Straight guys: ever had a "bromance?"

[Horschallen]

I think it is more widespread and common than you think. I have had a few of them in the past... some with other gays and some with straights. Right now, I have none. Sigh.

 

[texan_slant]

HMMM - I'm so naive, I have never heard of this term till now.

Well, I'm gay, and though I don't kiss my male straight friends, we hug, talk affectionately (in a brotherly way) with each other, spring for the other's meals, etc - just like brothers.

Some of my friendships have been described by other's as closer than brothers - yet, not partners.

I was just telling a female friend of mine the other day that I 'adore' all of the males in my life, and she said, "AAH - just like girlfriends."

...but I realize you're asking about two straight guys. I'm sure it exists....

 

[SimpleMan]

Yeah, I've had a few. Most even knew I was bi, and didn't care. Just guys I'm totally cool with, without anything sexual involved. We can talk about anything, hug each other, sleep practically on top of each other, tell the other you love him, cook for each other, cry in front of each other (when nobody else is around of course), and it's totally straight, like a brotherhood. It's the best friendship you can get, and we all need more of them. It's just that a lot of straight guys are too paranoid to admit that they need it.

But it's awesome when you find it.

Ben

 

[mattad]

Yeah, I've had a few. Most even knew I was bi, and didn't care. Just guys I'm totally cool with, without anything sexual involved. We can talk about anything, hug each other, sleep practically on top of each other, tell the other you love him, cook for each other, cry in front of each other (when nobody else is around of course), and it's totally straight, like a brotherhood. It's the best friendship you can get, and we all need more of them. It's just that a lot of straight guys are too paranoid to admit that they need it.

But it's awesome when you find it.

Ben

Gosh, I would kill to have that. That's the thing my heart has been longing for, for years. I am almost sad to read this...

 

[SimpleMan]

Aww, Don't worry, it'll come to ya. That's the thing, you can't plan it, or pick the guy obviously. And usually, once you have it, you don't even notice for a while. It's not like in a relationship where suddenly your dating or whatever, it's just a bond that grows with time, until eventually you just look over at him and it kinda hits you like 'damn, I love this dude'. But that's the best part, you don't see it coming, it's so natural you don't even think about it.

Just don't sweat it, you'll find it when you least expect it.

BTW, cute avatar.

Ben

 

[chicercatrova]

Gosh, I would kill to have that. That's the thing my heart has been longing for, for years. I am almost sad to read this...

i couldnt agree more. i yearn for this, and it tears my heart to hear that other people have it.

 

[fireside]

Well I'm working on one now, with a straight guy (or possibly bi but it's unclear at this early stage). It's odd because he sometimes seems a little uncomfortable with physical affection. He knows I'm gay. When he shakes my hand, he is willing to continue holding on for longer than necessary. Once I suggested to arm wrestle and we did, and that seemed to bring him alive. He doesn't seem to want to hug me, although one time I did hug him instead of shaking my hand, and he did hug me then, but did the 3 pats on the back thing. That always means 'I'm Not Gay,' or at least 'You're Not Getting Any.' It's kind of odd because he seems to want to be with me and confide deep, personal things, but at the same time not be too physically close for very long. Maybe he's just afraid of the fact that I'm gay and he doesn't want it to turn into that. Another friend of mine advised me, "just remember, guys are not touchy-feely, so don't be offended." But aren't they secretly or unconsciously craving that male affection?

Thing is it's not something you can really 'work on', per se. It's a type of bond that just arrives between two people. There's nothing sexual about it, which is why there's no way to force it to happen. It's an unconscious bond that just occurs when you realize that the person you're hanging out with is an integral part of your day-to-day existence, from a friendship standpoint.

That being said, concentrate less on contact with your friend and more on just getting to a comfort level where you can tell him your deepest darkest and he can tell you his. Having a rock like that is very helpful in life.

 

[SimpleMan]

^^^Yes, exactly. Listen to this man.

 

[kramer362]

the seating is as goes....

*girl* *guy* *guy* *girl*

so your both next to your chicks, but through the movie your also next each other, and you can clown and whatever without being all obnoxious and loud in the threatre,

haha anythings better than hearing two women yap the whole movie. (as opposed to letting them sit next to each other instead)

joking of course!

 

[Conflicted]

It's all over the straight world. There is a difference between affection though and what is more common in bromance. If two guys are watching a movie together and cuddling, no..this is NOT bromance. But the half hug/half hand shake or putting your arms around each other for pictures...that is acceptable bromance. Kissing is out of the question too. Bromance is like brotherly love.

Mancrushes are also related to Bromance. This is usually for celebs, rockstars, artists and other guys high on the social ladder.

 

[SimpleMan]

I'm in "bromance heaven" right now. In the last week, I came out to two of my closest bros, and they didn't mind at all. Infact, one even started talking about times when he'd been attracted to guys! lol. Too bad I don't think of him like that. But it's nice to know that we're close enough for nothing to get in the way of out friendship. And another bro out of state invited me to come down and spend the holidays with him. Life is good.. now all I need is a boyfriend...

