Some more stuff with my mate

[IntoTheDarkness]

There was a couple of people in the last thread that were shitty that I was apparently only seeking attention here and not taking any advice on board. I honestly think a few people here in the closet probably make up some stuff to make it seem more worthwhile or whatever, I honestly don't think a lot of people here would take some randoms advice on a topic about a co-worker that so and so thinks is hot and might be gay for example to start openly flirting with them, or text them and come out to them, or pinch their ass or whatever it might be. Someone in particular last time said that I was just posting to keep it going for the sake of it and not doing anything about it...It's easy for anyone who isn't involved in the situation to sit there and say "come out to the co-worker, he's def. gay and wants you" etc. because it doesn't affect them if it turns out that person is straight and now thinks the other person is a freak or something. Anyway, here's some more stuff that's been going on with Alex of late, since my last post/thread. I have also been trying to be more open with him about it, and dropping super obvious hints, as you'll see, but no matter what I do, he won't admit it, or whatever. So, I think I need some help.

Anyway, here's what I've got. All these things have happened when it's just me and him, nobody else:

-Kissed my cheek several times. He also as I’ve mentioned before licks and bites my hands and hair (which is really annoying)

-Makes gay jokes

-Takes his shirt off

-Pulls down his pants (showing his balls and sometimes his dick)

-When I was pretending to be drunk, I was leaning on his shoulder (to get a better view of the laptop), he purposely moved his shoulder out of the way, my head fell on his crotch...his response was first “I knew that was gonna happen” before pulling his pants open, and putting my head down there, with his dick right in my face, which I licked...he acted like it didn’t happen, left me there for probably 2-3 minutes before pulling my head out again and acting like nothing happened.

-Hugs and cuddles me randomly

-When I’m at his place he tries to stop me from leaving by hugging me and not letting go for several minutes.

-When we were at his place once (drinking as usual, but neither of us was even close to tipsy, we’d only had a couple of cans each) he left me at the laptop, and went to have a bath...he left the door slightly open, so I put my hand round the corner and turned the light off and on as a joke...he told me to come in...I said no, that’s kinda awkward, he kept asking me to come in, I put the hat over my face and went in, he said it’s ok, I’ve covered up, I looked and he hadn’t...he actually started playing with his cock in full view of me for maybe 10 seconds...and jokingly said come here...which I did...then he stopped, and got out of the bath, so I went back to the laptop...

-Has stated that Sarah is his girlfriend and that “you’re my boyfriend”, and when I asked him if that’s true, why does he always act like he wants something sexual to happen with us, he said he doesn’t “because of Sarah”.

-When him and Sarah argue and fight etc, I’m always the first person he talks to. Tells me now they’re engaged, which is bullshit, and was upset because I said I’ll still be here to talk to him when it ends bad.

-Says he loves me

-When I jokingly told him to give me a blowjob, he got down on his knees and tried to pull my pants down...I kind of let him before he stopped. When I asked him whether he’d rather give me a blowjob or me give him one, he didn’t answer.

-Always wants to wrestle with me, when I let him win, he lays on top of me and it’s “comfortable”

-When we wrestled at his place a couple of days ago, he grabbed my throat and was choking me, so I said I know how to stop him, inched my hand onto his stomach, rubbed it, he didn’t stop so I slowly pushed my hand down his pants, I actually touched his cock for about 2-3 seconds before he stopped...this happened twice. He never said anything about it.

-When him and Dylan were drinkin here with me (just over a week ago), Dylan was on the computer, I was laying on the couch (folded out) and Alex came down and laid next to me, put his arm around me and stayed there for about 20-30 minutes. Dylan didn’t seem bothered by it, he did makes some random gay jokes, in fun, not serious.

-He openly only wants to be around me when we’re drinking...

-Never IM’s me first, I always IM him first...strangely enough, several times when I was/acted pissed at him (the first time when he was sending me pics of his dick claiming it was an accident, the second time when he ignored me then went to Melbourne for a week and wouldn’t talk to me or answer any texts then, but came back and wondered why I was shitty) both times then he was constantly texting me, tried to call me 4 times (the second time) and constantly IM’ing me on MSN, even when I said I didn’t wanna talk to him...

