Straight guy? crush on gay friend...

[KyleK1]

So I am straight ended up hanging out with some people and there was an openly gay guy in the group. We all hung out a few times had some laughs and good times etc. Me and him have talked alone in person maybe 2-3 times. I have no clue if there was any flirting at that point. Later I asked via text if we were flirting he said no just being friendly, so cool. Well after that we hung out again and after that hang out I started flirting a bit via text (it was a bit of drunk texting and I asked if he was a top or a bottom). So now a few days ago I told him "hey id like to take you for drinks, I saw a place that looked cool" he said ok. My friends (all straight but who I asked for advice) said that me asking just sounds like a friendly hang out and isn't a clear "date".

Should I have said specifically "hey id like to take you out on a date", I figured after calling him "handsome" and telling him I thought he was "cute" that it would be obvious I have an interest but am I overthinking this?

Also any advice on things I should ask on the "date" and things I should NOT ask, anything I should make clear, or hell just any tips for a straight guy would be greatly appreciated.

 

[TX-Beau]

If some guy is buying me drinks in that context, i.e. not as part of a group rotating the bill - I'm going to assume it's a date. I've never had a guy want to pay my way just to hang out.

It may not appear like a date to straight guys, but I guarantee you that's the first thing a gay man is going to ask himself. You can just be blunt, or you can buy his beer, then offer to buy his dinner and take him someplace nice. That should drive your point home. No need to make contrived announcements, if you treat him like a date, he's going to get the picture.

Don't ask how much money he makes, don't ask about his ex's, don't take him someplace you can't talk, and don't ask him to piss in your mouth - and you'll be fine.

 

[KyleK1]

TY, well I will just treat it like I would a date with a girl then.

- the pee thing is scary and hopefully he doesn’t ask me that

 

[TX-Beau]

The point being, save any discussions of serious kink for later.

 

[KaraBulut]

So I am straight...

We always say, "Take people for what they identify themselves as". So, we will start with "You're straight".

Should I have said specifically "hey id like to take you out on a date", I figured after calling him "handsome" and telling him I thought he was "cute" that it would be obvious I have an interest but am I overthinking this?

Tx-Beau told you correctly. If a guy (straight, gay or anything in between) asks a gay guy out do dinner or drinks and it's just the two of you, the gay guy is going to say, "He's asking me out although I thought he was straight?".

You don't have to explain the date to him. You might have to explain to him why you're straight.

Also any advice on things I should ask on the "date" and things I should NOT ask, anything I should make clear, or hell just any tips for a straight guy would be greatly appreciated.

Dating a guy is not much different than dating a girl. Two things to know: guys don't play coy and are a little more casual about dating.

A gay guy doesn't pussy-foot around. He is a guy like you and if the opportunity presents itself, if can get pretty hot and heavy pretty fast.

So, you might want to think about that now. If you're straight, you could find yourself buzzed, naked with another naked guy and you're not going to be able to say you're straight after that.

If you're okay with that... well, enjoy the date and welcome to the party.

 

[KyleK1]

Tx-Beau told you correctly. If a guy (straight, gay or anything in between) asks a gay guy out do dinner or drinks and it's just the two of you, the gay guy is going to say, "He's asking me out although I thought he was straight?".

You don't have to explain the date to him. You might have to explain to him why you're straight.



Dating a guy is not much different than dating a girl. Two things to know: guys don't play coy and are a little more casual about dating.

A gay guy doesn't pussy-foot around. He is a guy like you and if the opportunity presents itself, if can get pretty hot and heavy pretty fast.

So, you might want to think about that now. If you're straight, you could find yourself buzzed, naked with another naked guy and you're not going to be able to say you're straight after that.

If you're okay with that... well, enjoy the date and welcome to the party.

Hmm I figured I was going to just flirt more in person so he knows “hey I like you in a non friendly way” (I thought calling a another guy cute and handsome would be enough but maybe not… hell I miss lots of obvious flirts). However, I do want to take things slow. I am ok for a kiss etc but I will need to warm up to the whole sex thing (haha I’m beginning to understand how women feel).

He is a bottom and I am top so at least that’s sorted (also I have no idea how I know I’m a top it’s just how I feel I guess haha).
Also was it a bad thing for me to ask if he was a top or bottom before asking him for drinks? He seemed pretty nonchalant about it.

