Straight guys acting gay around you

[soneric2003]

One of roommates acts gay around me...touches me A LOT (ass touching, spooned, rubs my torso in a sensual way, even kind of touched my dick) and pretends to flirt. He acts gay with a lot of guys to a certain degree, but it feels like he does it especially to me. I know he's straight so I'm not taking any of this seriously or him hinting at anything but I just don't know how to react to it. I don't want to make it obvious that I kind of like it (as f'ed up as it may be) since he might pick up the fact that I'm gay (I'm out to only one person) and I don't want to act like I'm completely weirded out by it either.

So my question is what do you guys do and how do you react?

And do you think he might know I'm gay and is doing this cause he knows it makes me uncomfortable? lol or it might be that I'm paranoid.

 

[gotdimples77]

uh... i think you have one of those bi-curious "straight" guys on your hands. I think you should get him drunk, toss him up against the wall, give him a hickey, and see where things go from there...

 

[spencer]

He's acting gay around you and still think he's straight right? so you can "act" gay around him and do the same and test his gayness too.

I have friends that act so gay around each other it's almost like gay chicken.

I would do just that reciprocate it in a joking way, see how far he takes it.

 

[DonSade]

Return the favor... you'll at least get to touch too. Enjoy it man. There's nothing wrong with liking it and letting him know you like it by reciprocating. You don't need to say it, just play along

 

[soneric2003]

Haha thanks for the advice. I'll try to reciprocate it without getting to into it. Maybe I can try and see where he starts freaking out a bit so I can see how far I can take it.

As much as I would like to go for it and see what happens when he's drunk, he's my roommate (or housemate...we don't share rooms) and if anything goes wrong, it'll be a nightmare living in my house and facing him everyday.

I'm pretty sure he's straight...always talks about the type of girl he likes in detail. And when there are a bunch of guys at a party I can visibly tell he's disappointed. But how normal is it for a straight guy to constantly touch you It can get frustrating when your in the closet and have plenty of pent up sexual tension lol

A) He's really comfortable with you as a friend and he's just playing around. B) He's sure you're gay and is purposely giving you a hard time. C) He wants to fuck... But you said he's str8, so I'd have to say it's either A or B. Yup.

I really hope it's A. Would be pretty fucked up if it was B wouldn't it?

 

[DonSade]

Well.. if you put it this way, B could also imply A since that could mean he's trying to lure you out so that feel more comfortable around him in order to create better trust between you guys. It all depends on how you see it.

 

[Telstra]

One of roommates acts gay around me...touches me A LOT (ass touching, spooned, rubs my torso in a sensual way, even kind of touched my dick) and pretends to flirt. He acts gay with a lot of guys to a certain degree, but it feels like he does it especially to me. I know he's straight so I'm not taking any of this seriously or him hinting at anything but I just don't know how to react to it. I don't want to make it obvious that I kind of like it (as f'ed up as it may be) since he might pick up the fact that I'm gay (I'm out to only one person) and I don't want to act like I'm completely weirded out by it either.

So my question is what do you guys do and how do you react?

And do you think he might know I'm gay and is doing this cause he knows it makes me uncomfortable? lol or it might be that I'm paranoid.

flirt back with equal amount of touching ... etc.

 

[3nipples]

Have some fun with him! Try to get him to escalate. Tell him he's not really your type and he's gonna have to try a lot harder if he want to turn you on.

 

[yeahman21]

Straight guys do this all the time with each other. If he knew you were gay, he wouldnt be playing. End of story. The only way you could ever have fun with this is if you told im you were gay and he kept it up, then he might be curious.

 

[soneric2003]

He has said some things that have made me question whether or not he knows. Once he asked if I was flirting with him...not sure if it was more in a joking way or serious way cause I was pretty tipsy. Told him that he "fucking wished I was" and tried to change the subject asap to avoid awkwardness. He's also IMed stuff like "You secretly flirt with me cause you think I'm cute" which was kind of wth for me. A number of occasions he's mentioned how I could get a girl and that the only reason why I'm a virgin is cause I'm not trying or "pushing them away". All these may be a red flag that he knows or maybe he's just joking and trying to boost my confidence? haha

He has become one of the coolest and closest friends I've had and though I think things would be Ok if I told him I was gay (he was hanging out with a flamboyant gay guy at a party the other night and was acting all buddy buddy with him...like the fact he was gay didn't bother him at all) I'm still scared of telling him because

1) It might spread around that I'm gay
2) I'm afraid of change. I'm afraid that things won't ever be the same between us. Though change doesn't necessarily mean its bad, there's a fear of the unknown and possible rejection.