-Has openly admitted to me that I’m his only real friend (he is still good friends with Dylan but has constantly been pissed at him for disappearing and not talking to him for several months at a time)

-Has been desperately trying to get me to go to Melbourne with him when he goes to see Sarah, and his cousin (who I share a mutual hatred with. I hate him and he hates me) even though he knows this, and knows I hate Melbourne and have a job, with a new manager who’s a cunt and makes us put in for time off as opposed to the last one who just told us if we want time off its fine. He also wont go to Ballarat to get drunk and come with me to catch up with some of my mates, because he “hates Ballarat because there’s nothing to do there.” As far as I know, he’s never been there. He makes out he wants to go, and says he does, so I put in for time off work, get it, then he changes his mind and makes excuses continuously. His first excuse for not coming to Ballarat was that Sarah gets shitty with him if he doesn’t go up there to see her every two weeks. I said get her to come down here, he won’t. Then he said he didn’t think he had enough money, but we worked out that he would have, and even still I’d have extra money from taking leave from work (even though I wouldn’t be working that weekend anyway), so I assured him we’d have enough, and told him me, Dyl, Steve and Corey all want him to come up (which is true) he still keeps making excuses.

-He told me that a guy who we both talk to on MSN occasionally (me moreso than him) has apparently been messaging him saying he thinks he’s cute etc. I asked this guy, and he told me he doesn’t talk to Alex. Alex tells me he doesn’t like this guy (Sam), but he’s the one who gave me his msn in the first place. When I said to him just before that I had something to tell him and that was that I secretly have the hots for him too (as if that wasn’t enough of a hint) all he replied was “gay” and that was the end of it. I told him it was a joke, and we kept talking normally.

-When I asked him at his place the other night why he has a problem with gays, and why seems so homophobic, yet he acts gay around me all the time, and never does it in front of Dylan (or to him), or Bizza, or anyone else...he said “because its you and I know its only a joke and we can fuck around.” And I said unless you actually are hinting at something, it’s not a joke, it’s just really annoying. Of course he continued doing it like nothing had happened.

-When I was planning to move to Ballarat a few months ago, he got really upset when I told him, skitzed me on MSN, and said “I don’t want a fucking msn friendship with u” then blocked me...he unblocked me later, we caught up for drinks at the gardens near his place...he got shitty about it again, was talking to Sarah on the phone, had an argument with her about something, skitzed me again for “being like Dyl and fucking off on me” before crying again and telling me to fuck off.

-Every time I suggest he shouldn’t drink so much (and he doesn’t anymore, mainly because I don’t and he has nobody else to drink with) he goes off his nut at me.

-I asked him jokingly how much would it cost to get him to give me a bj, he said “60 bucks and enough cans to get me drunk first.”

-He gets shitty at me cause he wants to drink and I’m working...he doesn’t have a job and clearly doesn’t understand that some people have to work and can’t sit around on their asses 24/7. I’ve tried to line up a job at work for him with my old manager who’s recently left, he refused to take it. He just won’t work. He also gets shitty when I have to work early and I go to bed at like 2-3am, cause he wants me to stay and talk to him...about nothing in general.

-He talks to random girls on MyspaceIM and straight up asks them for tit pics (of course they‘re never gonna give him them, especially straight off the bat like that) and as far as I know, he only does this when I’m there, in what seems to be an effort to convince me. He also puts random porn clips on from those youporn sites and redtube etc. but only plays them for maybe 10-20 seconds before changing it to another one...again, seems like he’s trying to convince me. Doesn’t seem like he actually wants to watch porn. Every time I ask why he does these things, he straight up answers (before I finish asking) “I’m not gay.”...maybe he’s bi? That’s my bet.

-A couple of times when we were drinking (not once have I ever drank with him have I been off my head, or anywhere near drunk, he only has 3 times when I‘ve been there, and twice was with Dylan) he’s randomly came out with “We should jack off.” When I say go for it, he decides not to.

-Several times when I’ve been at his place or he’s been here checking emails, I’ve noticed a couple of emails from those dating sites, saying he has messages from people etc...two of the ones I’ve seen were guys (by the look of it, I never saw pics, just names) and his username? Cock2mouth4.

