Straight ? Dude - ready for gay sex - long post...

[curiousquix]

Hi, guys. This is my first post and I am glad to have found this site. This is the first time I have spoken of, much less written, of my gay sexual desires. I feel comfortable and confident doing so here because I read some of the "Straight & Bi" forum posts and responses, and you all seem like a pretty good bunch of men. So pat yourselves on the back that you can make a newbie feel good.

And, I take the point that some of you have made - if I was truly "straight", I wouldn't be here. But, I'm here in good faith and I hope you will accept me as such.

I've had a very full and varied sex life that has been 99.9% centered around women. I've been married for twelve years once, engaged a couple of times, and been a serially monogamous, reasonable care- free bachelor, and for the most part loved every moment of it. The .01% was an experience in my young teens where a friend on the gymnastics team wanted to suck me, and we played around for a while but nothing much came of it, pun intended, and no repeat.
Just to round out the picture, I'm athletic and fit, vegetarian, no drugs, adventurous and physical, and very active in some very demanding equestrian and motor sports. Considered handsome. And, for the record, I'm 59 - and for the young and brave going "ewww", well, screw ewww, too. Life just gets better and better if you let it.

About a year or so ago, I found my self getting really bored with the monotony of dating women, and also less and less willing to put up with their neuroses. I mean, once their clothes started coming off, I started losing interest - the fun part was over, and the rest was just plumbing. I also started to notice that fewer and fewer women are what I call genuinely "orgasmic" - truly into the joys of sex, not just making an accommodation to get whatever they think they want out of the deal.

So, I started spending more and more time alone, and yes, masturbating more and more. One day I discovered my anus while jerking off and it was an eye-opener, lol... Had that little guy been around my whole life and I never paid any attention ?

I started thinking and exploring. Bought a vibrator, oops, too big, downsized a couple of notches and started exploring even more, and now I'm moving up in size. Having an analytical engineer's mind I started doing research, mainly on the web, into gay sex - techniques, positions, opinions, etc... Although I have not yet, by any description, "come out", I feel the attraction strongly. Simply put, the time is now, and I want to have sex with a man. Not "right now", as in right this minute, but soon.

I don't like porn, but I found a lot of sites with some really beautiful pictures of sexually engaged men, and the more I saw, the more I felt in my heart that there's something really nice possible here. I saw pictures that clearly showed affection in addition to really wild passion. I saw a particularly beautiful picture series of one man receiving another, and in addition to becoming wildly excited, I felt good, and confident that this was going to be all right, and natural.

I'm now mentally ready to try. Physically, I want to lose a few pounds and tone up to my summer weight - hey, it's winter ! I fantasize a lot about sex with men, and I find myself not only wanting to experience it, but to also be really enthusiastic about it. I want the guy that takes my cherry to have a blast doing it !!!

I think that any "straight" guy going down this road has to face the "am I top or bottom" question, but that one was easy for me - when it's time, I want it all, and I mean all of it. I want to hold, stroke, suck, be sucked, fuck, and be fucked. Why else bother ?

So, I have some questions to end this post with, and I hope that those of you that have stayed with me this far will answer me candidly, honestly, and perhaps as you might have wished to be answered at some time. Here goes:

What is the feeling about going to a big-city (Los Angeles) bath house and sort of "looking around" before committing ? If you go to a bath house, are you sort of expected to have sex ?
I don't have any gay friends (that I know of, anyway, lol...) I'd like to get a feel for being around gay men. Also, to be really candid, the first time is going to be about sex, and I may not want to get really involved with anybody. I may want to remain anonymous.

Are there condoms that are specifically designed for gay anal sex ? What other precautions are necessary for prevention of disease transmission ? Where does oral sex fit into the picture ?

Do gay men tend to divide themselves up into "tops and bottoms" ? I'd really like that first guy that turns me on to be into it all, too.

What are the best lubricants and methods of applying them ? I'm still a little, I guess apprehensive, about that first penetration. But, I don't think I want any desensitization.

AND, anything else you care to share.


I will probably have other questions now that the ice has been broken. But, for now, thanks very much for reading and I look forward to your replies.

Andrew

 

[BlondeCanadian]

No there is not any special condoms for anal.. There is a large amount of versatile men who also want it all..
Oral sex; debbie downer would tell you to use a dental damn but I would suggest just being observative with your partner....

I think the lubricant is astroglide or something that is the best? I usually just use lubbed condoms... and i have some stuff that was on sale in case more is needed.....
applying them?? On the condom and in your bum?

Bathhouses I have never been but I have heard good things.

 

[cariblk]

Interesting story...sadly gay men do divide themselves into top and bottom categories. Using a condom for anal sex is just as using it for vaginal sex so i don't think you'd have a problem there. Lube doesn't desynthesize the penis...anal sex would not desynthesize the anus

 

[GiacomoPisani]

not all gay men are into anal sex and going to bathhouses looking for sex.i 'm gay but i don't like anal penetration i prefer that my partner eat my ass instead.if i were you i would look for a bi married men as a sexual buddy.it is safer.
And welcome back to your own sex!!!

