Straight but unsure...

[southernnfratty]

Hey guys...

So... I'm kind of confused about everything. I made an account today just to post this cause its been eating at me lately, and I dunno what to do. I've actually been on here a few times lol. I've just never posted anything before cause I dont want it getting traced back... anyway,

A bit about myself: I'm in college in the south (USA), graduating this year, 22 years old. Typical college guy. I love sports, I love working out, I love beer and partying, I'm in a frat, same old same old. But I'm not sure of myself... whether I like guys or girls. Yeah you'd think it be kind of obvious but hear me out.

Growing up I'd always loved girls. In high school (and college) I went on dates, had multiple girlfriends, hooked up with girls, had sex, what have you.... but I've always had a thing for guys. I can't explain it. I used to never be able to see myself with a guy, but I'd watch... yknow certain movies and stuff that had dudes in them, and I'd think about guys, and I guess I always figured that it would go away after a while but it never did. Thing is, in those "movies" thered never be any explicitly gay stuff, i.e. I'd watch only solo videos and if a movie featured fucking I'd change it. Or... and this sounds really bad so I'm sorry if I offend anyone, if the guys looked too stereotypically "gay"... maybe a better word is feminine... I'd change it. I dont know I just never got into the gay sex / overtly gay thing. Thing is, I love straight porn and couples fucking, but I never watch solos with girls or lesbian porn... there always has to be a guy in it.

I've dating this girl on and off for about a year now, and while its great (both the sex and the emotional part) and I really care about her, something's missing. Even when we're intimate, at first it starts off great and we're just really into each other, but after a while my mind trails off and I start thinking about guys. And then I have to start thinking about guys to keep my woody haha. Which just confuses the fuck out of me (and probably my dick too lol).

Thing is, lately I've been talking with some people in the gay community online (not at my school I'm not ballsy enough to do that... and if any one in my frat found out, I dont know what Id do) and I'm getting more comfortable with things, but I still wont provide too many details about who I am or where I'm from. But the point is, the more I talk with these guys, the more I want to kind of experiment and see what its like. Is that wrong? I dont even know how I'd go about doing that, and besides I'd feel wrong cause its like cheating on my girl you know?

I dont know if I could ever see myself in a relationship with a guy, but lately I've been thinking about it and actually... i dunno, considering the possibility i guess. But I still identify as straight, I still love girls, I want to marry a girl and have kids with a girl but... all these emotions are so weird and I dont know what to do. Maybe I'm bi?

Sorry, I know this seems like a long winded rant. But if anyone has any advice... I'd like to hear it. Or just have someone to talk to. I dunno.

P.S. one last thing which has no relevance at all.. I've checked out some of the posts on here aimed at "straight guys", or even responded to by "straight guys"... bros there is no way anyone on this website is 100% straight haha. The top of the forum says "gay porn forum", any straight man who isnt struggling with an issue like me would high tail it out of here as soon as he saw that.

Also some of the posts about seducing a straight friend etc are... really creepy, regardless of orientation or gender so... cut that shit out. Dont mean to offend anyone by that, but thats how it comes off.

 

[bankside]

At 22 nobody knows his future. That makes it harder to have a relationship even when both people are decent folks.

Bottom line is if you decide to experiment, it's doesn't "feel like" cheating on your girlfriend, it is cheating on your girlfriend.

If you were single, it would be harmless to find out. You could ask a guy out and see where things went, or at least say yes if you caught some guy's eye.

But you're not. And I assume you signed up for a monogamous relationship. Can you truly say you don't need to know the answer "what if being with a guy was great?"

If it doesn't matter to you, there is no law against noticing hot guys. Enjoy it. But if you know that you'll need to find out for yourself one day, then I think you have a conversation ahead of you that goes something like "It's not you, it's me..."

Chances are if the fantasy is what keeps you going, you should probably let her go her own way. For her sake, so she can know what it's like to be with a guy who gets harder the more he thinks about her. And for your sake, so you can be with the kind of guy you think about.

In any relationship any two people look around. I do. My guy does too. But there is nobody else that I'd rather be fucking, and I recommend that feeling. I'd never fake it for him. It's beneath us both.

