So where is the age-ism I hear about?

[Lube]

I just put a blog entry together talking about having 'too many' men even though I'm not young.

It's in response to 'common knowledge' in the gay world that men over 40 are all washed up. That's not what I'm finding at all.

Do you think you'll never find love/sex after 40? Why or why not?

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Basically, yes. There is life at whatever age you happen to be.

It really boils down to how good your projection of your own strength and your own advantages happens to be.

If you stay behind and grow acutely depressed over your age and vanishing good looks, little is going to happen. If you reach out and meet other dudes, you'd be surprised how desirable you are at your 'advanced' age.

SC

 

[eric55]

I have a new theory about aging in the western world.... the huge number of baby boomers gripping their yourth with both hands have SIGNIFICANTLY changed out perception on aging.

Remember, these are the guys who created youth culture, who embraced liberal politics in the 60ies, didn't trust anyone over 30 in the 70ies and turned Republican Yuppie in the 80ies. In the 90ies, having made their place in the world they started reinventing getting older.... plastic surgery came out of the closet, Botox and wrinkle fillers bacame sexy and the biggest selling pill on the planet was introduced Viagra. Even as thousands of gay men died of AIDS, thousands more reacted by joining gyms and building up powerful, youthful physiques enlisting the help of trainers, nutritionists and drugs.

This huge chunk of the population has simply refused to age. Technology and medicine and our high standard of living have conspired to allow us to cheat time in a way perhaps never before acheived.

The result? Our "ages" have been reset. This is my theory.... we are currently in a situation where we are now 10 years younger than where we should be for our chronological age. In the 70ies, 30 was headed towards middle age.... You were supposed to date through your late teens early twenties, marry in your early to mid twenties, have kids before 30 or very soon after, and be certifyably old by the time you were 40. 40 was middle age, 50 was getting ready to retire, 60 was death. Today I beleive our roles have been set back 10 to 13 years..... People date all through their twenties and early thirties (people marrying in their twenties are almost considered too young by some...) Careers are delaying child bearing well into our thirties and medical science has opened up child bearing years well into the 40ies. The price of homes means most people move out of Mom and Dad's much later and if they buy will probably buy late in their thirties. By the time you reach your 40ies you've just managed to get your life pulled together and have enough money to start living.

The 20ies are the new teenagehood (experimenting getting a feel for the world and what you want to do). Your 30ies are the new 20ies (getting your professional life on the tracks, your emotional life organized and building a toe hold in the world.) Your 40ies are what used to be your 30ies (you have finally accumulated the financial and emotional capital to build your future, fine tune your career and raise a family). Your 50ies are your 40ies (consolidating your power in the world and enjoying what you have acheived). And so on and so on........

So, in that context.... how can anyone think they've had too much by the time their 40, or worse still, Washed up!!! I'm 38 this year and every year I get more and more together and confident about what I'm doing and want. I'm sharing my life with people who are in their 40ies and 50ies and see so much to look forward to. True, you need to take care of yourself to be able to best enjoy the ride, but mature men, in good shape, who are free of the fears and anxieties of youth, who know how to make love, make a good dinner what a fabulous future to look forward to!

 

[bedbugy]

hey i'm 56 my b/f is 26 whats the fuss i'm not washed up is it you who are looking for love not me

 

[januaryguy]

Im 42 and my love is 60. We have been together for a year and half. Life begins at 40.

 

[gsdx]

I do go out a lot, and I do see a lot of older guys out there making it happen. They are at the bars, on the dance floors and on the streets in numbers equalling the guys my age!

So love is there after 40, well maybe, but I'm sure as hell sure that sex will be there if you want it!

For some like myself who are unable to do that kind of stuff any longer, the answer to the question "Do you think you'll never find love/sex after 40?" would be 'no'. But we are the exception rather than the rule.

 

[BoSoxFanVa]

I'm 46 years old and after a five year hiatus, I'm starting to date again. Here's what I'm finding. I've joined a couple of online dating forums where you put your profile and pic online. (Match.com and yahoo). I've noticed that if I put my age on my profile, I get few hits. If I keep my age off my profile, I get many more hits. I've been told that I look younger than my age and yes all my pics are recent. When I start communicating with a guy that doesn't know my age upfront, and then I tell him, eight out of ten times, it ends right there. This mostly happens when a younger guy answers my ad.

I guess my problem is that I'm attracted to younger guys anyway. Not twinks, but mature guys usually in their thirties. So far this dating thing has been a little rough on me. I'm beginning to lose some confidence and I've been thinking a lot about age-ism and the gay community. Everywhere, even this site, caters to the younger crowd. Just look at the name. "boys"

I'm not going to give up yet, but it was much easier before I turned 40.

 

[just_mills]

Its only a number!

I know a ton of guys that are 35/40+ that go out in the town to bar, pubs, clubs, wherever.. - just as much as I do!!
They all appear to have just as much fun as people "my age" do aswell!!
Whether it be, just socially out with friends, or dating/relationship status..

That's here anyway.. When Im 40, I will still be going out.
Its a part of my life.

[waits for the; "you say that now, but things will soon change" comments]

 

[ahotjock71]

I find it hard to meet guys my age (34) or a little older. They all want these young guys, who obviously don't want them. It's a vicious circle & down to earth good guys like me get left out.

 

[antdak]

Eric55, well written post, I agree with what you say here. In the past 3 years I have had to start my life over, marriage ended, new house, new career.
BoSoxFanVa, I agree with what you write too, since I had to start my life over, I thought I'd come out of the closet a bit, not to everyone, but stop living the lie that 'm gay, went thru the dating, sex, thing, but always got rejected by the younger guys. So I decided that I would just not look anymore, concentrate on my new job, stop having sex until I got into a relationship with someone. That is when I meet my BF. So just hang in there, don't try as hard, and your man will show up! There is love after 40!!

 

[philbags]

I'm 41, and was out clubbing at the weekend (I know, act my age!).... and some guy who could only have been 19 or 20 asked me out!. Wow, how good did that feel!. I've got to say that I'm having more fun now I've turned 40 than I did before. Oh, and by the way, the guy I'm seeing at the moment, he's only 29. So guys, there sure is life after 40! x

 

[gsdx]

When Im 40, I will still be going out.
Its a part of my life.

[waits for the; "you say that now, but things will soon change" comments]

You say that now, but things will soon change.

(Thought you could hide that from me, eh? You naughty, naughty boy! )