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Straight Roommate with Gay Porn
- Thread starter bachemi2000
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S
Soilwork
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-Ryan-
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what sign is dat brah? lookin to see if he has a hard on?
lmfao.
the sign is in the eye of the beholder
But the guy said they use each other's computers. How was he invading privacy? He went to get a song and found porn. He stated they use each other's problem so how is he not respecting privacy.
bachemi2000
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i didn't peak in his "usernames, e-mails, or favorites." it was a song that was RECENTLY downloaded, opened, and listened to, so i went into the main RECENT ITEMS drop down menu, and found GAY PORN along with the song. in fact, a few days earlier i even asked if i could use his computer to look around for music i wanted to send to myself and he was fine with it. i'm not invading his privacy, everyone needs to CHIIIIILLLLLL out on that.
and apart from that, everyone has interesting things to say. thaaaaanks
spreadeagle
JUB Addict
You call it curiosity - I call it prurience.
If he knows you're gay and presents himself as straight and you acknowledge that you have no sexual interest in him then his actual sexual orientation is none of your business. If you want to play the 'cultural sensitivity' card then you need to follow through. Japanese notions of politeness and reserve have evolved specifically so people can co-exist in close proximity without embarrasment. Your approach should be to simply 'not notice' what need not concern you.
If he knows you're gay and presents himself as straight and you acknowledge that you have no sexual interest in him then his actual sexual orientation is none of your business. If you want to play the 'cultural sensitivity' card then you need to follow through. Japanese notions of politeness and reserve have evolved specifically so people can co-exist in close proximity without embarrasment. Your approach should be to simply 'not notice' what need not concern you.
bachemi2000
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I'm not having an Orientalist view on the matter, I'm just saying that his ethnic background does change how he interacts with people. It's not racist, I'm just stating that because he's more timid and quiet I know that asking him about it would make him embarrassed. I was just curious to see if this was normal behavior. I wouldn't think so, but I'm not big on gender / sexuality studies and whatnot.
And what is the following through that you refer to?
And what is the following through that you refer to?
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bachemi,
I also don't have a clue what you're looking for by posting.
You're so tight that you apparently could share underwear, but you don't seem to know jack about what your friend really is like.
That is what immediately rings false about your question.
If the two of you have open access to one another's computers and all the files on them, then you're as good as married and rather than trawling for reactions from non-skeevy pervs, you could have just asked him.
The fact that you haven't suggests that you aren't that open with each other and that there are some aspects of his life that he has chosen not to share with you, either yet or forever.
..........by the way, given the nature of your post, what gross details on this or that would the skeevy old pervs be looking for? What exactly is this or that would the skeevy old pervs be looking for? I guess you have a much more salacious imagination than most of us.
I also don't have a clue what you're looking for by posting.
You're so tight that you apparently could share underwear, but you don't seem to know jack about what your friend really is like.
That is what immediately rings false about your question.
If the two of you have open access to one another's computers and all the files on them, then you're as good as married and rather than trawling for reactions from non-skeevy pervs, you could have just asked him.
The fact that you haven't suggests that you aren't that open with each other and that there are some aspects of his life that he has chosen not to share with you, either yet or forever.
..........by the way, given the nature of your post, what gross details on this or that would the skeevy old pervs be looking for? What exactly is this or that would the skeevy old pervs be looking for? I guess you have a much more salacious imagination than most of us.
bachemi2000
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I was scared of a "oh yeah what kinda porn? is he hot?" etc etc. i think we've all seen posts where the responses are always a bit...creepy.
i don't know where people are trying to think that using someone's computer is something only people who are having sex do. my friends and i don't see it as a big deal. "hey my computer is off can i check my e-mail on yours?" "my computer is being slow right now can i do _______?" "can i grab some songs off your computer?" i'm not making powerpoint presentations on his computer.
i was just looking to see if a straight man keeping gay porn on his computer is irregular. i could've just asked that, but gave more information. yikes.
i figured i shouldn't have posted this, people on the internet get so bent out of shape over everything and always want to nitpick and create wars. jeeeeeze.
i don't know what your problem is, rareboy. i don't want to be the person that labels someone gay because of one thing they do, so i'm trying to see what other people think. i'm not going to ask him because i don't want to embarrass him.
