Part XI, Continue…
So now that my live is complete, whole again.   I was happy.   And true to form he and I just picked up right back where we left off.   We hung out as much as we could after work, on the weekends and it was great having the duo back together.   However, there was now an added wrinkle.  The duo was becoming a trio.    My buddy had also a new friend, his roommate…. He was the third wheel so to speak, and boy was he ever.   One thing about me and my best friend.   We here like hand in glove, and sometimes others just never seem to fit in between us.  Girlfriends broke up with both of us because of our closeness, even though we never purposely choose each other over our girlfriends or anything like that. The bond we shared was extremely close and personal.   We never thought that it was something was really evident to others around us.   
I knew about my sexual desires and my attraction to men.  I am equally attracted to women, it is what it is with that and I accepted it.   Once someone I knew, someone at my church no doubt, thought that even at the age of 17 my buddy and I were gay.   We were at a function for youth kids, anyone who has ever gone to church knows those things.  So we all sitting in this persons living room and my buddy was on the couch. I was one of the last to come in.  I stood there looking for a place to sit and looking for him, the room was packed, so I just decided to stand when I noticed my buddy motioning for me to come sit by him on the couch but there was no place to sit.  So he patted his leg welcoming me to sit on his lap and I did.  In full view of all these people, I did.  It didn’t seem weird or dirty or even freaky.   At that time, I wasn’t fully aware of my sexual attraction to him at all. We were just best friends.    After the event one of the youth directors said he wanted to talk to me and offered to give me a ride home.  Now he had a lot of kids with him, giving them all a ride home…I told my buddy that I was going to ride home with this person and off I went.   I sat up front in his van and there were about 10 girls and boys there.   I wondered what he wanted to talk to me about…Had I done something wrong.  I waited and waited and watched each kid get out of the van at their houses.   Finally, it was just he and I.  He made a stop at a store and I got a soda and we drove down the road.  I did notice that this road was dark and out of the way and I wondered what was going on.   He pulled over into a parking lot where the businesses were closed.   I said that I had to pee really bad and I hopped out the van to piss.    When I got back in he was there waiting for me.   No sooner that I had the door closed he had his hands on me. He grabbed my crotch.  Now he was about 25 and I was 17.   I didn’t know what to, how to react or anything.  I had not had any experiences at that time.  I pushed him a way and yelled at him to stop and asked him what he was doing.  I sat back in the seat, and adjust myself, and he said to me.   “I thought you were that way.”  What way is that I shot back.  I was mad and getting upset about this   He said he thought I like guys.   “My head spun around at these questions.  What did he see?  Why was he asking these questions?   He said well you were sitting on Adam’s lap (that is not my buddies real name.  I am just tired of saying buddy.    ) and you guys looked a little too comfortable.   I shot back at him.  “That didn’t mean anything, there was no other place to sit.”   He said, it just looked like something more than just that.   He left it alone, I told him to take me home and started the van and we drove off.  I asked him to pull into the store.  He did and I got of the van and told him that I was not getting in the van with him that I would call someone for a ride…  He drove off…. I called Adam and asked him to come get me.   What would I say to him?  He was there as fast as he could get there…. He drove me home and I didn’t say anything about what had happened.  I didn’t tell him that I was sexually assaulted.  As stupid as this sounds I was more interested in what my youth director saw, than telling anyone what happened.    After that was when I was more aware of my actions around him…. I suppose that one incident struck the match that lit the flame inside me and turned on the light about my connection with Adam.
Anyways, I tried to be accommodating with Adam and his new buddy.   But he and I were like oil and water, we never mixed.  I was one side of Adam and he was on the other, and he didn’t like the fact that I was even there at all and I knew it.  I could feel it.  Every time I was around he always had this attitude of he wished I would be somewhere else.  I never mentioned it to Adam, but I noticed after a while his friend seem to be less and less around. They still lived together…But he didn’t hang out with us as much. Adam still hung out with him, I didn’t want to be one of those people that would stop him from having friends, even if I didn’t like the guy.   
