Spazer181 - Archived Blog Posts

[Spazer181]

Where to begin I guess is the question… I took a break during Lent from porn, and since Easter just haven’t had the time to get back on to JUB to update my blog.
It’s been 5 months, today, for me and the boy. In some ways it seems like it’s been a long five months, and at others it seems like it was just yesterday that we met. There are two things at this point, though: 1) I love him, 2) I wonder what else is out there. Since being with him, I have been further and further ‘out and about,’ which is something I have enjoyed. It also doesn’t hurt that two of my flatmates are gay… There is a guy in my building who is ever so cute and I unintentionally try to flirt with him, which results in my flatmate telling me to “keep it in my pants.” As much as I love my 7abibi, there is always this sort of ‘the grass is greener on the other side of the fence’ thing going on in my head. Especially as we have our ups and downs, that thought comes and goes… Another problem is, we discuss the future sometimes, but it’s hard to envision it at all. He is here on a scholarship from back home and isn’t getting the grades he needs to stay here – so there is always the chance of me having to say goodbye permanently at the end of the semester anyway. It’s a lot to think about.
This week I had a big exam, which we’ll have to see how it went. It was the only mid-term exam for a 400-level math class (Abstract Algebra), so 25-35% of the final grade is dependent on this one exam. If I don’t get a sufficient grade, I’ll have to withdraw and take it again next semester (aargh). The rest of my classes are going well, so no real cause for concern. The event of the day, however, was getting myself all scraped up and ripping a pair of jeans. On Friday afternoons I descend from the Ivory Towers that are UMD to work with some kids from a rough neighborhood near campus. I love being able to give back to the community. Today, however, I was (trying) to play soccer with the kids on the parking lot. Well, I managed to trip over the ball, landed on the ground and tearing a whole in the knee of my jeans and bloodying my palms up. Needless to say, that was fun.
I had a decent Easter and Holy Week. I decided that my quit smoking date was two Saturdays ago (the day before Palm Sunday). It was definitely a bitch that day, going through withdraw and all of that. It hasn’t been terrible since then, a couple of major cravings have hit – especially this Thursday when I had my exam, but other than that I’ve been alright. A big test will be tomorrow when I go out with my friends to the bar – especially since most of them either smoke all the time or smoke when they hit the bars…
The last thing that seems to keep hitting me is thinking about what I was doing this time last year. I was in Nice, I was living life à la française, what more could I want? I think, however, I will definitely try to find a way to make it work for me to go to France for the year after I graduate to be an English teacher. I definitely would love to go back there to live for a while and to improve my French. As with everything in life, it becomes complicated. Beyond the entire trying to postpone paying of student loans for a year, there is the question of my family. My grandmother is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s and I know that when I graduate, my mother would like me to go back home to help her and my grandfather with that. I know that I have a responsibility to my family, but this is also something I really want to do. If something were to happen while I was away, I’m not sure how I would be able to deal with it. There would also be the possible conflict of being in a relationship. It would be hard to be away that long from someone, even if he was able to come visit. It’s something I’d definitely have to think about. In any event, that’s at least a year away…
I thank all of you who take the time to read my rants; it’s sort of a nice outlet for me. Aux mes lecteurs français et francophones, je vous assure de mes meilleurs vœux.
As always, my closing shot :

 

[Spazer181]

And with those words, my (ex-?)boyfriend started our 'two week break.' He told me Monday that he "wanted to talk," so we did that yesterday (Tuesday). We talked, he made one good point about something that I could change, but he followed that with something I cannot do. He said, and it was true, that I do not make enough effort to check up on him. This is something I could certainly do better with and I suggested ways I could do this better. He then said, though, that I do not spend enough time with him. We see each other 5-6 times a week, Fridays and Saturdays we spend several hours together, then we see eachother the rest of the week for about a half hour, except Mondays and maybe some Tuesdays. I honestly do not know how much more time he really wants/wanted, but I have no more to give. I have no idea what he thinks I do with my time and what he thinks I would rather be doing... I said that, but he is honestly convinced that I have more time somewhere. Baring not sleeping, I don't see how that's possible. But, in any event, apparently my efforts aren't/weren't enough, so I decided to basically encourage him to break up with me. Maybe I should have broken up with him? I suppose that's a bit academic now. We are now stuck in this bizarre two weeks of no-man's land.