i don't know where people are trying to think that using someone's computer is something only people who are having sex do. my friends and i don't see it as a big deal. "hey my computer is off can i check my e-mail on yours?" "my computer is being slow right now can i do _______?" "can i grab some songs off your computer?" i'm not making powerpoint presentations on his computer.
i was just looking to see if a straight man keeping gay porn on his computer is irregular. i could've just asked that, but gave more information. yikes.
i figured i shouldn't have posted this, people on the internet get so bent out of shape over everything and always want to nitpick and create wars. jeeeeeze.
i don't know what your problem is, rareboy. i don't want to be the person that labels someone gay because of one thing they do, so i'm trying to see what other people think. i'm not going to ask him because i don't want to embarrass him.
bachemi2000
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i never noticed the gay porn because i don't troll around his computer. this was something that was in a dropdown menu of recently viewed items. i wasn't looking for anything and never do, which is why i never found any before this. make sense?
billybob109
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Leave the fraking guy alone about the god damn privacy. He said that they live together and that it is okay to use one anothers computer get over it! The point in fact is that you found gay porn on his computer, what i would do is put a gay porn movie (hot one) on the desktop of your computer and dont watch it and hope that he uses use and watches it!
bachemi2000
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well, i guess you bring up a good point. i should bring this up with our close group of friends instead of anonymous people on the internet. yeah. i'm sure that would be a much better step.
we don't talk about sex. i don't tell him about my sex life, he doesn't really tell me about his. but i'm assuming this is going to bring up a whole discussion of how we're really not that close if we don't discuss that because a good friendship is based upon divulging every aspect of our lives. we are good friends, but do not discuss sexual matters. i have no hidden agenda of outing him, hence why i have not and do not plan on telling any of this to anyone who KNOWS him.
this is hardly going behind his back. posing this question to our close group of friends would be much worse.
and to kumdrops, your having straight porn is understandable in a sense, because as i said in the initial post, straight porn at least has penis in it, it has men in it, it has something that will turn you on. for a straight man, gay porn has no boobs, no vaginas, no women. this is from where my confusion stems. i am wondering what the attraction would be.
anyways. i didn't think i would have to defend anything on such a post!
we don't talk about sex. i don't tell him about my sex life, he doesn't really tell me about his. but i'm assuming this is going to bring up a whole discussion of how we're really not that close if we don't discuss that because a good friendship is based upon divulging every aspect of our lives. we are good friends, but do not discuss sexual matters. i have no hidden agenda of outing him, hence why i have not and do not plan on telling any of this to anyone who KNOWS him.
this is hardly going behind his back. posing this question to our close group of friends would be much worse.
and to kumdrops, your having straight porn is understandable in a sense, because as i said in the initial post, straight porn at least has penis in it, it has men in it, it has something that will turn you on. for a straight man, gay porn has no boobs, no vaginas, no women. this is from where my confusion stems. i am wondering what the attraction would be.
anyways. i didn't think i would have to defend anything on such a post!
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
>>>i didn't think i would have to defend anything on such a post!
This is the "advice" section of the forum. So that's generally what's dispensed here. The fact that you were on someone else's computer, stumbled across gay porn, and were surprised by this revelation led me (and others) that you and this guy weren't all that close. And as such, you probably shouldn't have been on his computer. If, as you say, you use each other computers all the time, I apologize on behalf of the group for giving you grief about it. May I suggest asking the moderators to lock and delete this thread, and start it all over in the "Hot Topics" section, where I think you will be more likely to get the sort of responses I believe you are hoping to get.
Lex
This is the "advice" section of the forum. So that's generally what's dispensed here. The fact that you were on someone else's computer, stumbled across gay porn, and were surprised by this revelation led me (and others) that you and this guy weren't all that close. And as such, you probably shouldn't have been on his computer. If, as you say, you use each other computers all the time, I apologize on behalf of the group for giving you grief about it. May I suggest asking the moderators to lock and delete this thread, and start it all over in the "Hot Topics" section, where I think you will be more likely to get the sort of responses I believe you are hoping to get.
Lex
KennyD
Dr. Good Hands
Don't you two ever talk ? I don't mean to come off like a "Dick" ; BUT you say that you are BEST Friends etc ... You are living together because you both Chose to do so ...
