Spare the rod, spoil the child?

[buttons]

Yes, because all children have the capabilities of reason. Especially when they're five and six.

Yes as a matter of fact they have. I think a good parent is one who reasons with a child at a kids level and not their own. My mom always tried to make sure I understood her reasons and what I had done was wrong. The times I couldn't understand she'd say well when you're a bit older you'll understand and she made a point of coming back to it.

 

[ComNavFdgPk]

I absolutely do not agree with capital punishment. Ever. There are plenty of ways to teach your children respect and to discipline them without laying a hand on them...

Or strapping them into a gas chamber!!!!

 

[M4P]

I think it is very easy for all of us to be armchair parents. I agree somewhat with joeslifeyork in that the punishment should fit the misbehaviour but also the punishment should fit the child. Some kids' behaviour can be corrected by a lecture, some a time out, some with privileges taken away and others need a good smack across the ass. I rec'd a few good ones as a kid and most I probably deserved. The only one I truly recall, however is when my father lost his temper (he happened to be in a bad mood) and let me have it with a belt when, thinking back, it wasn't such a bad thing that I did

I'm going to go back to boundaries and consequences - all should be respected and enforced on a consistent basis

 

[bma1983]

My parents whipped me whenever I did something really awful. I was raised to show respect for others and to mind my parents. I always said "yes sir" or "yes ma'am" when answering my parents. If you misbehaved in School the teacher would spank your hand with a ruler. If you were really bad, you were sent to the principle' office and spanked with a paddle.

I agree with you. But according to all the child experts on this board your parents didn't love you and it was hard for you to love them.

 

[Soilwork]

bma... I don't see him saying his parents loved him.

And although I'm not a child expert, I know that parents should lead by example.... and since it's not accceptable to beat people up in he real world when you have a disagreement, I'm not sure that teaching your children that violence is the answer is such a great idea.

Call me kooky.

 

[bma1983]

bma... I don't see him saying his parents loved him.

And although I'm not a child expert, I know that parents should lead by example.... and since it's not accceptable to beat people up in he real world when you have a disagreement, I'm not sure that teaching your children that violence is the answer is such a great idea.

Call me kooky.

Well kooky, we're reading it differently. I see him as saying his parents did (or do) love him. And the love his parents gave him included the appropriate discipline when it was warranted. And that love is what helped him to be a respectful child.

What I usually find offensive about this thread, and all the others that came before it, is not the idea that spanking is wrong. All parents are different and raise their children differently. And parents have every right to not spank their kids. But what's offensive is people, like yourself, who conclude that just because their parents spanked them that automatically made them bad parents, and didn't love their kids. I also find offensive the comparison of spanking and abuse. It is abuse when you strike a child with the intent to cause physical or mental harm and damage. It is not abuse when you spank a child with the intent to keep that child off of a bad path.

All children are different. Some kids listen to their parents the first time, others the second time, and others (like myself) who listened after a good smack to the behind.

 

[Riverrick]

What I usually find offensive about this thread, and all the others that came before it, is not the idea that spanking is wrong. All parents are different and raise their children differently. And parents have every right to not spank their kids. But what's offensive is people, like yourself, who conclude that just because their parents spanked them that automatically made them bad parents, and didn't love their kids. I also find offensive the comparison of spanking and abuse. It is abuse when you strike a child with the intent to cause physical or mental harm and damage. It is not abuse when you spank a child with the intent to keep that child off of a bad path.

I believe all spanking is wrong. And there is no such thing as spanking, only hitting.

Parents hit their children when they feel exasperated and can't come up with any other solutions. I'm not saying they don't love their children but their approach is misguided and has unintended consequences, such as the alienation of their children from them.

If you and I are good friends and we love and care about each other, and one day I hit you (and I mean it, even if I hit you just enough to sting), I daresay we will have a major issue in our friendship to deal with. I think that this is what happens to kids and their parents also. The kid loses some trust in their parent and feels angry and violated.

 

[Soilwork]

Some kids listen to their parents the first time, others the second time, and others (like myself) who listened after a good smack to the behind.

yeah, I figured your parents beat you too.

