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[LemonMonk]

Hi, sorry for the vague title, but I'll do my best to explain so you know what is going on.

Last week I decided to go to a gay bar for a one night stand. I got to the bar, copped off and had some of the best sex I've ever had. Now the issues start:

The guy I was with is 33 years my senior. He's a great guy, but his age is making me over cautious about how to act. I am 20 he is 53.

A relationship can't last long. Due to the age, I do not want a relationship, because I just know that age will soon catch up to the both of us. Give it a couple of years and I can't see it working.

He seems clingy. I haven't been in a proper relationship, so I am not the best at judging what clingy is, but I feel that he is being. A lot of messages, which aren't really needed for me anyway. For some mad reason he told me that he was once accused of stalking someone, alarm bells are ringing about him being clingy and a slight threat.

I want to be with him because the sex is incredible, I've never had so much pleasure having sex until him. We've slept together quite a few times already, every time has been incredible. I really like him as a person too. He's a lovely guy. If he was younger, I'd be smitten and be envisaging a lifetime of enjoyment, sexual and otherwise.

I would love to somehow be his friend, but just a friend. He mentioned a relationship before, I didn't dismiss the offer or accept, I ignored the request like a coward. We have discussed our future together before. I've indicated that I don't see a relationship forming from this, but we've agreed it isn't good for either of us.

I guess what's making things difficult for me is not knowing what to classify our encounters and relationship as. We're sort of friends with benefits I guess.

 

[jensu846]

if he asks about getting into a relationship with you, just say that youre not really looking for anything long term. If he wont leave you alone, cut off all communication, even if the sex is great...There are plenty of guys youll be able to have great sex with. The stalking comment would make me stop in my tracks and slowly back away.

 

[Seasoned]

It doesn't sound like he's going to let go easily and I'd caution that the more you see of each other the more difficult it's going to be. Be careful.

 

[hylas]

"For some mad reason he told me that he was once accused of stalking someone"

yeah, a huge red flag.
be kind but clear that this isnt a relationship, youre not looking to have one.
enjoy the sex but be prepared to break it off the moment things get out of hand... which may be soon.
too bad, really good sex is hard to find... but not impossible.

 

[racer2438]

Always keep an eye out, and don't give to much info on your self.. let him know right up front you don't want a ltr, just someone to have a some fun with. If you see any questionable issues you don't like then stop communicating.

take all these warnings to heart cuz if you come back later and post all these things that he did don't say no one told you so. you have to be safe and secure 1st

 

[LemonMonk]

Thank you all for the advice. I'm going to take your advice on board. An emotional relationship is not in the offing, I have decided. Sex with him is hard to turn down, I think for now a relationship almost entirely based on sex is what it will be, but all it can be. I expect it will be over when I am busy again, which is going to be mid/late August.

I feel safe with the guy, aside from the comment he made before. I know I can overpower him, if worst comes to worst [but I do not think that it will ever come to that]. The accused of stalking thing really is a huge issue.

And yes Racer, if I do ignore what you've all said, then I am the one to blame. Right now, he knows what area I live in and my phone number. I can block numbers/change numbers and am moving out soon [soon being mid/late August], so I should be okay.

 

[dragon08]

I would back off immediately from this guy. I do not really like anyone who is clingy it is annoying and I don't really tolerate it. I also am not attracted to older guys whatsoever.

The stalking thing is a huge red flag and even if it was a guy who was my age handsome, and gave me adequate space I would end it there. I would be worried about my safety, who knows who has a gun these days.

There are many people out there who put up a nice and docile front but are really bad dudes underneath. I Would cut all ties with this man and keep an eye open at all times.

 

[LemonMonk]

Much has changed since the last post. We've been together for a while, we've worked through some issues and now I consider him to be my boyfriend. He isn't being clingy now, the odd text is about it. I am happy, he is happy. Thanks for the advice, I was trying to take it but then I fell for him.