My thoughts are that if you are really that close as it appears that you are ...
NOTHING is off limits . ASK you buddy to sit down with you some evening and just say .. "Hey, I was wondering .. I found Gay Porn on your Computer and was wondering why you have it there "
Ya; know .. COMMUNICATION is the "Key" in ANY type of realtionship. Good Luck !!
My thoughts are that if you are really that close as it appears that you are ...
NOTHING is off limits . ASK you buddy to sit down with you some evening and just say .. "Hey, I was wondering .. I found Gay Porn on your Computer and was wondering why you have it there "
Ya; know .. COMMUNICATION is the "Key" in ANY type of realtionship. Good Luck !!
spreadeagle
JUB Addict
I'll try and explain what I meant by 'follow through'.
You said that you two 'are good friends, but he is Japanese and has that introspective mentality where he does not openly divulge much information. I am not looking to embarrass him.'
I took that at face value as meaning you are sensitive to his cultural differences and you don't want to embarrass your friend. To follow through on those intentions means putting a lid on your curiosity. To try and discover more would not be friendly, would not be honouring cultural differences and would be likely to embarrass him.
You said that you two 'are good friends, but he is Japanese and has that introspective mentality where he does not openly divulge much information. I am not looking to embarrass him.'
I took that at face value as meaning you are sensitive to his cultural differences and you don't want to embarrass your friend. To follow through on those intentions means putting a lid on your curiosity. To try and discover more would not be friendly, would not be honouring cultural differences and would be likely to embarrass him.
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You know I share some similarities with your situation per say. I share my computer with my close friends and they share theirs with me, Im not to invested in protecting my privacy because I trust them not to snoop in my computer. That, and lol I make sure to hide every single file that is pornographic and especially if its gay porn before they use my computer. Maybe, your friend does the same thing because he trust you and he covers his tracks, but in this one instance slipped up. It happens, we're all human and forget stuff. Either way, just take it as it is: he has gay porn on his computer. Lol, I'll tell you right now as a bisexual in the closet, Im not going to tell anyone anything even when confronted point blank until Im ready, your friend may be the same way. I wouldn't say your not close friends, just that not everything is free-for-all information. Who whats to know about their friends sex life and if you do there typically is a limit to where its a bit uncalled for to elaborate. 
but thats just my opinion. Hope it all works out for you!
but thats just my opinion. Hope it all works out for you!probeteam1
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OFF-TOPIC
Holy crap, people seem to be up in arms about this one.
Here are my thoughts:
Everyone who says that privacy should be respected and snooping is wrong, is correct. But it is also irrelevant because in this case bachemi2000 apparently had (at least tacit) permission to use his roommate's computer, and found it in the same location as the file he was (legitimately) seeking.
Anyone who calls the genuine level of trust or intimacy of this friendship into question is quite possibly missing the point: bachemi2000 obviously considers their friendship to be close, and has some emotional investment in this matter, even if his roommate is of a different opinion on the whole deal. Bachemi2000 has no firsthand knowledge of what his friend thinks or feels, which I suppose is part of the problem here.
As for discussing his problems publicly on a gay forum - this whole thing is anonymous. Most of us have no idea who bachemi2000 is, much less who the other guy is. It's not like he's been any more exposed than any of several "My friend is gay but won't come out" posts that don't seem to create that sort of reaction over "outing" someone. All we've really learned here is "somewhere, some guy looked at gay porn, and his gay friend has noticed." Not very specific.
/OFF-TOPIC
On to the topic at hand.
You can talk to him about it, if you think the issue is at all worth the discussion. If you believe he'll be honest with you, then you'll have your answer. Otherwise, I suggest you just let it lie. As you said, it would be worse to discuss it with your close friends behind his back. Let it lie. If he wants to discuss it with you, he'll probably create an opportunity to do so.
On the topic of the porn itself, some few straight guys do in fact have gay porn for one reason or another. In this case it is usually because it contains something of interest to him other than two (or more) men having sex, or maybe because of some curiosity or fascination with gay sex practices that does not include actual attraction to men. It might have had a misleading description when he downloaded it; an incautious search for porn can lead a man to all sorts of things he would rather not see, though in this case he probably would have deleted it.
