Still haven't overcome my self esteem issues

[luckynumbah7]

That's why they 'changed the name' and shoved identity into it - it was specific, and it also explains why they changed the name collectively. I still can't figure out why they think they'll get more acceptance by trying to associate one 'identity disorder' with another, though, particularly since trans pplz as a whole don't consider our gender disorders, let alone one of identity.

 

[luckynumbah7]

*Not that bdd can't be a disability on its own, far from it. It's just not the disability they want. In which case, I don't remember choosing to have peripheral neuropathy, shitty vision, shitty reproductive system and a bad back. The only way I'd agree with any such surgery is if after they can still manage to take care of themselves. In other words, no man-made torsos that demand 24/7 care and eternal sympathy. Which is mostly what those damn fantasy stories seem to represent.

But, got off topic.

 

[Willie Boy]

Hi lads, how's it going

I'm a long time lurker and I've great admiration for this site and the support given here by the posters.


.....The thing is though, I still really do not like myself. Its actually so bad I can't even look at photos of myself. I won't go on Facebook because I'll see a heap of photos when I'm out drinking with my mates, and I honestly cannot bare it. I'd regard myself as a pretty normal lad, but that's the one thing that isn't normal about me. My self esteem is piss poor and it's a bit crippling. I don't even meet many guys at all because of it.

What is it about yourself that you don't like? Your history reads like a young man who has suffered adversity but made it through the other side, and that is something to be proud of. Is it your weight, your height, your appearance... what don't you like about yourself? You've given a thorough detailing of what you've been through but haven't really touched on who you are. Maybe that is where you need to begin looking for answers. It seems you are defining yourself by those around you. You need to step back and figure out who you are, what you enjoy and not base it on others. If your happiness revolves around others you will never have any real self esteem. Go out and try different things, find out what interests YOU, what YOU enjoy. Don't worry about what others may think, or say, or believe about it. What matters is how you feel about it. Once you start doing that you can find others with similar interests and have good friends.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

eavarthang star dust unless da gods sneeze tens real sticky boogys

thankyou

 

[CollegeWhiskeyDrunk]

I feel better now having the chance to vent things off, thanks for that. I went to a 21st there and I feel good when I'm busy. Shame I'm having no luck finding a job at the minute.

Last summer I had a cancer scare and that needed sorting out, so I actually went to a counselor about it. She was a bit amazed and had never met anybody like me who was so resilient and was completely fine after what I'd been through. Like that, I was fine after the first session and just needed to vent and talk it out. It made me realize I'm a very strong person. Plus I always felt really motivated afterwards and it kept me wanted to improve things, so even though I never needed her help, I found it really beneficial to me.

I've emailed the college counseling service, as it's free, but I haven't gotten a response, so I'm guessing it's not available during the summer months. I'll figure something out, I'm just trying to stay active and trying to keep myself busy in the meantime.

What is it about yourself that you don't like? Your history reads like a young man who has suffered adversity but made it through the other side, and that is something to be proud of. Is it your weight, your height, your appearance... what don't you like about yourself? You've given a thorough detailing of what you've been through but haven't really touched on who you are. Maybe that is where you need to begin looking for answers. It seems you are defining yourself by those around you. You need to step back and figure out who you are, what you enjoy and not base it on others. If your happiness revolves around others you will never have any real self esteem. Go out and try different things, find out what interests YOU, what YOU enjoy. Don't worry about what others may think, or say, or believe about it. What matters is how you feel about it. Once you start doing that you can find others with similar interests and have good friends.

I think in the time when things really started to turn for the worse and became very complicated, I started to really destroy myself and pick myself apart -definitely I blamed myself, because had I been better in many regards, I wouldn't be in such a mess. I guess I was too long on my own, not being able to experience all the things a young, fresh out of school gay guy could experience, so I thought it wasn't meant for me, and even if I got there, it wouldn't make a difference. I really lost all my optimism and self worth.

Things are a lot better now, but remnants still remain there and contribute to my lack of self worth. It's made worse because in my younger days I was very happy, confident and content with myself, and I'm unsure if I can reach that same level again some day.



As far as defining myself by those around me goes, I think that's a bit true. I've kinda lost myself and have become a bit consumed by proving myself to be strong and able to cope with everything, even if that has meant putting a wall up and numbing myself as a defense mechanism.

I'm still working on fixing things and taking a proactive attitude to regaining myself -like I'm getting back into athletics and sport again and trying to rekindle my love of drawing that completely went away the last few years.

I think a counselor would be a great motivator for me to start achieving all that. Still, I always find it great to vent from time to time, and this place has been good for that. Thanks for the replies

 

[cocksucker4use]

It's good that you are open to counseling, and have had positive experiences with it in the past. Working out, running, even walking is great for you. When endorphins kick in, you can't be depressed. As you build muscle, firm up, etc. you will feel better about yourself. Plus, there's the hot guys at the gym. Woof. A doctor at the health service should be able and willing to prescribe Wellbutrin, as mentioned before. It is a tried and true drug with few side effects. It's also dirt cheap. Personally, I lost weight on it, and it increased my sex drive. boo hoo. I am a natural born drunk, so I can't say much there. Just that, looking back, I wish I had gotten that together much earlier. There is this thing, positive affirmations that you can do for yourself. Get post its that you can stick on the mirror, fridge, by your bed, etc. Write down positive things about yourself. "I'm smart" "you have a great ass" "I'm glad I am blond" "I like my hands" Gradually, the pieces come together, get it?.....like true, positive statements about yourself. Write up a bunch, post them around, swap them out. Not everyone, and certainly not I...can be classically handsome. I work out like a fiend and I never get a six pack, no matter what. Some things just are....Maximize what you have.....get a haircut that makes you look your best, and keep it up. Wear clothes that fit well. It doesn't have to be expensive...like, resale shops, department stores have stuff hella on sale if you look. eBay... You're young and healthy and now is your time. Nothing is more attractive than confidence. When you talk to people...like guys you might find interesting...ask about them and turn the conversation to things about them. People like to talk about themselves, and they will like you for being interested.