 

[Spazer181]

In something that I guess really wasn't a surprise after Tuesday, my now exboyfriend finally called me today. I want to say that it boiled down to loneliness, but in any event he called me. He was upset because he had talked to his parents and they were less than pleased with his marks, which underlined the need for him to start applying to Universities where he can transfer and get into their Engineering program. So, I helped him out with that. We also discussed the results of the break. He basically apologized for what he said. The thing of it was, it was too late. He said some hurtful things: that I was not as comitted to our relationship as he was, that I didn't spend enough time with him, etc. Those were not true, at least in my eyes. I did not necessairly express my comittment in the same manner as he did. I spent the maximum ammount of time I could with him. It just never seemed to be enough. Just adding to that, he always got his way, regardless of what I wanted. He apologized and said he would change. It's not that I don't believe him. I sincerely hope he does, because anyone who is less of a doormat than me would not put up with this like i did. In any event, it boiled down to me saying it was just too late. I wonder if I made the right decision. Who knows? There is every possibility he could be back home next year or at some other university. I reflect on the good and the bad, what I liked and what I disliked. He's not a bad guy. But my friend said something very comforting: if it was meant to be, we would get back together one day, if not, it wasn't meant to be. I tend not to like such fatalistic thoughts, but that is somewhat comforting...
En tout cas, cela me semblait un bon choix:

 

[Spazer181]

It's surprising the turn around that can happen in just a few days. Thursday morning, I thought I was failing Abstract Algebra, I was still upset over my break up and thought I wouldn't have any sort of a job next fall. Later that day I found out that I am getting at least a C based on current performance in Abstract Algebra. Friday I scheduled an interview to be a teaching assistant for Calculus I and was told to fill out a "past-due" scholarship application, because I am appartently that well qualified for it. So, I'm still a little dpressed about my break up, but things are going better.
This week I had gotten my tax refunds, so I went down to Fashion Centre @ Pentagon City and spent, oh, about $200 (about 2/3 of my tax refund have gone into savings - hopefully staying there until I do a holiday in France next January). I got a really nice shirt at the Banana Republic. I paid full price for jeans at Express (yes, I am an idiot, but oh well). I got a belt on clearance at Armani Exchange, as well as a tee shirt. I also got some basics at the Gap.
There are two guys sort of on my radar. One is a friend of a friend, but I don't think he likes me (either at all or in the potential for a relationship way) and the other guy is bi, which I dunno, seems like it invites a lot of potential for trouble (stupid girls, ruining everything...haha). Ça, c'est la vie au moment.

 

[Spazer181]

The answer is, probably not. One of my very good friends is an officer in the Arab student group on campus and they had their annual Arabian Night dinner/show/dance party. The food was good, the show was funny. My friend organized the Debka (I guess that's how its spelled at any rate - it's a traditional dance). My ex-boyfriend didn't come... What more could I want? Oh yeah, that's right, my friend's best friend (who is gay). He's there and I have been crushing on him since I've met him. We have pleasant conversation and such throughout dinner time, made eye contact a few times during the show... All very nice. Then the dancing starts, he won't so much as make eye contact with me. I guess given the venue, I could understand him not wanting to dance, but not even to make eye contact... that was just hurtful. But whatevs, such is life.
I woke up this morning to the sound of rain and lightning/thunder. Hence the reason I'm here and not in church. I was up in plenty of time. I just couldn't bring myself to get ready and go outside. But, at least, the rain has knocked temperatures down about 10*F outside it's now only about 60*F (~17*C), which made it much more comfortable for sleeping last night.
I did get a fair ammount of good news this week. I will be TAing a Calculus I section in the fall and received the math education scholarship from the Mathematics Department for the Spring (read, how I'm going to be able to buy Teacher's clothes and afford gas for the semester). So, right now things are looking good.
Hmm, I propose this in advance of tomorrow:

 

[Spazer181]

Those of you who have ever been so unfortunate as to have to sit through an episode of Sex and the City may remember an episode where the always annoying skeleton, Sarah Jessica Parker, decides to take a lova. For some reason, that thought occurred to me this morning. What a teriffically good idea! Even though the show is, at best, terrible, that is actually not bad as a concept. Something sort of light at the end of the semester, possibly spilling over to the summer... Now, it's just a matter of finding someone. That is, to be honest, where the entire thing becomes a bit tricky. None of the queers in my life seem to be available: either because they are in a relationship or they are not ready to wander much past the door of their closet. I don't know, maybe I'll get lucky yet.
In any event today and most of tomorrow are shapping up to be beautiful (highs around 25 centigrade). And tomorrow is, very possibly, one of my favorite days on campus: Maryland Day! I'm not really sure why I like it so much, but I do. It was one of the events I missed last year when I was in France.

