Some sort of boy problem - any advice?

[Tizzy333]

Hi,
Being this my first proper post in this forum (other two were more comments than posts), I guess I should at least give abit of info on me
I'm a 19 years old bisexual guy (thou I like guys more) from south america (venezuela, infact, if that interests you ) And yeah, I sorta have a "problem" I can't seem to find out how to deal with ¬¬

Thing is, during the last whole year I've only properly had eyes for this extremely cute guy at uni - the problem here being that I havent met him >w< I've only seen him walking around and heck, I dunno why just being close to him makes me feel so anxious, guess I must sorta have a crush on him >w< well, back to the point:

Ever since we first crossed paths almost a year ago I've been in awe of him -- infact what I guess must be my gaydar went off as soon as I saw him, and the fact that our eyes totally locked up on each other's while we walked by didn't seem to help alot -- thing is, since then, everytime I see him I feel like I want to at least get to know him, but being that we haven't any classes together doesn't help atall, I fail to get a proper excuse to talk to him, or tell him something on a hallway or something.
So, I'm pretty much just asking for some advice on what to do -- how to tell him something or whatever, i'm terribly shy when trying to talk to guys (with girls its so easy to talk... >< just find something in common, no matter how small, then tell them so and whatever), I've managed to get the info that he's atm on his second term at uni (im at my fourth), so that should help me abit (I've seen at least half the assignatures hes on atm), but no other info >< I've thought up many things, like getting to him near the copying machine (tell somethign about any of the things hes studying that I might know about), befriending a female friend of his (then try to befriend him too by extension), and things of the sort... The thing is that the only one taht seems plausible is befriending a female friend of his -- And for what I've seen, he spends more time with guys, so it wouldnt be such an easy task >< I've no real reasons to say that hes gay, other than my so-called gaydar going off when I first saw him, the exchanged intense glare that day and the fact that he seems to wear pink shirts an awful lot more than what would be called normal -- but then again he might just be a guy who likes colours. Also, theres *something* about the way he acts or moves (and how he smiles, but that part I think its only bcos if the fact he could kill me with one of those), but I can't put my finger on it, its just something.

So, any ideas on what I could do? >w< I'm desperate, anxiety grows bigger each day, I want to at least befriend him >w< I want to do something thatd drive his attention towards me, but whenever I'm close to him I just shy away and get all misterious, so I don't think I'm doing anything right XD I think he stole a couple glances at me today, but that couldve just been my imagination, he was pretty far so it wouldnt've been so easy to read his eyes. Any help, anyone? BTW I'm not out at all (excepting to a cousin and a couple of friends), so theres no way this guy would know anything about me liking guys (Other than rumours, which apparently are many, since though I dont consider myself a girly guy, I do am extremely childish to the point of barking and growling like a crow in the middle of a class, the fact that I do not look like just any other guy -- am always fixing my looks and change styles every 3-4 months or something, and the fact that my likes are rather... ecletic, since, though they aren't exactly stereotypical gay stuffs (excepting my madonna albums, but if anuyone touches those, I'll be damned angry! Infact, I'll get angry if anyone touches any of my 130+ albums, I'm overly protective with my music ¬¬), they aren't exactly what most people would like <or even know about, try mentioning Ayumi Hamasaki, BoA, Carmen Consoli, Giorgia, sarah brightman, enya or hayley westenra to most people here and they'll stare at you with that puzzled look meaning that you were probably born in mars. Or jupiter maybe>, and also the fact taht i'm extremely open with my weirdness to people, so I sorta have a couple "friends" there who seem to spend their days trying to push me to tell them that I like guys, which I'm not gonna do anytime soon ¬¬ So, any ideas what I can do? Darn, this guy has me crazy and I'm needing some help >< I'm sorry this went on long, I guess I needed to say all that, thanks in advance for your answers =)

 

[KennyD]

Have you ever thought of going up to this guy and introducing yourself ... mention a part of his body such as abs or quads that are better than yours ... and ask him how he got them in that shape etc ..

 

[HighParkLover]

Tizzy see if he is involved with any org at the school or sportsteam and if he is then when he passes you again ask him a question about that topic..... or even just saying a simple hello could break the ice and open the door for something more.

Good luck bud!

 

[jackoroe]

A smile goes a long way. Go up and say "hi". You both go to the same uni, you must have something in common. Ask him if he'd like to get a cup of coffee or a beer. I had very much the same problem in college and didn't act. I regret that to this day. Don't wind up in the same boat!