Oh! Small tiny chance that your girlfriend is just as open and curious about sexuality as you are. Maybe she's even more comfortable with it than you are. Has she ever felt comfortable opening up to you about her experiences or her fantasies? Maybe she's already been there done that? Maybe she always wanted a bisexual boyfriend. Stranger things have happened. When my guy and I finally opened up about our fantasies it was amazing because had even more in common. We were too shy to admit it to each other at first but life's too short for that. (nothing weird - we know our limits, but still there was no reason to keep secrets from each other about what makes us curious or turns us on. That's part of a good relationship, gay, straight, or bi.)

 

[Kaigon]

Hey man, welcome to the forums!

Or... and this sounds really bad so I'm sorry if I offend anyone, if the guys looked too stereotypically "gay"... maybe a better word is feminine... I'd change it.

I'm gay and exactly the same - I really don't get turned on by feminine guys. If they've got an itty bitty waist and a thick-lipped pout - no. I like dudes, not chicks. Msculine guys turn me on, not twinks.

Even when we're intimate, at first it starts off great and we're just really into each other, but after a while my mind trails off and I start thinking about guys. And then I have to start thinking about guys to keep my woody haha.

To me, it sounds like one of two things:

a) You're gay. If you're not getting hard with a chick and having to think about dudes, that sounds gay to me. There's nothing /wrong/ with it, but you have to admit it to yourself in order to be comfortable with yourself. Last thing you want to do when you're sixty is look back and think "fuck, I could have had so much fun, if only I'd just embraced it."

b) You're bi, but you're so worried about this possibility that it's effecting how you fuck your girlfriend. I mean, it says you've fucked girls in high school and college before - could you keep a hard on without thinking of dudes then? If so, then I think this realisation that you're bi is messing with your head, and affecting your performance.

My advice would be to chat to some kind of college councillor about it - someone who will keep this perfectly confidential.

THe reason being is that I reckon you need someone official and authoratitive to tell you that it's absolutely normal to be bi, and let's face it - getting the "OK" from us lot won't do jack for you, considering you think we're all creepy what with seducing our straight mates =P

(But yeah, while I crush on some of my fit straight mates, I don't quite go to these epic lengths that some guys on here do of "I SAW HIS COCK TODAY WHEN HE WAS PASSED OUT ON MY SOFA" etc.)

But the point is, the more I talk with these guys, the more I want to kind of experiment and see what its like. Is that wrong? I dont even know how I'd go about doing that, and besides I'd feel wrong cause its like cheating on my girl you know?

I'll be honest, from what you're saying, whether you're straight, bi, or gay, there is definitely something amiss with your relationship with this chick. I don't know you from adam, so I can only go by what you've written, but you said yourself that something's missing, and that you've been dating her on and off.

Maybe call a break with her, experiment with a couple of dudes, see how you like it. If you like it, awesome, you're bi. If you don't, awesome, you're straight. Just don't take this too seriously, k man? At the end of the day, this is just sexual orientation. Private thoughts that no-one's going to judge you on. Don't beat yourself up just because you get a hard on over guys as well as lasses - it's not like you can help it! =P

Hope I helped dude.

 

[justanegg]

Here's what you do...find yourself a gay therapist (no, he's not going to come on to you). Shop around if you need to, build up some trust in him. Then tell him what's on your mind and I am sure he will be helpful, confidential and help you learn about who you really are and what you want from life. Best of luck. Happy landings!

 

[youfiad]

P.S. one last thing which has no relevance at all.. I've checked out some of the posts on here aimed at "straight guys", or even responded to by "straight guys"... bros there is no way anyone on this website is 100% straight haha. The top of the forum says "gay porn forum", any straight man who isnt struggling with an issue like me would high tail it out of here as soon as he saw that.
QUOTE]

^^^ This

The first step is in admitting that you are bi. That doesn't mean anything other than you have a physical and or emotional attraction towards men. You may prefer women much more than men, but that doesn't change the fact that you are bi. You may now search for someone with whom you can experiment now. That doesn't make you gay.... That doesn't mean anybody has got to know about it. If you're curious, you're curious, who gives a fuck. If I were curious about the vag, I would try it out. You gotta worry about you right now. I always tell people it's better to live your life with the regret of having done something you didn't like than living the rest of your life never trying something you would have taken advantage of.

As a 23 year old college student, I can tell you that you're not alone. While I know that I am gay, I know many who are in your same situation. Just go with the flow and don't be a homophobe if you revert back to your heterosexuality . Also, which state are you in?

 

[BlondeCanadian]

I agree with both of your comments about the site..
And I think that there is a couple of things that you need to understand. There are many straight looking or masculine guys out there. Also getting married and having kids isn't impossible to do with a another guy as your husband. Granted it is more difficult, but there are guys out there who will want to try.
I think you are doing the right thing with getting more comfortable about it all and easing into it.

