Straight Guy Questioning My Sexuality

[mkedude88]

So I met this guy on adam4adam about 6 months ago. He's 28 and gay but pretty straight acting. I'm 23 and been straight my whole life. Things started off with him just giving me head all the time, I never really did anything in return since I never really had before. Recently he started dating someone and for whatever reason I instantly became jealous and started thinking I had feelings for him.

Well he said he still wanted to stay in contact, so yesterday I went over to his place just to talk so we could actually get to know each other outside of the bedroom. I feel like we totally hit it off and really just kinda of clicked with each other and he agreed. He said something to the effect that he has done this more than me, but has never felt this way He said he doesn't think his current relationship will last and they have only been dating for a month.

One thing lead to another and we somehow ended up in his bedroom in just our boxers. Curled up next to each other and took a nap and fooled around a little. I have never felt that way before, I just loved it. I really want to continue things with him, but as far as everyone else knows I'm 100% straight and I'm scared shitless to think of telling anyone any different. At the same time I don't feel it's fair to him to hang out and potentially date a straight closeted guy. Anyone have any advise, I would really appreciate it.

 

[Brtyui]

First off there isn't any reason why everyone should know who your fooling about with. For example men or women and for that matter "come out" to anyone. I look it from the point of view that its no ones business, if they make assumptions on my sexuality then that's their decision. If i feel the need i might correct them, besides straight people don't go around telling everyone they are straight so why should you feel the need to ?

It has to be your choice from the word go, i mean what if you tell everyone your gay and the guy your seeing doesn't work out ? is it worth it just because it might be unfair in him? you have to make sure its what you really want and not just him.

That however said and done, it's your choice wither you tell people you are gay or even bisexual. You have to want to do it. In my experience i came out because i didn't need the hiding and sneakyness and the lies in my life as it was complex enough as it was. The less stress u have in your life, particularly stress that can be avoided the better. When out it can be a whole lot easier in who you are, but their are other problems when being out too for example; putting up with the misconception of the "being gay" or the "what role are you" and the obvious "homophobia" but its not all scary that i can promise.

Why not take small steps at a time and see where you end up? if you like the guy just hang out with him. You don't need to make such big decisions all at once. Remember u can have fun with a guy and still not feel the need to come out too. Just try not to over think things and make sure you are comfortable with things and be sure its for your own reasons too.

Good luck in what ever you decide, i know it can be as you call it scary at the thought of coming out as gay or bisexual, but if you have good friends then it shouldn't really matter.

 

[Rolyo85]

You have to get your terminology straight (pun intended) here. You went on an exclusively GAY site to hook up with another guy. That is not what straight guys do. Being "straight" doesn't mean being in the closet, it means liking either exclusively, or mostly girls.

So, will you be a little more specific as to what your sexuality is before asking for advice? As it is now, I get the picture of you being gay and in deep denial, buried in the closet. Am I correct?

 

[hotatlboi]

You have to get your terminology straight (pun intended) here. You went on an exclusively GAY site to hook up with another guy. That is not what straight guys do. Being "straight" doesn't mean being in the closet, it means liking either exclusively, or mostly girls.

So, will you be a little more specific as to what your sexuality is before asking for advice? As it is now, I get the picture of you being gay and in deep denial, buried in the closet. Am I correct?

a4a is not an exclusively gay site. There are bi and curious guys on there too.

There are also straight guys (some married) that just want a bj etc.

 

[moschj]

Like Brytui said, slow steps. There's no problem exploring at your age. Get a better idea of whether this is what you want or not, though it sounds good to me. Have fun!

 

[greyhorse]

Mike, maybe this fling you are having won't last, but I would enjoy it for all it is worth while you are both liking each other. At home you can be with him as your boyfriend and out with straight friends, just be friends. You can go off and be gay together elsewhere from time to time to suit your desires at that time. Just be normal and enjoy the relatioship and love if that is there for all it is worth - it is hard to find. All the best to you both, G

 

[ezwriter]

The OP should be aware that his being "straight" is probably a big part of the appeal for his new friend.

The guy could be getting off on the whole "you're straight, and I'm the gay bitch who services you" dynamic...which means if you actually start a relationship with him, he will view you as no longer straight, and no longer as desirable.

Besides, jumping into a relationship with a guy who's already in one is never a good idea. If he's that willing to discard someone for you, he may very well discard you just as easily for the next flavor-of-the-month.

 

[KaraBulut]

One thing lead to another and we somehow ended up in his bedroom in just our boxers.

Somehow.

Let's be real for a moment. There are acts of nature that happen... somehow.

