Some Advice Please

[fezzfoot]

Congratulations. Isn't it nice having that weight off your back?

The biggest secret about being out is how few people actually care in the end. The world keeps spinning, the paper gets delivered, birds sing and dogs still bark.

I don't know what being a "blabbermouth" has to do with gay anything, but "Queens" have a whole spectrum of personalities, so by that term I'm going to assume you mean "effeminate," and since you seem to be defensive about it, I'll just refer you to the previous posters who explained why gay men, out and otherwise dislike "effeminate."

Don't worry, Queens and blabbermouths probably don't care much anyway.

Thank you and yes it is. I hope that as the grapevine does its job and more people get to know that hardly any of them care. I've been with my mum tonight and it is taking her a bit more getting used to than she initially let on, but it's more because she doesn't want people to treat me with any less respect than they did before and she, like I, is preparing for a few people to be a bit nasty. Haven't had any nastiness yet but I'm sure I will do over time.

I really didn't explain the queens and blabbermouths thing well at all did I? Let me try again.

Back in time when I was curious rather than decided, I knew a couple of gay people in my town who I'd been to school with. They were (and still are) part of the local gay community, but they were the last people I'd tell my news to. Not because they're gay, but because they're the type of people who can't keep their mouths shut, and they're far more extrovert and attention grabbing. I didn't really like them in general and given that i've never been an attention seeker or a gossip they were the last people I would tell.

Hope that makes sense. Probably not but gotta keep trying!

hi fezzfoot (formerly fordman24),

Thanks for the update and congratulated that you have finally taken the step to tell your family and friends that you are a gay guy. I fully agree with TX-Beau that you will experience that very few people will care. Great that you also have experienced that your coming-out is some sort of non-event of others. I even tend to think that all of your friends will have realized themselves that you don't seem to have much interest in girls.

Hey man, you are living in the UK and the attitude in the last few years towards gay people has changed alot in a positive way in your country. I would like to wish you good luck. Friends who will give you a cold shoulder are no friends, and you can just ignore them.

Take care & feel free to react and/or ask for more advise.

Thank you

I attended a civil partnership wedding earlier in the year (funnily enough, the very day before the law changed to allow them to be full weddings) and was very pleased for my friends that it was so well attended, by a range of ages.

Slowly but surely it is becoming more of the norm in the UK. Thinking of the BBC alone, they have the following presenters on TV or radio that are gay (I'm sure there's more I've missed out):

Nick Grimshaw
Scott Mills
Evan Davis
Graham Norton
Stephen Fry
John Barrowman
Sue Perkins

...so things are definitely moving in the right direction.

Whilst I haven't had the cold shoulder from anyone yet, it's bound to happen eventually and rest assured I'll be casting anyone aside who I don't need there. I've been unhappy for long enough so I'm not going to be carrying any deadwood around with me.

I'll try and post occasional updates if anything of merit/interest happens but I'm kind of hoping that it continues to be a non-event and I'm left to my own devices to find someone to share life with

 

[fezzfoot]

It was a hangover from hell that finally tipped me to come out and its been almost a month since I started telling people. It feels like I'm having a different kind of hangover now though, in that I expected to feel happier than I do for having the news out there in the open.

Don't get me wrong, I am happier than I was before the news but I still don't feel normal yet. This might be because I've stopped shy of telling people at work and 'less important' friends, but those who matter most to me know and are fine with it.

In the weeks leading up to my coming out I was so insular and my productivity at work (a job I love) suffered so much. I was struggling to function, even completing a basic task felt like an achievement and every day for about 3/4 weeks, all I wanted to do was go home and sleep. Things have improved quite a lot in the work sense - my 'mojo' is returning and there has been a few genuinely good days in the last fortnight in particular.

I've also seen more of my friends face to face and they've been great. They've taken the piss out of me a bit but not maliciously and I needed that as it's normal for us to take the piss out of one another.

Normality is what I want, but maybe it has been so long since I've had it that I don't know what it feels like any more. Things are improving. Given that I've had a good response to my news, I just expected it to be better and sooner.

 

[fsubbb]

Thank your for sharing this amazing life story, I'm 30 years old and i've been coming out to some friends (still trying to figure out the best way to come out to my best friend here http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/431842-Coming-out-to-my-best-friend) and it's like I'm in the same place you were before.

Most of my friends are giving me great support too, only two of them started acting weird, they took some distance, but I hope it's just for the moment.

I'm not telling the world that i'm gay, but i've decided to tell my closest friends, and maybe some family members later and coworkers (I'm still afraid about this)...

But it's really a great feel to stop lying when asked about girlfriends, sometime ago a friend was trying to help me to date some girls and the situation was so embarassing, it was like I was getting stabbed in the back without any way to call for help or to just stop it.

 

[fezzfoot]

Thank your for sharing this amazing life story, I'm 30 years old and i've been coming out to some friends (still trying to figure out the best way to come out to my best friend here http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/431842-Coming-out-to-my-best-friend) and it's like I'm in the same place you were before.

Most of my friends are giving me great support too, only two of them started acting weird, they took some distance, but I hope it's just for the moment.

I'm not telling the world that i'm gay, but i've decided to tell my closest friends, and maybe some family members later and coworkers (I'm still afraid about this)...

But it's really a great feel to stop lying when asked about girlfriends, sometime ago a friend was trying to help me to date some girls and the situation was so embarassing, it was like I was getting stabbed in the back without any way to call for help or to just stop it.

I've replied to your thread and in a nutshell I think you should prepare for some bad news just in case, but it sounds like all should be ok. I'm nearly 3 months out now and I do feel better. I took a month off from drinking alcohol and I've since told more friends and some work colleagues. Everyone has been fine.

30 seems a good age to tell people insofar as most people of similar age already have plenty going on in their lives anyway, so your news won't really matter too much to them. Good friends should like you for you and if they choose to distance themselves from you then so be it.

I don't think you'll need it, but I wish you the best of luck. Let us know how it goes