 

[southernnfratty]

Wow... thanks for responding everyone. I didn't think there'd be so many people willing to help me out. All of yall gave good advice and I think I need to find someone authoritative to talk about it...

To answer some questions, in high school or earlier in college when I'd dated girls, I thought about dudes during sex but it was always kind of fleeting. Not until I got with this girl that it became a real... issue, I guess. Its strange because this is the longest relationship Ive ever been in (yea thats sad I know).

Also I think someone asked but Im in the south, so things are a bit more conservative down here. That might play a role too heh.

 

[loveitacceptit]

i think you should stop giving yourself such a hard time, man. i'm know it's worrying to be having this kind of uncertainty, especially when your friends may or may not be comfortable with it, but in the end, regardless of what anyone thinks, it's just a question of who turns you on. it's not the end of the world, and it's nothing to feel guilty about or be scared of. questioning or exploring your sexuality doesn't have to mean stripping down and jumping on the nearest Pride Parade float (though there's nothing wrong with that), and it's not going to change the important things about you as a person, besides maybe opening up your mind about yourself and the people around you, which all of us could use now and again, and which is something to be welcomed!

i'm sure none of that helps too much with what you're feeling, but you should know i've been there, and while at one point in my life i was terrified about how different than my friends my uncertainty seemingly made me, once i stopped worrying about being different and just accepted what was going on inside, i realized i was basically the same, except infinitely happier. i know that's coming for you, too, and i hope in the interim between now and then, you don't let it get to you as much as it seems to be doing at the moment.

as for your uncertainty, i will say that i now acknowledge the fact that i'm completely gay, even though i hooked up and dated girls, liked straight-guy things, and only allowed myself to watch straight porn or solo-guy stuff. my experience with girls felt empty in a way, like you described, and all of my assurances to myself that i could never date a guy - along with my disdain for effeminate men - turned out to just be self-consciousness and denial (i still don't go too much for the fem guys sexually, but the disdain thing had so much more to do with self-loathing than anything they chose to do themselves, and now that the self-loathing as it applies to my sexuality is gone, i realize that in fact, queens are like the most awesome ever).

i'm not saying any of that has to be the case with you. we're totally different people, and you could be a straight or bi guy who's just working out his issues. i just wanted to give you my story in the hopes that it might shed a little light on yours. even if it doesn't, i hope things will turn out okay for you, and i'm sure they will if you just don't stress about it so much. discover what you need to discover (though hopefully not at the expense of your girlfriend's trust) and cut yourself a little slack.

 

[blackbeltninja]

My two cents...

Having identified as bi for many years, I only ever had a physical thing for guys but both physical and emotional things for girls. It was during my last relationship with a girl that I really began to consider what having a boyfriend might be like. Things weren't going well between her and me at that point anyway - it was my longest relationship too. but on my side it had been on life-support for a while - and when the thoughts of being with a guy long-term began to pervade I realised it was time to call it off with her. Where you and I differ, though, is that I had already had sex with a few guys at that stage and was really more interested in trying for something emotional with one.

Your situation - if I'm honest, if it is at the point where it bothers you this much it might be time to have a rethink about it all, for both your sakes. Your girl deserves someone who really desires her, and you need to really want what you're having and not just settle because it might be easier. Given what you've said, I don't think you really want to cheat on her, either; in my opinion it's critical that you don't.

Good luck - you're in the right place! A lot of us are in, or have been in, your situation. I hope you stick around with us for a while. It's not always easy letting yourself make these decisions - but, as others have said, don't beat yourself up because you're wired a little differently to the way you thought you were!

-d-

 

[Blueboy369]

I think you owe it to yourself to "explore" a little before you wind up in an unhappy marriage and hooking up with guys on the side. There is nothing wrong with making some new friends that happen to be gay. The first step is to go to a gay bar just for one beer. You can go with your girlfriend, or a group of friends, and come across as an open minded straight guy who doesn't judge and just wants to have a fun time. You can also go alone, have a beer, check out the scene and leave. No big deal. Chances are you may bump into someone on the football team or that super straight guy who you never suspected could be into guys. If that happens you could always say you were supposed to meet some friends but they never showed up and your just having a beer. Life is short. live a little. Always use a condom.