 

[Tizzy333]

Have you ever thought of going up to this guy and introducing yourself ... mention a part of his body such as abs or quads that are better than yours ... and ask him how he got them in that shape etc ..

Going up to him and introducing myself - yeah, could work werent it bcos I get all nervous Mention a part of his body... Not in a thousand years, for what I know im at uni, not at a gym (so mentioning his abs or quads would pretty much be a way of saying "hi, I've been checking you out for some time!"), but I might find something to say

Tizzy see if he is involved with any org at the school or sportsteam and if he is then when he passes you again ask him a question about that topic..... or even just saying a simple hello could break the ice and open the door for something more.

Good luck bud!

I've been meaning to do that, thats how I found out he is in second term =) Imma try to find out on which phisics class hes in, since my mothar is a physics teacher there, so I *might* find something to talk to him about, even though I doubt hed be having classes with her

A smile goes a long way. Go up and say "hi". You both go to the same uni, you must have something in common. Ask him if he'd like to get a cup of coffee or a beer. I had very much the same problem in college and didn't act. I regret that to this day. Don't wind up in the same boat!

Hehe I know we both MUST have something in common - at least we both are guys and engineering students, thats a start - I'll try smiling to him if I ever notice he's noticed me, that coult actually break the ice -- as for the cup of coffee or beer well... I do neither alcohol nor coffee, thou I could drink the coffee if that meant knowing him (I dont like alcohol, and the coffee I stopped drinking when I realised just how addicted to it my mother is), but that would be a hard thing - He is rarely alone (and I'm surely not gonna get into a 4 person group and try to steal this guy from them ) and also society around ehre is sorta sexist >w< I can give anything to any girl I want, but as to guys is better to keep a low profile >w<

 

[HighParkLover]

Well keep us posted mate and let us know how things go.... wish ya luck!

 

[spreadeagle]

Being gay and an engineering student is a tricky combination.

The fact is you know nothing at all about this guy apart from the way he looks, and his visual impact is the only basis for your attraction. At the moment all this is is a schoolgirl crush or fantasy and will always remain so unless you take action. That you've been letting this drag on for a year is ridiculous and a huge waste of time and energy.

Your predicament is that you are predominantly gay but don't want to be identified as such: fucking a guy and not being identified as gay are mutually exclusive.

Look - there are things we want out of life but they don't just drop in our laps. It sounds like you just let life happen to you - you need more cojones. You can fritter away your pale imitation of a life in yearning and regrets, or you can march right up to him and say - 'Hey, have you heard Hayley Westenra's latest CD?' If he has then you have a basis for discussion. If he hasn't then say 'Would you like to come by my place and listen to it after Uni?

If he expresses no interest in Hayley Westenra then there's probably no basis for a relationship.

 

[3nipples]

I like Carmen too

All you need to do is break the ice with him. When you pass him in the hall or wherever, smile and say "hi" and keep going. You don't need to do any more. The next time he'll expect it and probably say it back to you. Soon you'll start to relax about it and be able to say something more. Asking a question is always good.

 

[Tizzy333]

Being gay and an engineering student is a tricky combination.

Yeah, I guess I couldnt conform myself with being a hair stylist, a ballet dancer, a stylist or a drag performer... Seriously, what is it with the stereotypes? I'm not only an engineering student, for what I know I'm also a web/graphical/3D designer, digital artist, tenor singer, poet, novel writer and blackbelt in karate. Some facts in my life are stereotypical, some other aren't. Being gay and a
hair stylist/fashion designer/dancer or whatever is so cliché I laugh at the simple idea of it, I don't conform to any society standars, I'm a freak of nature and to be honest I like it that way. Some people will run away from me, but some other open minded people will actually like having me around, since most of the time there's just no guessing what I'll do next. U dislike it? feel free to, I won't hate you for that. Just don't dare say im making wrong choices, I'm living my life to the fullest and tasting as many things as I can, which is something some straight/gay/bisexual people will never do because they fear society will reject them, after all <insert random action here> doesn't conform with what a pre-established society set up for them based on their sexuality, sex, skin colour or whatever.

The fact is you know nothing at all about this guy apart from the way he looks, and his visual impact is the only basis for your attraction. At the moment all this is is a schoolgirl crush or fantasy and will always remain so unless you take action. That you've been letting this drag on for a year is ridiculous and a huge waste of time and energy.

