Sooo I'm kind of new to this relationship thing. Advice?

[SayWhat]

I would just like to state for the record that I've never been in a relationship. I've never been compelled to have more than a physical relationship with anyone until this guy came along.

Long story medium: he asked me out, we had a great time, I didn't put out on the first date. He asked me out again, we had another great time, I put out. Four dates later, everything seems perfect. Then he gets called out of town for work for a month. It had only been 2 weeks since we started dating, but things were pretty hot between us. So he said "I want to be with you if you can wait for me." Deal. I agreed. We've talked pretty much all day, every day since he's left. He tells me he's crazy for me, he adores me so much, I'm perfect for him, all his kisses are for me, yada yada yada.

Now I'm finding out that he's hooking up with guys out of town from A4A. We didn't have an exclusivity talk, but I guess I assumed "Wait for me" implied that we were more than a casual sex thing.

So I guess the question is this: Do I have the right to ask him about it? Or should I just cut him loose and call it done? I'll be honest. I really like him a lot. But it seems like if he meant half the things he said, he wouldn't be chasing tail right and left. Just sayin'.

 

[HunterM]

Communication is the key. Do not assume. If you both did not agree to be exclusive, he has the right to date other people as you also have the right to date other people. So, if you want to be exclusive, you will have to tell him and see how he would respond to it.

From my experience, it takes about 3 months of casual dating to be exclusive. Since you two have dated for only 2 weeks (with only 4 actual dates), it's too soon for anyone to be exclusive in my opinion. He may freak out.

 

[SayWhat]

I agree that it's too soon to commit like that. But I also think if it's too soon for that, it's also too soon for him to be dropping all the lovey-dovey shit, too. I'm totally fine with it being a casual thing. But don't treat it like more than it is if that's the case!! I hope that makes sense and I don't sound toooooo crazy. Hahaha.

I definitely agree with the communication thing. That probably needs some improvement.

 

[HunterM]

My advice is keep dating him so you would get to know him more. He may be a player or he may genuinely be crazy about you. Date other guys as well to keep your options open.

 

[ThatRandomGuy]

Communication. There's nothing wrong with being committed even at the start of a relationship. Talk to him about it and how you feel. If it wasn't said/established since you've been dating then there's no reason to go into a full panic or break up from finding out he's been seeing other people.

Talk to him, make a decision about becoming monogamous at some point or if it doesn't work out decide if you want to walk away.

 

[KaraBulut]

You should have a talk with him about it. It seems that you have an idea of what dating/relationships should be. He has a different idea.

Occasionally, you do meet someone and everything falls into place- the two of you are compatible and it works. But there's also a group of guys who are needy and desperate to be with someone (or more accurately, desperate to not be alone). They come on strong and they make a lot of great talk. But that same desperation can lead them to cheat and look to others for the attention they crave.

It's not always easy to distinguish the sincere guy who is compatible from the desperate guy who is afraid of being alone.

Until you have that conversation with him, you won't know whether he's interested in being with you or he's just interested in being with someone, anyone.

 

[sixthson]

Never trust a sweet talker.

 

[bankside]

Usually I would say if someone dates you and is sleeping with you it is implied that it is exclusive, and if either guy wants something "open" or "adventurous" he has to bring it up for discussion.

But if two people are sleeping together on just the second date, it's hard to say that this rule applies. At that point it's just an extended slow-motion hook-up or something. Which, if you're into that, is fine, but the only way to figure it out is to discuss it.

Obviously you're not upset by the idea of purely physical contacts with random people if you've had them yourself, and you don't even seem bothered so much by him doing it, except for being unsure about what it means for the both of you.

In my shoes, someone sleeping with me and other people at the same time would have been 100% clueless about what I wanted and I would never have seen him again.

Which brings me to another thing for someone new to relationships: after only two weeks you don't have one yet. Maybe you have the potential for one. But relationships take months of getting to know each other, not days.

So if you are still interested in getting to know the guy, then yes have a conversation about it.

 

[SayWhat]

Obviously you're not upset by the idea of purely physical contacts with random people if you've had them yourself, and you don't even seem bothered so much by him doing it, except for being unsure about what it means for the both of you.

Which brings me to another thing for someone new to relationships: after only two weeks you don't have one yet. Maybe you have the potential for one. But relationships take months of getting to know each other, not days.

Couldn't have said it better myself! It's not what he's doing or our relationship status (or lack thereof) that's bothering me... It's that his actions don't seem to coincide with what he says.

 

[maxpowr9]

Never trust a sweet talker.

This is right up there with guys who say they are in love with you within the first month. I'd move on because I am sure these business trips are common and instead of publicly telling you he is hooking up with other guys, it will become secret.

 

[Seasoned]

I'd continue to date him. If you bring up the hook up site do so directly. Don't ask him a question to which you already know the answer. Be prepared to discuss how you got that information.

In any relationship it's best to clarify the meaning of the other's words. It's never wise to filter someone else's words through your experience. You're likely to misinterpret.

 

[SayWhat]

Thanks for the rational responses, everyone. It definitely helped put things in perspective. I decided, given the odd circumstances, to just leave it alone for now.

Thanks again!!