-In addition to the two random cock pics he sent me (at different times) several months ago (which just proves both weren‘t accidental), he’s been taking heaps of dick pics and saving them on his computer, then when we’re there, he’ll go through folders supposedly looking for a certain song, or this or that, and he’ll show me these pictures of his dick/him naked...

-I’ve asked several people what they think of the way he’s been acting and tell them some of these things, and every single person (Dylan, Bizza, Sam, my older brother, and several others, both from work, and other people I know) has said they think he’s most likely gay. The fact that he has no other female friends besides Sarah is a bit strange too. Also when I confront him on these things like I did the other night at his place, I tell him I know a lot of times guys normally do some of this shit as a joke, but he’s the only guy I’ve ever seen take it to this extent openly. Even a couple of guys from work who are known to be gay (but deny it) don’t do it anywhere near this much.

Thoughts? Lately I’ve been responding to him the same way he has with me, and made it clear several times I really want something to happen, more than just what I’ve said here, but nothing has, and he while he does seem more open to it now, not much has changed. I did try to follow some advice from some people here, and it has kind of helped, but I think it may just be the more we’re around each other the more comfortable he gets and the more he thinks he can get away with and blame it on drinking without looking like he’s gay/bi/whatever.

 

[G-Lexington]

There's plenty of signs that point to homosexuality. But either he's gonna do something with you, or he ain't. You've pushed him and pushed him, and gotten...what? Some modest flickers of hope here and there. Suggestions that maybe something might lead somewhere someday. That's it.

You've got three options.

1. Keep it up. Keep responding like for like, nudging him a bit forward whenever you see an opening.

2. Come out to him. Let him know you're gay, and you're interested.

3. Find someone who actually is willing to have sex with you and/or be your boyfriend without making it a fucking Jason-and-the-Argonauts quest. It's not supposed to be this difficult.

My guess? He knows that you're gay, at or at least interested. He may be gay, or he may not, but he certainly isn't all that interested in having sex with you, or it would've happened a long time ago. I'm assuming he just really likes the attention. Next time, you have a night alone together, leave the room, come back with three twenty-dollar bills and three six-packs of beer, place them in front of him, and tell him to get started.

Lex

 

[MrWright]

Next time, you have a night alone together, leave the room, come back with three twenty-dollar bills and three six-packs of beer, place them in front of him, and tell him to get started.

Hilarious!

I say he sounds pretty gay but as was previously mentioned: this is just too difficult. It's not that hard if you're attracted. And anyway, if you do go for a ride with this guy will it end well? Are you looking for a relationship or sex? He seems nominally unstable and no job is ridiculous...this is like the setup for a bad relationship before its happened.

I say tell him you're gay and it's not a joke so either cut it or put out. (in nicer language)

 

[Ohiospeedo]

Lot of signs that point that he is at least bi-sexual. Maybe next time that he does something that is "gay" in nature, follow through for him. So if he says, "let's jerk off", say Ok and whip it out. If he give you any shit for it, just blame on it on the booze like he does.

 

[hanshansen]

So ... this guy drinks, he's unemployed (in a super-tight Aussie labour market), he plays these games with you even after you've told him you don't like it, he gets shitty with you when you want to do things that don't suit him, he doesn't seem to have a huge amount of respect for his girlfriend ...

I know it's easy to get infatuated, by ask yourself, seriously, is it worth obsessing about and investing in someone like this? I'm being harsh, but to me he really looks like a loser, and you want to hang out with winners, or at least potential winners. Or at least, people who you can trust and be up front with and who will treat you in a decent way.

 

[billybob109]

seems like you had have a million and a half openings to get into those pants and you just folded time after time. Just do it already go in for the leap but take it 5 steps further this time and if he reponds negativly seems like he will still be ur friend anyway, but then just dont be his friend cause it is not worth getting blue balls from the boy u like but that wont admit he is gay/bi

 

[josher]

In the gay dictionary his picture would appear next to the phrase "cock tease."

He just likes winding you up and seeing how hard you'll beg to do something with him. He is, in short, an attention whore.

He is not your friend. He's using you. That behavior is why he doesn't have any other real friends.

Go out and find some real gay men who enjoy having sex.