 

[PurpleBear]

"Bromance" is really stupid word but I've definitely had a few of these. I have plenty of guy friends who are completely straight that I have no attraction to whatsoever and I love them like brothers. I don't think it is weird but actually quite normal once males drop the macho/masculine/uber-straight act. I don't find anything gay about it. It is just a friendship at its highest point.

 

[mbamike]

Yes, I have had a "bromance".

His name is Bob. I have known him for about 20 years. He is like a brother to me. I met him at church when I was going through a very bitter divorce . He was my "Good Samaritan". He rescued me!

We have hugged and told each other "I love you!", but have never had any sexual contact with each other. No sucking, no fucking, no masturbation. Nothing.

We have gone out to dinners, lunches, etc together. We have watched live plays, shows, musicals together. We have hiked, gone skinny dipping, gone to the nudist camp together. We have gone on vacations together while his wife stayed at home. She was a home body and preferred to sit in front of the television or read a book. We have sat on the porch/patio and talked for hours.

We talked about anything and everything. He is in the medical profession so talking about the body is second nature to him. We just liked hanging out with each other.

We are not as close today as we once were because I moved away. We still keep in contact though.
He is going through a rough time now because his wife died a year ago.

 

[PabloZed]

Gay men need to stay away from straight ones. It is nothing but trouble and heartache.

One of my best buds in school was more affectionate towards me than my own parents. Once, we were playing two on two basketball (he and I were teammates). We were losing until I went on a hot streak, scoring a bunch of baskets to win. He was so happy we won that he walked up to me and hugged me. Now, we've all seen the quick hug and pat on the back that is commonplace in sports. This was like a hug you give someone you haven't seen in a long time. We just stood there on a basketball court in full embrace. I didn't want to let go. Of course, to him it was purely platonic.

That is the danger. Of course it was platonic, but I was a fool in love. I was the nightmare fag standing there inhaling the scent of his sweat and feeling our crotches dance through our shorts. I won't bore you with the sad tale of how I let my mind convince me it was something more, but suffice to say it would have been better if I had kept my distance because I ruined a friendship. A good friendship. And for that I will always be sorry.

 

[giorgiobaby]

I am gay. I actually hang out with more straight men than gay men, I am close to them and we are very affectionate(is that spelled right?) , but I would never step over the line and assume that it was anything more. These guys are like my brothers(I guess that's how the word originated) and I think of them as such. I am very luck to have such close friends and I guess to answer the original question, you could call it a bromance...men being so close that it's love on a non sexual level and not afraid to express love for each other.

 

[bwaystar99]

Well I'm gay and I would say I have a "bromance", lol. I have a straight friend who knows I'm gay and is fine with it...he's tried to set me up with guys in the past too, he knows my taste lol. Anyway we hug and I've kissed him on the cheek before and its totally fine...he knows I'm not into him in any sort of romantic way and just consider him a really good friend.

 

[boxerdudeuk]

Yeah, I've had a few. Most even knew I was bi, and didn't care. Just guys I'm totally cool with, without anything sexual involved. We can talk about anything, hug each other, sleep practically on top of each other, tell the other you love him, cook for each other, cry in front of each other (when nobody else is around of course), and it's totally straight, like a brotherhood. It's the best friendship you can get, and we all need more of them. It's just that a lot of straight guys are too paranoid to admit that they need it.

But it's awesome when you find it.

Ben

i've this close type of bromance with 3 guys. it's awesome. it's closer than brothers in a lot of ways. but yeah exactly what you said - we do everything together. we cook for each other all the time, hug, cry, laugh, help each other out - whatever it takes.

these are the best kinds of friendships. i've been lucky enough to have 3 of them. and i'm close to the other 2 still as well.

 

[Caaake]

So anyone who has had a bromance, there's NEVER been any sexual feelings towards him? How about sexual tension?

 

[Caaake]

oh! Question to bramancers and/or in bromances you knew of for Gay "jokes" to be exchanged, like for example : "my boner is gone without you" or "i miss your anus" or like, playing around sitting on eachothers faces humping into them "jokingly" (pants on) and humping them from behind, once again clothed?

Just curious, because i know some people who i think might have bromances but im not sure if there's more to it in their cases..

 

[darkstormy]

If it's a choice between the affectionate bromance, or the sex with the straight guy, I think I'd take the bromance actually. As long as it was very close and warm and physically affectionate. You can get dick from so many men, so what. I had another situation like this about 6 years ago, and we eventually got pretty close, hugging and wrestling a lot, although never kissing. I think in the long run that was probably more fulfilling than a quick dirty sex thing (though I can easily still fantasize about him that way).

See, what you're talking about is still kinda sexual, whereas the whole "bromance" thing is more about male comraderie. Like the love between family. Just like women can have these really close relationships with other women (that they don't sleep with), men can have them too sometimes (brotherly love). And it's pretty natural to be affectionate. In plenty of cultures, it's normal for men to hold hands walking down the street, and there be nothing sexual going on.

That doesn't mean that sexual chemistry can't develop, overtime, but in my opinion you've crossed into different territory once you've started fantasizing about this guys strong hands stroking the small of your back . . . The line between it all is pretty slippery and elusive, but then again, you can have just as strong of a friendship with a guy that you have no sexual chemistry with.