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Straight Nightmares

C

Confusedbyou

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A friend of mine is struggling to come out to his family . Im not exactly gay myself more like an enthusiast mostly inactive bisexual . He is having nightmares because he values the truth over anything but he s afraid to tell it to his family . I have multiple questions id like you to answer
  1. What in the Heck can your family do to you if you come out to them ? Sure they might bad mouth you as primitive as they are , might smack you 2 times in the face and never talk to you again. They wont hang you less their Arab sheet folk , They might even kick you out of your house which is not even yours , it s not the end of the world , you can find gay shelters world wide and as bonus you can even work for the ones providing you shelter. The reason why i personally do not out to my parents is because they are old , sick , they wont understand the meaning of my outing and frankly my bisexuality is so poorly formed i cant even out myself as a bi person to me
  2. Why is it /was so hard for you to be that such a load that causes you to have nightmares ?
 
For everyone it's different to come out and tell anyone what your sexuality is. Most of the time people keep it to themselves without getting hurt by telling someone but everyone is different you gotta do what makes you feel good about yourself too
 
Losing your family is no small thing - hard enough when they didn't willfully throw you out. Shelters are not compensation; they are the option of last resort.

If you feel it's just trivial to be in the closet - you are. You have your reasons, so does he. Yours are no more valid than his. Why don't you show him how easy it is and come out yourself?
 
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Confusedbyou said:
A friend of mine is struggling to come out to his family.
Click to expand...
How old is this friend?


Confusedbyou said:
I have multiple questions id like you to answer
  1. What in the Heck can your family do to you if you come out to them ? Sure they might bad mouth you as primitive as they are , might smack you 2 times in the face and never talk to you again. They wont hang you less their Arab sheet folk , They might even kick you out of your house which is not even yours , it s not the end of the world , you can find gay shelters world wide and as bonus you can even work for the ones providing you shelter. The reason why i personally do not out to my parents is because they are old , sick , they wont understand the meaning of my outing and frankly my bisexuality is so poorly formed i cant even out myself as a bi person to me
  2. Why is it /was so hard for you to be that such a load that causes you to have nightmares ?
Click to expand...

You're implying that this friend lives at home? Is your friend financially dependent upon his family?

The brain keeps working when we're asleep. Often, if there's some unresolved issue that is leftover from the waking hours, the brain continues working on it when the person is asleep.

The other question is, "Why are you working on the issue for your friend? Is he doing anything to change his situation?"
 
Our parents are God. If we lose them, we have a primitive fear that we will die, which was actually true when we were very young. In addition, many of us learned that when we displease our parents they withdraw their love. It feels like we are losing them when this happens so again, we fear that we will die. It's not a logical feeling, not as an adult. But it's still there and we will do anything to avoid this fear.

When I first came out to my parents, I sat up late with my mother one evening when I was home on a visit and I tried to get the words out but I couldn't. It was amazing how powerful that block was to me to stop me from sabotaging my relationship with her, even as an adult. I eventually did come out but I remember feeling like the world was going to end in that moment.

So your friend has a powerful inhibition preventing him from telling his parents some news that may make them angry at him and reject him. He can use your support, both before and after he comes out. Just knowing that he can call you right after he tells them will make a world of difference to him. Give him time and don't underestimate how difficult this is for him.
 
Have you asked your friend this question and told him you are confused by his fear?
It seems that you yourself are confused about how the loss of love can affect someone. Is this hard for you to understand? You speaking of substituting home and family for a gay shelter. Genuine love is not so easy to come by as you may think. When people fear losing those that they truly love. You seem to feel as though people can be discarded quite easily. That is not how most of us feel.
 
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