The longer you let this go on, the unhappier you're going to be.

 

[StlKj]

Forget asking if he's gay and interested. Ask yourself, "is he a mess, and is this unhealthy?"

If you come up with anything other than "yes and yes," then ask the questions again until you get it right.

 

[KaraBulut]

Ok. So another 2 months of playing gay chicken with your alcoholic friend.

Now what?

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

So ... this guy drinks, he's unemployed (in a super-tight Aussie labour market), he plays these games with you even after you've told him you don't like it, he gets shitty with you when you want to do things that don't suit him, he doesn't seem to have a huge amount of respect for his girlfriend ...

I know it's easy to get infatuated, by ask yourself, seriously, is it worth obsessing about and investing in someone like this? I'm being harsh, but to me he really looks like a loser, and you want to hang out with winners, or at least potential winners. Or at least, people who you can trust and be up front with and who will treat you in a decent way.

Yeah, besides the no job (and not wanting to get one cause its easier to live at home and collect the dole) and the drinking, he's actually a good dude. But I agree with the first part fully. Like I said, it just seems like he tries too hard to convince me he's straight. He doesn't do that to anyone else. He also doesn't act gay in front of them like he does to me either.

On a sidenote, I told him last night on MSN (not sure if I posted this earlier) that Sam wasn't the only one who had the hots for him, I do as well...he just replied "gay" then went on like nothing happened. If that isn't a big enough hint, I dunno what is. I think maybe he thought it was a joke?

seems like you had have a million and a half openings to get into those pants and you just folded time after time. Just do it already go in for the leap but take it 5 steps further this time and if he reponds negativly seems like he will still be ur friend anyway, but then just dont be his friend cause it is not worth getting blue balls from the boy u like but that wont admit he is gay/bi

I don't think I did...I went along with it as far as I could really go (assuming he is as josher says only a cocktease and doesn't want anything to happen) given the circumstances.

In the gay dictionary his picture would appear next to the phrase "cock tease."

He just likes winding you up and seeing how hard you'll beg to do something with him. He is, in short, an attention whore.

He is not your friend. He's using you. That behavior is why he doesn't have any other real friends.

Go out and find some real gay men who enjoy having sex.

The longer you let this go on, the unhappier you're going to be.

I agree, that's the only reason I haven't gone as far with it as coming out to him (although I've made it obvious), lately I've been the first one to bring this stuff up with him, and it usually leads to him doing it again and again, proving my point.

Forget asking if he's gay and interested. Ask yourself, "is he a mess, and is this unhealthy?"

If you come up with anything other than "yes and yes," then ask the questions again until you get it right.

What, do you mean in terms of not having a job? In that case, you're right...but here, it's too easy for people like him to go along without getting a job...when you can collect the dole by faking being a retard, and have rich parents already...you dont really need a job, that's why he's so lazy, because he can get away with it and his parents don't care. Yes, he's 18 and he still lives with them.

Ok. So another 2 months of playing gay chicken with your alcoholic friend.

Now what?

Told you guys someone would do it...Can't say I'm surprised it was this guy.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>On a sidenote, I told him last night on MSN (not sure if I posted this earlier) that Sam wasn't the only one who had the hots for him, I do as well...he just replied "gay" then went on like nothing happened. If that isn't a big enough hint, I dunno what is. I think maybe he thought it was a joke?

Sure, let's go with that. That way, you can say he didn't reject you really, and therefore it doesn't prove anything either way, and you can try again later!

>>>Told you guys someone would do it...Can't say I'm surprised it was this guy.

He's just a bit more blunt in his assessment. It took him one sentence to say what took me several paragraphs.

Look, I hang out here in CO&R because I actually like helping people. And no, I don't get hissy when people don't take my advice. But I DO get hissy when they don't take anybody's advice...but continue posting with "new" information that places them precisely where they were last time. Because then I realize they're not really asking for advice. They're doing that junior high school thing where a girl says "oh my god, guess what happened, he totally looked at me during study hall", and the rest of the girls squeal and say how lucky she is. And it may be that that sort of thing does have its place, but I don't think it should be here in CO&R. Because, as my friend astutedly pointed out, "Lex's biggest problem is that, when someone asks him for advice, he thinks they actually want it."