Well this Friday should be interesting at least!

 

[TX-Beau]

Knowing who's on top is essential information, gay men are not coy about it. Most guys I'd say are capable of both, whether they admit it or not.

There is nothing more irritating than going to all the trouble of getting some hot guy naked and willing - only to discover he won't let you stick it in, or he does and he's in pain through the whole thing, or uncomfortable and awkward, it kills the mood.

You won't know if you're strictly a top until you take a dick. Psychology aside (a lot of guys have hang ups about bottoming because of macho bullshit), you won't know if you like it until you try it.

 

[KaraBulut]

Hmm I figured I was going to just flirt more in person so he knows “hey I like you in a non friendly way” (I thought calling a another guy cute and handsome would be enough but maybe not… hell I miss lots of obvious flirts).

It's different than straight couples but in some ways it's the same.

Where is it the same? Have you ever wondered whether a girl was flirting with you and whether she liked you? It's the same for gay guys. All guys have the "Does he like me?" question in common whether they are gay or straight.

The "Is it moving too fast?" thing is the same, too.

Where is it different? If you look around in this forum, there's a lot of "I have a crush on my straight friend" threads where the gay guy over-analyzes everything the straight guy says or does. Straight guys send a lot of mixed messages to gay guys and it can be very confusing. For straight guys, it's also confusing because, while a gay guy can easily tell themselves, "I have a crush on my guy friend", straight guys have a bunch of feelings for guy friends and it's not easy for them to sort out what is "best buddy" vs "gay friend I have a crush on".

You're ahead of the game because you've figured out your feelings.

However, I do want to take things slow. I am ok for a kiss etc but I will need to warm up to the whole sex thing (haha I’m beginning to understand how women feel).

If you get to your limits, be honest with him so that he knows that you're interested but you want to take it slow.

Don't be surprised if you end up going beyond "a kiss". Things between two guys can move really fast. Give that some thought so that you don't freak out if you get beyond kissing.

Also was it a bad thing for me to ask if he was a top or bottom before asking him for drinks? He seemed pretty nonchalant about it.

Tx-Beau explained it well. You'll also find that because all guys are more open when talking about sex with other guys, gay guys are more frank about sex when talking to other guys. In general, guys- gay or straight- are also clearer about sex and feelings.

Well this Friday should be interesting at least!

Let us know how it goes.

 

[neditesjamais]

My two cents: The one thing you have going for you in all this is your sense of humor! So, use it. Start the evening with all the stuff you didn't know and didn't really think you needed to know until you suddenly found that you wanted to spend some time with him. Then ask him to clue you in on because you didn't get your copy of the "Non-Straight/Fluid/Bisexual/Deciding/Curious/Unsure but Interested Dating Manual." I bet money he'll be happy to oblige.

Also, yeah: it's a date.

 

[TX-Beau]

How did it go?

 

[MusicMan321]

How did it go tell us about it

 

[KyleK1]

**UPDATE**

Sorry its been quite awhile. So how did it go... It went better than I expected in spite of how extremely nervous I was. We met up at 7pm at a nice bar that I had picked. We sat at the bar and had drinks, talked, and flirted. I kept myself from asking anything I thought would be a typical straight person question that sounds stupid. Luckily he had asked some mutual friends about me so I didn't have to explain the whole I have never dated/been with a guy etc. The high point/ awkward point of the night was when he had to go to the bathroom, I was like "yea me too time to break the seal". I wasn't thinking anything of it at first and then when I entered the bathroom I immediately started overthinking it. Like I said I didn't want to go too far on my first time out.

But nothing happened in the bathroom, thank goodness. However, as we left the bathroom he was behind me and I don't know why I thought this was good timing but I turned around told him I was having a good time he smiled and I gave him a small quick kiss. Which I can say from my perspective I felt like I was an awkward jellyfish so can only imagine what he thought, but he smiled. The night ended well and there was another small kiss goodbye. I did ask him out again and he is down for it, with work neither of us has found time yet but this Wednesday if I don't get called in he has the day off so, who knows.

Overall experience: 8/10, would have been better if I wasn't so damn nervous. Luckily he is a very chill guy and made the whole date much easier.

