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Somewhat of a complicated issue...

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1208Rob

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So there's this guy. He's actually now one of my best friends. I used to like him a lot and I mean I still have feelings for him, I'm just confused. It's weird cuz we both dated the same guy who actually was two timing us...of and on...really dumb...we both caught on and told eachother everything...and all his misconceptions about me were cleared, and vis versa. Then we started hanging out a lot. All summer we completely bonded. We talk about everything. EVERYTHING. In detail. I know basically everything about him and him me. It's great. I can always have someone to talk to about this stuff. And we both have tons of inside jokes, talk on the phone or text for hours everyday...I love it. The only problem is, I still have feelings for him, and I don't want to lose those feelings yet, but it sometimes bothers me when he talks about a guy he's interested in. It doesn't crush me, but it kind of makes me a little uncomfortable. In my head I'm just thinking maybe he doesn't realize that he has feelings for me too or what I dunno...it's weird too, cuz he's sort of weird about people knowing that we're super close now. Like before he was sort of weirded out by me cuz people told him I liked him and made up mean things about me to make me look like a creepy. But we cleared all that up and he knows I'm not. The other thing is that I told him I didn't like him anymore. And though my feelings are a lot less strong as they were before, I still like him. I dunno. We always talk about how we wish we had a fuck buddy, or someone to mess around with...I would give anything to mess around with him... he's so hot! I mean even if we were never together but we messed around I would be fine.

I guess I'm sort of stuck. Be easy on me here, but just give me some advice. I guess I'm just hoping that one day he'll realize that we are a great match, cuz we are! and I've been working out with a personal trainer lately to make myself feel better about myself and look good again like i used to, so maybe then with my new confidence and nice bod he'll notice me more...or at least find me attractive so we can mess around! haha

but please just give me your thoughts.
 
I think you should talk to him and tell him how you feel. He doesn't know how you feel and maybe he feels the same way about you as you do about him but you don't know it either. As far as messing around with him goes, I wouldn't go down that road. You'll most likely end up just getting that much more emotionally involved and if he doesn't have or develop feelings for you, it's just going to be bad news in the long run.
 
I mean I can see myself getting more emotionally attached if we messed around, but what if he did too??? I mean I've been in situations like this before...If we do end up in a relationship I'll be the happiest person alive, but if we don't I'd much rather be best friends who fuck around.
 
If he did too, that would be great! I got lucky and wound up in that same situation. But it almost didn't turn out that way and I was a wreck for a week or two while everything was in limbo. If you're cool with fucking around and not being a true couple then I guess go for it. Who knows, you might get lucky. But I might still talk to him. It would save you all the wondering.
 
I just feel like now isn't the time...because our friendship is only getting closer and better and we're sort of still recovering from the misconceptions we had about eachother, especially the way he felt about me before as opposed to now...i want things to progress more before i take any action...i'm just going to stay positive i guess and just be optimistic about everything. i just hope something happens, because so far in my life this one has been different... i know that that's a cliche thing to say, its just we are so alike its ridiculous...we understand eachother and we are so comfortable with eachother...its like we read eachothers minds...i love it and these feelings are different from all the rest.

any other advice or other similar stories anyone wants to share?? some hopeful stories would be nice :)
 
1208Rob said:
All summer we completely bonded. We talk about everything. EVERYTHING. In detail. I know basically everything about him and him me. It's great. I can always have someone to talk to about this stuff.
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Take this part to heart and use that confidential relationship you have with him to discuss with him the topic most important to you right now: Your feelings for him.

If what you say is true, you have nothing to loose. Either you have a relationship with him, or you have him as a fuck buddy.

If you are a bit off the mark, though, you might test the strength of the relationship. Let's say, for example, that he considers you a friend and confidant, but does not want a sexual relationship with you--or at least not an ongoing on. What if he wants, in you, a best friend, someone to gossip and dish with about crushes and conquests, but not get mixed up with himself? How would you feel about that? Is that a possibility?

This scenario is begging for a conversation. We, here on the sidelines, can only guess what's going on his head. It could be anything. Use the strong, confidential relationship you have with him to lay it out on the table. Hopefully, he'll be able to articulate his feelings and you won't be left wondering.

Good luck! Let us know what happens.
 
averageguy said:
What if he wants, in you, a best friend, someone to gossip and dish with about crushes and conquests, but not get mixed up with himself? How would you feel about that? Is that a possibility?
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I'm confused...what do you mean??
 
here's the thing though...he's still in high school (YES he's 18, so don't freak out ppl!)...i just turned 20...but anyways he's sort of still in that weird high school atmosphere so i just don't think he'll be ready for something like that until he graduates this year so that way all the toxic high school shit will be gone...I'm willing to wait and for our friendship to develop more...
 
cmon i need more opinions and thoughts!! and stories of hope!!
 
now he keeps talking about a guy who he thinks is cute and who a friend might hook him up with...and he always makes up lies about him going on dates or meeting someone and then like an hour later he'll be like i'm just kidding....and it bothers me...and he knows it bothers me cuz he always says i made that up to see what you would say cuz i know it bugs you...and like i dunno it jsut really bothers me when he does that.whatever.
 
1208Rob said:
I'm confused...what do you mean??
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Maybe he wants you only in a non-sexual way. I have several close friends that I simply would never want sex with.

Maybe younger gay men don't understand that concept? :confused:
 
1208Rob said:
now he keeps talking about a guy who he thinks is cute and who a friend might hook him up with...and he always makes up lies about him going on dates or meeting someone and then like an hour later he'll be like i'm just kidding....and it bothers me...and he knows it bothers me cuz he always says i made that up to see what you would say cuz i know it bugs you...and like i dunno it jsut really bothers me when he does that.whatever.
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That generally means one of three things:

1. He likes you a lot, just as a friend, and likes to razz you the way that only really good friends do. It may be nothing sexual at all.

2. He likes you sexually, and he's trying to get you to show that you like him.

3. He's an egomaniac asshole, and just likes people to pay attention to him.

Not knowing him, I have no idea which one is true.

AverageGuy gave you really, really good advice. Print it out. Read it every hour until it really sinks in.

And re-read it again.

Seriously.
 
so today he asked me if there was anything bothering me cuz he knew something was...and i told him that i was a little jealous about this potential bf of his...and he said yeah he could tell i was...but like i didnt' tell him that i was jealous because i still have feelings for him...im so afraid if i tell him right now things will fuck up forever. so i just said it was because it just came so easy to him (it did)...like he said one day that this boy was cute...and this girl we know is friends with him...and she told the friend that he thought he was cute and now they are like going to maybe go on a date...but they've never met or seen eachother really...its just so frustrating i don't know what to do...ugh!
 
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