Done and done.

Lex

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

Well well well...just talked to him on MSN:

Whether anyone likes it, or doesn't like it, learn to love it, cause its the best thing goin today! WOOO! -GTS says (3:31 PM):
what would you do if me, bizza or dyl told ya any of us were actually gay?

Whether anyone likes it, or doesn't like it, learn to love it, cause its the best thing goin today! WOOO! -GTS says (3:31 PM):
rofl

♠B_NEE♠ Alex ♥'s Sarah says (3:31 PM):
i wouldnt care

♠B_NEE♠ Alex ♥'s Sarah says (3:31 PM):
if you told me you were black id abondon ya

Whether anyone likes it, or doesn't like it, learn to love it, cause its the best thing goin today! WOOO! -GTS says (3:31 PM):
rofl


Hmm...after that, I'm thinking next time I see him in person (just us, either here or his place) I might tell him...I've been wanting too for ages, even if nothing happened. I don't think he'd tell anyone. He has suspicions though, last time him and Dyl were here, he kept talking about his girlfriend, him and Dyl were talking about some girls they know that I don't, and he kept asking me if I'd ever had a girlfriend etc. I told him it's in the past (I did, when I was in like year 7) and there's no need to bring it up and discuss it with anyone. He said "We tell you but you never tell us any of that." I replied with "I never asked you to tell me any of that, I don't see any reason to talk about stuff from years ago."

I think he got the hint, he left it at that. Had he ever asked me that when Dyl wasn't around, I would probably have told him.

 

[KaraBulut]

Ok. So another 2 months of playing gay chicken with your alcoholic friend.

Now what?

Told you guys someone would do it...Can't say I'm surprised it was this guy.

The question is legitimate.

We all know that your friend is never going to say, "OK, I'm going to dump my girlfriend so that you and I can move to San Francisco and live happily ever after".

Your friend is an alcoholic. You are addicted so this game of playing gay chicken. It's pointless.

Your friend will get married. He'll have kids. He'll either drink himself to death or get sober when his liver starts to give out.

In the meantime, you're no closer to coming out and having a life of happiness with a partner who can love you back. And another couple of months of your life has gone by.

So, do you live happily ever after?

 

[rareboy]

I still think this is more about seeking attention.

Do you intend to spend your whole life chasing after this loser and writing about your repeated failures to bag him?

In order to capture the attention of your audience, there has to be conflict, catharsis and denoument. Otherwise it is just so much 'so this is the drammahhh for today', and is not going to keep the reader interested in each chapter.

At some point it is time to fish or cut bait.

 

[CSI_3Stokes]

All I can say is: "I wish I had a friend like yours."

 

[billybob109]

just go to his house fri night and tell him already no beating around the bush ask him how he feels about it and do not just let him laugh it off get his opinion on everything. and then let us know otherwise ur getting no where and move on

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

Well, I told him yesterday. The convo started as usual, until I brought up how he said a couple weeks ago he wouldn't care if any of his mates told him they were gay. I said "You know how I asked you what you thought about gays?" And he said "Yeah this isn't what I think it is is it?" I told him yes it is, and he was fine with it. Wasn't really a big conversation about it, I just explained to him with what I'd seen him doing over the last few months it seemed like he might have been too, and how some of the things he did had annoyed me, for that very reason. Like I said, he was fine with it, and after that the subject just changed and we continued talking normally. He hasn't brought it up since, but did say he was gonna stop acting the way he was before, because he was giving me the wrong ideas I guess.

Thoughts?

 

[m59583]

If I were in your position, I would have stopped talking to him altogether a long time ago. But that's me, not you.

I've cut off relationships for a lot less.

Are you interested in him at all, or have you told him that you were interested?

After a few weeks of mind games like that, I would have gotten pretty pissed at him early on, and told him I'm not going to talk to him until he got his shit straight.

I'm just saying I wouldn't let it go on and think there's some serious potential here---because I don't see any. You've done what you can...the ball's in his court now. If he changes his mind later, I think he'll most likely tell you.

But, I'm in no way advocating you to cut off your friendship with him---I just know personally that I would have went out of my way to try and avoid such a frustrating situation.