The fact that I've been breathless over this guy for a year doesn't mean I've devouted my time to him, I've met other people and tried to start a couple relationships wich I didn't either bcos they wouldnt have worked in a thousand years of because of <insert any other reason here>. For what I know, up until a couple weeks ago I thought this guy was outta my range, so why dying over him? I simply decided I'd give it a try on meeting him, something good could happen, heck, worse thing I could get from this is a new friend, which is never a bad thing. I know its like a schoolgirl crush or fantasy, but so what?

Your predicament is that you are predominantly gay but don't want to be identified as such: fucking a guy and not being identified as gay are mutually exclusive.

For the records: I've never fucked a guy.
And then again you seem to resent the fact that I said I'm bisexual, why is this? If you go to definitions, a bisexual is a person that feels attracted to both men and women, he or she doesn't neccesarily has to like them both equally, heck they dont even have to have sex with both during their lives, and still they'd be bisexual. Me saying im bisexual when I know I liek guys more just means that I'm open to a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, after all I still do find women attractive and I think closing myself to the possibility of being with one not only cuts my chances of getting a couple in half, but also is too much of a stupid step, if I know I can get to feel comfortable with a woman, why saying I like guys only? To make you and a couple of frustrated bisexual people happy? I don't think so.

Look - there are things we want out of life but they don't just drop in our laps. It sounds like you just let life happen to you - you need more cojones. You can fritter away your pale imitation of a life in yearning and regrets, or you can march right up to him and say - 'Hey, have you heard Hayley Westenra's latest CD?' If he has then you have a basis for discussion. If he hasn't then say 'Would you like to come by my place and listen to it after Uni?

If he expresses no interest in Hayley Westenra then there's probably no basis for a relationship.

Do you have a couple? Have you ever had one? If you do -and have had successful relationships-, I think you'd know that basing a relationship on music tastes is something ridiculous, after all you should care about the person and how she/he is with you, not about whether he enjoys listening to pavarotti or not, my best friend can't stand sarah brightman or emma shapplin, since he preffers listening to rock music. He can't stand most of my tastes, and I can't stand most of his, yet we get along really well, he's the person who knows me the best in the world, even when our tastes don't match. What I like in him is he'd try things even when he knows he'll most likely not like them, only for me -- and surprisingly sometimes he likes them, just as I sometimes like stuffs he likes. It's not musical tastes matching what I look for, its open mindedness what I want. And for the records, he's straight, before anyone asks.

I like Carmen too

All you need to do is break the ice with him. When you pass him in the hall or wherever, smile and say "hi" and keep going. You don't need to do any more. The next time he'll expect it and probably say it back to you. Soon you'll start to relax about it and be able to say something more. Asking a question is always good.

Thats actually a good idea, which I might try to do ^w^ seems to be the less risky one and not as freaky as just coming around and introducing yourself I think it could work to get close to him slowly, instead of all of sudden

 

[ok455]

I would go for the friend thing get to know one of his friends and when they are together u can say whos your buddy?

 

[Tizzy333]

I would go for the friend thing get to know one of his friends and when they are together u can say whos your buddy?

I know that one is a good idea, but it takes more time, for id have to find out how to reach someone else whos close to him and then how to get to meet him by that person, though its true that'd be the most casual way to =) If can befriend any of the girls hes sometimes with, I'll try this one, but only if its a girl, since the idea of befriending a guy in order to befriend another guy sounds weird to me

 

[spreadeagle]

I don't for a moment suggest that you SHOULD behave stereotypically - only that the other Engineering students will expect it of you, and of him.

Far from lving your life to the fullest, tasting as many things as you can and not conforming to society's standards your fear of approaching another man suggests that conforming to societal expectations is the main driving force in your life.

I'm perfectly indifferent to which gender or combination of genders you're attracted to or what you choose to call it. But if you've never had sex with a man and having sex with a man is not a necessary requirement to identify as bisexual then I fail to see what all the drama is about.

If you're not prepared to talk to him about something you feel passionately interested in - music - then perhaps your barking and crowing tactics might amuse him.

 

[Tizzy333]

I don't for a moment suggest that you SHOULD behave stereotypically - only that the other Engineering students will expect it of you, and of him.

You will always be expected to behave stereotipically, no matter who or where you are -- that's a fact. Whether you do or no is quite a different matter--

Far from lving your life to the fullest, tasting as many things as you can and not conforming to society's standards your fear of approaching another man suggests that conforming to societal expectations is the main driving force in your life.

