Straight (?) Friend Love - again !

[hereshoping]

Hi Guys

Been reading the threads on here recently so decided to join so I could tell you my story and get some advice.

As with most other gay guys, I have fallen head over heels for a guy I have become very close too over the past few months - he tells me he is straight but read on, i'd love to hear what you all think.

Its a bit more complicated than normal as we met through work, I employed him, I see him every day and am at a point where it hurts so much when he's not near me, I long for a phone call or text just to know he's thinking about me. We have socialised quite a bit outside work and get on so well with almost everything in common.

I have supported him by letting him into my home when things were not going well with his girlfriend but that was very early on and he went back to her without me giving it a second thought at the time.

Months later, after a party at my house he slept with a (Female) friend of mine, whilst I was angry with both of them as they tried to keep it a secret and she knew my feelings for him (and he had plucked up the courage 4 hours earlier to tell me he was getting married in a weeks time - to someone else obviously as he wanted my approval), it took me a few days to work out why I was so angry and the truth is I am completely and utterly bessotted with him.

A month passes and I thought I had dealt with it in my head but he was forever asking what was wrong when we were at work and I felt I couldn't tell him the real reason so just said i was fine.

This week, we got together socially and had a few beers and I decided I needed to tell him how I was feeling for my own sanity - he accepted everything I said and said he felt that we have a very special friendship, he told me things he's never told his wife (he got married a week after my party), that he loved me as a brother and what I had said to him would not scare him off. He said he'd never felt so close to a guy before, never mind a gay guy and found it kinda wierd.

Having thought about it afterwards, if it was a woman saying that to me, i'd have run a mile - so why didn't he ?

I don't think he's confident of his marriage lasting as he's told me so but can see us being friends forever.

So the question is, am I reading too much into this, am I clinging onto a glimmer of hope that isn't there, or is he genuinely so cool with it that he can be just the same with me as he was before he knew how I feel. Is he using me to see what he can gain from a work perspective, or is there something more ? I have felt such feelings before, but never this bad, this time it is all consuming, I don't think about anything else, I'm not eating or sleeping properly and long for the next time I am going to see him.

I should add that once we finished our discussion, we shared a bed as we were staying with a friend of mine and he had no problem stripping to his boxers and getting into his sleeping bag next to me.

I don't want to be a home wrecker and he needs to make the decision, if indeed he has a decision to make, but I kinda wish he'd have told me to fuck off and leave him alone, at least I could have moved on - but I can't bring myself to giveup what appears to be an amazing friendship however much it might hurt me because of my feelings for him. If an incredibly close friendship is all its ever going to be, how do I flick the switch in my heart to stop it taking over my life and always wishing it would become more.

Help.

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB!

Honestly, I think you've just got a really cool friend. You gave him a HUGE opening when you told him about your feelings for him. If he REALLY wanted to do something with you, especially considering he was going to be sleeping right next to you that night, he would've. But he didn't. And I don't think he was waiting for you to make the first move that night.

Is it possible he actually likes you "like that", or might eventually like you "like that"? Yes. But I wouldn't wait up nights.

Lex

 

[MrWright]

I don't think you're going to be a home wrecker. "He's just not that into you" or more appropriately "he's just not into you that way." Every (okay well almost every) gay man experiences his love with a straight friend scenario but it doesn't turn out well...ever. You are super lucky that this guy is totally fine with it and cares about you. He's a great friend, keep it that way. Try to get out and find other guys because this won't work out and if you dwell on it (which you have been as he's been asking what's wrong at work) you won't even be friends anymore (you'll push him away) and that will be really awkward at work.

Starting a relationship with a work partner is hard enough. Trying to have a straight friend at work who is married fall for you is near impossible...actually it's just impossible. Sorry, I know from personal experience that this sucks but we get on with our lives.

P.S. By the sounds of it, he's cool enough that he'll still care for you like a best friend - if you were really great friends he's not going to want to lose that either.

 

[StlKj]

Keep your friend. Find yourself a man who can return your feelings.

Falling for someone you can't have is a good way to keep yourself from going for what you think you want. Do you want a man who loves you in the way you love him? Then invest your energy into that reality, as opposed to the fantasy that you keep wanting to live with your best friend.

 

[Just_Believe18]

You have a very good friend. People like that are rarer to find than a good boyfriend. Consider yourself blessed and luckier than most guys who do have a boyfriend.

You just have to learn to separate your friendship with feelings. Finding a gay guy can do that. Look for someone who you know can share your feelings. Time will fix this. You'll see.

 

[hereshoping]

Thanks for the responses guys, I am coming to terms with the fact that this is going no further than an incredible friendship.

We have had a few really indepth chats about it and whilst he does say if he had to choose between his wife and me, he'd pick me which I do find difficult to understand, but he's spelled it out, he's straight and nothing else is going to happen.

I will love and cherish him for what we have and hopefully come to terms with it not going further.

Thanks everyone

 

[Just_Believe18]

The fact that he loves you platonically more than his own wife is very special.

 

[tallguy297]

T

We have had a few really indepth chats about it and whilst he does say if he had to choose between his wife and me, he'd pick me which I do find difficult to understand, but he's spelled it out, he's straight and nothing else is going to happen.

Hey mate,

First a belated welcome to JUB... its great to have you here... and I hope you find some of the answers you are looking for!!!

This quote ^ just shows to me the quality of person you are... and the reason your friend values you the way he does. You obviously are the sort of guy that he can trust with his life... the same way that you feel about him from the fact that you have opened up to him.

And while it might not seem like it right now hereshoping, this situation is something to cherish and love forever. A true deep unbreakable freindship means this guy, this trust, this bond never has to diminish because you know the boundaries. Too many great people are lost from our lives because of failed relationships or over stepped lines...

In years to come mate you will appreciate more than anyone the value and importance of a true friend and confidant... as will he. And to me that almost the most important role we can have in life!

Congrats on your level headedness, maturity and the ability to see the big picture! I hope that happiness in the form of a partner that you can love and be loved in reutrn finds its way to you really soon.

 

[hereshoping]

Thank you so much guys, I'm so glad I found this place - i'm going to be happy here !

I am getting used to the idea, i think what scared me more than anything was that it crept up on me and then hit me like a steam train - it really knocked me for 6 as i didn't see it coming.

He is so special to me, and I am so happy that he knows that too.