People end up in their boxers and the bedroom because they want to be in their boxers and in the bedroom.

Curled up next to each other and took a nap and fooled around a little. I have never felt that way before, I just loved it. I really want to continue things with him...

Life is too short to worry about terminology. If you are enjoying where this is going, then accept it for what it is and just live in the moment.

...but as far as everyone else knows I'm 100% straight and I'm scared shitless to think of telling anyone any different. At the same time I don't feel it's fair to him to hang out and potentially date a straight closeted guy. Anyone have any advise, I would really appreciate it.

At some point though, you will need to give some thought to this:

The question of whether it is fair to him is something that you have control over. Let's get rid of the phrase "straight closeted guy" and instead move on to "bicurious". Most guys won't have as much of a problem dating a "bicurious" guy as they would dating a "straight closeted guy" who is not being honest about being curious and interested in experimenting with a guy.

In the end, honesty is what is important. And honesty starts with being honest with yourself.

 

[evanrick]

hes gay but pretty straight acting? LOL!! how can you act straight if you are gay? does he sleep with women?

 

[hylas]

I'm 23 and been straight my whole life.

well... not anymore. you do realize that, right? straight guys dont go on A4A and get their dicks sucked by men... or have any of those other experiences you describe.

as far as everyone else knows I'm 100% straight and I'm scared shitless to think of telling anyone any different.

yeah its scary, but sooner or later, you gotta do it... take as much time as you need, but for your own sake, sooner is better than later.

At the same time I don't feel it's fair to him to hang out and potentially date a straight closeted guy.

there are many gay men who refuse to get serious with closeted guys for all the obvious reasons, but thats really for him to decide, not you. if this is a serious concern, you should ask him how he feels about dating a closet case (or, you know, come out).

He said he doesn't think his current relationship will last and they have only been dating for a month.

dont wanna sow too much negativity, but that sounds like something a player would say.

 

[bankside]

You stopped being straight the day you went back for the second blow job. And even before that, bi-curious would have been a better description.

So the headline should probably read "Bi/Gay Guy Questioning Coming Out of the Closet."

And yeah, do it. You said it scares you shitless. Well most of us need to be less full of shit anyway. It did me good.

 

[mkedude88]

Damn...you guys are harsh, but I kind of get where you're coming from. Yes I guess better title would have been bi curious. I don't really have any gay/bi friends to talk to about this so I just had to get it out to someone.

 

[TX-Beau]

OK, I’m going to do you a favor, then I’m going to tell you what to do.

Don’t use the term “straight acting,” it pisses a lot of gay men off. Sure the legions of the closeted and the gender insecurity issue plagued will give you a ton of justification why it just peachy keen, but listen, that term attempts to define masculine normal guy in terms of being straight – solely and only - and implies gay is not being a masculine normal guy, which is bullshit. There are plenty of masculine normal gay guys, and they are just as “gay acting,” as the fabulous among us.

It’s a backhanded slap and reinforcement of negative stereotypes about gay men that will get you ridiculed, and inspires other people to think you have issues.

There’s the favor.



Here’s me being your daddy.

Do not fall in love with the guy sucking your cock. I don’t care if you are gay or straight or bi or a furry. Any guy that fucks around with you behind the back of his boyfriend cannot be trusted. Period. Now if he’s sucking your cock WITH his boyfriend still don’t fall in love with him, but at least you know he’s honest and you get a great experience out of it.

Guys with attractions to other guys get high off their first man crush – because it’s so liberating, but don’t mistake that for love. It’s not. It’s freedom and rebellion, and hopefully great sex.

You know you best. If you haven’t put his cock in your mouth or up your ass, you know best why that is. If you have no desire to do so - enjoy the head and find a nice girl.

If you want to, go for it, but do not fall in love with this guy. If you find you like it, and you STILL like the twat – honestly, not just saying that to deny – then you are BI, and are one greedy fuck. (grin)

If you find you start wanting the cock all the time – gay – and there is nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with any of it – gay/straight/bi/furry. Well maybe the furry.

Whatever you are, you are, and you should be yourself.

Gay men give great head – maybe the orgasms have just gone to your other head. (grin)

But seriously, don’t stress it, experiment to your comfort level and see where that goes. Gay men generally are gay because they want intimacy from other men exclusively, that usually includes sex, but isn’t exclusively about it. Bi guys can get their intimacy either way, and straight guys are of course obvious about that.

Cocks and mouths and random orgasms can be indicators, but aren’t so much determinants.

