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Straight guys acting gay around you

It's been a while since I last updated. I've just finished finals a week ago and I'm glad school is over with. Nothing beats having free time and just chilling. Right now I'm back home and will be here until the middle of the week when I head back to my university to hang out and get ready for summer school.

I haven't seen my roommate for a bout a week now and surprisingly I'm not thinking about him as much like I used to. Maybe I'm starting to get over him? I still like him and am physically attracted to him, but it hasn't been running my life as much as it used to, which is a good sign. I'm thinking about taking this as an opportunity to finally come out to him, since it won't hurt as much is he doesn't take it well. The only thing is that I've decided to live with him and my other good friend for the summer....so there's no way of avoiding him if things go bad. Then again I can probably find another living room to live in for a month haha

I am STILL scared shitless about telling him. It feels almost surreal that I'm deciding to do this sometime soon, perhaps within the week. I've known for a good solid year, school is over, and I'm leaving to study abroad after summer school so it seems like the right time for me to let him know. Plus, there's this rave coming up and if I'm out to them by then I'll finally be able to openly look for guys (there'll be alot of hot shirtless guys there) and perhaps get rid of some of my sexual frustration :D


I'm going to try and not update again until I tell him...gives me somewhat of an incentive to come out sooner than later. Hopefully I'll be back with an update telling you guys how well he took it and how things are the same between us. I really don't want my friendship to be over, but if he doesn't want to be my friend because of something like my sexuality then I really shouldn't be friends with him at all.

Wish me good luck. I'll need it.



And just to leave you guys with a random story:

I was just chilling out with some friends cause I was finished with finals while my roommate (let's call him Chris) was still studying for his last final. We we're drinking and watching TV and my female friend ("Vanessa") drank a bit too much (she's a super light weight) and was really sleepy. So my other friend I was hanging out with, suggested that she sleep on the couch for the night or in my bed, probably because he was trying to help me get some ass. He left with his girlfriend and Vanessa and I went up to my room to get ready for bed. Chris was still downstairs studying. Vanessa and I hung out for a bit and then went to bed...she let me sleep in my bed with her cause there was plenty of extra room. My bed is pretty squeaky so when you move it makes a good amount of noise and both her and i had a hard time sleeping so we moved around a lot. Then a little while later, I go out to take a leak and Chris is chilling in his room with his door wide open. He said something that I don't really remember but it seemed like it was small talk, like he knew something was happening but wanted to talk about something else. I'm assuming he assumed I hooked up with her? since I was sleeping in the same bed with a drunk girl, there was plenty of squeaking, and he joked the next day about how he couldn't sleep because Vanessa and I were making too many noises. But since then I have noticed that he's been a lot less touchy, acts a little different, and has hung out less with me. He's been hanging out more with our other friend more. And when he does touch me it's less assertive then what it used to be, kind of like he's unsure if it's appropriate. But then again it's never been a problem so why now? Maybe he's unsure about my sexuality now that he thinks I've slept with Vanessa, and he's trying to act less gay with me?

Complicated guy. Or maybe I'm just reading way too much into this.
 
Maybe you should just tell him you didn't have sex with her, like you're confiding in him since others might assume you did. Tell him you and her just shared the bed. See if his attitude changes then?
 
Shit. I broke my promise.

I'm updating despite the fact that I haven't told my roommate that I'm gay yet. I've been trying this whole week...but it's been hard to even know where to begin. I've been waiting for a good time to tell him, ideally sometime at night when we're just hanging out by ourselves and I've drunk something. I don't think I can do it completely sober. But every night this week I haven't gotten then chance. Either he's busy, here at my house with his girlfriend, or my other good friend, Ryan, is hanging out with us. I want to eventually tell him too but I don't think I could tell them both at once.

Is it stupid for me to be waiting for this "moment" to tell him? Should I just blurt it to him the next time he's chilling with me? I don't even know how to start my conversation about coming out.

Any advice/suggestions or anecdotes about how you guys told your best friend would be greatly appreciated. Did you guys do the whole nine yards with sitting him down, telling him how much of a good friend he is, and then telling him your gay, or did you just mention it to him casually? I know that I have to decided\ myself and that every person's situation is different but hearing some stories may help me decide how I'll approach it and can give me some encouragement.


Bi-Guy: Question about Jane Eyre? Could you ask me again cause I have no idea what you're talking about haha
 
Lol, I know what you mean about waiting for that "moment". That's something I've tried to figure out myself. I'm not pushy enough to call it making excuses, but to tell you the truth a lot of times "the" moment that you're waiting for never comes. The best way to do it is just the next time you have enough nerve to do it, even if the circumstances aren't perfect. Of course you want to make sure you're safe and all, so unless it seems you might get jumped (lol) you might need to just take the leap of faith...