(Having now seen a couple of Shakira videos has explained one of my friend's dance moves...)

 

[Spazer181]

I don't know what's wrong. For the last two weeks, however, I have just felt down. Is this fall out from my break up? Is it just my genetics? It's just out of the blue. I have lots to be happy about right now. Instead, I'm crabby and irritable.
Things are going well for me. No one new, there probably won't be until the fall when I'm back in school.
I have finals coming up - one and half weeks of classes then finals. I'm not ready for the semester to be over, but that's life. I know the Saturday after finals are over, I have a graduation party to go to - with open bar . Then I've got a week off before I go into work - I'm thinking I may go dwon the beach for the week or a couple of days - I'll have to get the grand parents okay for that though. That's all the news from Lake Woebegone this week where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.

 

[Spazer181]

Not even an incredibly akward dinner with my Father or Abstract Algebra homework were able to bring me down yesterday - and both of those tend to lead me to feeling crabby and pissed off. My roommates took (drug) me out to Town on Saturday night. This was my first time at "gay club." Deer in the headlights I think may be the best description of me as I went in. Before too long, however, I found a fairly hot guy to dance with... Don't remember too much about him - he was 24, did something with biomedical... He was hung like a horse, however. When he came back here for a bit, that made for some fun. Anyway, feeling happier now...

 

[Spazer181]

Yeah, so, interesting week. Went out Thursday night with my roommate and some other people from our building. I had just found out that my roommate had messed around with another guy (not his boyfriend). This explained much of why he seemed off all week. Anyway, he ends up shit faced - as usual. I'm maybe a little more than buzzed but still aight. We're dancing, which I figured was okay. Then he tries to kiss me. I sort of ducked out of the way. He tried a couple of times, I told him twice to not doing anything that he'd regret. Turns out he was far more gone than I thought... Right before we left, we actually did kiss. I don't think he remembers. If he does, he hasn't said anything. He ended up talking to his boyfriend about, at least, the other incident. His boyfriend apparently decided to forgive and forget. I guess that means I don't talk about Thursday night.
Friday night I went with another guy in my building to Town (club in NE DC). I had a pretty good time - I was dancing with a pretty cute guy toward the end of the night - almost left with him, but couldn't find the guy I went with to see if he could get back on his own. Probably just as well. The thing of it is, guys keep telling me that I'm cute. What I don't get is what that means exactly. I have a few more pounds than I should... yeah, I should probably being going to the gym on a regular basis. And my self image isn't terribly good. So, I don't get it - is cute code for like, well, you'll do, but I can do better?
One other thing is, I have got to stop smoking when I drink. I spend the entire next day jonesing for a cigarette. It just has to stop or I have to start smoking all the time again. It's not working.
Last night was, what I have dubbed 'Jewfest.' The Jewish boys threw a 'party.' Not well attended, not a lot of fun. Hardly anyone outside of my building that I knew. I probably should have just gone into DC again. Oh well, not the end of the world.
Exams start Thursday - I have one exam Thursday, two the following Monday and then one on Tuesday. So, I'm thinking I might go into DC one last time before summer on Friday, but we'll see. (As my flatmate said, 'I've created a monster.' Haha)
Hope you all have a good week.

 

[Spazer181]

Disappointment I suppose is the place to start. I wish I were there now. What happened was that I had made plans more than a month ago to hang out with friends in Baltimore and I couldn’t just blow them off after plans were started earlier this week for Pride. So I was bummed about not being able to go to the parade, but then the rain came through. So when I finished up in Baltimore and called down to my old roommates, they said it was pretty disgusting down there and it wasn’t worth coming down. That meant no Unity Party either. Me being the dysfunctional person I am, immediately starts wondering if he was just trying to get rid of me, if I had done something wrong, etc. Fear of rejection and my screwed up self image are two things I know I need to work on. Having just logged onto AIM, however, I see that my one roommate is online, so that probably means they didn’t go to the Unity party either – or if they are, they are making an extremely late go of it.

