jdcnow
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Good evening, everyone. It is my hope that what I have to say here helps someone. And if so, then, posting this is worth it.
I'd like to take a second here and reach out to those who have recently posted on here, and to anyone else that may consider it, who is considering suicide.
It does get better, as it has gotten better for me. I say with pride that I'm not the man I was a year ago. Not nearly. The events I write about here...it'll be a year, this April 13th, since the night I made an almost successful attempt on my life.
Again, from where I sit, I've already won the lottery twice >> A, that I even survived what I did, and B, that I have no permenant damage from what I did.
After I got out of the hospital, I knew I had to do something to turn my life around. But I knew that the responsibility of overseeing that change was to fall upon me. No one could turn my life around for me, if I didn't want to do it for myself.
I have found another job as an overnight convenience store clerk - and they so love me there. Because I lost my previous assistant manager job due to being in the hospital so long from the attempt, I was out of work until late July of last year, a 3 month span. When all the medical bills came in, it wasn't pretty. But I did the only thing I could do at the time >> explain to them that I was currently out of work, and humbly ask if could they forgive at least part of the debt. Turns out most of the creditors understood, and what was thousands in medical bills got reduced to about $1,500. I'm proud to say tonight, that half of that debt is paid off, with a game plan in place to be completely out of debt all together by between mid June and our 4th of July holiday. I will proudly proclaim that I owe no man a thing. I'm setting aside money every paycheck to purchase myself a used car. I even have hopes of college and ultimately a Masters of Science in Meteorology (weather forecasting).
These steps in my life would never have came to pass if the attempt I made on my life were successful.
I have dreams now. Not only do I have a bright future ahead of me at 28 years old, but I actually believe it.
Tyler Clementi was a wonderful musician. We will never know if he would have been the next Yo-Yo Ma. Raymond Chase loved to cook. Would he have been the next Emeril Lagasse? Would he have been the next Tyler Florence? We will never know the answer to that. I beseech you now, don't make the mistake of walking away from your future that these bright young men did, as I almost did.
As far as connecting with people, go to your nearest library, your nearest homeless shelter, your nearest gay & lesbian organization - surely there some place near you that could use volunteers. You'll be surprised in how good you'll feel in helping others. You'll realize what has been true all along - that you are indeed a blessing to this world. This world needs you. This world needs to not lose you.
Please don't kill yourself. Please... It gets better, and you can make it better by reaching out to this world, as I have done. Please, don't give up.
Your thoughts are welcome. Good night, and good luck.
I'd like to take a second here and reach out to those who have recently posted on here, and to anyone else that may consider it, who is considering suicide.
It does get better, as it has gotten better for me. I say with pride that I'm not the man I was a year ago. Not nearly. The events I write about here...it'll be a year, this April 13th, since the night I made an almost successful attempt on my life.
Again, from where I sit, I've already won the lottery twice >> A, that I even survived what I did, and B, that I have no permenant damage from what I did.
After I got out of the hospital, I knew I had to do something to turn my life around. But I knew that the responsibility of overseeing that change was to fall upon me. No one could turn my life around for me, if I didn't want to do it for myself.
I have found another job as an overnight convenience store clerk - and they so love me there. Because I lost my previous assistant manager job due to being in the hospital so long from the attempt, I was out of work until late July of last year, a 3 month span. When all the medical bills came in, it wasn't pretty. But I did the only thing I could do at the time >> explain to them that I was currently out of work, and humbly ask if could they forgive at least part of the debt. Turns out most of the creditors understood, and what was thousands in medical bills got reduced to about $1,500. I'm proud to say tonight, that half of that debt is paid off, with a game plan in place to be completely out of debt all together by between mid June and our 4th of July holiday. I will proudly proclaim that I owe no man a thing. I'm setting aside money every paycheck to purchase myself a used car. I even have hopes of college and ultimately a Masters of Science in Meteorology (weather forecasting).
These steps in my life would never have came to pass if the attempt I made on my life were successful.
I have dreams now. Not only do I have a bright future ahead of me at 28 years old, but I actually believe it.
Tyler Clementi was a wonderful musician. We will never know if he would have been the next Yo-Yo Ma. Raymond Chase loved to cook. Would he have been the next Emeril Lagasse? Would he have been the next Tyler Florence? We will never know the answer to that. I beseech you now, don't make the mistake of walking away from your future that these bright young men did, as I almost did.
As far as connecting with people, go to your nearest library, your nearest homeless shelter, your nearest gay & lesbian organization - surely there some place near you that could use volunteers. You'll be surprised in how good you'll feel in helping others. You'll realize what has been true all along - that you are indeed a blessing to this world. This world needs you. This world needs to not lose you.
Please don't kill yourself. Please... It gets better, and you can make it better by reaching out to this world, as I have done. Please, don't give up.
Your thoughts are welcome. Good night, and good luck.
