Somewhat in love with with best best friend ever

[Ally1980]

Dear JUB's,

I have this issue.

I have this friend, I got to know a year or 2 ago on a gay chat. He is gay for the record. It went off very well from the start and talking over time made us realize we are very alike in many aspects. This resulted in a very very strong friendship, we can talk about everything possible with no prejudice at all and are some sort of support to each other. He is like a brother I never had.

But on the other hand we do have this sexual tension between us. I would love to eat him up. Due to the fact we both are religious, there is no chance of a relationship. Also he doesnt want to have sex as he knows from experience that this will jeopardize our friendship/brotherhood in the long run. I do want to have sex with him, but not if it jeopardizes our friendship/brotherhood. Sex is not worth doing that.

Last week I met him and spent the whole day with him. When returning home in the evening I somehow felt sad (I looked forward to meet him all week). The days following I was reminiscing about how good that day was with him. We went shopping, I checked him out all the time while he was in the fitting rooms, he did the same with me. We had lunch. I even kissed him on the cheek out of nothing, he didnt seem to mind. He was ok about it, as he could understand it a conseuqnce of the love.


What I am not sure about, is this just a very very strong for-life- friendship or is there any partner love involved in my head? I know I love him but more like a friend.

 

[swerve]

WOW!!!

What a GREAT foundation to build a relationship on...

HOPEFULLY, he feels the same way...

 

[jm12480]

Ally1980, I completely empathize, as I'm going through the exact same situation (or at least a very similar one) with my gay best friend. We've only known each other about 8 months now, but our bond as friends is incredibly strong, and we are the first people we talk to in the morning, and the last ones we talk to at night. I adore him, and he's completely clueless. It's a tough, painful, and often times frustrating situation, but speaking from experience, keep the friendship strong. All you can do is hope that perhaps one day, that magic lightbulb will go off and the two of you will fall madly in love when you realize you don't want to be without the other one. I know I'm waiting for that day, too. Thanks for sharing your story - best wishes to you!!

 

[Ally1980]

@jm12480: Good to hear I am not the only one!

To refine my story,

He knows I love him in a friendly/lusty way. He also knows I am crazy head over heels about him. He is too as he once said to me, "we have to keep the sexual tension in line, as I know that it doesnt take much for me to develop feelings for you". But then again I am not even sure if this is real love or just a heavy infatuated moment?

Plus he said he doesnt want to lose me as a friend, as I am the only person in his life he has such a connection with.
But then again he is adamant about the fact that he will not be in a relationship due to his religious beliefs.

In any way I dont wanna lose him ever!

 

[Seasoned]

So, he is in control of the relationship, which says it's not exactly equal or fair.

As friends neither of you has the right to pressure the other, but prick teasing isn't humane and in my opinion neither is it intellectually sound. From the standpoint of the religious prohibitions expressed playing on a gay chat line seems to have crossed a line.

So is the point of the friendship is to express the pain of on-going self-denial as you both work to supress homosexual orientation in the hope of one day marrying woman who will believe they are committing to heterosexual men?

I walked down that path except for the on-line part, which didn't exist at the time.

I wouldn't give up on this friend, but I'd be back on that site regularly to see if there is a guy open to the belief that no loving god would create a man capable of loving and accepting love from a man only to force him to find a woman and punish them both for the duration of their relationship, each getting a part of a spouse instead of a whole one.

I do more good for myself and others each day I live being out than I did the entire 31 years I was in the closet.

 

[hotatlboi]

Due to the fact we both are religious, there is no chance of a relationship.

Are you saying that you are both still in a self-loathing stage and cannot really admit that being gay is what will make you happy?

Or are you saying that it has to do with parents or living arrangements?

 

[G-Lexington]

If you've both stated that this isn't going to be a sexual relationship, I'm not sure what you're asking exactly. You're both sexually attracted to one another, but you've decided a sexual relationship isn't in the cards. In which case, I guess keep being close friends, and at night, masturbate thinking about each other.

Lex

 

[Ally1980]

Are you saying that you are both still in a self-loathing stage and cannot really admit that being gay is what will make you happy?

Or are you saying that it has to do with parents or living arrangements?

It has to do with both.

I am bi for the record.

But guys what do you think, is it real love or just infatuation in your opnion?

 

[csm123]

It sounds like real love trying to break out,but unfortunately due to your religious beliefs both of you,him more so,are not allowing your true feelings to surface.

I think it is time to have a good honest,open talk with him and find out where he is at with your friendship/relationship because one seems to be merging into the other minus the sex.If he cant offer what you are looking for you may have to treat him as a friend only and distance yourself a little so that you can find someone offering what you are looking for.

I feel that if you just carry on as you are,the sexual tension between the two of you either causing resentment due to nothing happening or something will happen and cause him to feel guilty and start ignoring you.That is the reason i say you need to have a talk,be honest,point out the fact that alot of gay people manage to combine there beliefs and there sexuality and manage to live a happy life,is he willing to give it a go?At least if you both know where each other stands you have a good chance of looking after your great friendship.

 

[Ally1980]

@csm123: About the talk, we have had that talk and decided that for the wellness of our deep friendship, we should avoid any sex. A relationship is out of the question due to the circumstances.

I can understand this and also dont want to lose him any way. Thus I agreed to this.

But still I somehow experience these feelings for him, cant place these feelings in a way.

 

[Queerwitch]

I wasted the better part of my youth repressing myself due to religion. I regret that for so much of my life, I listened to my preacher, instead of my heart.

Friendship is great, and close friends are rare in my experience. But if you have something deeper yet, if you do indeed love each other, why refuse the blessing? Yep, it's taking a risk to get romantic, just like crossing the street.

But it sounds like a no-go unless he can work out the religious issues, in which case you'll just have to find some way to live with those feelings or move past them.

 

[Ally1980]

I love him thats for sure. But I am still in doubt about the type. These are the cues.

I know of myself that I get restless if I dont hear of him in a few days. The feeling does subside when I do speak him.

Also very rude to say, but explains stuff, I dont get aroused by him that much anymore, than I used to. But there is this feeling of comfort and attachment.

Another thing, one of my shirts somehow got hold of his body scent. Strange, as he never wore it, but I know it isnt my body scent. Now I dont want to wash the shirt and want to hold onto the body scent.

I guess the sexual feelings are subsiding, but making place for something new.

 

[oakpope]

Now I dont want to wash the shirt and want to hold onto the body scent.

I'm not very experienced so my opinion may be not valuable much but for me what you describe is Love, specially what I quoted.

What I haven't really grasped is why really you can't live a relationship with him ?
Is it that both of you think it is a sin for religious reason ? Or something else ?

 

[rareboy]

What a shame.

It sounds like two men are setting about to be unhappy.

But whatever.

Certainly a friend is worth more than a casual fuck.