 

[Riverrick]

Suddenly dating and physical attractions makes sense and you feel like you're alive and a real human being and a part of the universe. Now all of the love songs have meaning and your loneliness and need for a partner becomes more poignant.

It doesn't matter how this particular story turns out as you have already benefitted. Good job!

 

[KaraBulut]

...Overall experience: 8/10, would have been better if I wasn't so damn nervous. Luckily he is a very chill guy and made the whole date much easier.

It might have seemed weird on account of your nervousness but it's pretty typical of LGB people dating. Because straight people get a lot of practice in their teens on dating and relationships, they are ahead of the typical gay person who doesn't start dating until they are in their twenties.

And not to worry about the "awkward jellyfish" moment. Those dorky moments have their own appeal in the gay world- they're referred to as "adorkable".

It sounds like things went well and hopefully, the two of you will go out again.

 

[MusicMan321]

So if I got this correct you are straight guy who's into a gay men? How does this gay men like having a straight men having a crush on him sounds like you two are getting along great

 

[KyleK1]

So far it is going well, honestly I don't know what I am "into" anymore. He was surprised that I asked him out since he thought I was just straight.

 

[MusicMan321]

That's good sounds like you too could be friends or more let us know how things go between the two

 

[TX-Beau]

**UPDATE**

Sorry its been quite awhile. So how did it go... It went better than I expected in spite of how extremely nervous I was. We met up at 7pm at a nice bar that I had picked. We sat at the bar and had drinks, talked, and flirted. I kept myself from asking anything I thought would be a typical straight person question that sounds stupid. Luckily he had asked some mutual friends about me so I didn't have to explain the whole I have never dated/been with a guy etc. The high point/ awkward point of the night was when he had to go to the bathroom, I was like "yea me too time to break the seal". I wasn't thinking anything of it at first and then when I entered the bathroom I immediately started overthinking it. Like I said I didn't want to go too far on my first time out.

But nothing happened in the bathroom, thank goodness. However, as we left the bathroom he was behind me and I don't know why I thought this was good timing but I turned around told him I was having a good time he smiled and I gave him a small quick kiss. Which I can say from my perspective I felt like I was an awkward jellyfish so can only imagine what he thought, but he smiled. The night ended well and there was another small kiss goodbye. I did ask him out again and he is down for it, with work neither of us has found time yet but this Wednesday if I don't get called in he has the day off so, who knows.

Overall experience: 8/10, would have been better if I wasn't so damn nervous. Luckily he is a very chill guy and made the whole date much easier.

I'm gad it worked out for you. Just take things slow and have a good time. Remember, as long as you're having fun, he'll come back for more.

 

[Dehu]

If things are meant to happen between both of you it will or the next date hold his hand to see if he is interested in something more

 

[firsttimeagain]

I’m a little confused with the whole thing. You say, I am a straight guy, yet you are asking him out and obviously interested in more than a straight guy would be. A straight guy might be interested in hanging out for a few beers as friends. You might be inexperienced sexually, but you are perusing him. So, you have a deeper desire you are not revealing and hiding behind… I’m a straight guy. Well, as far as straight goes, I am straight, because I do not have the full experience or any experience for that matter. However, I have always wanted it and have been in denial in real life. But, my fantasies have 100% always been with men. I have always fantasized about cocks and cum. I have hidden behind it in real life and been in relationships with only women. But, I’ve always known I really want cock and a relationship with a man. So, I say all of that to say…how can you say, I’m straight when you are truly invested in more and you are the one pursuing him? For me, I have recently come to terms with the fact that I am gay. That is what I’ve always wanted it always and nothing else. But, as far as experience goes, it’s all been fantasy in my mind. I’ve never had the opportunity yet. I am actively trying to change that. I joined a dating/relationship website and am hopeful I can find someone that feels like I do. I want it…all of it. Full relationship, full experience over and over so I finally will know what I’ve been missing. I was in denial for my whole life. I am not now. I am gay, without a shadow of a doubt. But, I have zero experience and I’m going to change that soon to experienced. So, you are pursuing him and you want it. Admit to yourself that you are gay. You can’t fool yourself and say I’m straight, yet going after him. Just my thoughts because I am crossing a bridge I wish I would have many years ago. I want it, I’ve always wanted it, and it is real. I’m looking forward to being experienced. I’m going to be very good at it too. No more acting like I’m straight. Let me know your thoughts…