The weekend was good though. I went down Friday for the Official Men’s Party at Town. I must say I really like Town, good music, decent guys and strong drinks – Dutch courage helps with the fear of rejection… There was a repeat of making out with my one roommate (see previous entry), but his relationship ended – with me playing no part other than trying to make sure he didn’t hit the bottle too hard after it. After that I ended up with the guy I went home with – I must say his neighborhood, despite being in Northwest, not bad. In my continuing string of Asians – for whatever reason that seems to be what I end up with (Chinese-American, Arab, Southeast Asia, Chinese/Japanese/Korean – not sure which he was), I came up with the smallest yet - mind you one guy was freaking horse hung. I’m not a size queen, my ex-boyfriend was small, but thick so that was fun – and smaller penises are easier to suck. The thing though, when I’d go down on him I’d get almost no feedback. I also got very little feedback from him – I think he enjoyed it, but there was little touching beyond the necessary physical contact. We fucked some (safe of course), but he really wouldn’t suck me or jerk me. We had a couple of rounds during the night. When we first got to his place there was a bit of oral, some sleeping, then fucking, more sleeping and finally I got him off with a hand job. I really think this was the least fun I have had in bed – just no feedback at all.

I also now want to be in a relationship again. Last night of the semester, about a month ago now – surprise!, I came damn close to hooking up with one of the guys in my building. I don’t know if he’s interested or not, but it might be something to pursue when I get back. Otherwise, roll with the punches.

I guess that’s sort of it since my last post. Another semester done, a 3.8 GPA for the semester (and a B in Abstract Algebra!) to boot. My life at the moment consists of yard work and work – I’ll have to find something to break the monotony of it all.

Et pour mes lecteurs français, si vous êtes toujours fidèles, qu'est-ce que vous pensez du renvoi de PPDA? Cela me surprit beaucoup - mais, peut-être, il peut remplacer Pujadas chez France Télévisions.

And this may be my favorite song for the moment:

 

[Spazer181]

No, no nude photos of me... If you type in beached whale into your Google search and look under images, you'll get the idea. Anyway, my parents have basically given me their Dodge Neon SXT - we'll do all the paperwork transfer stuff after I graduate or at some point thereafter. This has meant coming to terms with a manual transaxel (stick shift). I must say that I'm doing much better with it - getting into first is still an issue at times and I have a tendency to pop it into second, but apart from that I'm starting to enjoy it. So that is pretty cool.
The thing of it is, my parents do great things for me like this. Those of you who have read my story (http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=214882) you'll know what the issues there are. It's like I have to hide parts of what I do from them. I couldn't introduce my ex to them, I won't be able to introduce any future bf's to them. I won't like introduce them to anyone in the future. Not to mention my appartment last semester, where flammer was an understatement for one of my flatmates and my roommate was obviously gay... No, my parents didn't visit my appartment, blessed relief. So, I don't know, it makes it hard to be home for the summer.
Poison ivy is extremely nasty. My arms now make me look like I'm a lepper... It's not getting worse anymore, but I guess if it isn't looking significantly better by Monday I'll call the doctor or go to the minute clinic at Target or CVS. Despite my obsession with the lawn, this wasn't the lawn's revenge. My boss had the brilliant idea last week to pull the weeds out of one of the shrubs, which included poison ivy - so fun times there. The only solace is getting 13/hr to do that sort of thing.

And she's British... who knew? Just another reason to love her.
A plus tard.

 

[Spazer181]

It was one of those great, but exhausting weekends. I went down to College Park on Thursday night to celebrate my birthday with my old flatmates (and hoped some other friends would be around too). I get down there and my old roommate has a friend over, nice enough guy, but massive light weight – ½ way through a mixed drink he was totally plastered (almost ended up going to the hospital – the guy apparently called his friends which led to the paramedics showing up). In any event, most of that went down when my roommates left to go to the Turtle. My old roommate and I, not for the first time, were dancing and started making out. He broke up with his boyfriend about a month ago, so the issues from last time didn’t come up this time – at least in that regard. I don’t get why I am attracted to him. There is no chance of this going anywhere – he leaves for France for a year at the end of August – I (insh’allah) will be leaving for France at the end of next September for a year. He has an alcohol problem. The list goes on. Yet I want him, I’ve wanted him since I met him and I don’t get it. I don’t think he remembers (black out), but when we got back to his place, we messed around a bit – nothing serious… Next day was a surprise 21st birthday party for a girl who lived in our building, so we all headed up to Baltimore for that. It was sort of a bizarre night at ranged from typical 21st birthday antics, to my old roommate hitting on me and hitting on a friend’s older brother (who, while bisexual, is happily married) with his wife standing right there. Then there was Cry Fest ’08 – where my old roommate and one of my old flatmates basically sat balling their eyes out for an hour and a half – apparently my old flatmate didn’t feel my old roommate was giving him the attention/respect he deserved. It was one of those nights where I wish I hadn’t been the designated driver so I could have been plastered enough to ignore most of that. It got better on the way home when one of the kids I was driving threw up in the back of my car – I cleaned it up once, I’ll go again tonight and do the whole car. Saturday night was the planned 21st birthday party for my friend – which was a lot of fun – none of the issues of the Friday party. My old roommate was being sort of affectionate with me, at one point stroking my chest hair… It’s sort of weird, I’m not sure what to make of it. This also yielded the worst picture ever of me… now on Facebook – woohoo (sarcasm)! Anyway, probably won’t be dealing with any of that again for a while.
Sunday, however, was a very special day. It was my old flatmate’s wedding (different one from above – this is the first time I’d seen him since school let out). It was a Hindu wedding, which is the first time I’d experienced anything like that. Fortunately a man sitting behind us saw me and the group I was with, knew we had no idea what was going on and would periodically tell us what was happening. There was also AMAZING Indian food. That was just a very cool experience in general.
And just to top of the craziness, I got home around midnight last night to find out that my parents got a new car, which meant I had no where to park (we now have four cars + Dad’s work Jeep – which definitely outpaces our number of parking spots). In the excitement of all this, I apparently forgot to set my alarm and proceeded to be an hour late for work, but not a big deal… Looking forward to a quiet week where I can recharge my I (introversion)…