It's hard to hear that there are those who think you had bad parents who didn't love you, isn't it?

I too occasionally want to shoot the messenger. but it doesn't change my message.

Tell me, when your mother burned dinner and dad was hungry, did he spank her too? Or was he just civilized enough to only hit the children?

 

[bma1983]

I believe all spanking is wrong. And there is no such thing as spanking, only hitting.

Parents hit their children when they feel exasperated and can't come up with any other solutions. I'm not saying they don't love their children but their approach is misguided and has unintended consequences, such as the alienation of their children from them.

And you conducted research to conclude this when? And where are your findings published. I would really like to read it, for a good laugh. Or are you just recycling Dr. Spock.

If you and I are good friends and we love and care about each other, and one day I hit you (and I mean it, even if I hit you just enough to sting), I daresay we will have a major issue in our friendship to deal with. I think that this is what happens to kids and their parents also. The kid loses some trust in their parent and feels angry and violated.

You're right. We would have a major issue, because you see, you are not the head of me. You have no right to discipline me. As a child my parents have that right.

yeah, I figured your parents beat you too.

It's hard to hear that there are those who think you had bad parents who didn't love you, isn't it?

I too occasionally want to shoot the messenger. but it doesn't change my message.

Tell me, when your mother burned dinner and dad was hungry, did he spank her too? Or was he just civilized enough to only hit the children?

You're damn skippy my parents put the belt to me and my brother when we deserved it. And I can tell you they ain't have no problems out of me or my brother since. Can you say the same for you and your siblings?

 

[Riverrick]

You're damn skippy my parents put the belt to me and my brother when we deserved it.

And how did you feel after that? Did you feel as safe and loved in your home as before?

 

[bma1983]

And how did you feel after that? Did you feel as safe and loved in your home as before?

My parents didn't didn't discipline me for sport. They didn't discipline me for laughs. They didn't discipline me just because. They did it when it needed to be done. They did it on those rare occasions when I was being a disrespectful spoiled brat. They did it when simply grounding me wouldn't suffice . So, you want to know how I really felt. I was mad and I was angry. What kid likes get a spanking? But at the same time I understood there were consequences to my bad actions. Something that many children today don't get. And that realization told me and showed me that my parents do love me and cared about the type of human being I would turn out to be.

 

[Soilwork]

You're damn skippy my parents put the belt to me and my brother when we deserved it. And I can tell you they ain't have no problems out of me or my brother since. Can you say the same for you and your siblings?

well yes, but I could say it in proper English.

My mother was a stickler for proper grammar. Go figure.

I don't personally feel that any child "deserves" to be inflicted with pain as a deterrent like some dog, but then my parents always taught me to respect my fellow man. I was always a respectful kid, and my friends always moaned about how their parents used to ask them why they couldn't be more like me.

But all of that is chalk dust, to be honest.

Teaching your children to use violence as a way to settle ANY problem is wrong. And it's done by bad parents. Sorry, but my mind is made up on this one.

If you WERE the spolied brat you say you were.. well.. Spoiled brats are ALSO a product of bad parents.

 

[bma1983]

If you WERE the spolied brat you say you were.. well.. Spoiled brats are ALSO a product of bad parents.

And so are the parents of kids who end up in prison.

 

[Joshua_me]

I think parents who hit their kids failed in their children's early years
to teach them a sense of respect and authority for them.

The 'kids today' argument doesn't fly with me....It's 'parents, today'.

Children do not come into this world any differently than they did since
time began. What's actually changed is many things.

1) Maybe their parents were hit themselves
2) Maybe parents are letting Viacom raise their children from Nick Jr,
to MTV instead of turning off the damned TV and actually raising them themselves.
3) Maybe the parents are idiots.

I don't know, but it seems to me that hitting a child does little if any good
at all. I see Mothers back-handing their kids to the floor in every place from
the super market to Disney World, and it seems to do little good to me.

Trust me, coming up as a child I was scared to death of my Mother's wrath without her so much as raising a hand to me.

Why ?

Because, I suspect at a VERY early age she established some firm guidelines
that basically entailed that SHE was the boss, the parent, and I was the kid.