 

[Toddxxx]

Great responses! I am often amazed by the frequency of thoughtful and caring advice JUBers offer to questions like the one asked here. Awesome site!

 

[palbert]

I would have to search long and hard before I found such a perfect thread from today. Great job guys.

 

[PepaeMango]

that's a lot of words. However, when you look at this image, what do you see? The answer might help you decide...

 

[Markscott84]

I am in the same situation. Im straight and recently single from my girlfriend of 8 years. It was off and on. You know how it is when you that one that is exactly like you? ha we argued all the time...but our arguments were so damn funny we would just end up laughing at each other. I had to call it quits when she developed a love for pills.

Very Similar situation though.I'm from the south, I'm in a frat and i think about the idea of maybe messing around with a guy. Nothing has ever happened. To tell you the truth, the thought never even crossed my mind until college. One of my frat bros came out to me as being bi. Being the cool guy i am, i wasn't about to give him a hard time about it. I mean I accept all people, I mean hell I never cared what people do in the bedroom, as long as it didn't involve animals or children..You're cool with me.

That might have been why he felt comfortable telling me. Who knows. He then told me he wanted to know if he could ever "help me out" and that no one would ever know. That's when things got weird. I wasn't mad or anything, I was I suppose just shocked. i wont lie...I thought about it for a couple minutes and some very awkward silence passed. I told him that I appreciated the thought and i was very flattered, but there was just no way we could do something like that. we have to many friends in common being frat bros and all. Plus...knowing what kind of he way.. .the guy liked to party! Weed and booze all the time! So that played a huge factor into my decision as well. The last thing i needed was him getting fucked up and letting some shit slip. Even though it would have been my word against his. but he said he understood and he looked angry. I told him not to be stupid about this. there was no reason why we couldnt still be friends. but that was the last time he really spoke to me. So im not sure If I handled it wrong or what.. i have no idea. but it still bothers me to this day that i lost a friend over something so stupid.

So that was my one and only "close call" as far as messing around with guys goes. but since then...i have had thoughts about what it might be like. and since im recently single like i mentioned above, leaves a lot of lonely nights for your mind to roam. I dont know if I'll ever do anything i might i might not. Even if it did happen. im not sure if it should be a stranger, someone who doesnt know me or anyone else I know... or if it should someone I know and trust.... i have no clue. even then they would have to be as masculine as me otherwise i dont see the point. no disrespect, people are who they are, but i would never be able to get it up with a dude who acts feminine. Thats just the way it is.

So I'm just as confused.....

 

[Sam-I-Am]

that's a lot of words. However, when you look at this image, what do you see? The answer might help you decide...

Damn! I see them both. Guess I am clearly bi.

Seriously, if you know you have made a turn toward another sexual preference and are sure that is the way you are happiest, it is not fair to you or your female partner to continue the masquerade. It will make you both miserable and the pain will be greater in the end.

I am fortunate. I get turned on by either sex.

 

[bankside]

that's a lot of words. However, when you look at this image, what do you see? The answer might help you decide...

I see ugly shower curtains.








KIDDING!!!!!

 

[mario24]

What is clear here is that the OP is not "straight" as he called himself in the post title. Sorry but straight guys dont have to think about other guys to get off with the gf so that's pretty clear.

Now if Bi or gay is really the question here. That he's gotta figure out on his own. As others have said better to figure that out now then end up in bad marriages and/or cheating on gf's to go hook up with guys.

The best advice i can give is dont seriously date women for now and go explore the guy side and still hook up wth women if you want. It's fine to hook up as no expectation of monogamy etc.

Stop the denial is another key piece of advice.. You're not st8 face that..now bi or gay that you can sort threw. But just admit your into guys.

 

[blackbeltninja]

but he said he understood and he looked angry. I told him not to be stupid about this. there was no reason why we couldnt still be friends. but that was the last time he really spoke to me. So im not sure If I handled it wrong or what.. i have no idea. but it still bothers me to this day that i lost a friend over something so stupid.

That's a sad story. How recent was this? Have you tried to reconnect since?

-d-

 

[Sam-I-Am]

I see ugly shower curtains.








KIDDING!!!!!

Missed the shower curtains. My straight side must dominate.

 

[chrisw87]

I see ugly shower curtains.








KIDDING!!!!!

I was wondering what she was using on her face

And yes I saw the penis, and her body, so what. I'm so over picture related erotica to be honest, and without a good mental boost through a story or a personality I have no desire. (ye gads im turning into a woman!)