So why are guys not "touchy-feely?"

[kingkhan]

I can only speak for myself but, I always have been cold and distant from pretty much everyone but, inside I am such an emotional, empathetic guy. But, for whatever reason I tend not to show this I don't if it was something I picked up from society or if it is my own personality.

 

[954dude]

It's not a "male" thing, it's an individual thing. Most hetero guys I know are touchy feely and many gay guys I know aren't. Depends on the person and their level of comfort.

 

[manofsummer]

I think it's a cultural thing.
Like in anglosaxon cultures, men do not kiss when greeting eachother. It's considered gay.
Whereas in Italy, for instance, it's normal for two guys to kiss eachother on the cheek. It does not have any homosexual connotation.
Plus, it's considered effeminate to show too much affection or feelings. So straight guys tend to bottle up their feelings. Remember, boys don't cry!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheek_kissing

 

[AngelFromAbove]

What does that do to straight guys? Bottling up their feelngs, what does it do to them?

Well, it's not simply straight guys, but it's guys in general. As someone mentioned earlier, men are not supposed to show emotions for the most part as it emasculates them. With that being said, for some men, they learn to cope with repressed feelings; for others, they can develop unhealthy ways of expressing emotions.

 

[kingkhan]

I think it's a cultural thing.
Like in anglosaxon cultures, men do not kiss when greeting eachother. It's considered gay.
Whereas in Italy, for instance, it's normal for two guys to kiss eachother on the cheek. It does not have any homosexual connotation.
Plus, it's considered effeminate to show too much affection or feelings. So straight guys tend to bottle up their feelings. Remember, boys don't cry!

For the cheek kissing thing is not gay but, I wouldn't want some stranger to get close to me like that. I don't even really like shaking people's hands for me it's more of a hygiene thing. On second thought there be some slight homophobia becuase, if there was attractive women that wanted to get touchy feely I would let them but, I am not consciously homophobic becuase I like playing with guys sexually like cuddling and mutual j/o.

 

[friend1969]

I think it is a Generation source ... if your family and friends are able to "hug" each other frequently ... then you are more likely to be OK with it

 

[Ninjitsu]

It really depends on the person. Personally, I'm not too feely-feely, though I do have the habit of patting people on the shoulder after conversations.

One of my coworkers is a bit of a close-talker. And he has the annoying habit of touching people as he gesticulates for emphasis.

So I guess it really depends on what you mean by "touchy feely". There are touches that are very platonic and social, and there are other touches that are blatantly flirty and sexual.

 

[jaxon29]

It always seemed like straight guys were touchy feely to me, but it may depend on a definition. Sports guys have their hands all over each other, patting butts, etc. You see pix of guys partying and watching sports and they have their arms around each other's shoulders and usually are shirtless. All guys seem to have a lot of physical contact starting in childhood. They wrestle, shove each other, play sports, etc. A lot of physical contact, but perhaps not 'touchy feely'.

 

[Ninjitsu]

I want to say that straight guys not being touchy feely (because they're straight) is a misconception.

 

[954dude]

So far we've been able to come to many conclusions. Guys being affectionate or unaffectionate is because:

1. it depends on the individual.
2. can be influenced by culture.
3. can be generational.
4. the situation or circumstance.

 

[SimpleMan]

Just something I'm going to throw out here; do you think the father figure (or lack there of, more specifically) would have a large impact on it? I'm trying to figure out a friend of mine. He was raised with his mother and sister, and in every other way is a really sweet, friendly (and a little shy) guy, but I've never *seen* him hug anybody. he exudes love in every other way, but not physically towards males.

Just something that popped into my head, that's all.

 

[texan_slant]

I feel blessed - most of my straight guy friends are pretty "huggy."

 

[FootballMuscle]

well I dont know about cuddling up with a dude and watching "You've go tmail" but i'll catch of the homeboys in a head lock

AL-Kane's right. Guys may not be touchy-feely, but we definitely are physical.

But I think it goes also back to territories. When I'm hanging out with my guy friends, we don't all group up on one couch in one room, instead we spread out and sit in chairs across a room. Each man has more space to himself. With girls, they may want to get closer, so three of them will share a couch and leave the chairs on the other side of the room unoccupied.

Just an observation.

