Straight people really suck

[Apollo]

I have never really encountered the types you speak of, but no doubt they exist out there.

I have mostly straight friends, and they all know i'm gay, and they don't have a problem with me.

Meh, whatever.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Lex, don't be so sure that behind your back, as Davy has said, they aren't saying something different.

Dude, I can GUARANTEE that they're saying something different. Not because I'm gay (necessarily), but because they're human, and humans are duplicitous by nature. Maybe these people talked about what wretched sinners we weer after we left. Maybe they held a prayer vigil for my partner. Perhaps I wasn't included in the prayer vigil, because they think I'm a fag by nature and somehow dragged my innocent partner in. Maybe they sprayed the place with Lysol the second we weren't there to get the gay/AIDS germs out of their clean home. It'd be a bit odd, since they knew we were gay to start with, and they didn't have to invite us to begin with, but hey, you never know.

The thing is - I expect to be talked about differently when I'm not there. It wouldn't surprise me to find out that my friends say "Lex told one of his damn stupid, supposedly-funny stories again" or "Lex stopped by. Guess what ugly T-shirt he wore today." Perhaps some of you here on JUB send PMs/IMs/comments about me. "Hey, the attention-whore is back - 'look at me, I'm a gargoyle'." "Someone thinks he's somehow qualified to give advice on relationships again." The thing is - none of this bothers me. To a degree, I expect it from pretty much everybody. And perhaps there are people in my life who are sunshine and ranibows when I'm in the room, but never fail to degrade me the second I'm out of earshot. But I doubt it. Because such people tend to not confine themselves to being this way with just one person. It tends to spread to everyone they know. And that's not the sort of behavior I look for in friends. When I see it, I tend to distance myself from those folks.

Lex

 

[Alpha1851]

My partners family is very friendly and accommodating to me. At his grandma's 95th birthday I was included in the family photo. They took several that day but I was included in at least one.

Two years later I happened on a family photo album as they were showing off photos of their new house. In that album was "the photo" of the birthday.

I was not in that picture!

So the point is, no matter how respectful and cool people are, you never really know how they REALLY feel and what they REALLY say behind your back.

Did you ever think that one particular picture was chosen b/c the photo album owner liked how they looked in that one, or how other fam members looked? Maybe in some of the other pics fam members had red eye, or some eyes were shut, or hair was out place, or someone was looking the wrong way. Homophobia and a direct decision to exclude you isn't the only possible motivator here. Yet, you appear, at least to me, to have reached that conclusion even though you mentioned that it's impossible to know how a person really feels.

One of the local, adult GSA directors sees homophobia when it really isn't there. If someone talks to me first, or asks me questions, or approaches me first, he swears it's b/c he's gay and ALL these people are homophobic. Well, he fails to realize that he has a perpetual scowl on his face and seems very stand offish. I wouldn't approach him either. He's a creative guy who has faced discrimination over the years and unfortunately, those experiences have taught him to be on guard and it shows.

 

[davy]

...
Of this, however, i can't. I couldn't possibly care less what my co-workers think when i'm not there, long as they don't make my job any harder than it is, and that i get paid on time. If it's a "smile-in-your-face" type of stance they wanna take, that's fine - long as work gets done. The only time i care what a coworker might think about my life... is when we become friends outside of work.

How do you navigate political intrigues during promotions, payraises or layoffs?

I would like to have your attitude, but that fact of the matter is that I can't afford it, financially.

...
The thing is - I expect to be talked about differently when I'm not there. It wouldn't surprise me to find out that my friends say "Lex told one of his damn stupid, supposedly-funny stories again" or "Lex stopped by. Guess what ugly T-shirt he wore today." Perhaps some of you here on JUB send PMs/IMs/comments about me. "Hey, the attention-whore is back - 'look at me, I'm a gargoyle'." "Someone thinks he's somehow qualified to give advice on relationships again." The thing is - none of this bothers me. To a degree, I expect it from pretty much everybody. And perhaps there are people in my life who are sunshine and ranibows when I'm in the room, but never fail to degrade me the second I'm out of earshot. But I doubt it. Because such people tend to not confine themselves to being this way with just one person. It tends to spread to everyone they know. And that's not the sort of behavior I look for in friends. When I see it, I tend to distance myself from those folks.

Lex

How do you recognize and distance yourself from duplicitous people when, by deffinition, it's hidden away from you?

...Well, he fails to realize that he has a perpetual scowl on his face and seems very stand offish. I wouldn't approach him either. He's a creative guy who has faced discrimination over the years and unfortunately, those experiences have taught him to be on guard and it shows.

I wonder if this is the only bit of wisdom I can learn in this thread.

Thanks.

 

[954dude]

Idiots suck. Mean people suck. Not straight people. You shouldn't generalise. There are idiots everywhere.

Hell, I think pretty, self-absorbed, eye-rolling gay guys are irritating, but I don't lose sleep over it.

 

[JNewYork]

alpha, you could be right.

I may be being too sensitive and jumping to conclusions.

I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.

 

[jizzeater]

It's sad, really.

They're just trying to boost their own miserable lack of self esteem by beating on others.

They don't just do it to gays, they do it to everyone. Including each other.

Exactly what I was thinking. If it wasn't a gay guy they were talking about it would be a fat person or someone else.

 

[Alpha1851]

I have marked them down; but considering they're my coworkers and every bigwig in silicon valley knows each other; I can kiss my career goodbye if I never talk to them again.

And I let them know VERY clearly that I'm one of those faggots and I think they're dicks for making fun of them. So, on Monday, assuming I still have a job, I give my two weeks notice.

Bleh ... Being a man sucks sometimes.

Who was it that made the remarks and what was the convo about? What was the response when you clued them in about the situation?

