thought about this last night/morning.
"never know what will come next, so emotional, so complex, a rollercoaster built to crash......." gwen stefani the real thing. i think that pretty much describes me. despite wanting to succeed, i'll talk a lot of shoulda, coulda, woulda, will do and never getting around to do it because i'm lazy, unambitious, scared, nervous and anxiety ridden. i'm a bit screwed up where i seem to be my biggest enemy where i consciously and unconsciously am bent on bringing about my downfall. my current situation towards my career and life in general is basically proof. i know how to fuck myself over than to do myself good.

even when everything goes good for me where i should be celebrating and feeling all confident, i always look for the negative because i'm a type d personality. i can be riding on a wave to success but in the long run, i'm bound to fuck it all up because i'm just not happy. it's always been like that
"you need to get up, get out and get something. how will you make it if you never even try? you need to get up, get out and get something, cause you and i gotta do for you and i", "everyday i just lay around and i can't be found, always asking give me something for life like a punk" "that must be the reason why you can't get your ass out of bed before 3" cee lo from outkast "get up, get out"
"why can't i get just one screw, believe me i know what to do but something won't let me make love to you." you can pretty much apply the whole song to me though. violent femmes "add it up"
there's more but don't feel like posting them.