Some honest feedback would be nice :)

[DragOneON]

Honestly so many good points. I must admit that allthough I had thought about it a great deal, I realize now that I hadn't considered it quite enough. You've given me a lot to think on

 

[Seasoned]

I think you are expecting a lot from a guy. He's supposed to be happy in a "mistress" like situation?

It's this "selfishness" that's the turn off for a lot of gay men. It turns me off. I'm sorry if that's harsh. I think you need someone who is also attached and that's why another married to a woman bisexual is ideal. "Using" gay guys is a very old-fashioned notion.

 

[DragOneON]

I think you are expecting a lot from a guy. He's supposed to be happy in a "mistress" like situation?

It's this "selfishness" that's the turn off for a lot of gay men. It turns me off. I'm sorry if that's harsh. I think you need someone who is also attached and that's why another married to a woman bisexual is ideal. "Using" gay guys is a very old-fashioned notion.

I apologize if that is what you drew from that. Nothing could be further from the truth. To clarify, I am NOT looking for someone to play third fiddle. And i'm sorry, there is no "using gay guys" inherent or intended. I am not in any way trying to come across as selfish.

I perhaps had my expectations skewed based upon the few gay men I've had encounters with. True, mostly at bars, where sex is the order of the day. I have no desire to use a gay man for anything. Frankly, it's a bit insulting. I find myself more comfortable around gay men, and it liberates me as much as coming out did. It's nice to get a compliment. Nice to have someone call you sexy. Nothing further. no ulterior motives. I simply prefer to spend my time with gay men because I identify with it and it makes me comfortable.

Let me be frank. After all these great comments, it's given me an epiphany. i was making too much of a definition, because that is the hetero definition I've always gone by. I am new to this, even if not new to coming out or my sexuality.

Dont be so quick to misunderstand me. I'm selfish, to an extent. To the extent that I take care of me first. I'm useless to those around me otherwise. I think we all have to do that.

I think the word you were looking for is self centered. Looking out for your self at the expense of others.

I assure you, that is not me.


I've lurked around here for a long time.And you are one of the people who's opinion I genuinely respect. It pains me that you think of me that way.

I assure you, nothing could be further from the truth.

 

[KaraBulut]

Let me be frank. After all these great comments, it's given me an epiphany. i was making too much of a definition, because that is the hetero definition I've always gone by. I am new to this, even if not new to coming out or my sexuality.

I haven't said this in a while but since we have new members that come and go, it's worth repeating.

There's a lot of very different styles of responses and advice that are given in CO&R. Some are very empathetic. Some are brutal in their honesty. Some are responses given because something about the situation/question touches a nerve in the person responding to the OP.

But this is the No Flame Zone and we don't allow posts that are mean or attack the OP. Sometimes that is a very fine line.

In this case, the advice was rough but it's also not too far from how bisexuals are viewed by a lot of gay men. Before the thread gets derailed, there's plenty of other threads that discuss bisexuality and the gay community and my post is not to rehash that discussion...

We spend a lot of time on labels in Western society. As if everything is black and white- gay or straight. So, when we're confronted with "grays"- guys who admit to mixed feelings and attractions- it's very hard to comprehend that such a thing can exist. The truth is that male sexuality is not only full of grays and ambiguity, it's also very fluid and changing.

You have always been this way. Unfortunately, it's taken you some time to understand it and accept it. But you have also chosen a particular path in your life that comes with obligations. Some members have very strong feelings about those obligations- whether it be to a same-sex partner, a wife/husband or children- and you've gotten a few posts that have called you upon that.

This is not going to be easy. The answers that you're getting reflect the same opinions that you're going to get when you look for guys to be involved with. Some are going to tell you, "What you do with your wife is your business" and others are going to tell you "I'm not going to live your lie".

So, if you want to go down this path- you will need to do some thinking and you will need to be prepared to have thick skin.

 

[EJMichaels]

I've been in poly and/or open relationships and they are certainly challenging for reasons discussed here. As pointed out, a single man looking for a romantic date is probably seeking something you can't offer. However, one or both men in an open couple might be an option.

I hope you'll let us know how you're doing with this.

 

[NineOfClubs]

Ignoring most of the "advice" from the prudish JUB-bers above.

I think there's nothing hotter than a married bi-guy wanting to have a good time....

 

[DragOneON]

I haven't said this in a while but since we have new members that come and go, it's worth repeating.

There's a lot of very different styles of responses and advice that are given in CO&R. Some are very empathetic. Some are brutal in their honesty. Some are responses given because something about the situation/question touches a nerve in the person responding to the OP.

But this is the No Flame Zone and we don't allow posts that are mean or attack the OP. Sometimes that is a very fine line.

In this case, the advice was rough but it's also not too far from how bisexuals are viewed by a lot of gay men. Before the thread gets derailed, there's plenty of other threads that discuss bisexuality and the gay community and my post is not to rehash that discussion...

We spend a lot of time on labels in Western society. As if everything is black and white- gay or straight. So, when we're confronted with "grays"- guys who admit to mixed feelings and attractions- it's very hard to comprehend that such a thing can exist. The truth is that male sexuality is not only full of grays and ambiguity, it's also very fluid and changing.

You have always been this way. Unfortunately, it's taken you some time to understand it and accept it. But you have also chosen a particular path in your lifechildren- and you've gotten a few posts that have called you upon that. that comes with obligations. Some members have very strong feelings about those obligations- whether it be to a same-sex partner, a wife/husband or

This is not going to be easy. The answers that you're getting reflect the same opinions that you're going to get when you look for guys to be involved with. Some are going to tell you, "What you do with your wife is your business" and others are going to tell you "I'm not going to live your lie".

So, if you want to go down this path- you will need to do some thinking and you will need to be prepared to have thick skin.

absolutely true and valid.

I must reiterate that while I am out to my wife, this is a somewhat separate aspect of our married life.It wasn't until I heard some of these responses that I took the time to say "were i that guy, what would I do?".

I wouldn't touch me with a pole other than a friend.


And maybe that's the answer i needed.







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