 

[Spazer181]

Well, it's been a while since I last posted. I'm home for the summer, so things have been quiet. While I don't know if anyone noticed (or cared) about my absence, I thought I'd do an update anyway.

First, I would to share two things I've found which (in my opinion) are absolutely hysterical.
Couscous Royal:

Québec Nation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENgbu9fiRJk
(Unfortunately the CBC won't allow embedding.)

With that off my chest, I'll say things have been quiet. Most weekends I've been away from home at least one day, so that's been helpful in keeping my sanity. (Expensive, but necessary.) This last weekend I went down to College Park to say goodbye to my old flatmate who was leaving for Israel. He's now arrived and I'm very excited for him. He's had a thing for Jewish boys, so he should now have a smorgusboard of them! At the party I met a cute guy who lives not far from me here (at home), but he left for Florida this week . After the party, those of us left went to Town in DC, where me and the guy danced a fair ammount. When we weren't together though, I had to ward off some creepy older guys. I don't what it was, but I kept getting them. The one was litterally drooling on my face, it was far too weird. But I survived!

I'm back down to school in about a week, which I'm extremely excited for. I miss being down there, having a greater degree of freedom (and not having to get up for work at 5:30 AM).

I certainly welcome comments, as I see the readers tick go up, but get no feedback on what people think, I start to wonder if people are actually interested in what I have to say... In any event, this does give me a semi-anonymous outlet, for which I am grateful.

A la prochain!

 

[Spazer181]

Well, it's been about four months since I broke up with my (now ex) boyfriend. I was home over the summer, so there wasn't much going on there. What I know is that I miss having someone there (or nearly always there). Someone to cuddle with while watching a movie. Someone to go on trips with. Someone to hang out with. I don't regret breaking up with him, it's just meeting someone new that's hard. That was my first relationship and I sort of fell into it online. What I realized while out tonight with friends that I have really no idea how to flirt or just talk to random guys at the bar. I was dancing with some of my Persians, and there was a contingent of gay guys there. Now, even with a drink or two, I'm not outgoing. So, I just went up to one and just asked flat out if he wanted to dance. Chatting first, buying a drink, something would have been good. Even if the end result was the same, it would have been better. I guess it will come with practice...
At least I did get to see the guy who I'm sort of interested in - so far as that he's decent looking and I know him a little. I guess it's just a question of not getting to firmly into the 'friend zone.' I guess I'll see where, if anywhere it goes. I'm hoping I can talk him into going to DC tomorrow night - but that could backfire (if he or I find othere people).
I did get a David Guetta F*** Me I'm Famous tee today. I wore it tonight and found there is a small group of people who know what it means. One guy was like, 'you went to Ibiza?' Clearly not, as I haven't left the country since Quebec in January. And a couple of other people recogonized David Guetta. That was pretty cool.
I guess that's where I am for the moment. A lot of my friends graduated last Spring and two of my best mates are on study abroad this semster, so I'm sort of lost. I guess I'll see what happens. Meeting new people, for me, is hard, but something I need to work on. Eh bien, a la prochaine!

