STRAIGHT FRIENDSHIPS - "Gay" as a synonym for "bad"

[ice444]

I had a straight friend say it to me once.

He was wearing an orange top wiu brown pants. In response I said " that movie is so gorilla (he is hairy) in orange short and brown shorts.

He got the message pretty quickly!

 

[Anders123]

I use 'gay' for 'bad' A LOT. In fact, I didn't realise that;
a) I used it so much, and
b) that people would take offence to it.

I personally wouldn't take offence to it unless they put extra emphasis on 'gay' and gave me a bad look at the same time. I just use the word casually without associating it with homosexuality at all, perhaps now that I know people may take offence to it, I'll endeavour to use it less :S

 

[alli-berri]

I just use the word casually without associating it with homosexuality at all, perhaps now that I know people may take offence to it, I'll endeavour to use it less :S

I would tend to agree with that reasoning.

With the word gay in particular, I feel more than just an obligation to avoid offending others. Use of the word "gay" for "bad" is a fascinating contradiction, in my opinion, and one which I don't think is entirely coincidental.

Nor do I find it at all progressive to perpetuate its use. Allow me to attempt backing that up.

SORT OF AN ignorant, and ENTIRELY A subjective timeline of 'gay's definition:
"Gay", as we all know, has for so long been understood to mean "happy". "Gay" eventually came to mean "sexually attracted to men", I assume for endlessly debated and unclear reasons (not something I know about right now). But the word is then, in my eyes, changed by both blatantly and latently prejudiced individuals (baby boomers and older), who have passed on a similar and diluted prejudice to our newer generations (X and Y). For example: Although my mother (baby boomer) DID scold me for using words like "gay" and "faggot" inappropriately, my friends' parents (also baby boomers) not only let their children get away with it, they often encouraged it. Therefore, when I hung out with so-called friends, I felt liberated to say what I wanted, and wanted to rebel against mom's ethical standards. Whether or not "faggot" derogatorily applied to people who were homosexual meant nothing to me - calling someone a gay fairy queen was funny and cool to pre-teen me. Well around the same time, I was blissfully exploring my sexuality with other males. Upon learning what the word REALLY meant, I associated my behavior with being WRONG, and socially unacceptable. Foolishly, I continued spreading the offensive words, and adapted to living in a world where I assumed everybody *at least* pretended that gays didn't belong. After all, the only friends I knew how to make were the very people who were unknowingly perpetuating homophobic agendas.

This, I know, seems like a terribly dramatic take on the word "gay". But children who are still growing up in latently homophobic environments like mine learn to see the world in very similar ways.

The word "gay" as "bad" can be extremely stressful for any generation of LGBTQ youth.

So why have I phased out misuse of the word? Because in my eyes, it either promotes homophobia or alienates questioning youth.

[insert beating dead horse smiley]

 

[briefboy86]

In advance, I just want to apologize for the length of my response.



Yeah? Yeah... Idunno. I'm certainly willing to consider the fact that I overreacted.

Maybe the way you use "gay" around your friends is contextualized by a more experienced or more established social environment. Meaning, you and your friends have an understanding - perhaps once verbalized - where everyone agrees "gay" is OK and not derogatory.

In that case, my situation is quite different. My having a boyfriend is something my friends can't even bring themselves to talk about out loud - the topic of sexuality is, in fact, avoided entirely. You probably have some idea where your friends stand opinion-wise on your relationship, no? Your partner popping up in conversation isn't considered a threat to the comfort of everybody in the room, I might assume? Do correct me if I'm wrong - I find the topic extremely interesting! I don't mean any of this as an attack, of course...

I'd love to think that anyone misusing "gay" isn't actually being homophobic. But unless use of the word has been mutually deemed acceptable - I don't see how it could not be homophobic. Or at least insensitive. Or if not that, then idiotic.

You ask "Who cares?" Well let me ask you something. Imagine you've just met somebody (presumably a straight man of presumably lesser maturity). You've introduced your partner, "Hi I'm so and so", bla bla, etc. If - having not even remotely broached topics like political correctness or sexuality or whatever - that person were to casually substitute "gay" for "bad", don't you think you'd care? It may not necessarily make you angry or sad, but wouldn't you have a passing thought? Perhaps you'd feel the least bit uncomfortable?

Well I have had friends who didnt like the fact that i had a bf, so you know what, if they have an issue with it, they are truly not friends, friends are there to susport you through anything, so if they are not willing to atleast put it behind them, they are not worthy of my time. And like what was said a few posts up that fight Fire with fireworks, and you have to be mean to people, and thats what happend. When I was in a college town walking out of a gay bar with a few straight friends and my bf, and some guy yelled FAGGOTS! and I just walked up to him said yeah? ever been beat up by one? he said Yeah right, so I broke his nose and his thumb. then I told him to go tell his friends he got the shit kicked outta him by a "Faggot".. It dosent make me mad, that people think like this, mostly because they are less educated in culture, the ones who think of us a "fags" think of Asians as "chinks" or some other degrotory terms for others. Its all about education...

ok now ive gone on a rant haha.. but If you cant be yourself around your friends, are they truly your friends? I really found out who my true freinds were when I came out...

 

[Anders123]

Though I will try to be less 'liberal' with the word, I still think it's reinforcing the whole "I'm a minority, everyone is against me" ideology to get offended when people use 'gay' as 'bad'; especially if you haven't explicitly stated your objection to it in the first place.

If they were using 'faggot' I could understand the frustration, but from my perspective; unless they were doing it purposefully, with malicious intent, substituting 'gay' for 'bad' isn't too much to get worked up about.