But I wouldn't bet that these are the reasons why your friend had this video; the only way to know is to ask.
Alternatively, you could just begin the conversation with, "I used your computer to copy a song the other day. In the future, if you don't want me to know what porn you're viewing..." and see how he reacts. If he feels the need to explain what you saw then that gives him the opportunity, and if not then at least you've let him know that you know, and you can both avoid this sort of awkwardness in the future.
Holy crap, people seem to be up in arms about this one.
Here are my thoughts:
Everyone who says that privacy should be respected and snooping is wrong, is correct. But it is also irrelevant because in this case bachemi2000 apparently had (at least tacit) permission to use his roommate's computer, and found it in the same location as the file he was (legitimately) seeking.
Anyone who calls the genuine level of trust or intimacy of this friendship into question is quite possibly missing the point: bachemi2000 obviously considers their friendship to be close, and has some emotional investment in this matter, even if his roommate is of a different opinion on the whole deal. Bachemi2000 has no firsthand knowledge of what his friend thinks or feels, which I suppose is part of the problem here.
As for discussing his problems publicly on a gay forum - this whole thing is anonymous. Most of us have no idea who bachemi2000 is, much less who the other guy is. It's not like he's been any more exposed than any of several "My friend is gay but won't come out" posts that don't seem to create that sort of reaction over "outing" someone. All we've really learned here is "somewhere, some guy looked at gay porn, and his gay friend has noticed." Not very specific.
/OFF-TOPIC
On to the topic at hand.
You can talk to him about it, if you think the issue is at all worth the discussion. If you believe he'll be honest with you, then you'll have your answer. Otherwise, I suggest you just let it lie. As you said, it would be worse to discuss it with your close friends behind his back. Let it lie. If he wants to discuss it with you, he'll probably create an opportunity to do so.
On the topic of the porn itself, some few straight guys do in fact have gay porn for one reason or another. In this case it is usually because it contains something of interest to him other than two (or more) men having sex, or maybe because of some curiosity or fascination with gay sex practices that does not include actual attraction to men. It might have had a misleading description when he downloaded it; an incautious search for porn can lead a man to all sorts of things he would rather not see, though in this case he probably would have deleted it.
But I wouldn't bet that these are the reasons why your friend had this video; the only way to know is to ask.
Alternatively, you could just begin the conversation with, "I used your computer to copy a song the other day. In the future, if you don't want me to know what porn you're viewing..." and see how he reacts. If he feels the need to explain what you saw then that gives him the opportunity, and if not then at least you've let him know that you know, and you can both avoid this sort of awkwardness in the future.
^
My thoughts too...
If you want something with him than just ask, if not... leave it be.
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probe team.
While one does hate to disagree, let's go back to the original post. There was no indication that the op had any right to be in his roomie's computer. Even now, we only have his say so that it was actually okay. Lex has graciously apologized on behalf of all of us who may have thought that the op's behaviour was entirely inappropriate because of this missing piece of information in the original post.
....but under no circumstances does this access to information on someone else's computer give him any right now to bring the topic up in conversation with the roomie. Period. It makes it even more imperative , if he wants to preserve the pretense of trust, to NEVER MENTION IT AT ALL.....because once he does, his roomie will realize that bachemi can never be trusted again.
By the way, it was one thing for the op to 'accidentally' trip across one file, but he more or less indicates that he then went searching for more. Think about it. Files don't just pop up as ' Recently Viewed Gay Porno Since Deleted'. This was the worst breach of trust.
While one does hate to disagree, let's go back to the original post. There was no indication that the op had any right to be in his roomie's computer. Even now, we only have his say so that it was actually okay. Lex has graciously apologized on behalf of all of us who may have thought that the op's behaviour was entirely inappropriate because of this missing piece of information in the original post.
....but under no circumstances does this access to information on someone else's computer give him any right now to bring the topic up in conversation with the roomie. Period. It makes it even more imperative , if he wants to preserve the pretense of trust, to NEVER MENTION IT AT ALL.....because once he does, his roomie will realize that bachemi can never be trusted again.
By the way, it was one thing for the op to 'accidentally' trip across one file, but he more or less indicates that he then went searching for more. Think about it. Files don't just pop up as ' Recently Viewed Gay Porno Since Deleted'. This was the worst breach of trust.
