sparks, do they fizzle and fade as we age?

[uptightguy]

Is it just me or is it normal to become attracted to fewer and fewer guys as we age?

I see gay/bi guys all the time, but get that little jolt from fewer every year. Even then, it’s like someone’s turned the voltage way down. Sure I still think plenty of guys are hot. They just don’t get my pulse racing or interest me much.

I don’t know… really miss dating guys I have a strong spark for. Who doesn't love that rush!

Anyone else experience this?
Is it just normal as you become better at quickly reading (and promptly rejecting) people? (or at least some part of your brain's convinced it knows the score)

Don't think it's tied to my libido, that’s ok in general.

 

[sKottyK]

I am only 10 years younger than you and I have to disagree. I don't think that it is an age related problem, because I was having the same problem five years ago. I believe that it could be some other underlying problem. I am not saying that you have problems. It's just that I know some people older than you that get more action than I could ever dream of.

Maybe you are just going through a non sexual period. It happens from time to time. I get them about once a year, and it is more common than many people think. (Trust me, I have been to counseling over this matter).

Everything will work out in the long run.

 

[uptightguy]

sKottyK, tHanKs, but it's more a trend over time.

The only guy to really shoot fire through my veins in the past month was a sweet kid half my age who waited on me at a restaurant and really knows how to flirt(prob just after a good tip, he succeeded!). Never dated anyone much younger than me, but it was nice to have the memory of a guy just sort of reverberate in my head for hours. I usually try not to really look at young guys, since I don't date them, but guys my age just aren't doing it for me anymore...

Nutty--naaa, plenty confident and clearly don't look the best I ever have but honestly more happy with how I look than ever.

 

[G-Lexington]

The sparks tend to get less bright, and less often, as we age. To me, it just makes them more special.

Lex

 

[drhladnjak]

It's called turning into a jaded, old queen.

 

[CagedBird]

@ 50, I'm excited as a school girl when it comes to being with another guy. I suspect that the "sparks" fade due to quantity of XP more than age itself. While my BF is 5 years younger than me, he doesn't have the zest for being together as I do[understandably, hes had dozens of men, Ive but one].

I still get hard when he calls me, go nuts when I feel his checks against mine, love to cuddle long into the night & miss him after being separated during work hours.

 

[uptightguy]

Not to belabour this post where i've been deemed a queen for the 1st time in my life.. and a jaded old one at that

...but to clarify: Not talking about getting horned up. Rather something more. That sweet rush you feel when you connect with someone new and just can't quite wipe the goofy grin off your face. My emotions are running as hot as ever and my sex drive's fine ...and no, I'm not doing a lot a guys, none in the past week.

Anyway, thanks for the reply CagedBird. Hope I'm just as horny and happy @ 50 as you are now!

 

[Riverrick]

I notice it also. I think we become a little less hopeful after we experience several relationships and meet many guys. Less hopeful that this person is going to rock our world and complete us and be the most wonderful, loving, and trustful man we have ever met. You know, that whole idea of a soulmate. Someone with whom we were meant to be.

I guess I don't expect that any more.

 

[benlemieux2003]

Funny that you guys started this thread because that's just exactly how I feel.

After having dated a few guys and been in one actual relationship I'm just not feeling excited towards other guys anymore.

I was the guy who believe in a grand soulmate as well, but after those bad experiences I'm not banking on that anymore.

I know it's pessimistic but I found great motivation in other things and I came to realize how overrated love actually is.

I've befriended plenty of gay guys lately but none of them are "bf material". Good friends nonetheless. But I just feel like an aging philosopher who contemplates, not like a young guy who's passionate about it.

Even porn is getting boring...

Bleh. Fuck it.

 

[Riverrick]

Funny that you guys started this thread because that's just exactly how I feel.

After having dated a few guys and been in one actual relationship I'm just not feeling excited towards other guys anymore.

I was the guy who believe in a grand soulmate as well, but after those bad experiences I'm not banking on that anymore.

