Straight Friend Advice

[acheilles]

My best friend is straight (as in 100% straight) and really hot. total alpha male. I'm gay and he knows I'm gay. Anyways we sometimes have these awkward moments when the conversation of sex comes up. He either misreads me or takes things the wrong way thinking Im pushing the boundaries between us. Which I'm not. For example he always tells him about the girls he's hooked up with, what he's into with girls, etc. But when I tell him about the guys i've been with or what I'm into he makes snarky comments that come off as put down (almost homophobic in a way that suggest that straight sex is better than gay sex. Tonally think of it if as if someone from one race makes racist comments suggesting his race is better than yours). This is where he turns defensive and I get the feeling he thinks I want to hook up with him. Here is my honest response.

A) He's really hot so it's not like the thought has not crossed my mind (I am a guy that's into guys after all), but I'm also an adult that knows better. If I was to every try and hook up with him one of two things would happen but the ultimate outcome would be the same: We would end up hooking up in which case it would be hot but ultimately sex ruins friendships. Or we would not hook up and we would just be awkward around each other. Either way it would hurt our friendship so no I'm not trying to sleep with him. Thats where I stand on things in my friendship with him but I have never expressed any of this to him until yesterday.

Yesterday I wrote him an email clearing the air. I told him he was the closest friend I had and that I wanted him to know that I'm not looking to hook up with with him. I was honest about everything. I told that yeah he's a good looking dude but I'm not trying to push boundaries with him. I also said he can't freak out if he's walking around shirtless and all of a sudden I'm starring. Guys stare. Call it reflex or force of habit. He would do the same if a female friend was walking around shirtless. But again, I told him it didnt mean I wanted to sleep with him.

I did what I thought was the adult thing to do. I saw a problem and confronted it head on. Anyways now i feel a little sheepish having said all that to him. Did I say too much? Should I have dealt with it differently? I almost feel like a girl that reveals too much and then comes off as crazy. Now I'm freaking out that I did come off as crazy and the email is now being passed around to our other friends and they are laughing at me. Am I being paranoid? He didn't respond to the email and when we talked on the phone he seemed okay but the email was not brought up.

Would you have done the same thing (cleared the air through an honest email) or would you have played it differently? More coy dropping hints you're not looking to seep with him?

 

[anchihiro]

I think you being a friend to him has probably helped with him toning down any homophobic thoughts and feelings he may have had without knowing a gay person.

But he's still not there yet. He could do with being educated. But no, you did the right thing in explaining a few truths to him via an email. Sometimes a letter can be the best communication.

 

[stevexxx]

if i were you, don't talk about your sex life, i bet that creeps him out and makes him feel uncomfortable

 

[acheilles]

Well that's a little unfair. Why is it he can tell me his war stories about the girls he's hooked up with but I can't tell him mine?

 

[stevexxx]

because he is straight and your not. no straight man wants to hear," oh i fucked him good, or i got fucked by a big dick". its too uncomfortable

 

[iwantbig]

it's hindsight but why do people come on line and say , i did this was it the right thing to do , if you think to ask about it first you'll have the opportunity to consider the advice before you act

 

[ruivinho]

well if he does pass around the e-mail and laughs at it he is not your best friend, and yes in my opinion you have done the right thing

 

[ruivinho]

because he is straight and your not. no straight man wants to hear," oh i fucked him good, or i got fucked by a big dick". its too uncomfortable

lol should gay people freak out when straight guys say i fucked that pussy?
no, because "hetero is normal"

like he said it is unfair

 

[stevexxx]

it's unfair, but it is what it is

 

[anchihiro]

Nah see i have the opposite approach. If a straight guy tells me details of his sex life then he has no grounds for saying that i'm not allowed to talk about mine.

It's unethical, and unequal. I have every right to talk about my life so if straight people can't handle that and think that treating a gay person lower than another straight is acceptable.....well steve then they can go fuck themselves.

 

[stevexxx]

Nah see i have the opposite approach. If a straight guy tells me details of his sex life then he has no grounds for saying that i'm not allowed to talk about mine.

It's unethical, and unequal. I have every right to talk about my life so if straight people can't handle that and think that treating a gay person lower than another straight is acceptable.....well steve then they can go fuck themselves.

lol i agree, but see it from this way. its like asking a nun what did you do yesterday. and she says i volunteered. then she asks you what you did. and you say" i fucked a guy hard as fuck. then she will be like " oh my Gaaaa" and then she runs away from you. i don't know it's always more uncomfortable from the hetero perspective than the gay perspective, because the hetero perspective is the only acceptable perspective in society. but i agree with you it's unfair

 

[texan_slant]

All I can say is - good for you that you cleared the air with him and you communicated. Now that you've broached the subject, though, I'd probably circle back with him in person. Sometimes, you risk losing something in translation with email and text.

