Still can't figure out what I want!

[yuengling]

Last night I went over to my friends house and his girlfriend who had a baby last year put on about 10 pounds during the pregnancy and it hasn't gone away. She used to be real skinny and in my opinion not too attractive but last night something clicked and I really was turned on by her. When women are on that thicker scale of skinny and don't look like skeletons I'm way more attracted to them. I've never really understood the allure of models cause I want a girl that feels like a woman, not a skeleton with breasts.
THen later on in the evening I run into the handsome skater boy that I've grown to care a great deal for and who's become a good friend. We were joking around and drinking as usual and I had to catch myself cause I realized I was unconciously flirting with him and acting differently around him. you know acting a little giddy or what have ya. I think he kind of picked up on it but I think he reads into as I'm just a good friend. either way as I stumble into my lonely bed again I can't figure out what I want especailly in the long run. I've had minor success with women and have yet to pursue men much because this is a fairly small town and I would quickly be tossed into the gay category. My only guess is that I 'm solely attracted to people's personalities and don't give a damn about the genitals. THe minute I find someone I get along and we have a good mental connection I want to sleep with them. That seems to be my story. Is this how other bisesuals feel?
I have gay friends but I just can't imagine myself living that way my whole life? Girls emotional makeup seem to balance out my tendencies like a scale.
If someone is bisexual but only sleeps with girls will they ever wind up fully satisfied and pleased?
I thought most gay people kind of knew that they were this way or that? I think calling myself bi is probably the most accurate but it feels so open ended and like a non answer. When I was in high school there wasn't any doubts and really enjoyed women but now I don't know what to make of this. If folks are born this way or that with certain tendencies why does it take so long to show up?

 

[hanshansen]

I know exactly how you feel. The uncertainty and the ambivalence and the scenario building.

The way I see it now is this: this endless speculation whether you like girls or boys better misses the point. You want to end up with a person where the sex works for you, the personality works for you, the baggage (family, career plans, lifestyle) works for you, and ditto for them. To the extent that you don't resent being with each other.

When you talk about the girlfriend and the 'skater boy' they don't sound like people you could realistically be with. It's a waste of time to speculate what it would be like being with such people.

You won't figure out what works for you and what compromises you're willing to make until you do it, until you make the move on a real person who you can picture yourself with, and it sinks in what that means for the both of you in reality. You have got to be willing to do that and risk getting some bruises - you're probably not going to get it right the first couple of times, given all the things that need to be right.

Just make sure you take it slow and don't rush into anything you can't handle. I wouldn't start a gay relationship in Saudi Arabia or marry a girl and have five children with her not knowing how I feel about her.

 

[G-Lexington]

Calling yourself bisexual isn't open ended. It just means you're attracted to people of both genders. And if you are, you are. It doesn't mean you're "scared to commit" or "haven't figured it out". You might want to chat with some bisexuals on this board to see if they can give you some more insight.

Lex

 

[Giovanni]

My only guess is that I 'm solely attracted to people's personalities and don't give a damn about the genitals. THe minute I find someone I get along and we have a good mental connection I want to sleep with them. That seems to be my story.

You sound like a pansexual.

 

[954dude]

Don't feel open ended. The fact that you consider yourself bisexual means you're sexually attracted to both genders. It also means you can be mentally and emotionally attracted, which carries more weight.

I want to be with someone who likes who I am, not what I am. Genitals and physical don't matter once I've bonded with someone special.

 

[yuengling]

I was just curious is this how bisexual folks feel.

Certainly I don't think I will end up with either of the people I mentioned, it just feels so weird to be attracted to both people when their not even close to similar traits. I've known several gay people and most of the lives they lead I don't think would ever be right for me.
I've never understood how people are so quick to throw themselves over a bridge just because a girl's hot. I'd fly to jupiter for someone that's enthusiastic in bed whether or not they are hot.

I reckon you can't think these problems out ya just got to live.
"Think less act more"

 

[Blk_Thickness]

My only guess is that I 'm solely attracted to people's personalities and don't give a damn about the genitals. THe minute I find someone I get along and we have a good mental connection I want to sleep with them. That seems to be my story.

I am the same way. I am currently in a relationship with a female, and I feel our relationship is based off our personalities and the type of connection we have. Yes, my attraction to men is still there(she knows that), but it all has been sexual and nothing more than that. I don't care about the genitals either. I am comfortable with the relationship I am in right now, and hope it lasts for a long time.

 

[dlm021]

Well, I definitely can't speak for all bisexuals, but I know that I'm not so equally attracted to both men and women - I prefer men, but every now and then, a girl will catch my eye, and I will become attracted to her. I know a lot of bisexuals like that, too - people who have a preference but they don't necessarily dislike the other. In fact, most people fall somewhere in the middle on the Kinsey scale, even people who claim to be exclusively heterosexual. But I'm sure you're not alone; there are definitely people out there who don't pay any attention to a person's genitals. I agree with Giovanni that you sound like a pansexual. For me, I know that labels don't really matter too much, but I'm always reevaluating my sexual identity anyway, so if that is something you are struggling with, I feel for you.

 

[tallguy297]

My only guess is that I 'm solely attracted to people's personalities and don't give a damn about the genitals. THe minute I find someone I get along and we have a good mental connection I want to sleep with them. That seems to be my story.

Hey yuengling,

Mate... that is a brilliant self observation and just goes to show how little labels and boxes contribute to our happiness.

Dont worry about which group you fit in...just keep listening to your heart and find happiness wherever it lay for you. Because with this ^ open mindedness and attitude mate you truly get to see that beauty and depth in other people... and that where your happiness lies.

 

[reverb285]

I think if you were really just attracted to the "person", as you say, you wouldn't have this dilemma. Obviously, you're not sure if you believe the sex of your partner is immaterial or not. Once you figure that out, I think you can figure out which man, woman, man AND woman (granted all parties are into this) or sexless "personality" you want.

 

[yuengling]

I Yes, my attraction to men is still there(she knows that), but it all has been sexual and nothing more than that. I don't care about the genitals either. I am comfortable with the relationship I am in right now, and hope it lasts for a long time.

What has kept me away from men is that I felt like it was just more fun to sleep with them but the relationship was never going to be very deep emotionally and in the long run 20 years from now I think I'd be more attracted emotionally and physically to a woman. the whole idea of getting to give and receive in the bedroom's cool but raising children and being with a girl that has a drastically different interests emotions and perspective would seem like it would continue to be more interesting and fufilling. While the extasy club culture doesn't represent every homosexual it does seem to make up a good chunk of gay men and that's what has also terrified me. One of the bars I go to will have a dance night and its flooded with coked up lads wearing hardly anything. Admittedly the gay bars and their dance night attract lots of woman but that offshoot of gay men seems troubling. Where's the stability? I guess my other question is the chaps that run around acting like paris hilton what portion do they make up of the gay men you folks think?
don't get me wrong I also have trouble finding girls cause cosmo has these girls too focused on looks and they've spent no time developing character or intersts.

While Kinsey is well known hasn't alot of his stuff been debunked? My understanding is he did some pretty fucked up unethical things. I cringe whenever I hear his name because he wrote letters back and forth with this pedophile in germany and didn't turn him in for several months til he could get more stories from the guy is my understanding.