 

[KaraBulut]

Damn...you guys are harsh, but I kind of get where you're coming from. Yes I guess better title would have been bi curious. I don't really have any gay/bi friends to talk to about this so I just had to get it out to someone.

One of the reasons that the forums have been such a long-standing part of JUB is that a lot of closeted and confused guys come to look at the porn and then discover the forums.

The limitation of the forums is that sometimes things that would sound neutral when spoken can sound harsh or scolding when stated in written forum. In a real world encounter, I might spend 2 hours talking with you about these things. In this forum, I have about 4-5 paragraphs to get my point across, so I have to state it pretty plainly.

These things aren't black and white. Sexuality is not black and white. While everything in the world tells you that you should be straight, obviously if you're at JUB ("Worlds Largest Gay Community") and you're having sex with guys from A4A... well, you're definitely somewhere pretty far into that gray area between fabulously gay and boringly straight.

We are here to listen. I apologize if our attempts to get you to say "bisexual" or "bicurious" were harsh. But it's a big step. BIG. Really BIG.

So, you've had your dick sucked. You've sucked dick. You've cuddled in your boxers.

What next?

 

[mc7777]

Mkedude88

Thanks for sharing your story. I wanted to make a comment as I feel I shared similar experiences and have learned a lot. I feel what you are doing sexually in just part of the big picture. From my interpretation, you could and are mostly likely gay. I say this because you stated you were scared to identify so. I say the best way to proceed is start addressing those specific fears, why you have them, what you need to do, etc. Are you scared because of religious beliefs, internalized homophobia, family rejections, etc.? Once you ask and answer these questions I think you can better determine what you really are and build your plan to the coming out process (remember it’s a PROCESS- look into the coming out process-thoughts, feelings, emotions.)

Like you, I was hooking up with guys I knew, and was “experimenting,” or “just having fun, getting off.” I secretly enjoyed it and kept going back for more. But the problem was though it created a situation where I got scared and hid from it all (stupid!!). It took me a while to get a hold of myself and finally address the issue, you know….. having gay intimacy, liking it, and going back for more…. I was GAY! Who would have thought what I was doing was gay sex!? And yes, we laid around in our boxers in bed and I loved it!

I don’t think you would be on this site doing what you are, if there wasn’t something there. But the good thing is, unlike what I did, is I think this is your scared inexperienced attempt at starting to ask and address the tough questions with yourself. Your current relationship is a separate dynamic, however equally affected and needed to be addressed. I have treated being gay and relationships as 2 different dynamic situations. By all means, if you like what you are doing, keep doing it, but make sure you address the relationship aspects if you have feelings that it could be more.

As far as being Bi and its definition, it is my position that being bi is still being part time gay. You are still participating in gay sexual activity, desires, emotions; so you must address that gay aspects that which you are doing. Gay sex involves gayness. Its there no matter if you also like women.

Lastly I say the best way to tell if you are gay, as silly as it sounds-but it actually was profound for me, is the good old fashion boner test. (Ok, that and internal feelings test.) Do you get boners looking at naked guys? Do you like (wink) what you see? Look at a picture of a beautiful 6 pack abs guy- would you suck his dick- or let him service you? What if he wanted to hold you in his arms and tell you how much he is in love with you and enjoys being in a committed relationship with you- would you like it?

Anyway this is my two cents worth of advice. I wish you good luck and just wanted to share with you on this post. Keep reading on here even if some of these guys seem harsh, as they are just stating what really is. They have seen these types of stories probably hundreds of times, but got some great points.

 

[mkedude88]

Thanks mc7777 definitely helpful. Thinks are actually going really well with the dude I referenced above. We hang out pretty often and it's not just sexual anymore, we both enjoy each others company too. Told him I wanted to take things slow since I have never done this before and he was completely cool with that. Thanks for the input guys.

 

[innocentbychoice]

This might sound cliche but communication is key. I wouldn't have issues hanging out with a closeted guy AS LONG as I knew what to expect. So just make sure you talk things over...and well keep in mind that if he's giving in and doing things (or not being able to do things) he might normally do because he's hanging out with you now, then you should be able to give in in some other aspects as well.

 

[Inverted]

No offense, but if you're straight, what were you doing on Adam4Adam in the first place? And then letting a guy give you head? You don't need to actively be involved with men to be gay. Obviously you're attracted to men and that's all that's needed.

Anyway, it's nice that you're worried about the burden you're putting on him for being closeted (it was hard for me being in a relationship with someone who was), but since you guys are just having fun, I don't think it'll be a big issue until it potentially develops into something bigger. You can cross that bridge when you get there, but don't stop it from developing because you're "scared shitless" about what others think. We all were.