 

[acheilles]

lol i agree, but see it from this way. its like asking a nun what did you do yesterday. and she says i volunteered. then she asks you what you did. and you say" i fucked a guy hard as fuck. then she will be like " oh my Gaaaa" and then she runs away from you. i don't know it's always more uncomfortable from the hetero perspective than the gay perspective, because the hetero perspective is the only acceptable perspective in society. but i agree with you it's unfair

HA! It's NOTHING like asking a nun what she did yesterday. You're comparing having a family meal to doing lines off of a stripper's ass. If I ask him what he did last night and he says he fucked a girl in the ass, then he should have no problem hearing me talk about what I did last night with the guy I fucked. And i'm sorry to tell you this but the hetero perspective is NOT the ONLY acceptable perspective. I'm not even going to bother with this argument.... let's also forget the irony that you're on justusboys.com #justsayin

 

[acheilles]

All I can say is - good for you that you cleared the air with him and you communicated. Now that you've broached the subject, though, I'd probably circle back with him in person. Sometimes, you risk losing something in translation with email and text.

Yeah that's true.

 

[stevexxx]

HA! It's NOTHING like asking a nun what she did yesterday. You're comparing having a family meal to doing lines off of a stripper's ass. If I ask him what he did last night and he says he fucked a girl in the ass, then he should have no problem hearing me talk about what I did last night with the guy I fucked. And i'm sorry to tell you this but the hetero perspective is NOT the ONLY acceptable perspective. I'm not even going to bother with this argument.... let's also forget the irony that you're on justusboys.com #justsayin

i was curious if that is what your getting at but, im no longer interested in anything gay, but i do like reading some certain posts

 

[GiacomoPisani]

the hetero perceptive is not gonna be accepted by homoseuxals,NEVER.i have wrote about it before,and i would cut my right hand that you've already read everything.

i will tell you the same thing that i said to justsayinghello,if you prefer to get sexual arousal with uterine excretions instead of testicles ones,that's your fetish,if you like to have sex with a four legged,two headed woman with four boobs filled up with baby milk,that's your fetish.
if you are not into sucking big,hard cocks ,and enjoying the only sex that you NATURALLY belong sexually to,because you prefer to think that the opposite sex is better,then that's your stupidity.don't worry,we the gays know very well which body parts to use in order to maximize pleasure,decrease sexual deviancy,and many of the toxic physical/mental behavior that this society has taught us.

The law of sexual inverses: AS one maximizes,the other minimizes,and they both invert each other. Think ,think deeply about it.

 

[acheilles]

i was curious if that is what your getting at but, im no longer interested in anything gay, but i do like reading some certain posts

LOL I was actually getting at the irony of your statement. You said "...because the hetero perspective is the only acceptable perspective," yet you're on a website with a different acceptable perspective.

I'm not hating LOL. I'm glad I had a hetero perspective on this.

 

[will-onetwo]

I have to comment on this as I am not out to most of my friends, its not that I have ever denied anything, they have just never asked directly. One of these days when we are out drinking and I have lost what little tact I have left I plan on detailing my lastest male conquest as it were as they laid out the previous evening/week's female they violated. It is going to be a fun night or atleast for me.

 

[will-onetwo]

I should have added that you took the more adult route and I believe what was said was more than gracious. Since he knows you are gay maybe he should consider your point on a few things such as details of sex before spouting off about such things. Most of my gay friends are really quite appalled and even mentioning things sexually involving women, unless in a joking manner. Its interesting how most have no problems with boobs, but the first mention of a vagina starts to make them uncomfortable.

 

[mcbrion]

lol i agree, but see it from this way. its like asking a nun what did you do yesterday. and she says i volunteered. then she asks you what you did. and you say" i fucked a guy hard as fuck. then she will be like " oh my Gaaaa" and then she runs away from you. i don't know it's always more uncomfortable from the hetero perspective than the gay perspective, because the hetero perspective is the only acceptable perspective in society. but i agree with you it's unfair

There's a big difference between sharing private information with someone with whom it's way out of line (like a nun), and having a straight friend who tells you details of his sex life, but you don't get to tell him details of yours.
Never mind that this is "how it is": it also used to be that being gay meant putting up with harrassment. Things don't change by saying "that's how it is." If it did, I would still be unable to get married in 7 or 8 states in the U.S.
While people's minds don't change over a short period of time, pandering to folks' homophobia doesn't help it, either.
I'd look at the environment I was in. If I was in a redneck bar, and it happened, I'd assess first. But then, I wouldn't have friends who shared details of their private life, gay or straight, and yet expected me to be silent about mine, should I choose to share any details with them.