Straight guys

[mcbrion]

You do realize that he's going to have to explicitly know you want his dick at some point don't you? Unless you intend to wait until he pounces upon you, while you make like a blushing maiden protecting your virtue.

You are doing what all closeted guys do, having wistful fantasies waiting for guarantees so you don't have to take any chances.

It's why the closet sucks ass, and not in a good way.

I have to agree with you on that one. There sure seem to be a plethora of gay guys who, instead of pursuing gay gays, go after straight ones. And then look for "clues" that the straight guy is doing something to entice them.
So, if he'd taken his socks off instead of his shirt, that would mean he was trying to get you to suck his toes?!?
This whole "looking for clues" thing is dysfunctional. If you can't just ask - as TX-Beau suggested - leave the poor straight guy alone. This is how perfectly good friendships between gay men and straight men get ruined: the gay guy has ulterior motives. Hell, he didn't even become friends with the straight guy as a function of them having something in common. He did it to get closer to the guy so he could figure out if he could get the guy to go to bed with him. That's gross. AND it's STILL dysfunctional. And really, really dishonest. No different than the straight woman a man befriends only because he figures if he gets her drunk, he can get her into bed.
If this is the current state of ethics of people, find me a desert island to inhabit, because I want no part of human being who operate like this.

 

[KaraBulut]

...If this is the current state of ethics of people, find me a desert island to inhabit, because I want no part of human being who operate like this.

To give you a different spin on things...

Back when gay men had no choice but to be discreet, these subtle clues were part of the "is he or isn't he?" game. There was an art to sending out cues so that the other person knew there was an interest.

Now, guys just pull out their phone and see if the other guy is on Grindr. Things are easier but there's another problem that social media and the apps have created: we're getting less skilled at picking up on cues.

There's always going to be a tendency to project one's own feelings onto other people and to situations. But where there was a practical reason why these subtle messages used to exist, in this brave new world, that subtlety isn't needed as much but it's not being replaced by actual communication (and consent), unfortunately.

 

[mcbrion]

To give you a different spin on things...

Back when gay men had no choice but to be discreet, these subtle clues were part of the "is he or isn't he?" game. There was an art to sending out cues so that the other person knew there was an interest.

Now, guys just pull out their phone and see if the other guy is on Grindr. Things are easier but there's another problem that social media and the apps have created: we're getting less skilled at picking up on cues.

There's always going to be a tendency to project one's own feelings onto other people and to situations. But where there was a practical reason why these subtle messages used to exist, in this brave new world, that subtlety isn't needed as much but it's not being replaced by actual communication (and consent), unfortunately.

I agree. 100%.

 

[Croft85]

Well , sadly it turns out he is 100% straight. I got up the courage and made a move. He turned me,he was nice about so that's cool. I thought for sure he was bi or at least curious but nope. ����

 

[KaraBulut]

Well , sadly it turns out he is 100% straight. I got up the courage and made a move. He turned me,he was nice about so that's cool. I thought for sure he was bi or at least curious but nope. ����

Well, at least you took the risk and tried. It's good that he was cool about it.

Now, maybe the two of you can be just friends and the stress about the rest is off?

 

[Smoke78]

and here I am on the other side, a straight guy looking for a gay guy to fool around with

Same here... Or at least someone whos curious at least

 

[TX-Beau]

I have to wonder where y'all are looking, finding a guy to fuck isn't all that difficult.

 

[Croft85]

I have to wonder where y'all are looking, finding a guy to fuck isn't all that difficult.

Where do you find a guy then? I can't get anyone on any of the apps to talk to me. The bars I go to they are all straight. Can't find a friend willing to go to a gay bar. So I'm shit out of luck.

 

[TX-Beau]

Where do you find a guy then? I can't get anyone on any of the apps to talk to me. The bars I go to they are all straight. Can't find a friend willing to go to a gay bar. So I'm shit out of luck.

OK, you are tossing obstacles in your own path, since none of us have seen your profile on whatever app you're using we can't say what might be the issue, and if you are unwilling to go find places gay men congregate, that certainly is an issue. You want to find a gay man to fuck, don't go to places gay men avoid, you want gay men to date, don't socialize exclusively with straight people. They will let you into a gay bar, or indeed any other place gay men go, without a friend.

Join a gay club, go volunteer at a gay charity, go get a beer at a gay bar, all of this you can do without needing the supervision of someone else.

 

[Croft85]

I'm not putting obstacles in my way and I'm not unwilling to go to a gay bar . I don't have a working car. And the nearest gay bar is almost 2 hours away and there is no public transportation at all

 

[Croft85]

And as far as the apps go most guy on them think I'm ugly.and no I'm not saying that to put myself down that's what I've been told. By many of them

 

[Thomas80]

Hi Croft85,

You're not ugly in my opinion, I think you didn't meet the right guys who find you attractive.

 

[KaraBulut]

And as far as the apps go most guy on them think I'm ugly.and no I'm not saying that to put myself down that's what I've been told. By many of them.

Criticism intended to be constructive: it's not you, it's the picture. Take a picture of you in a more relaxed setting looking happy... and maybe without the glasses.

 

[funsicles]

Dear Mr. Croft85,

You do NOT need ANYONE to go to a gay bar with you!!!

The first gay bar I went to was "The Gay 90s" in Minneapolis, and even though I went with my then-girlfriend and 3 other hetero-couples, lol, I was a nervous wreck! (as were the other guys in our group). I can't speak for them, but I was 3 days shy of turning 22 and desperately trying to repress my curiosities when outright denial didn't work. Everyone there was very respectful (save for a couple of drag queens) and all were welcoming. Ha ha, I broke my record for 9 cummings that night with her with 13!!! Both of us were chaffed for days!!! Sadly, we only went back there 2 more times with one other couple or the other, but good times were always had by all.

College resumed, and we all went our separate ways ... with me Googling "gay bars" in my college town. I was friendly with a few seemingly openly gay peers, but I couldn't muster the courage to outright ask them, and I certainly didn't want to ask them to go to a gay bar with me (lest they get the wrong idea). Ha ha, Knowing that I'd imbue A LOT of liquid courage, I took the city bus to the gay part of town, determined to go to a gay bar or three myself! Needless to say, I walked off my 4 beer buzz walking a figure 8 around the 4 block/street of gay bars. Ha ha, regulars probably thought I was lost or a hustler!

End-point: I walked into seemingly neighborhood-esque type of bar, with all ages, small crowd over the 2 clubs whose slamming, jamming bass could be felt and heard a block away. A nervous wreck, I sat at the bar and waited for the bartender to order my Budweiser. Since I was new, the bartender got it without overture or fanfare. Lol ... only took me 2 more beer and 3 shots before I was engaging in conversations across the bar, playing pool and/or darts, and basically making friends that I still have to this day.

I went home alone that night via cab, but with lots of phone numbers, and I was happy, truly happy. Now a decade later, I can honestly tell you that it takes all kinds to make the world go round - too many to be sure. I've been turned down by a few handsome twinks, all because I am NOT old, I am NOT obese, not a twink, not freakishly ripped, etc. (the list goes on).

NOTHING VENTURED ... NOTHING GAINED