Somebody Listen...

[spikethecat]

yes there is hope for you. Everything is but for a season. I think most people have had similar feelings of isolation and loneliness. I understand only too well.

Your sexuality will work itself out over time.

Who do you hang out with? do you have any friends that you talk with? What are they like? Tell us more about your situation.

 

[ryan13th]

It seems like you have alot of confusion going on with yourself and your sexuality and that's completely ok. Alot of people have gone through what you have, myself included. It's hard to say exactly what you are or might be, for the simple reason that only you yourself will be able to understand what you are and what you want. It's possible part of you may want to try it with a guy and the other part of you denounces/lacks interest in the whole idea of doing actual sexual acts with a man.

It's really tough to say, my best advice is just to think about your think over your currently position and be honest with yourself until you can possibly figure out what you want. You said yourself you have no intrest in women or sex with them, but does watching women have sex sexually excite you the same way it does when you watch men do it? Just things like that and it might help you to understand what your feeling and maybe a way to resolve it.

 

[justjoshoh]

Hi,

I'm not a licensed therapist or anything like that, but I read your comments and think that you do need someone to talk to.

I think there are some issues that you have yet come to terms with, but that is ok. You are 18, so you've got some time to sort it all out. I am concerned that you seem to be internalizing some emotions. It sounds like there might be some level of depression in your life, as well.

Have you considered talking to a licensed therapist about your situation? It seems that this is really bugging you. If this to the point where you truly feel hopeless, there are professional people that can help and they are just a phone call away. If you would like to contact someone please call 1-866-488-7386, that's the number for the Trevor Project, the call remains anonymous and they can help 24/7.

Is there any other reason besides the interest in gay porn that is causing the sadness and despair? Why are you playing the part of a happy and content person when you are hurting inside?

Alfred Kinsey developed a scale that shows that very few people are either exclusively homosexual or exclusively heterosexual, so please don't think you are alone trying to sort out your feelings. It does take time, so have a little patience and work it out.

I recognized my desire of men while watching porn as well. I realized afterwards there had been other instances previously that built the foundation of my sexual orientation. But, it wasn't until I accepted me that I was able to make sense of it all.

Remember we are here to listen, well more realistically, read, so please keep us updated. Also, remember that number if you do need it.

Take care.

 

[VICTORIADON]

I have no attraction to girls and vaginas make me sick.

Does anyone else feel this way? Is there any hope for me?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I feel the same way!

There is hope for you.

About all the other stuff you wrote above, give it time. Everyone goes through a confusing time at one point or another, you are not alone in this, many guys are going through or have gone through the same thing.

 

[jft245]

I felt the same way at your age. At 18 I couldnt accept the fact that I was gay. I loved the porn. My only difference with you was that I had a jerk off buddy who I fooled around with. After each time I felt dirty and swore never to do that again but the next day I was back at it with him. It takes time to accept yourself. Just know that you are OK. As the others have said it is important to talk to someone. There must be a local agencey that provides help for kids in your situation. There are tons of internet sites that list help lines and such.

Take heart in knowing that there are many people on this site that care for young men in you situation and want to help.

 

[Brad]

There are worse things to be frightened of than sex. You are only as fucked up as you think you are. Society opinion dosn't count unless you are physically involving them. Sometime you will have sex. Just remember that it is not a porn movie. You will lose some of that "perfect" continuity acheived by editing and viagra, but you'll gain a partner with a sole.

 

[Shawn1]

Hi,

First, you are completely normal for your feelings.

Second, there is hope as all things pass in time, it just feels awful now. It will be better later, I guarantee it.

Third, Josh, quoted below, has a good suggestion if you need to talk, as opposed to writing on this forum. I would just add that the call is free...

... If you would like to contact someone please call 1-866-488-7386, that's the number for the Trevor Project, the call remains anonymous and they can help 24/7.....

Lastly please know you are not alone here. Peace man.

 

[spreadeagle]

You don't have to pretend to be happy and content; it's perfectly valid to feel sad and despairing. Who are you pretending for? Having a disjunction between the way you feel internally and the way you behave in the real world is bound to make you feel disintegrated.

Jerking off to whatever imagery turns you on is fine and it doesn't mean that you have to be like any other person who's turned on by the same imagery. It's a homophobic world and naturally you're going to feel conflicted about getting a boner looking at guys - but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, only that there's something wrong with the world.

Three times a day is perfectly normal for a guy your age - but jerking off should make you feel content, relaxed and satisfied. If you're feeling guilty, confused, and obsessive about your jacking you might want to try it WITHOUT the porn, eyes closed, taking your time and just focusing on the physical sensations in your body and dick, and see how that feels.

 

[Jeimuzu]

I'm in exactly the same boat as you, with the sex/porn thing, except that I'm not at all confused. It's very possible to be gay without wanting sex, as I came to realise. Being gay has nothing to do with sex, but you're bound to get aroused at gay porn. That's more to do with hormones that anything else. Your real feelings are showing beyond the hormones, making it seem to me that you don't really want sex right now. Enjoy the porn, and consider yourself gay because if nothing else, a guy arouses you when a girl does the opposite.

