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  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Some days I just wanna cry

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The situation you're in marks that you are not one to blindly conform to popular ideas.
If you stand up for yourself, people get annoyed by their shortcomings and they will try to drag you down to their level.

Learn to make a difference between constructive criticism and trolling.
 
here's a hug for you DoF


(*8*)



fuck that other forum...their loss
 
^ You take internet too seriously.

Internet forums tend to be ruthless jungles, where posters more often than not get treated ruthlessly and unfairly, sometimes even by the forum mods.

If you want a safe and cushy place, go to a safe and cushy place. Offline.
 
I am going to say another thing you'll hate and take it as a personal attack, but it's really not.

If it seems that everyone is ganging up on you and nobody is fair to you... then you're doing something wrong. EVEN if that something is misreading people's words and taking them more personally than they are meant.
 
Through no fault of their own some people are targeted by bullies. Don't give faceless internet entities this kind of power over you.
 
DragononFire said:
You would have to had been there to really get a feel of the situation. I mean, who the fuck goes and targets someone they don't even know, and accuses them of false actions and makes them look bad in front of everyone else? I never did one thing to this guy and suddenly I'm his pick to dump all his sexual deviancies on.
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Well, that's one shitty person. You're making it sound like the whole forum ganged up on you.
 
I would suggest removing yourself from the victim cycle as soon as possible...if you don't it can become a bad habit...and a hard one to break. I have seen it destroy more people than I can count.

Try this...when you think these things are "happening to you"...try to change the thinking in your mind by figuring out how you contributed to the interpersonal dynamics at play.

I happen to think you are a good guy...but you say a lot of things that are passive aggressive and like it or not...even if you don't mean them in the way they were interpreted...you can expect some serious reactions. Can you see where there is a chance for you to take responsibility here? If not...I would suggest that communication is a skill that needs to constantly be perfected in order for you to be understood as you intended ...and that is a perfect opportunity to take responsibility and take action to improve your communication skills. Too often when people ask "why me" they ignore the actual answer right in front of them.

Try not to think like a victim. It will be the nicest thing you will do for yourself all year(*8*)
 
eastofeden said:
I would suggest removing yourself from the victim cycle as soon as possible...if you don't it can become a bad habit...and a hard one to break. I have seen it destroy more people than I can count.

Try this...when you think these things are "happening to you"...try to change the thinking in your mind by figuring out how you contributed to the interpersonal dynamics at play.

I happen to think you are a good guy...but you say a lot of things that are passive aggressive and like it or not...even if you don't mean them in the way they were interpreted...you can expect some serious reactions. Can you see where there is a chance for you to take responsibility here? If not...I would suggest that communication is a skill that needs to constantly be perfected in order for you to be understood as you intended ...and that is a perfect opportunity to take responsibility and take action to improve your communication skills. Too often when people ask "why me" they ignore the actual answer right in front of them.

Try not to think like a victim. It will be the nicest thing you will do for yourself all year(*8*)
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This has my seal of approval. It's normal to feel victimized because that way we don't have to change anything, it's out of our control. Except, it usually isn't.
 
DragononFire said:
Why is it that idiots and other bad people are drawn to me? I didn't ask for them. I am good to people most of the time unless they give me a reason not to be, and I just don't see why the hate and all the evil is warranted towards me. Makes me want to curl up under a blanket and forget everyone and everything. Hold me, somebody?? :/
eastofeden said:
I would suggest removing yourself from the victim cycle as soon as possible...if you don't it can become a bad habit...and a hard one to break. I have seen it destroy more people than I can count.

Try this...when you think these things are "happening to you"...try to change the thinking in your mind by figuring out how you contributed to the interpersonal dynamics at play.
Click to expand...
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^This answers your question "Why is it that idiots and other bad people are drawn to me?".

Often, we get members in the support forums who view themselves as passive participants in life where bad acts and bad actors are perpetrated upon them. You are 50% of any relationship and you choose the people that you have around you. And as long as you revert to the role of "victim", you'll attract people who are looking for someone to victimize.
 
DragononFire said:
So me just being my good self and starting an innocent conversation on that forum justifies the way they treated me on there?
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See what you did there? You were given fair advice by several people. You had at least three choices: listening, rejecting or reverting into victim mode.

Which did you chose?
 
DragononFire said:
I know who I am and how to treat people right. It's not my fault if they are shady and decide to mistreat me, especially after I was nice enough and went out of my way to take interest in their lives (the nicer ones at least). I find it funny how some people think they know what's best for me and think they have me all figured out. They have no flippin' idea. If I were to partake in this "self-reflection" thing, I think it's only fair that the other parties do as well, as they aren't perfect either and need to realize that treating people one way online and another way in real life isn't a proper way to express yourself. I can speak for myself that I treat everyone fairly and treat everyone the same way, unless they give me a reason not to, but I can't say that for these other people.
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FYI...I have been in your shoes though I kept the self pity to myself for the most part...I was too embarrassed to share it out loud since I saw enough other "victims" and I couldn't stand them because I couldn't stand it in myself....by the time I was 25 or so I got past it and stopped thinking like a victim. I turned it around actually and did a 180. I have lived the advice I am giving you. The first time someone pointed out it was me bringing this all on myself I felt like I got slapped in the face and I was defensive and pissed off because I was the "good one"....and later on I thanked him because he saved my life as far as I am concerned (Billy RIP)...I have had a lot of people "save my life"...and that is because I learned how to listen...you need to do the same.

Bottom line....if you don't already know it...on some level you are seeking these people out. You need to own that. It is the only way to stop the cycle you are in.
 
DragononFire said:
Oh my God...I am just raking my brain to find out what it is I can say to make you all understand and not assume that I brought it all on myself. Who wants that? Not me. All I did was go on there, wanting to leave the forum, was reassured by one of the mods, and some smart-mouthed mean-spirited people still went ahead and jumped onto my thread and started their bullying campaign on me, when I never said one word to them. How is that justifiable? Fine, whatever, they harassed me, and I just left it alone after awhile, but I don't want people to think I did something wrong and that their actions were warranted because of some weird fascination with picking on me.
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Well then...all I can do is wish you luck. I thought you were seeking advice...apparently I was wrong.
 
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