Hitting a child is like hitting an adult....In so much as once you've run out of intelligent words to say...well, you better just start swinging instead.

'Spare the rod, spoil the child' ?

No.

Teach the child and there is no need for the rod.

Josh

 

[Joshua_me]

Josh - see my post above to explain something to you.

Well, joe....

I'm very happy you've been successful in the business world, ( I can assure
you that I'm no slouch, myself)

But I fail to see how that negates or 'explains something' to me.

Surely, if you parents had never laid a hand on you you'd be a bum in
the street ?

Playing devil's advocate,

Josh

 

[Joshua_me]

Essentially yes.
A swift sharp slap around the arse made me sit up and pay attention.

Smacked some sense into you, did they ?

Nonsense.

"Honey, go cut me a switch so I can beat this kid into Harvard"

Please.

I tread on touchy ground here, I know, and I'm glad you turned out OK,
but I'll just have to disagree with you that hitting you had anything to
do with it...

Hell, maybe if my Dad had hit me hard enough I'd like pussy instead of cock.

Ehh... We'll agree to disagree, I suppose.

Josh

 

[luminum]

While beating your children (in one form or another) may be a viable pathway to isntilling the fear int hem to think about the consequences to their actions and make them fear being anything other than courteous, it doesn't mean that its absence is what's causing bad behavior.

Someone said that kids aren't learning that there are consequences to their actions. Is that to say that the only way kids learn that there are consequences to their actions is through physical violence?

I should hope not. Rather, I would assume that it's because parents nowadays are incapable of teaching their children how to behave without being violent towards them or scaring them. And that means that the parents of these brats either didn't invest enough time into teaching that to their kids or they just never found a solution, probably also due to a lack of initiative on their parts.

It's like in A Clockwork Orange. The subject learns to fear the consequences of doing wrong, but never learns why those actions should not be done, why they're wrong.

 

[Soilwork]

And so are the parents of kids who end up in prison.

Yeah, I was expecting that. I knew a low blow like that was coming...

Although I figured it would be AFTER you attacked me for working in the adult industry.

Considering you don't know the circumstances behind my brothers incarceration, it's probably best you left him out of it.

 

[HarryPotterHimself]

I don't think it's possible.

but I know a lot of people who insist their parents love them.

I also know of a lot of battered wives who insist their abusive husbands love them too, even while they're beating them up.

but I'm sure the two are totally unrelated.

I'm INCREDIBLY close to my parents. My dad and I have our moments, but I know he loves me, and I love him. Same with my mum. Whenever we were out in public and I was acting like an ass, my dad would take me out of the store/restaraunt/etc and crack me across the ass. He did it once, and let the threat hang every time I was doing something stupid. It's not so much the hitting part, it's the shock and the embarresment of being hit, and relating that to doing something wrong. I still love my parents, I know they love me.
This whole "get down on your kids level and talk to them" thing is bullshit. If you're kid's throwing a temper tantrum in the store (which even the best behaved kids do) and you grab them up by the arm and swat them across the back side, they'll probably not want to do it again, especially if they dont get what they want. It's the whole thing about parents trying to talk to their kids when they cant be talked to, afraid their kids will hate them if they hit them, or try to be their kids friends to get in with them and make sure they're not doing bad things. This shit doesn't work. When your kids pitching a fit, trying to talk to them wont work. If your kid hates you for smacking them across the ass, oh well, they'll get over it, they have a lot of life to live, and if your kid is doing drugs, in a gang, having permiscuous sex, drinking, partying, etc, then you trying to be there friend isn't gonna do shit, because you cant be a friend and parent. Friends dont punish friends and they dont parent. A kid needs a parent, they have plenty of friends. Parents will try to stop their kids from doing stupid things, not friends.

 

[Soilwork]

oh my parents were never my "friends".

I didn't grow up in a commune.

Just a house where cooler heads prvailed.






anyway.. I'm not even sure why I'm bothering.

Those of you who got beaten still believe your parents loved you and were good parents and you all seem happy enough, if not a little overly defensive of your parents skillls.. so hey.. go ahead and be happy.

I think parents who beat their kids should have their kids taken away.

So I guess you're all happy it's not my world.

yet.