Like you, I know a straight guy who I was sure was making passes at me. He he was in my class, would smile brightly at me all the time, touch me on the arm and shoulder, and would hug me every time he saw me. For a while, I swooned and fantasized. One night while out dancing with some friends though, I saw him with a girl, and the way he was kissing and hugging on her, I figured she HAD to be his girlfriend. I was so annoyed with him (and even more at myself for misunderstanding) that I instantly struck him off my mental list, and didn't think seriously about it again.

But your case is even more curious. Reading all this, I have NO idea how to take your guy. As far as I'm concerned, your friend really could be bi, and even if he isn't I really can't see him dropping you because you're gay. If I'd been in your position, I couldn't have resisted telling him in some way or another--both in the hopes he was too, and just to make the torture stop.

Keep hanging in there, I know you'll do it at some point! It seems you have a lot to gain by getting it out there.
 
hey its cool I love the updates

I dont think you should say (I'm Gay) that is so 98'
You should strongly & obviously hint at it

Like
You: Dude that guy was so cute I want him
Him- (laughing) say what?
You- You dont think hes cute? he could get it for sure
Him- Dude r u gay?
You- Maybe, I am into dudes though
Him- I kinda figured that lol

lmao something along those lines
 
you can have your laptop open to a gay site...maybe even JUB lol or just any gay porn site. And you know, he just happens to see it. Start the conversation from there?

I don't know. By accident one of my close guy friends found me out that way. We talked about it, he said he would support me no matter what, our friendship got a whole closer after that. Best day of my life. Nervous as fuck but all is good.
 
I think it's hard to say he's straight just because he dates women. I'm married (to a woman), but I'm bi. I don't think you can tell what he wants or where this is going until you guys talk about it somewhat openly. I'm not suggesting that you say things to scare him away or break what seems to be a strong friendship.

But maybe you should say, with confidence, that you really like being around him. Start that discussion. Maybe there's a chance it will make the next discussion, about your attraction to guys, a little easier. But you might want to keep these as two separate discussions on different occasions at first.
 
I finally did it. I told him. It happened about a couple of weeks ago, the night before I left the country for my 5 month study abroad program. I thought it was a good time to tell him, and to give him sometime to think about it.

It was probably one of the hardest things I had to say. My heart was racing, my mouth was mumbling from the nerves. But when it finally came out, he was extremely supportive of me and I couldn't have gotten a better reaction.

Here's a breakdown of what happened:

It was the night before I was going to go back home and then head out to my study abroad country. I had been planning to tell him the whole week but it never worked out so it was my last chance (I almost told him a few days earlier during my 'going away' party when I was drunk but he locked the door to his room). We both had a lot of work due the next day and I decided to keep him company and work on it in his bedroom. We were both up pretty late, it was around 3, and I knew I had to tell him soon...time was running out. I felt a little vulnerable telling him in his room with bright lights so I convinced him to come out with me for a study break and to practice driving my car (I had been teaching him how to drive stick for a week). He decided to go to the store to pick up some things while we were driving so I decided to tell him on the drive back home.

I was scared shirtless when we got back in the car to go home. My mind was racing and I was switching back and forth between "I have to tell him now" to "No I can't do it, I'll tell him another time" lol. I had butterfiles and everything. Then the words starting coming out.

M:Hey Chris....so remember that night I was drunk and trying to tell you something?
C:Yea
M:Well I lied, I actually remember what I wanted to tell you.
C:Yea?
M:Well...uh..it's something I've been trying to make a resoultion to tell you before I left and it's something I want to eventually tell others about...And I hope it doesn't freak you out or anything.....but um......

and then I went silent cause I couldn't get the words out of my mouth.

C:.....You're gay?
M:.....yea....
C:Wait, are you joking?
M:No.
C:Really?!?
M:Yea.

He then goes on and tells me he isn't bothered by it at all, and how I'm one of his best friends and that he's honored that I chose to tell him. He apparently had no idea I was gay even though I'm still a virgin at 21 and haven't had a girlfriend in a long time. He just thought I was the really shy type.

When we got back he starting asking me tons of questions about being gay like if I watch gay porn, if I care about the girth and length of dicks (kind of weird haha), how it feels to be in a locker room with hot guys, if "Faggot" offends me etc. I just let him ask whatever he wanted. It was a pretty good bonding experience and he wasn't weirded out by my answers at all. And to top it off he grabbed my ass that night...to show that things weren't awkward or going to change between us.