One night Adam came by and asked if I wanted to go and get something to eat.   Yea, I said and we went off to get Coney’s, our favorite food.   He told me that he was going to move out, that he wanted to know if I wanted to be roommates.   I don’t know who shouted it out first my brain or my mouth.   But I said yes, and we sat there and made plans.  I told him I wanted to move out of my apartment to a different one, a newer one.  He had said that he was going to move home again, he needed to save some money.  I quickly said that he could move in with me if he wanted too.   But he declined at said that he really need to save some money and he and I living together at that time wouldn’t be good because he would spend all his money.   I accepted that, he was always the practical one, of the two of us.   I asked him when he was planning on doing this.   He said actually tonight he was moving out.   I asked him if his friend knew.  He said yes, he knows…. He told me that they had been fighting a bit here and there, and that he was getting on his nerves and he wanted to get away from him.   I asked what happened, and he said they just weren’t getting along, and that his friend had moved his girlfriend into the apartment and never asked him about it, and they would not pay bills and always ran out of money.   I accepted that……We ate our food and got back into his truck.  He said that he was going to go and get the rest of his things from the apartment.  He had already moved most of it, but he had just clothes and things there.    We pulled into his complex and he parked.  I reached for the door, I wanted to help him get his things.  He said, “Just stay out here, I won’t be long.”  I looked at him, ‘You sure, I don’t mind helping you.”  He said it was okay, it wasn’t a lot of stuff, and he would be back quick.   So I sat back in the seat, I was a bit deflated about it.   I wanted to see what condition he was living in.    I sat there watched him walk up the stairs and go inside his apartment.   I started to hear some yelling coming from his place.  I knew his voice.  He voice is loud and deep, and he could yell…. I really couldn’t make out what they were saying, just a bunch of shouting.  I wanted to get out and help but I sat there and waited.   The shouting stopped.  It was just turning dark out, and I saw someone come down the stairs.  It wasn’t Adam, it was his friend.   He was getting something out of his car.  I watched to see what he was doing…. I saw him crab something and then watched him light it.  He was smoking…He turned around and looked at Adams truck.  I don’t think he was aware that I was in there.   He looked back at the apartment and then at me.  He began walking toward me.   I sat there…I wasn’t in the mood to fight, but if he wanted one I would give it one.   He walked up to my side and I looked at him and I spoke first.  Where is Adam? I said really fast.  He responded, upstairs getting him things.  Okay, I said, I kept looking at him, to react quickly if he did, but he stayed his distance from me also. I guess he thought I might do something also.  He leaned against the car next to us and he just started talking about how he was sorry for being such a dick all the time.   I really wasn’t listening to him much, didn’t really care about what he had to say.   But one thing struck me.  He said, “I am just pissed off, because I am losing my best friend.”   I knew that that felt like…. I had been there; I could sympathize with him.  But I wasn’t about to let him know that.   I didn’t say anything else to him.   He turned and walked away, because Adam was at the top of the stairs with his things, walking down.  He was looking at the two of us there and I could see the anger still on his face, and the concerned.  I smiled at him, just to let him know things were cool.   He walked passed his friend/roommate and didn’t say anything.  I watched him put his things in the back of his truck, open his door and get in.  I sat there for a second looking at him.   He said, “You okay.”   I smiled at him almost wanting to laugh.  “Are you okay.”  I said…. fighting back the desire to laugh…. He said, yea and he laughed a little.   “You sure…”  I said, He smiled at reached over and punched me in the arm.  We drove off.   He said…I was surprised that you weren’t out the truck, kicking his ass.   I laughed and said, you know I am more a lover and not a fighter.
He drove me home.  He said he wasn’t in the mood to hang out, just wanted to get home and put up his things.  I told him to call me later and he said he would and he did.   I went to bed that night replaying what his roommate had said about, losing his best friend.   I thought about the sadness in his voice when he said it.  I also began to wonder if there was something more there that I didn’t know about…. I played with the questions of, did his friend have the same sort of feelings as I.  Was he like me when it came to Adam.  Was he also dancing too close to that fire……
To continue…………