 

[jude swings]

Is it considered unmanly for straight guys to be "touchy-feely" with other guys? A friend of mine warned me when discussing a guy I like, "Just remember that guys are not touchy-feely, so don't be offended." I happen to be very touchy-feely with guys I feel close to and like, but then I'm gay so I see nothing unusual or wrong with it. I'm not though with my straight friends as they seem to be uncomfortable with male affection. Why is this? Are they trained to be cold and distant from other males? Is there actually deep down, a secret longing for the closeness and affection of another male? Even if non-sexual?

i'm one of those dudes. my brothers like to hug and shit but i'm not into it. i just give 'em a pound or a fist bump but they're always like "dude give me a fucking hug". lol i don't know if anyone's like you said hiding anything. for me i just get claustrophobic if people try to hug me.

 

[MystikWizard]

I'm Gay and I'm definitely not touchy feely at all. I don't feel comfortable going up to other guys and touching them casually, and I don't want it done to me.

 

[HunterM]

From my travel experiences, it is mostly cultural. In Italy (as someone mentioned before), Spain and South America, men (and women) greet each other with a kiss or two on the cheek. They hug each other effortlessly in public as well.

In India, men (and women) hold each other's hand, wrap one arm around each other's shoulder or waist (sometimes in a group) walking down the street. It's all platonic. But kissing on the cheek is not acceptable.

In some African towns, grown men sleep next to each other shirtless like sardines on a bed or floor in dormitories because of limited space or housing. Growing up in a densely populated area, personal space (at arm's length) does not exist.

In the old (and stern) Communist culture (Soviet Union, Eastern Bloc, Cuba, Vietnam & China), high ranking Communist officials also greet each other with a kiss on the cheek. Foot soldiers didn't do that.

In the orient, the culture is less physically affectionate. Hand shakes and bows are socially acceptable. Hugging and kissing in public (straight or gay) are not as much. Most family members don't hug each other. It's not a touchy-feely culture.

Protestant churches I have visited in the US, most men greet each other they know with a big bear hug.

 

[Royal Heart]

I'm very fortunate to have grown up with men in the family and male friends who said "fuck that" to the whole "men don't cry" thing.

My dad loves women to the point where it's like, "hey, dad, that's awesome. You had wild and crazy hetero-love during your lifetime. Can I go to bed now?" Yet he's the most sensitive, joyous and encouraging person I know. He's just made of awesome and win and I'm still very grateful to have him as a father.

I'm also fortunate to be surrounded by straight male friends (or, in some cases, straight-ish) who call bullshit on most cultural stereotypes like "men don't cry" and "men don't acknowledge other men can be hot". They're the best straight male friends a fabulous poof like me can have. I moved away for a year and when I came back I got so many hugs from my straight male friends - and not just quick ones, but bear hugs that really said, "I missed you, buddy."

I don't know what I did in a past life to be surrounded by such kind, virtuous people, but I'm glad I did it and I hope I'm still doing it.

 

[blackbeltninja]

My family have always been affectionate enough, but I was never a hugger or anything like that. To this day, my friends' girlfriends and wives give everyone a kiss hello except me.

Not to say I don't hug, and I'm happy to return them particularly with old friends and people I haven't seen for ages, but I do save them for special occasions.

-d-

 

[snakeeater1]

I was raised in a small town with lots of boys. When we we’re laughing and playing around, if a guy wasn’t looking, someone would often reach down and give his balls a squeeze and laugh! Some of the guys didn’t like it, but I loved it! Two of us were standing around one time talking and he turned his head to look at something , so I reached over and grabbed his cock! He got an almost immediate hard on and said “ look what you did, now you’re going to have to take care of it!’ I thought he was kidding so I grabbed it again and laughed. He says “I’m serious, follow me around back and I’ll show you..we got behind some bushes and he dropped his pants and showed me a big hard on! I had never seen his dick hard before and it was BIG.

He says “get down on your knees and open your mouth, I want you to suck me off!” He was a little bigger than me and a year or so older so I got down and he suck it I’m my mouth! This went on for quite a while and he says “I’m gonna cum, take this load and swallow it!” After I finish him off he looks at the front of my pants and exclaims “ you got a hard on, you must really like sucking cock!” I smiled and he says “i think we’re going to do this again, you’re a pretty good cock sucker!….