I know it's pessimistic but I found great motivation in other things and I came to realize how overrated love actually is.

I've befriended plenty of gay guys lately but none of them are "bf material". Good friends nonetheless. But I just feel like an aging philosopher who contemplates, not like a young guy who's passionate about it.

Even porn is getting boring...

Bleh. Fuck it.

Aww. But you have us!

We provide a lot of virtual excitement. Its so much better than the real thing anyhow.

 

[uptightguy]

After sleeping on this some, and reading benlemieux2003 response, I'm convinced it goes back to just getting better at reading guys... and knowing up front they aren't game for what i want from a guy.

Like the last guy to make me feel this way... well, he was... i don't know, kind of a clean slate--just really sweet, innocent-looking and open, feeling a little something for me and wanting to show it. When our eyes met we just connected instantly, and I REALLY wanted to spend time with him and get to know the guy, not just bang him.

Feel like men my age who're interested aren't interested in me at all. They just want to get f'd (Tampa truly is the land of the bottoms man), or worse act like they're shopping for some kind of wardrobe accessory... shit, had guys I just met try to squeeze my biceps and pecs like they're callipering me so many times---i f'n hate that. Love to be touched, but not like that. When I see that in their eyes, emotionally recoil and can actually feel my walls thicken to keep them out, no way in hell I'm going to open myself up. Nothing new here, but I swear it seems to be more common with guys as they age.



benlemieux2003, I wish you lived in Tampa... I'd kill to learn how to turn gay guys into friends. None I meet will give me the time of day unless I have sex with them. My only real gay friend is my best friend of 8+ years, who's more family now than friend.


T_Zero, your addendum holds true for me, but then it always has... get that from straight buds though. Gave up expecting (but not hoping) for it from another gay guy ages ago.

 

[drhladnjak]

Your last post makes me think you're looking in the wrong places for good guys. Do you spend a lot of time in bars and clubs? Are there other outlets like volunteering or sports in Tampa where at least there's one thing besides being gay in common with others there?

 

[tallguy297]

Hey uptight...

With age comes wisdom. With age comes clarity. With age comes the need for fulfillment.

You guys aren't switching off or dying. Your not any less romantic or virile.

What you are now is guided and experienced. You know that naivety isnt an excuse for failure. You know through experience that sometimes no matter what you do things just may go wrong.

What you know now is what you want. What you need.

And you know that not everyone can give it to you. You can see and read people better. You know who's going to stand a better chance at making you feel loved complete and happy.

Does it mean you're picky or less affectionate? Does it means the sparks faded? No. Not at all...not one bit.

It means that you understand how you work and what you need and want. And it means that people have to work harder at being able to fulfill those needs. And it takes more than a cute arse or a nice face. You've learned that it takes a complete person. You've learned that theres more to people than looks and the first glance. You look deeper and harder than ever before.

Thats why people worthy of relationships are harder to find... you've simply learned to sort the weeds from the chaff earlier to protect yourself from pain.

And thats something that shows how much you've learned to value yourself. Its a lesson a lifetime in the making... one we could all learn.

 

[Riverrick]

I wonder sometimes if what we have is just less hope. Or worse, that we expect things to turn out badly.

In that case the problem would seem to lie within each of us, not with the other guy.

 

[drhladnjak]

you've simply learned to sort the weeds from the chaff earlier to protect yourself from pain.

The saying is actually "separate the wheat from the chaff". Chaff is the husks and other crap you throw away when processing seeds or grain. Although sometimes I feel like dating really is separating weeds from chaff Perhaps you were being Freudian?

 

[Riverrick]

You know, the more I think about it........that cute, young guy that you were gaga over. Well, it was because he was cute and young. Not because he offered a clean slate.

I think your libido played a bigger role than you think. Why do I say this? Because I had the same experience today and was able to analyze it (thanks to this thread) while I was in the middle of it. And let me tell you, it was a heady experience. And very physical.