bolted straight away because I assume this will all happen again next Wednesday when she works again. Not sure if I will be involved, though - will have to wait and see.

So my life of Fighting Crime and Bringing Order Back to the Streets took 2 and a half hours to not take off even slightly, and in the end resulted in nothing more than me getting an extra session at the gym pool this week, since I had nothing else to do last night.

Sad but true, I'm afraid.


-d-
Incidentally, Nonimus, I'm registering a new law-enforcement agency with Interpol, with its major branch office in Newport. It's called ChavBusters - your mates are going down like 5 dollar hookers. We'll have a themetune and a logo and a catchphrase and really sharp, natty uniforms and everything. We don't make the rules... we just enforce them. In fact, there's a catchphrase right there!

 

[Nonimus]

Incidentally, Nonimus, I'm registering a new law-enforcement agency with Interpol, with its major branch office in Newport. It's called ChavBusters - your mates are going down like 5 dollar hookers. We'll have a themetune and a logo and a catchphrase and really sharp, natty uniforms and everything. We don't make the rules... we just enforce them. In fact, there's a catchphrase right there!

With a catch phrase like that, why - we'll be turning ourselves in by the droves!

 

[blackbeltninja]

^It's honestly easier for everyone if you do.

My fellow ninjas and I don't really appreciate all that running/jumping/climbing trees/smokebombs nonsense, although we are quite fond of short stabbing swords (the wakizashi) and flinging shuriken, or "ninja stars" as they are sometimes called in the popular press by laymen.

And of course we do look really good in those tight black pants, but that's a whole 'nother issue, really.

-d-

 

[Nonimus]

Comes with the territory hun, when we're not out gathering funds (robbagranni) for entertainment purposes (gettinratazzed) it's difficult to keep one eye on the mission in hand (stikkemup) and another looking out for Ninjas (fukkincoppers)!

I'll come quietly.

 

[blackbeltninja]

^Ah, bless. How about a case of Stella for every single mate you grass, so you know you're appreciated?

Incidentally, what is this Dateline of which people speak? I could have looked really good on tv, you know, in my crime-fighting clothes (which last night was a pair of classic Gotcha boardies and a rather spiffy red -with-white-trim Quiksilver t-shirt). Surfer outside, ninja inside - as you well know, of course.

-d-

 

[1gayguy]

A couple of years ago at the furniture retail chain I work at, there was one of the office gals who was caught embezzling to the tune of 25k over the course of 2 years.
She was caught by a stupid mistake on her part. It was after they did some forensic accounting that they figured out her final tally.
She was sentenced to 2.5 years in prison, a hefty fine and make full restitution.

 

[slobone]

sounds like some retail boob has been dipping into the till

Yeah, I just read that employees steal more from stores than customers do! I forget the exact figure.

I'll drag out this factoid again next time we have a whiny thread from somebody who works in a store.

 

[Soilwork]

Meh.

The thing I hated the most about retail management was when I had to set up sting operations for theiving staff members.

Not only because I liked the members in question, but also becuase of the way the Head office people all acted like they were International Co-operative spies taking out Dr. No when they were just having a minimum-wage worker arrested for taking $250 in DVDs.

 

[Sausy]

Meh.

The thing I hated the most about retail management was when I had to set up sting operations for theiving staff members.

Not only because I liked the members in question, but also becuase of the way the Head office people all acted like they were International Co-operative spies taking out Dr. No when they were just having a minimum-wage worker arrested for taking $250 in DVDs.

Theft is a big deal,no matter what ther girl was paid.She doesn't have to work there...and in retail and supermarkets,where I work,a little thieving here and there costs our companies millions,and the profit margins in our sector aren't giganormous to begin with.She will only get the wrong message if she isn't stopped now.Thieves like her cost us a lot more than a mere couple of hundred of dollars on lost sales...and I've seen several people I knew and liked get fired for theft.They deserve to pay the consequences for their actions,not get excused because they fucked the company....they fuck the honest workers and good customers as well.

 

[Soilwork]

OH, I'm not saying that I wasn't pissed at the employees and that it wasn't a big deal.

Yes, I got pissed that my staff were stealing from my store and I was pissed that I had to deal with the bullshit of catching them, dealing with the cops, firing them, having them taken away..

What annoyed me was the way the head office guys who really had better things to do got all Mulder and Scully when really, most of the time I just had to sit them down and say "OK, I know what's up.. give me back the DVDs and we'll leave the cops out of this, ok?"