 

[Spazer181]

I'm home from my penultimate semester of university (undergrad at any rate). I'm starting to wonder what I'm going to do with my life. I'll be graduating as a trained teacher in mathematics. I want to teach middle school maths - the kids are fun and I really enjoy algebra and don't mind geometry. The thing of it is, I'm effecitvely over qualified for this job - I'll have a BS in Mathematics. This means for some school districts that I'll be forced into High School. Not that I would mind this, but high schoolers are not nearly so much fun. In the mean time, I just completed my dossier to be an English teacher (or assistant) in France next year. I've now successfully completed my French degree and math, next semester I complete my student teaching to finish the education degree.
The questions seem to mount: if I don't get to go to France next year, what do I do? Apply for jobs around DC and find a flat, apply for jobs around home and live at home? Same thing if I go to France next year and come back... Or do I apply for grad school? If so, in what? Do I apply to get a masters in Math, a masters in Math Ed? And where? Do I stay at (apply at least) to UMD, do I apply to Teacher's College at Columbia? Do I take my GREs now or wait?
I've passed my Praxis IIs (Mathematics Content and Pedagogy), so that's good. Despite being incredibly busy (Resident Assistant in the dorms, Teaching Assistant for Calculus I at the University, one day a week internship at the middle and high schools, and 15 credits), it looks like I may have a 4.0 semester, also good. No personal life, not so good...
So, next semester's goals: work on the personal life (i.e., actually hang out with friends, maybe try to find a bf), student teaching (learning how to present information to middle schoolers, i.e., not using university language) and resident assistant (getting to know my residents and doing more with them). Fortunately one of my old flatmates is coming back from Israel for next semester, so I'll have someone with whom to go into DC! Very exciting.
Well, now its home until New Years, going to Boston and then heading back to CP for the start of student teaching!

 

[Spazer181]

Not for the first time, I made out with a guy who was unavailable. For the first time in a while, my friends and I made our way to Town. I was looking forward to getting to dance with guys and such, as it has been a while. So, I end up seperating from the group for a bit and finally get a chance to dance &c. So I'm dancing with this guy and we go to sit down and make out some. All is well and good, the guy is 25, cute, the whole 9 yards. Then his boyfriend comes up - the guy is like this my boyfriend, pretend we're just friends. So his boyfriend tries to get him to go, I end up getting up to leave. Akward.
In this case, there was no way for me to know. This isn't, however, the first time something like this has happened. I don't get why guys who are involved with someone else would do that - it ends up making me look/feel like a homewrecker. When you first meet someone, though, the first question you ask isn't "Oh, do you have a boyfriend?" You just assume that if they're going along with you that they don't. The Facebook bumper sticker "Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them" makes all the more sense now.
Anyway, tonight was good - I got to dance some and see lots of gays - something I have been missing of late. I also saw my RD there, which was good for a laugh - he was like, I'm going to move now. Haha.

On a different note, however, I have started my student teaching. As is expected, part of me comes out in it - using phrases like "Can I get your attention for a hot second" or "Stick a fork in me, I'm done" seems like they may be getting me into trouble. One of my students today (well, yesterday now) asked me if I'm gay. I think I handled it well - making it clear that this was none of her business, but even if I were gay, there'd be no issue there. The thing of it is, even in this age, being out as a teacher is a surefire way to end your career. My personal life is my own and of no consequence to students.

In any event, that is my ranting for now, we'll see what all this amounts to in the sober light of day.

 

[Spazer181]

I've got a snow day today - and probably at least a delay if not off tomorrow as well. God bless the DC Metro area - something falls from the sky and we're quite sure it's the end of the world.

At the same time, it sucks balls. I'm an RA here and after being on duty Friday night, I was on duty again last night. Unfortunately, however, the University closed. This means ResLife staffers don't have work today - so the RA on duty from last night (me) is on duty until 7 PM. This is a fuck-ton of duty in a short period of time.

Something that has hit me of late is a sense of loneliness. It's been about a year since I broke up with my boyfriend and really haven't been on a date since. I know part of what I need to do - I need to hang out with my friends more. The problem is, I dont want to be like 'hey, what u doing tonight?' I don't want it to seem like I've got nothing going on...

I don't know, I guess I'm just afraid to end up alone. I don't want to be the creepy/crabby bachelor. Being alone does something to you, it just seems to exacerbate wierdness. I don't want to be that person.

I'm still waiting on word from the French Embassy as to whether or not I'm going to be teaching English in France next year. I'm hoping it will be a yes, but we'll see. If not, I need to start looking at the school systems around here. I don't want to go back home, that'll just clip my wings. Staying around DC I think is the way to go (only the polemic of the high cost of living to contend with).

That's it for me for now.