I really don't think I could have gotten a better reaction from him. And since then I think we've become closer friends. On the other note though, my other really good friend Ryan, is pretty homophobic and talking to Mike about it, he also thinks that I wouldn't get a great response from Ryan if/when I tell him. But that's another story...I'll deal with one thing at a time.

Thanks for all your help and support JUB :-)
 
That is a great story! Congratulations! Now he knows what's it like to have a gay guy for a friend, and the world is just a little bit better for all of us now :)
 
Congratulations! Don't be surprised if he comes out to you when you get back. Those were very interesting questions he asked. Mark my words.
 
It's all acting. Many straight guys just like to pretend and have an outlet. I say "Go ahead and act stereotypically gay", because we all act silly and do things we don't mean. You shouldn't always read too deeply into it.

My straight friends hit on me at times and it's all jokes. That doesn't mean I want them, even if I'm attracted to them. Because the minute I take it serious and start hinting or making a move, they get uncomfortable.

But in your situation, I'd just say...good job for doing all you've done so far and being yourself. :)
 
Wow that is awesome! Lets just hope he turns gay and he can be yours forever lol.. No seriously i would talk more with him and see what he thinks. But what i can tell you now is if you told one person it is bound to come out eventually and maybe this could help you more into coming out of the closet becuase by me telling people it has helped me also.
 
Thanks for all the responses. It'd be great to see how things are when I come back to the states in 4 months. He's really a good friend and I'm lucky to have him. I'll keep you guys posted once I get back.

I have another situation now though....may be better if I put this in a new thread but w/e.


Now that I'm abroad I want to explore my sexuality since I've been in the closet my whole life. I've made friends in my study abroad location but I haven't been upfront about my sexuality...it's just natural to me to pretend to be straight. I want to come out to them soon so I can start being myself.

There's one guy who's in my group of friends that I occasionally talk to but I'm not too close to. He's the only openly guy I know here. I want to come out to him and go check out some gay places but don't know whats the best way to come out to him. I was thinking about sending him a facebook message telling him i was gay and asking if he would like to check out some bars/clubs. Do you think it might rub off as me hitting on him? I'm not attracted to him. Or should I try to talk to him in person and drop hints that I'm gay?
 
^ Just be honest and tell him what you want. Say you're curious to know about the scene and was wondering if you could show him around. That's not being flirtatious. If he's a mature guy, he won't have ulterior motives for your time.
 
soneric2003 said:
Thanks for all the responses. It'd be great to see how things are when I come back to the states in 4 months. He's really a good friend and I'm lucky to have him. I'll keep you guys posted once I get back.

I have another situation now though....may be better if I put this in a new thread but w/e.


Now that I'm abroad I want to explore my sexuality since I've been in the closet my whole life. I've made friends in my study abroad location but I haven't been upfront about my sexuality...it's just natural to me to pretend to be straight. I want to come out to them soon so I can start being myself.

There's one guy who's in my group of friends that I occasionally talk to but I'm not too close to. He's the only openly guy I know here. I want to come out to him and go check out some gay places but don't know whats the best way to come out to him. I was thinking about sending him a facebook message telling him i was gay and asking if he would like to check out some bars/clubs. Do you think it might rub off as me hitting on him? I'm not attracted to him. Or should I try to talk to him in person and drop hints that I'm gay?
Click to expand...

Since he's openly gay, I would advise you just come out to him, saying you're gay and asking what are some nice places he knows of. Doing so in person is probably better.
 
have you questioned why your friend was affectionate towards you after you told him you were gay?
 
gotdimples77 said:
uh... i think you have one of those bi-curious "straight" guys on your hands. I think you should get him drunk, toss him up against the wall, give him a hickey, and see where things go from there...
Click to expand...



In a way I don't believe that! There's a lot of straight guys that are so comfortable about they're sexuality!
some guys here probably knows about the time I came out to a friend thinking he was gay because he'd tap/touch my dick, thrust me, spoon ect and I told him I was also into guys and he was like that's cool this and still stayed my friend and I believe he is straight not curios at all!
but it is annoying when guys play like that, I like it too :gogirl:
 
If he is openly gay, which I think he is, say "Hey wanna go out tonight?" - IF he plays dumb and doesn't get it and asks, "Where do you want to go?", say "Let's go out to THE bars." If he needs more information, then say "Let's go find the boy bars" or "What's your favorite boy/gay bar?"

Mission accomplished.
 
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