 

[midnight81]

Giacomo, what in the hell are you talking about? Fucking bi married men is safer? In what sense?

Quix, here's my response:

If you're going to look for anonymous sex that fits your specific criteria, your best bet is to look somewhere like Craigslist where you can post an anonymous ad and screen out undesirables before you even respond. You can also be much more frank about what you want and say you are only looking for guys with x, y or z criteria, who are versatile (likes both) and will be willing to flip-fuck (that's do both top and bottom in one session). You can also lay out exactly what you do or don't want to do in terms of oral. It's ok if you're not into giving head, but make sure you're up front about that so the person isn't disappointed or pissed. Craigslist is also the best way to ensure the person won't want more from you. Bathhouses are risky - you might not find what you're looking for and you may even end up at a bathhouse that discourages fucking around.

As far as being safe is concerned - use the same condoms you would use with a woman, though make sure you get the lubricated kind. I don't have a favorite lube, but something water-based is probably best. Lube won't desensitize you - it will make it so your asshole doesn't get torn apart by friction, but you will still feel the intense pleasures as the cock touches your anus and eventually hits your prostate. And your asshole will be pretty tight since you're still an anal virgin (although the toys have probably loosened you up a little). Apply lube to both the cock and your asshole.

Make sure you're honest with whomever takes your cherry. Tell them it is your first time bottoming and you
need them to go slow. A good top will take his time working his way into you anyway, since an ass is not made to be thrust into (unless the bottom is already pre-conditioned).

That said, I will leave you to your hunt and say good luck.

 

[Corny]

No there is not any special condoms for anal..

not entirely correct. there are condoms (eg: durex extra strong) which have thicker latex walls. they are designed to endure more friction, which anal sex - when compared to vaginal sex - has.

as for the rest .. i can't tell you much since i never had desires for women at all. but if you want to be around gay men .. go to a gay party or a gay bar. nobody will ask your questions .
you can have sex at a bathhouse, but you don't need to. however, it is highly unlikely that you will get a first time experience like you described here in a bathhouse. more like a quick, anonymous "fuck and forget".

 

[The White Stripe]

not entirely correct. there are condoms (eg: durex extra strong) which have thicker latex walls. they are designed to endure more friction, which anal sex - when compared to vaginal sex - has.

Good. I was hoping they had come up with something like that. I mean I figured they would have by now.

Does that detract from the pleasure at all. I mean I know condoms take something away from straight vaginal sex...but does using a condom detract from anal sex at all?

 

[AsianDream]

What is the feeling about going to a big-city (Los Angeles) bath house and sort of "looking around" before committing ? If you go to a bath house, are you sort of expected to have sex ?

I'd say a gay sauna (bath house) is definitely the best idea. No one is expected to have sex - it's very easy to politely say no - also you need to happily accept guys saying no to you.

The best thing is probably to just go there a few times without any expectation of anything happening - just to get the feel of the place.

I wouldn't worry about the whole top/bottom thing at first - just get used to the atmosphere and manybe later some sexual playing around with other guys.

I'd stongly advise if you want to bottom to do some serious solo practice with a dildo - get very used to fucking yourself and cumming with it inside you.

You'll know when you've practiced enough when you can easily relax your ass and slide it inside you - plus don't lose your erection as you're entered.

Not being able to relax - or being fucked when you've lost your hard-on can make what is a brilliant feeling just plain uncomfortable (even painful).

 

[curiousquix]

An update

Hi, JUB men,

Thanks for all the kind replies. Your advice is appreciated and I will keep you updated as this story unfolds.

Practically speaking, I've ordered some of the Durex extra strength condoms, as well as some others to try for fun - all in all, three 36 packs - hey, I'm an optimist !

Really, It's not ALL about the sex, but I think it's important that it goes well. It will be great to meet a healthy, happy guy that wants to have fun.

Following some of the other advice, thank you Asian friend, I have purchased a couple of vibrating dildoes to play with, one which has an inflatable feature that they say will help stretch things out comfortably, and also in anticipation, a very realistic vibrating dildo which I ordered, optimistically, in the 1.5" x 8" size ! The first sight of that big boy is going to be an experience, I'm sure. I'll try not to faint, lol...

Maybe when I can comfortably insert and play with 8" I'll be ready for the real thing. I just hope that I can find a first man that is ready for me. I'm not just be cruising for a piece of meat, I want to meet someone that really turns me on, and that I turn on. After all, I've only got one cherry ass to give, and I can only suck my first cock once.

I can't tell you great it is to be anticipating something that feels so right. Even though it will probably be a few weeks, my fantasy life feels turbocharged.
I laugh out loud when I think that maybe someone like me, a "straight" guy, could passively accept a blow job or find a willing bottom and still try and convince himself that he's "not really gay".

Well, I fantasize about sucking a cock until it's as big and hard as it's going to get, and then receiving that luscious cock deep inside me and just going totallly wild and slutty. Pretty hard to play denial games with thoughts like that banging around inside your head. It may not mean I'm totally gay, but it sure as hell means I'm not totally straight !

Thanks again, guys, and I'll post back soon.