Hopefully I'll get over this soon and be able to tell him. Then I'll know how much of a friend he really is. For now though, I'll just have some fun with the physical contact

 

[Caaake]

This thread is similar to my gay "jokes" thread about "straight" boys supposedly joking when being touchy feely with eachother. http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=258696 Seems a lot of that is happening.. However, I'm not completely convinced that its all for jokes and good fun because I don't see the point in playing around this way other than that the person truely wants to cop a feel and have an excuse to do it because of the "fun" factor.
so the flirting they are doin with you could def be something, and probably is. In my experiences, the unattractive straight guy of the group was never really toyed with, so that sort of says something. What's it like in your group? So my advice is to touch back! Except go slightly further than they are and laugh it off.

Btw, what do you mean by "kind of" touched your dick? explain..

 

[soneric2003]

Caaake: I agree with you...I'm having trouble getting my head around why straight guys love touching each other so much. Perhaps it's just a bonding thing though and may not mean anything more than a gay guy rubbing his female friends tit haha. But in my group, at its core, is me my roommate and another guy friend. We hang out with a lot of other people though. I know that he jokes with me because I'm prob a good friend, but he targets me more than any other guy. He loves to hug me from behind a lot and linger there for a bit...i just kind of freeze sometimes, but I'm getting more comfortable with feeling him back. And now that I think about it, there was a time or two when I was adjusting and zipping myself up in front of him and touched him that made him feel a little uncomfortable. May be just me though.

And the time he touched my dick wasn't anything big...we were at a party and he kind of cupped my crotch in his hand and smiled; I just laughed it off. I was surprised he did that with so many people around. Everyone was drunk though, so no one noticed.

Skittles: Thanks for your advice. I know coming out is a personal decision and I want to do it, but it'll take some time. I'll try to keep eveyone updated and let you know when I do come out to him.

 

[Caaake]

^ Yea sure it can be just a bonding thing tho.. i noticed that in the group I know, of all attractive "straight" guys that play with eachother, there's the unattractive guy friend (equally as close to them) who doesn't get played sexually by the other "straight guys" the way the other attractive guys do play with eachother. It's really as if to me attraction has something to do with it. so i wonder why the people I know would leave him out.

Soneric....And it may not be anything big about your friend touching your dick, but I think its possible one may want to see how much they can get away with when it comes to touching you. This way if he wants to go further.. he'll start out as just playfully then escalate later? Hot.. I think there is a reason for doing any of these actions, even playfully hugging from behind that he has that urge to touch and hold you, you can bond over other things. And laughing about it seems to make the situation "okay."

 

[slnattak]

lol straight guys don't necessarily touch or act buddy buddy any more or less than gay men. Most of the straight guys I know don't act that way. It's just your fantasies that they are that way.

Again all your problems can be boiled down to is this: You're not fully out of the closet yet. You keep being around confused/homoerotic-but-straight guys.

Come out everywhere you go and this "problem" you have will lessen. There are gay men that have died for the small amount of self-confidence you already have. Honor their deaths. You can't meet more gay men, somebody that can return your feelings, until you can be honest about being gay yourself. You will just keep attracting other "confused" curious guys. Like attracts like. Law of attraction. You like the teasing too much because you're not ready to risk your heart yet. This is okay. But it's just a phase and it won't last forever.

I mean unless you just like being teased. But if you want things to go anywhere, somewhere- then you should probably just get off the pot and have sex with a gay/bi man even a self-hating one at first.

 

[spencer]

I think certain straight guys think "gayness" is complete comedy. It's like on Dude Where's my Car and they kiss to compete with Fabio and his girl. It has absolutely nothing to do with sexual orientation.

Now with you, it's clear. He knows you're gay and he's fucking with you to get you to cave and admit it. Meanwhile, you're so boggled by it, you're thinking in your head, does he know? is he gay too? and what you're not doing is calling his bluff. keeping your confidence up (at pretending you're straight) and it just opens the door for more of his shenanegans.

man up and don't be insecure about his actions. because showing you are and changing the subject is in effect doing a poor really poor job of covering what you think you're trying to cover and it's sad.

or just come out to him, it would be easier. I'm sure you don't want to do that right now, so play straight correctly man.

 

[sdmister4]

lol straight guys don't necessarily touch or act buddy buddy any more or less than gay men. Most of the straight guys I know don't act that way. It's just your fantasies that they are that way.

Again all your problems can be boiled down to is this: You're not fully out of the closet yet. You keep being around confused/homoerotic-but-straight guys.

Come out everywhere you go and this "problem" you have will lessen. There are gay men that have died for the small amount of self-confidence you already have. Honor their deaths. You can't meet more gay men, somebody that can return your feelings, until you can be honest about being gay yourself. You will just keep attracting other "confused" curious guys. Like attracts like. Law of attraction. You like the teasing too much because you're not ready to risk your heart yet. This is okay. But it's just a phase and it won't last forever.