I wouldn't jump the gun about handing in your two weeks notice. First, the company may have a policy excluding your co-workers/supervisors behavior. If so, document what happened just in case. Second, it's possible that your colleagues/supervisors weren't aware that their statements were derogatory. I have no idea what was said, so I'm speculating here. Your response took guts. You could've kept your mouth shut and your head down and continued on the career ladder. But, you stuck your neck out and spoke up. That took guts!. Hopefully, you've taught these people something. Assuming you enjoy your job, sticking w/ it is a great way to continue this lesson and change their stereotypical views. And, you never know who you've inspired at that place. Last, prejudices will probably never be completely eradicated and you'll have to learn to deal w/ them. You're a member of two minority groups and there's always going to be an asshole out there who thinks he or she is better than you.

If I quit my job every time a co-worker/supervisor mouthed off about women, I'd stay hopelessly unemployed. I certainly don't put w/ the derogatory attitudes or comments, and like you, I'm quick to challenge their prejudices (unless it's a judge). At the end of the day, though, I'm not going to let that person run me out of my job. They don't have that kind of power over me.

You've definitely faced a lot of negativity, maybe even hatred, at the hands of heteros. Your parents aren't supportive, if I remember correctly some of your sibs aren't supportive, and now there's problems in the workplace--all b/c you're gay. I'm sure these struggles are taking a toll on you. Hang in there!

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

In my junior year in high school this guy told me I was a disgrace to America because he thought I was gay. He spent his days hating me because of my sexuality. 10 years from now, if I ever expect to see him then I expect for him to be out and about with a rainbow shirt and a boy toy around his arm. It makes me feel better when I call every homophobic person a closested homosexual, even though I know it isn't entirely true.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>How do you recognize and distance yourself from duplicitous people when, by deffinition, it's hidden away from you?

As I said, such people tend to not confine themselves to being this way with just one person. It's rare for someone to be nice and friendly to one person's face, but mean and spiteful behind their back...and have this be true of ONLY one person. If they talk smack behind one person's back, chances are they'll talk smack behind several/many/all people's backs. So if somebody starts telling me on the not-so-DL that he thinks Sara is a total bitch, but is totally friendly to Sara to her face, I'm assuming that guy is gonna do the same thing to me.

And, as always, it's a matter of degree. If they simply roll their eyes and occasionally gripe about somebody or one of their habits, that's totally cool - we all do that. But if it's always bitch/gripe/bare the fangs when that person leaves the room, then I start considering them a toxic person.

Lex

 

[Bohemian Rhapsody]

We don't don't suck asshole, just because straight people don't like you don't start hating them. Find people who will treat you correctly and stop hanging around people who don't.

 

[Khia88]

Because, when they think you're straight, they'll really let you know what they think about those "faggots" but when they're at work, they'll pretend to "have nothing against them"

And I'm not talking about some alabamian inbred fools; I'm talking about ivy league educated, well respected, very rich and influential silicon valley, california software engineers. (No wonder we lost prop 8 )

And it's not a west coast thing; when I was closeted, I'm ashamed to admit how many "faggot" conversations I heard from new york, high class homophobes that couldn't wait to be nice to really flaming queers when people where watching; but made fun of them when they thought they were in the company of their fellow breeders.

I guess the saying from queer as folk is true... There are only two kinds of breeders: those that hate you to your face and those that hate you behind your back.

Never go out drinking with them because you'll learn that I'm right; like I did.

En vino veritas.

Not all people in Alabama are dumb. My brother got his Masters from Yale and there were 2 people from the south!!!!!

I find your views ignorant and hypocritical. I am sorry that people pick on your for being homosexual and what have you,but being a black woman is no easier. I get shit from gay/straight people all the time,but you won't see me posting something like this. When I walk into a pparty or what have you with a male,I get dirty looks from gay men. I am black and I date all races,so it's only when I show up with a white guy. They can be very rude and talk amongst themselves,but things at college get around.

In class,things are different and they act like nothing NEVER happened. Speaking of prop 8,you won't believe the kind of crap that was said to us(friends) while our professor(gay) decided to bring it up. It was downright mean. I think you need to grow up or something because in this world you need tough skin.
Is it a shame how people are mean? Hell yes,but us "breeders" is how you got here.

I am sick and tired of that phrase. Straighties ect.....like we have some sort of illness.I supported a gay club at school,but we "breeders" heard what they said about us and so we don't fuck with them anymore. They talked about us like dogs. You don't see me calling them faggots and what not,which I could have easily done. You are very much stereotyping.

If it's from your own experience then so be it,but you said ALL straight people. Gay people like you make me not want to support ANY gay rights. You smile in my face when it's time to educate,hold drives,put together events and parties and sell this and that,but behind my back I am another dumb breeder? You can't bite the hand that helps you. If I got pissed every time I was talked about or called a name,I would never have graduated from hs or have a job.

The point is that everyone talks and judges. "breeders" gays ect,so don't act to innocent. I am sure you've talked your dirt before too. People are ignorant and have low self -esteem. If you think prop 8 is bad look up the renewal of the Voting Rights Act of 65' Prop 8 should have been passed,but don't blame us.

 

[GL]

davy i'm sorry to hear about this and even worse the actions you felt you had to take.

humans are a duplicitous lot and that means both gay and straight folk.

your situation is harder because its the straights that are holding the cards over your career. at least where you're currently employed.

i admire your stance though and i think you'll be on your feet pretty quick. hang in there man.

 

[321blastoff]

I think I've kind of changed my mind a bit after a lot of others' posting in this thread. I kind of figure that some straight people can be harsh but that doesn't mean that a whole lot of them aren't kind, either. Just cause a lot of the straight people I know personally aren't so open minded about other people's nature doesn't mean that's all that is out there.