 

[colemanshs]

Wow dude. You're in a tough position. I started out pretty much the same and things just kind of evolved. Tell you're parents that you're freaking out about college and the stress of school, track, etc. is getting to you. Maybe they'll let you go to a psychologist or something. They are not only for crazy people!

Before you go spilling your guts, make sure nothing will be discussed with your parents. There are certain things that they are required to report, but those are only topics like suicide, homicide, or sexual abuse. Admitting that you're having these problems do not fall under these categories.

Good luck and keep us updated!

 

[hermanding]

closeted, really, i wonder how you would react if one of those porn actors giving you an instant boner turned up at your door looking at you hungrily. you might have other ideas once you are in any close contact with a guy who works your chemistry.
stay with us with your feelings dude
ding

 

[Jeimuzu]

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I never expected anyone would care so much and Im glad.

Someone wanted to know a bit more about my situation so I will explain that I attend a Catholic High School where if I came out I expect I would be expelled and that is why I must suffer in silence. I also fear my family's reaction would be bad and could lead to an awful living situation.

As far as friends, I have quite a few male friends on my track team and we hang out on weekends. They are always cracking jokes about gays and call eachother fag as an insult. I dont like them a whole lot but their all I have.

I have gone on a few dates with girls just to seem normal but I was never interested in them. I should add that Im not interested in actually proforming gay sex because I dont like the reality of what it would mean to put a penis in my mouth or let a dick up my ass. Im seriously not trying to judge just being honest with my feelings which is not something I get to do often.

I cant really get professional help without my parents knowing something is up. I dont have a cell phone or a car or any real money so Im limited in what I can do without their approval or knowing.

Well, firstly, I went to a catholic school, and although I didn't come out while I was there, one person did and didn't get expelled, suspended, or talked to about it. Then again, England is generally rather more liberal on such topics.

You need to meet some open minded people. There's some everywhere... just find some at your school, and try to sit next to them or something. I think your worst problem is your lack of free-thinking friends. My friends are all liberal, it's-your-life-so-I've-got-no-right-to-criticise kinda people.

Sometimes, though, you've just gotta make decisions which will have a large influence on your life. Whether it's just giving up on the 'friends' you have now, or whether it's coming out, I don't know. It's your choice to make, but there's no hurry. I'd not advise that you come out till you graduate, that's the best bet. How much longer is there to wait?

 

[Neji]

I'm in a bit of a similar situation as you except I am 26, have not been on a single date with the opposite gender, and do not know anyone well enough that is a lgbt. I actually want to be with someone but too afraid to do anything about it let alone have not come out to one person yet.

 

[mexamor]

Dear Closetedboi, my heart is filled with love and compasion. I hurt to see young people go through so much pain and feel so much hurt and fear. God is a God of love. Your situation is not abnormal (although that helps very little) the feelings you have are real and only old fucks that forgot what it was like to be young would disparage you, belittle your feelings or otherwise discount your emotions. I find this place to have many men young and old (alas, I fall into the latter category, although I don't accept it) who remember with a perfect memory how they felt at 18 and I think many have written here for your benefit.
I like the annonimity of a forum so that we can open up our deepest fears and feelings without having to face someone, that can be scary, but I absolutly hate the disembodied effect that right now I and many here can not hold you in our arms and let you cry softly and tell you that we are there for you. I am a person that needs personal, physical contact (don't read in sex, although I certainly like that too) and I want you to know that although I am not near you I am holding you in my arms trying to give you strength.
We live in a culture that is very demanding and pushy. You do not need to feel rushed into anything or feel a need to do anything you do not want to do. Many religious people try to say or think that if you "give in" to a certain way of being, and here we are talking about homosexuality that you will fall into sin. They profess the doctrine of "resisting sin" and gaining strength against your "weakness". I have been told that the power of the attonement of Christ can overcome all things. I do not dispute that Christ has power over all things, however I do take issue with the idea that there is something fundamentally wrong with who I am. You and I are as children of God each of us unique and with different strengths, I feel perfectly happy with who I am and I strongly feel that God does too. The reason of our creation is not to live in a dreary existence of misery and sadness but to have joy and live to the fullest of our abilities.
Be who you are, take your time, don't feel rushed, don't feel pushed follow your life's path as it comes to you and know my dearest young friend that you are not alone, no not at all, but we are beside you. I honor your courage and integrity and I hope that you will feel peace in your soul and heart.
With love, Miguel.

 

[Roland00]

Sounds like what ClosetedBoi really needs is a friend. Not a recommendation, do this now, or you are X, or it will all be fine with time.

Well ClosetedBoi, JUB is here for you, if you ever need to let something off your chest, talk about feelings, or just want an excuse to smile. Additionally I would recommend you explore and make new friends. What are your plans after high school?

 

[justjoshoh]

ClosetedBoi is there any groups for young GLBT people in your area that you could go to? PFLAG, or anything where you could meet peers that share similar issues?


Nevermind the almost rehetorical thought below...

I am beginning to believe that there is an underserved population within the community that needs addressed. Why is it there seems to be so many young people that don't have a peer system to turn to or don't know of a peer system in their area? Is it just because the groups lack the reach to gain new members? Is there even such groups out there? How can we utilize resources locally to serve the youth?