I mean unless you just like being teased. But if you want things to go anywhere, somewhere- then you should probably just get off the pot and have sex with a gay/bi man even a self-hating one at first.

i have to ask, are you a psychologist? that all sounds very correct in a kinda unconventional way.

anyway back to topic, sounds to me like your friend is pretty comfortable with his sexuality, whether he knows about you or not is up in the air really, but it doesnt sound like something that would bother him much although if you start having a crush on him it might be awkward to tell.

i wouldnt take too much of this seriously since you do kinda like it, we tend to center things we enjoy on ourselves so it may be true that he's acting the same to everyone and it just seems like more to you...sorry to burst any bubbles here, i know it sucks...i'm in the same position as you. maybe one day we'll all have the courage to come out to our friends, and then we can have some real fun

 

[soneric2003]

Caaake: I agree that the whole playing gay thing does have to do with attraction. Even if he may be straight, I think even straight guys have a non-sexual attraction to other certain guys. A good looking guy is a lot more likely to be popular with both guys and girls. Discerning between this straight attraction and homosexual attraction can be difficult at times though...

Maybe he does enjoy touching me...but do you think a straight guy could just possibly enjoy the touch of another guy even though there's no sexual attraction?

skittles: for the most part I think he laughs and stops when a gay action is returned. Sometimes when I touch him back, he'll just laugh and wont try to escalate things. Though the only thing I've really done with him is slap his ass. Haven't tried anything more sexual like a caress. He doesn't seem uncomfortable with it though.

slnattak: hmmm..are you saying that I'm imagining that he's straight? There could be the possibility that he's curious but I know he's slept with a good amount of girls. So his attraction to girls is real.

I know coming out will help solve a lot of my problems but, like I've said I'm just not ready yet. I've accepted the fact that I'm gay (took me till my 20th birthday) but it'll take time before I can build up the courage to come out.

Bi-Guy: Whoa there...wouldn't say he's in love with me. Might be curious but I know he likes girls. It's a weird relationship I have with him though. I'm his roommate and we have a great friendship but I'm also sexually attracted to him...which kind of makes it feel wrong to me? Like it's inappropiate, maybe because I think he's straight or because he's my roommate.

spencer: haha....so many different ideas. Some say he's straight, some say he's gay, and you think he's just fucking with me? That may well be true and I understand what your saying; play straight or don't do it all. But how do you suggest calling his bluff? By playing gay chicken? Or I could easily keep confident about my sexuality and call him a faggot for touching me. And if he knows why doesn't he just ask me if I'm gay?

sdmister4: I'm leaning towards your theory. I think he's mostly straight and very comfortable with his sexuality since he has no problem touching me in public.

I'm trying to prevent myself from liking him...though he is pretty attractive. If i can keep a level head about it all I think I can keep a platonic relationship with him.

And as for the whole touching thing...he definitely does it more to me than anyone else I've seen him around. He hugs me almost every time I see him and people even comment about it. But that's only with the people I've seen him with. Maybe he has several other guy friends he loves to touch that I don't know about.

Anyways some more things he's done...the other day he tried to hug me from behind with just speedos on (we both swim). And he also was asking me about how to work out different muscle groups, was touching me and asked me to take my shirt off. Jokingly of course. What a confusing guy....should I just call him out and call him gay next time he pulls one of those? I've never made any comment about him being gay for touching me before, but it might be interesting to see his reaction. Then again, if I hit a soft spot he might stop it all together.

Sorry for the long post...I'll try to keep it short next time. Maybe I'll cut down on the individual answers

 

[sdmister4]

well.. maybe he's a little bi?

anyway you say he must have an attraction to girls..now thats probably true, but the first guy i slept with had sex with a few girls first but he ended up being gay so who knows. and if other people noticed he's friendlier around you then you might be on to something

then again about half of my high school was on the swim/polo team, they're straight as a ruler but have probably touched more parts of more men than me

best of luck brah

 

[Caaake]

Caaake: I agree that the whole playing gay thing does have to do with attraction. Even if he may be straight, I think even straight guys have a non-sexual attraction to other certain guys. A good looking guy is a lot more likely to be popular with both guys and girls. Discerning between this straight attraction and homosexual attraction can be difficult at times though...

Maybe he does enjoy touching me...but do you think a straight guy could just possibly enjoy the touch of another guy even though there's no sexual attraction?

It's possible that it could be a non-sexual attraction to the touching however what other motives would be behind the touching if its not sexual? Possibly humor or teasing could be other motives but he can achieve these goals without touching you sensually and what not. And even if he is teasing you because he does know you're gay, he's still touching you and in my opinion he's using that you're gay as an excuse to touch your body.
But fact is, he desires to do this and he's receiving some sort of satisfaction from it. That's pretty hot.

I just have trouble finding reasoning behind excessive touching without there being a sexual attraction. I think even if there are other motives behind it, chances are sexual being one of them.

 

[hothunk222]

My friend acts in a very similar way. He acts gay and says the gayest things as "jokes" and even touches me, no one ever says anything like calling him a "fag!" or "that's soo gay!" but when someone else jokes around in a similar way like he does he is very quick to call you out on it and get uncomfortable. It's very confusing and annoying. Any ideas anyone?