Then again there's this difference between being random, non conformant and open minded and just being downright crazy -- I could just approach him and say whatever, but if I went on with the idea you gave he'd most likely freak out, heck I'd freak out myself if anyone I dont know at all except from having seen him/her a couple times came onto me and asked me to go to his/her place and do whatever, remember I want to actually get to know this guy, freaking him out would be quite a cute way of screwing it all up.

I'm perfectly indifferent to which gender or combination of genders you're attracted to or what you choose to call it. But if you've never had sex with a man and having sex with a man is not a necessary requirement to identify as bisexual then I fail to see what all the drama is about.

Then again, I fail to see whichever point you were supposed to make with that :s

If you're not prepared to talk to him about something you feel passionately interested in - music - then perhaps your barking and crowing tactics might amuse him.

I never stated I wouldnt talk to him about music -- heck, I talk about music to about anyone at some point, I jsut think I should at least know his name before coming and asking him to listen to this or that, it would simply be awkward otherwise, and not in a good way. And also, my barking and crowing tactics have actually amused a couple people, made some come closer to me out of curiosity and some other go away in shame (Those second ones often closed minded people who think you should acting according to your age/sex/race/whatever in every single situation. So yeah, they often go away in shame when I do weird stuffs, the even weirder thing is the fact that they always come back). And also, my ex-girlfriend often asked me to purr for her, she loved that.

--------------------------------------------

As for an update, I spent nearly all day at uni, and didnt see him around today (okay, it is not that bad a thing ) However, I have infact noticed something... There is this girl at my maths classes, a sorta cute one with dark straight hair and white skin who is infact hot and... Okay, thats not the point The thing is I saw her last tuesday on a maths exam and sorta said hi to her, dunno exactly why, and today before maths class, guess what? I turned my head to her and first thing she did was saying "hi", which was kool and nice of her ^w^
Anyway, the point to where im going with this is, thou I wouldnt swear it over my children (First because I don't have any and second because I'm not that totally sure of this), I'm almost sure that last friday as I was walking outta the faculty I saw her sitting in one of the tables talking with the guy I like, and I'm pretty sure taht if the guy didn't notice me she surely did, so I'm guessing, could she have any other motives to say hi? Yeah I know its a terribly farfetched idea, but whatever... Whichever it is the reason why she said hi (Either bcos she noticed me looking at the guy and almost dying or because she wanted to reciprocate me saying hi), I guess its a win-win situation, since the first one would mean she has another motive to say hi (possibly related to teh guy) and teh second one prooves taht if you say hi to someone who you dont properly know, theres a chance they'll eventually reciprocate, any thoughts on that?

 

[aquamememe]

ok, you are both engineering students. Ask him to study w/ u or help u out w/ some project or such.

 

[3nipples]

Whichever it is the reason why she said hi (Either bcos she noticed me looking at the guy and almost dying or because she wanted to reciprocate me saying hi), I guess its a win-win situation, since the first one would mean she has another motive to say hi (possibly related to teh guy) and teh second one prooves taht if you say hi to someone who you dont properly know, theres a chance they'll eventually reciprocate, any thoughts on that?

Don't search too far for the answer, LOL. She saw your tongue hanging out and assumed it was over her and not the guy she was sitting next to... then you showed interest by saing "hi" and the ice was broken. You should try the saying "hi" thing with him now.

 

[fiorio]

I'm overly protective with my music

Me too~ hahahahahaha
miss the old ayumi hamasaki

 

[fiorio]

get to know the guy via the girl.

wait a minute, are u attracted to them both at the same time?







threesome?.........................................................

 

[Tizzy333]

Don't search too far for the answer, LOL. She saw your tongue hanging out and assumed it was over her and not the guy she was sitting next to... then you showed interest by saing "hi" and the ice was broken. You should try the saying "hi" thing with him now.

If what you say is tru, it might turn awkward, thou the girl is hawt so... who knows... mwahahaha

get to know the guy via the girl.

Thats the plan But then again I'm not too sure taht was the girl he was talking with, I might be wrong

wait a minute, are u attracted to them both at the same time?

Well, I can't avoid admitting shes sorta hawt But I have my eyes put on the guy

threesome?.........................................................

Could be fun, but then again I want teh guy all for myself mwahaha