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"Special Friend" ... Am I Wrong?

RicanDAB

RicanDAB

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Wow, it has been a while since I started a thread on here, but I just felt I had to come on here to get opinions since y'all have always been good voices of reason for me.

I have a couple of longtime friends (that don't know each other) who seem to prefer using the term "special friend" as opposed to boyfriend, partner, lover or similar when referring to my other half, more so when asking about him or how we are doing. I don't know exactly why this seems to bother me, cannot quite put it in words right now but it clearly does. It's not like I call their opposite-sex spouses "special friends" .. I have been tempted to throw it back at them just to see if that prompts them to "huh" me back and launch a discussion about it, but I figured I was better than that. By the same token, I have been uncertain how to approach it with them or whether to even bother ...

So, I reiterate the question in the title: Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Thanks guys ... (*8*)
 
Well I think you are just a little offended that they are not completely embracing the "homosexual" terms. It doesn't sound as severe but still.

Are your friends gay or straight (that have no problem with the issue)?

You can tell them that it's bothering you or maybe ask them why.
 
I don't think you're wrong at all. I'd be offended if my guy was referred to as my "special friend"

He's my partner, stupid. If we were dating he'd be my boyfriend

Your friends may be comfortable with gays but they're not ready to embrace calling guys boyfriends or partners
 
You're not wrong but also please don't be too offended. He may just prefer to be discrete, if he's not yet out to most people, or just don't like the term. There are words and things that make people feel awkard, and there's nothing to much to blame for that - just personal preferences that may need a compremise.
 
Thanks for everyone's responses so far. These friends are straight, hope that clarifies.
 
"Special friend" is an old term. In the Southern US, it's used quite often and it's not offensive- it's considered a polite term that is used for both straight and gay people.

For example, an older woman in the South might ask, "Is that young man a special friend?" instead of "Is that her boyfriend?".

Or for a same sex partner, a child might say, "That's Uncle Bob's special friend that we're not supposed to talk about...". :D
 
I also think you're being too sensitive.

If someone introduced their partner or bf as 'an acquaintance', I might worry.

Special friend is actually a rather sweet term. It is even better than boyfriend, I think, because it acknowledges that the person is special and not just a boy.
 
If it's an old lady who isn't comfortable with homosexuality, then "Special Friend" is OK. That's just their generation. Not much you can do.

But if it's someone under 50, then I would be offended. They need to get over their homophobia.
 
I wouldn't get too bent out of shape, it sounds like they're just being considerate.
Many heteros don't fully understand the Gay scene/culture, it can be somewhat confusing to us on occasion also. Some think roll play is universal and we use "husband" or "wife", and they might not want to pry into your sexual habits.
Then there are trends such as "African-American" instead of "Black" (before that, "Colored" and Negro"). "Asian" is currently more accepted than "Oriental". We can't expect straight friends or family to keep pace with the ever changing Gay jargon.
Just that they're thoughtful enough to express concern about your partner should suffice. However, if it really annoys you, next time just say politely "He's doing just fine. But we prefer the term "partner" or "whatever".
 
Special Friend. I thought that when out with Disco and Bell Bottoms. At least ,when Fried Green Tomatoes was released as a movie.

I think Your Lover,Mate,Partner,Husband,or Significant Other. Would be much better suited than Special Friend.:D
 
You are justified in being offended. I'm in agreement with Brian, what's so difficult about saying "partner"?
See, how easy was that?
 
Using the phrase "special friend" in this circumstance is inappropriate IMHO. The people saying may not know better or just not know what to call him. Don't get offended, correct them. Next time somebody does it politely say, "Actually, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't refer to him as my 'special friend'. I much prefer the word boyfriend."
 
I don't think that your friends intend it to be negative, however, I don't think they are used to being in the gay community and don't know how to handle it. The best way might be to educate and tell them that he is your "boyfriend, partner, etc".
 
Thanks all for your continued responses.

Both of these friends happen to be females whom I have known for several years, and have known me for years before I came out to them just last year. Additionally, they are both friends who I don't see often anyway because they live in different states. We communicate most often by email.

I have one friend - a straight male - who does use the term "partner" when he asks about him (this male friend is married to one of the ladies I refer to above). He does not elaborate beyond that however, almost as if he's trying to be polite by dropping reference to him to save face. I've long wondered if he himself is deeply closeted but that's I suppose for a whole new thread.

Knowing what I know about these ladies, I know one of them (the other one who is not married to the male above) has not had any gay friends until I came along. When I came out to her she was very proud of me and was very supportive, but like some of you said it is perhaps her lack of great exposure to many gay people in her life that causes her to use the term. That's a plausible explanation for her.
 
I've got some gay freinds and I'm uncomfortable with all those terms especially in public I usually just ask about his guy or his deal
 
Red get uses to it. Were here,were queer and we wantThe legal rights of/to marriage.
 
I guess we can't fault straight people too badly for using the wrong term since many of us are divided on whether it's lover, partner, husband etc.
If they're trying to be condescending or smart assed, we can usually sense that regardless of their choice of words.
 
Two guys that are dating or are in a relationship should be acknowledged as boyfriends or partners. Those friends are just insensitive and clueless, but do correct them.
 
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